I tried my best to have a good night's sleep, but it was hard when you have to sleep next to someone whose snores sound like a horse neighing! But despite that, I was still able to at least have a dream during the night. While I was dreaming, I was relaxing on some beach, then next thing you know this really hot woman with big tits comes out of nowhere and starts making out with me. Now this might sound great at first, but when I woke up, it turned out that I was actually making out with Rainbow Dash!

It took me awhile to realize this, but when I did, I ended up screaming the same way that Macurly Culkin did in Home Alone. When Rainbow Dash heard my scream, she suddenly woke up and accidently let me and the guys go in the process!

As we were falling to our deaths, Rainbow Dash had quickly caught us before our bodies went SPLAT ! "Man you guys sure do love falling in the air, don'tcha?"

I then said to her, "Put me down right now!"

When she placed us on the ground, I quickly ran straight to a nearby lake and tried to get the taste of pony lips out of my mouth! Andrew walked up to me and said, "What the Hell just happened?"

I then told him, "What happened? I'll tell you what happened; I just got a freaking tongue bath from a freaking pony! That's what happened!"

As I went back to washing my mouth, the guys were just standing there in a confused state. As for Rainbow Dash, she just said, "Gee, you act as if you've never kissed a pony before."

I then looked at her and said, "Gee, ya think so?!"

"Wait, wait, wait," said Jonathan, "let me get this straight; you kissed her?"

Andrew then said rather smugly (even for him), "You know, Jeffrie, none of this would've happened if you had just slept in front of me."

"Andrew," I responded, "if I had slept in front of you, I would've given you a hickey ten times more worse than what you gave Jonathan."

Jonathan's eyes almost popped out of his socket once he heard this. "Say that again?"

Then I told him, "Yeah you might want to look at a mirror or something, because Andrew left you a little something on your neck."

Pushing me aside, Jonathan looked at his reflection on the lake, and he was shocked to see that on his neck stood a big red hickey! When Jonathan saw the hickey, he started to scream the way Linguini did in Ratatouille when he realized that Remy was biting his chest. He then said to Andrew, "What the fuck, man?! What the fucking fuck?!"

Andrew raised his hands up as he said, "Hey I'm sorry man, I just can't seem to control myself whenever I'm sleeping."

"First you snuggle me, and now you're giving me hickeys! Do I look like Applejack to you?!"

"What does Applejack have to do with this?" asked Rainbow Dash.

I then blurted out, "It's because Andrew has a crush on her, and was probably fantasizing about her while he was asleep."

"Jeffrie!" cried Andrew as his cheeks turned red.

"Don't get pissed with me," I said, "you're the one who told me that you got a kick out of seeing her kick apple trees."

Next thing you know Rainbow Dash falls flat on her back and starts laughing. She said to Andrew, "You have a crush on Applejack?!"

"So I got a thing for country girls. So what?" Andrew defended himself.

Rainbow Dash started to calm down a bit, and then she said to Jonathan, "So who do you have a crush on?"

Jonathan was then like, "Uh...no one. I got a crush on nobody."

"It's Twilight." I blurted out.

"Dammit Jeffrie!" cried Jonathan.

"Hey," I said, "if you didn't want anybody to know that you got a pony fetish, then you never should've told me in the first place."

Rainbow Dash started to laugh some more; but when she started to control her laughter, she said to the guys, "So let me get this straight; you have a crush on Applejack, and you have a crush on Twilight." She then looked at me and said, "So does this mean that you have a crush on me?"

"Hell no!" I yelled. "I'm not like these two sickoes!"

"Oh really," said Jonathan, "then why did you kiss her?"

I then said to him, "Me kissing her was completely unintentional and you know it! I don't even like the taste of hay and oats, but now I'm gonna be tasting it for about a week; and it's all because a certain pony couldn't keep her stinkin' lips away from me!"

"Oh yeah," Rainbow Dash said in a more than skeptical tone, "well if you didn't want to kiss me so badly, then why did you want to sleep in front of me?"

"Well obviously if I didn't sleep in front of you, I would've given Andrew a hickey."

"I don't think that's the real reason. I think it's because you were just dying to steal a kiss from me ever since you first laid eyes on me at the hospital."

"How could I be in love with you if I was constantly insulting you yesterday?"

"Maybe you weren't saying all that mean stuff out of hate; maybe it was because you like me, but don't want to admit it."

"Why would I ever want to be mean to someone that I like? That makes no sense."

"Neither is you wanting to kiss me." She then flew up into the air and said to all of us, "Now if you three think that I'm gonna tell everypony about your secret crushes, I can assure each and everyone of you that I won't." She then flew up to my face and said, "I especially wouldn't want anypony to know about your secret crush towards me." She then began to smooch her lips in front of me.

