Chapter 4 Alt Title: Beating a Dead Hoooorrrr- Um...

Oh hey look, the energy golem is back!

“It would seem your author would like to continue this. Not sure what else I can help with right now, but I’ll do what I can. What’s the circumstances, Umbra?”

“Alright… well… the thing is, since my boss won’t let me access the root world and drag you out, I’m just gonna have to obliterate some bits of eighth dimensional quantum diffraction physics…”

“What?”

“I’m going to get some divine intervention from my author… JYSRIN! YO! GET THIS GUY TO EQUESTRIA, WOULD YA?! THIS SITUATION IS STARTING TO PISS ME OFF!”

WISH GRANTED; JOSHUA MCINNIS, THE ONE YOU WANT, THAT IS, IS NOW IN EQUESTRIA #3309847 ALPHA

“The variant with Celestia and Luna as badass battle Princesses? Awesome.”

Well… that’s my part done… wonder what he’s going to do now?

If the energy golem could sweatdrop, it would right about now.

“Whatever you did didn’t do a thing, unfortunately. Author powers only work on dimensions outside of the author’s reality. Thus, why we’ve been needing your help anyways. Can your boss do what you are not allowed to do? Tell him that it’s needed to be done due to the fact that it’s part of an annoying ass time loop that’s tied into the root world.”

“.................”

What. The. FUCK.

“FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF–”

Calm. Breathe. Okay.

“I’m good now. Let’s refract again.”

You hear that noise? That’s the sound of me hacking directly into the source codes for the entirety of the goddamn Branch. If I so wished, I could rewrite the code and wipe out the entire Void with a Viral Patch… but I won’t, because that’s a stupid-ass idea.

“FUCK YOU VOID! I AM A GODDAMN SYSADMIN; I KNOW THIS CODE INSIDE-OUT! AND I AM DAMN WELL CODING THIS GUY INTO EQUESTRIA #3309847 ALPHA, SO HELP ME GOD!”

There. Joshua Mcinnis: Home Dimension: Equestria 3309847 Alpha. Base Universe: Equestria. Copy-Paste Body and Soul from Origin Earth in Branch 445903 Beta.

“Okay, so… you, yourself, may not be able to get to Equestria without destabilizing the Origin Universe you’re in, but… I copied your body and soul over to an Equestria and gave it a major upgrade. Therefore, there is now an exact copy of you in Equestria that you might share a minor link with, just like as if it was just a variant timeline, except this time it worked because I goddamn say so.”

“Uh… from my future self, it said that it was me myself that went, not a variant… hmm… I’m guessing that due to being in the origin dimension system, or root world as you called it, has made my data as read-only except to those with your boss’s level of authority or something. But, as it’s a time loop, it should be possible to fix somehow. And actually, had some ideas for things to discuss with ya personally…. Hmm… well, linking to the desired Equestria from my reality seems extremely difficult, but maybe just taking myself OUT of this reality as a starting step should be focused on first, so as to make it easier on yourself. Like, making a middle-man step before the final goal or somethin’.”

“Okay… y’know what? Fuck this. Just. Fuck this all. I’ll be back in a relative seven trillion millennia. I just need to become a higher ranked Admin, BRB.”

And like that, I was gone for about… two seconds according to the golem.

“And I’m back. I can now extract you from your Universe, and switch you with your copy… think that’d work? Of course it’ll work, what am I saying? I’m the most capable Admin in half the void by now, it’ll work because I say it will… literally…”

“Let’s hope. But, instead of switching with the target…. well, as I said, have some things to discuss with ya in person before you put me in Equestria. But, you’ve got enough to stress yourself over. We can discuss it then. No need to add more to your stress at this point when you’ve got enough as is, eh Umbra? And if this doesn’t work, perhaps you can contact your future self whom has succeeded in finishing this, through either direct or indirect means, so that you can figure out how the heck to finish this…. Though on a good note, at least all this mess no doubt helped your skills improve.”