But I then grabbed them and said, "If you ever tell anyone about this, I will rip your fucking wings off!" I then released her pony lips from my grasp.

As she was flying away, I could hear her say, "Somepony woke up on the wrong side of the cloud bed."

"'Somebody'!" I corrected her. "The word that you're saying is pronounced 'somebody'!"

I then heard her crying back, "Don't care!" and then me and the guys just quietly followed her to the next place. As we were following Rainbow Dash, Jonathan asked her, "So who are we living with next?"

Then Rainbow Dash told him, "The pony you three are going to be living with today is Rarity; she's the fashion designer around here."

"Is she the one who Spike has a crush on?" asked Andrew.

"Yeah," said Rainbow Dash, "but how did you know that?"

"Because he told us, of course," said Andrew.

Anyway, as we kept on walking along, Rainbow Dash suddenly cried, "There it is, boys: Carousel Boutique." And then she pointed to--what I'm assuming is--Rarity's place. And what do ya know, her door is small too! And let me tell you something, it's starting to become a little annoying. Every time me and the guys are having to bend our backs just to get in their houses is literally like a game of limbo. Anyway, when we've entered into this building, we saw shit loads of dresses everywhere, and then we saw Rarity coming down the stairs and she said, "Welcome to Carousel Boutique, where every garment is chic, unique, and magnifique." As we were all able to finally get a good look at her again, we finally realized why Spike would have a crush on her. She pretty much had all the things that most attractive girls have: long hair, blue eyes, long girly eye lashes. I bet that every guy pony who lays eyes on her would either do a wolf whistle, start panting like a dog, or hit themselves in the head with a mallet so that their eyeballs would pop out in a cartoonish manner.

Anyway, Rarity then said to Rainbow Dash, "Oh Rainbow Dash, darling. What brings you here today?"

"Not much," replied Rainbow Dash, "just came to drop these three off."

"Good heavens," exclaimed Rarity, "is it my turn, already?!"

"I'm afraid so," said Rainbow Dash. "Oh, and FYI, whenever Jeffrie does or says anything that's really mean, that's just his way of saying that he likes you."

"No," I shouted, "if I'm saying or doing anything to you that's mean, that means I hate you!"

"I think he's serious, Rainbow Dash," said Rarity.

"Nah," Rainbow Dash denied, "he just doesn't know that when he's saying 'hate', he's actually saying 'love'; I should know, because he's been doing and saying all sorts of mean things to me, yesterday. So that means he must really love me."

"Like Hell I do!"

"See, he just admitted that he loves me."

"No I didn't!"

I was becoming so pissed off that my face literally started to turn red from all the rage that I was having towards Rainbow Dash. When she noticed it however, she saw it as another opportunity to tease me some more. So she said to Rarity, "Aw look at that, he loves me so much that he's blushing whenever he sees me."

I then took all the rage within me and cried out, "YOU ARE PUSSY SCUM!"

Despite that, Rainbow Dash was still able to keep a calm and straight face. "Don't you just love a boy who lets you know how he really feels towards you? Well, I best be heading back to my place. See ya, Rarity!" as she was flying out of the building, she stopped behind me and whispered, "Bye lover boy." And then she flew away as fast as she could, before I could even get my hands on her wings!

As I was about to really let out my full rage, Rarity tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Pardon me, darling, forgive me for interrupting your tantrum, but are you by any chance going to be OK?"

"Does it look like I'm going to be OK?!" I cried. "God I can't stand that bitch! If I had to be anywhere near that bitch any longer, I would literally have to put a restraining order on myself just keep me from fucking destroying her!"

Rarity appeared to be shocked at first, but she was able to take a deep breath and say, "Believe me, darling, even I tend to find Rainbow Dash's company to be a bit aggravating from time to time. But let's look on the bright side; you no longer have to live with Rainbow Dash, and now you and your companions get to spend the day with me."

She then started to give us a tour of her place. As she was leading us upstairs, she said to us, "Now gentlemen, as you might've already notice, I am the fashion designer of Ponyville."

"I get it," I said, "you're a tailor."

"I'm not a tailor," Rarity insisted, "I'm a fashion designer."

"Exactly, a tailor."

Rarity looked at me with an annoyed look on her face and said, "Anyway, I hope that you three are finding your stay in Ponyville to be quite pleasant."

Pleasant! I thought to myself, somebody has a fancy vocabulary. Not only does she have a fancy vocabulary and accent, but now that I think about, she reminds me an awful lot of Scarlett from Gone With The Wind. In fact, I wonder what her reaction would be if I told her, "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn." You think she'll get the reference? Probably not.

Anyway, Rarity ended the tour when she showed us her room. "And last but not least, this is my room; which also happens to be the place where most of my creative masterpieces are made."

I then said, "If by 'masterpieces' you mean a bunch of old, torn dresses that need to be sewed, then yes."

Rarity then looked at me with that annoyed look again and said, "Now see here, I'll have you know that my job is far more important than you give it credit for. Furthermore..." she then stopped mid-sentence when she started to smell something. When she finally picked up the scent, she had the same look as anyone who's ever smelt a dirty diaper or dog crap for the first time. "Good heavens, what is that horrible smell?!"

Jonathan was like, "What smell?"

Then Rarity said, "The smell that's clearly coming from you three!"

I then said to her, "That, missy, is the stench of manhood."

"When was the last time you three had a bath?!"

"Well let's see," I gathered my thoughts, "we haven't really bathed since we got here, so my guess would be four to five days."

"Oh no," Rarity panicked, "this is not acceptable! You three need to take a bath, right now!"

"Why?" asked Andrew.

Then Rarity told him, "What do you mean 'why'? The three of you are filthy; and filthy boys should always clean themselves--especially when one is the presence of a lady."

"Oh yeah," I challenged her, "and what if we don't want to clean ourselves for your sake? What're you gonna do, then?"

"Jeffrie," said Rarity in restrained anger, "we can do this the easy way, or the hard way."

"Ooh, and just what do you plan on doing to me if I don't take a bath? Are you gonna knit me a sweater? Get it, because you're a tailor!" I then started to burst out laughing.

Rarity however finally unleashed all her anger as she said, "OH! IT! IS! ON!" next thing you know, her horn starts to glow light blue as she lifts me in the air with her unicorn magic! As I was being lifted through the power of unicorn magic, Rarity had dragged me into her bathroom and she commenced to giving me a bath. And let me tell you something, she was not in anyway gentle while she was cleaning me. Every inch of skin on my body felt sore from Rarity's rough scrubbing. She scrubbed so hard that I'm surprised that entire body wasn't flayed by the time it was over. And when she was finally finished, she literally just tossed me across the floor like I was a wet towel. As the guys were just standing there, staring at Rarity with their "shit my pants" expressions, Rarity said to them, "Now, must I give you two a bath as well?"

The guys both were both like, "Nope, we can bathe ourselves!"
"Good," Rarity chimed with satisfaction as she immediately turned back into her dignified lady demeanor--as if she her recent bitch breakdown had never even happen. As she was walking out the door, she turned and said, "After you finish disinfecting yourselves, be sure to come down for dinner."

"And...what'll happen if we don't come down for dinner?" Andrew dared to ask.

Then Rarity generously gave him a threating look and said, "You know what'll happen if you don't come down for dinner."

"All right," Andrew backed away with his hands raised, "we'll come down for dinner."

With that said, Rarity then went down stairs to prepare dinner for us. As the guys were about to take their baths, Jonathan looked down at me and said, "You just had to go with the hard way."

I looked up at him and said, "And you two just had to act like a bunch of pussies."

After we were finally "disinfected", we came down the stairs and saw Rarity setting up a table for tonight's dinner. "Ah good, you're just in time."

As me and the guys sat our asses down, this little white unicorn comes up and says, "Hi, I'm Sweetie Belle; I'm Rarity's sister. What's your names?" God, was she cute or what? You might not be around to hear her speak, but if you were, then you would've also agree that's she's very adorable. She has her sister's white coat with a mane that looks like a mixture of light purple and pink. The moment I first heard the sound of her sweet little voice, my first thought was that this must've been Judith Barsi if she were reincarnated as a pony.

After me and the guys had introduced ourselves to that little bundle of cuteness, I noticed that a white cat was rubbing against me. I decided to pick up the cat and start petting it--since I just happen to like cats so much. When Rarity had came back with more food, she said, "Oh, I see that you've met my cat, Opalescence (of course, I sometimes just call her Opal for short) and my little sister."

As she placed the food on the table, and started to pour milk into our glasses, I asked, "Hey Rarity, do you have Coke?"

"Come again, darling?"

I then remembered to use their version of the word, "I was asking if you have any Colt."

"Oh of course, darling; I can understand if the food and drink that I offer is too fancy." She went to her fridge and got out a can of Colt; when she handed it to me, I immediately started to chug down on it. She looked at me with a disgusted expression and said, "You could at least take smaller sips."

I then swallowed the beverage and said, "Can't help it, it's so good."