Future me! Of course!

“Hang on a mo’ need to bend ninth dimensional time refraction physics real quick.”

Moving left a few inches, I warped the Void by a metric FUCK TON (an actual Void unit, by the way; equals the weight of a black hole wrapped around a worm hole, though here it’s a metaphor) and caused a happening that is too strange for Jsyrin to type in any sort of detail. Let’s just say it sounded like a

SQUARKLEFRITSCRACKLE

Yes, it really sounded like that. It was fucking weird.

“Alright… it’s finally over. I got that off my plate, and I only had to fuck up the temporal mechanics of this Branch Zone to do it. Joshua is in Equestria, I had that conversation, the Golems are fused back into Josh’s soul, Josh got a major power upgrade, I closed the damn time-loop, and I’m suddenly in the goddamn future.”

“Is that the future you talking to you? Cause at present, that has yet to happen here. But, at least since he succeeded in it, that means you will, once you learn what he did to succeed.”

“Ugh… right… forgot to make that happen to the rest of the Branch, too. SysAdmin override! Move Void Time Forward: Sixteen Rels! There, now you’re in the future too.”

“I’m not yet, but I’m guessing the effects are set onto my future self, but that’s fine as long as it works. I’m guessing it’s set for when I next fall asleep while in my reality? That’s fine to me if it indeed works.”

“Yeah, when you fall asleep, your mind will be immediately catapulted into a point in time when all our efforts paid off, waking you up right inside the Everfree forest, as agreed. You’ll integrate everything you missed over the next few days after you wake up. This, by the way, will catapult you several years forward. Sixteen Rels is four years on your time, after all. So… just… be careful, some of it will be painful. The integration, that is.”

Why does that golem look sad?

“Can it not be done to where your efforts warp the me that’s typing this as I go to sleep? And as for the Everfree, as stated, got things to discuss with you first once out of this reality.”

“Fine. There. You’ll make a quick stop and meet me at about Fifteen Rels. Don’t try and comprehend it, you’ll only hurt yourself. The only one who understood any of what I talk about would be… the Doctor.”

The golem chuckles a bit.

“Yeah. Been meaning to watch that series, but have yet to schedule it in. If you can get me to arrive in the void as I sleep tomorrow…. I don’t mind if I’m put into a coma while in the Void till you’re ready to talk with me again, since time in the Void is not in synch with this one, and can travel back at any point in time via the Void and whatnot. Plus, it’d grant ya time to destress, and I think you’ve well earned such anyways, even if I have to be in a temporary coma till you are ready for such.”

“Mmkay… oh hey look! Your travel coma will now come with in-flight movies! Now you can watch every last thing you’ve wanted to watch but never did!”

God I love my powers.

The golem chuckles again.

“Can’t blame you. And once I get to speak with ya…. well, as I said, I do have a number of selfish desires, BUT, I intend to aid those I can on the way through my goals. Hmm… wonder how I will be able to aid you in return for your great aid.”

“I’ll buy stuff off of you when you close that Time-Loop. That’s all I need.”

“Ah. So, basically, paying off a debt in a way by providing you with service. Welp, fine by me. It’s only fair.”

“No, it’s more like a transaction. You take my aid, I get some stuff to sell later. Shopkeeper’s guild and all.”

It chuckles again, then notices it did and notices its own pattern and shakes its head.

“Close enough. Anyways, up to you then on what to do while waiting for me to go to sleep. If you’d like, I can discuss some of my requests for when it’s time to put me in Equestria, selfish as they are. Or, you can just rest your head and wait for that time, like a mini-vacation, and I’ll call back my energy golem and tell your author the verdict tomorrow… one way or another, depending on the results.”

“Boom. Done. Time works weird in the Void, remember? You’re already asleep, and I already had that conversation with you… because I’m from the future.”

“Yo… Jsyrin… I think this Chapter’s done… you can stop typing now…”

“Yo!”

“Stop typing my goddamn lines, dammit!”

FINE