Sweetie Belle then said to her sister, "I think I'd like some Colt as well."

But Rarity looked down at her and said flatly, "You're drinking your milk."

As we were eating our dinner, Andrew--from out of nowhere--had burped. Rarity looked at him and cried in a scolding voice, "Andrew!"

"What?"

"Say excuse me when you burp."

"OK, excuse me."

But as soon as he said that, Jonathan had also burped. This resulted in Rarity saying, "Good Heavens, Jonathan, don't you know any manners?"

"So what?" Jonathan retorted. "It was just a burp!"

"You call that a burp?" I said. "That's no burp." With that said, I took a big chug out of the Colt can and a few seconds later, I'd let out a burp so big, that it had messed up Rarity's hair! "That's a burp!" I proclaimed triumphantly.

Sweetie Belle had then let out a cute little burp that resulted in us all laughing--except for Rarity. She instead started to scold Sweetie Belle for doing what we were doing. "Sweetie Belle, you should know better than to behave in such an uncouth manner."

"But it was funny," said Sweetie Belle in her defense.

"No, Sweetie," Rarity lectured her, "burping is not funny; it is disgusting and rude."

"This, coming from the pony who forced me to take a bath?" I pointed out.

Rarity looked at me and said, "May I remind you that you were asking for it."

Just listening to that statement pretty much tells me that she's just begging for me to get on her nerves. So I asked her, "Hey Rarity, do you have any dipping sauce?"

"Of course, darling," said Rarity. She wasted no time in using her unicorn magic to levitate the bowl of dipping sauce over to me. "Do you always like to have sauce when you're eating?"

"Nope," I said in my Big Mac impersonation, "I just like to use it when I want to make a big mess." And with that said, I dipped my finger into the sauce and wiped it on the table.

This of course caused Rarity to freak out--as I've predicted--and wipe the stain off. "Don't ever wipe that stuff on the table!"

"OK," I said. I then dipped my finger into the sauce again, only this time I wiped it on the floor instead.

Rarity freaked out and wiped the stain off again. "I told you not to do that!"

"No," I corrected her, "You said not to wipe it on the table; I wiped it on the floor."

"Are you just flat out insane?!"

"Nope, I just have Asperger's Syndrome."

"And he's not just saying that just so he can manipulate you into treating him like he's special," Jonathan clarified like it was common knowledge, "he really does have it."

"Well I don't care what sort of mental disease you have," Rarity stated, "that's no excuse for you to be messy!" I then slowly dipped my finger into the sauce again. "Don't you dare do it again!" then as I slowly raised it up, she was like, "Jeffrie, I swear to Celestia if you wipe that dipping sauce anywhere in my kitchen again, I'm gonna..." and with a flick of my finger, I sent the sauce spiraling towards Rarity's forehead! First her eyes started to twitch, and then she let out a big girly scream and was saying stuff like, "Sweet Celestia, my beautiful face is covered in filth! SOAP! I need soap!"

Then as she went to wash her face, I had fell out of the chair as I laughed my ass off. When I got back on the chair, I said to Sweetie Belle, "Is your sister always this melodramatic?"

She looked at me and said, "You don't know the half of it."

When Rarity came back in, her face was dripping with water and she was holding a bar of soap with her unicorn magic. I was then like, "Gees, Rarity, did you miss a spot?" my laughter however came to a short stop when she threw the bar of soap into my mouth! As I was spitting it out, I said, "What was that for?"

Then she said, "That was for flicking dipping sauce at my beautiful face! And unless you want me to shove that bar of soap down your filthy throat, you better not do that again!"

Jonathan then whispered to me, "Must be her menstrual cycle." He and I chuckled, but Sweetie Belle overheard us and said, "Menstrual what?" I then said to her, "Don't worry, you'll know more about it when you're in high school." And with that said, we continued to finish this dinner.

A few more minutes later, we had all come to the point of being full. Sweetie Belle then said to Rarity, "Rarity, can I have a cookie?"

"Did you finish your vegetables?"

"Yes."

"Very well then...but just one!"

As Sweetie Belle hopped along to the counter, she then opened the cookie jar and she commenced to finding a cookie. As she was just digging through the jar, Rarity said, "Sweetie Belle, don't be sticking it in too deep!"

I then suddenly cried, "That's what she said!" and then me and the guys started to laugh our asses off once again!

Rarity then had a confused look on her face and said, "Yes, that is what I said."

I stopped laughing a bit and said, "No, no, it's something that you say when you hear someone say something that's sexual."

"What do you mean?" asked Rarity.

I then showed her an example, "That's a big one."

Then Jonathan cried, "That's what she said!" he laughed a bit and said, "That feels stiff."

Then Andrew cried, "That's what she said!" he also laughed a bit and said, "That went all the way in."

Then I cried, "That's what she said!" as we were laughing some more, Sweetie Belle got a cookie out of the jar and cried, "Yes, I finally got one!" and Rarity for no reason at all cries out, "That's what she said!"

Me and the guys just stopped laughing and just looked at her as if we were saying she suddenly grew a third eye on her forehead. Rarity was then like, "Why aren't you laughing?"

"Why should we be laughing?" said Jonathan.

"Because I said 'that's what she said'."

"Just because you say it doesn't automatically make it funny," Andrew explained briefly.

"But I thought you were suppose to just say it whenever somepony says something."

"No, no, no," I said, "it has to be something sexual in order for the joke to work. Otherwise, what's the joke? I mean if we just say it when nothing sexual has been mentioned, then that'll just make us idiots saying nonsense."

When Sweetie Belle had finally eaten her cookie, she walked to the table but stopped when she noticed Jonathan's I-pod peeking out of one of the many pockets of his vest. Sweetie Belle tried to grab it, but then Jonathan snatched it away from her and said, "Hey, keep your hooves off my I-pod!"

Sweetie Belle then said, "Can I see it?"

Jonathan raised it in a position that she could see and said, "There, you're seeing it."

"Can I touch it?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

Sweetie Belle's eyes started to get bigger and her lips formed a little pout as she said in a cutesy tone, "Pretty please with whip cream and a cherry on top?"

Jonathan was beginning to be overcome by her cuteness as he said, "No, you're not gonna touch it!"

Then Sweetie Belle's eyes got really big , the pout on her face started to get bigger, and she made a squee sound as she said, "Pleasie--squeezie--weezie--weeze?"

Jonathan couldn't take it anymore, so he gave her the I-pod and said, "Fine, here just take it! Just please stop being so cute!"
Sweetie Belle's facial features quickly went back to normal the same way her big sister did a few hours ago (it must run in their family, I guess,). "Works every time." And then she got back on her seat.

Rarity then said, "You'll have to excuse my sister; she tends to take her cuteness a tad too far."

"What? I can't help being born cute," said Sweetie Belle. As she was tinkering with Jonathan's I-pod, she then said, "So what does this rectangle do anyway?"

Jonathan was then like, "Really?! You tormented me with your cuteness and yet you don't even know how it works?!"

"Does it even do anything?" asked Sweetie Belle.

"Yes," said Jonathan, "as a matter of fact, it plays music."

"Really, how?"

"I'll show you." He then took the I-pod and he started to play "Super Freak". Sweetie Belle was enjoying the song, but Rarity however was being disgusted by it. She was then like, "Turn that ear-bleeding atrocity off this instant!"

Jonathan turned it off and was like, "What's your problem? It's only Rick James."

To this Rarity said, "I don't care if that sick abomination of garbage is considered a masterpiece where you come from, I shall have none of it in my home. Come Sweetie Belle, I believe it's way past your bedtime." As she took her little sister up the stairs, she said to us, "Goodnight, gentlemen. I shall escort you to Fluttershy's cottage in the morning."

She didn't have any guest rooms or guest beds to offer, so she just laid a bunch of sleeping bags all over the place for us to sleep in. That night, as Andrew was just snoozing away, Jonathan and I were not yet tired, so we decided to kill time by chatting.

"I can't believe you let a seven year old get the better of you." I said.

"Oh shut up," said Jonathan defensively, "even you wouldn't have been able to resist something that cute. Hell, I don't even think I could even sleep tonight."

"Don't such a drama king," I told him, "she's just a little girl for Christ's sake."

"No, no little girl can be that devilishly cute," Jonathan declared. "In fact, I think she might even be the anti-Christ."

If not for the sake of not waking up Andrew, Rarity, or Sweetie Belle, I would not have hesitated to let this boutique echo the sound of my laughter. "I seriously doubt that Satan would a cute little thing like her to be the anti-Christ; even if she were, I'm more than certain that the devil would probably disown her."

"All I know is that I'm never gonna be getting that image of her out of my head anytime soon."

As I was just looking at all the dresses in the room, an idea that could possibly get his mind off of Sweetie Belle had suddenly came to me. I whispered to Jonathan, "Hey Jonathan, you want to pull a prank on Andrew?"

"Sure, why not? It's not like I can sleep when I want to."

After I'd finished explaining the prank to him, we each got up and gathered all the necessary supplies that we were going to need for what might be the greatest prank in the history of pranks.