Author's Notes:

This chapter would not have been possible, if not for the two people who helped me realize that I shouldn't let negative criticism discourage me from writing fics or make me contemplate deleting my fimfic account. Which is why I dedicate this chapter to Pixel Berry and HopeForTheFew.

Two weeks. It's been two weeks ever since our little trip to Appleloosa where I had lost my sanity upon seeing the buffalo chief gave up the tradition of his people over pie. That single act of asininity had left a giant scar upon my mind that could only be cured by two weeks of sitting on the couch, watching The Walking Dead, and eating nothing but the ponies' equivalent of Cheetos. I was already on my eighty fourth bag as of today; the weeks I've spent upon had left me with nothing but Cheetos stained fingers and a shaggy beard to boot. I was just starting the first episode of the fifth season, until the screen immediately went black and I felt the Cheetos bag be ripped out of my hands.

Taking my eyes off of the screen for the first, I saw Andrew sitting beside me on my left with the remote in hand, and Jonathan sitting next to me on my right with the bag of Cheetos in his clutches. "Hey man," Andrew spoke, "we've let you sit around by yourself long enough; it's time for you to get moving again."

"Andrew's right, Jeffrie," Jonathan said while munching on some of the Cheetos. "If you keep living like a vegetable for too long, you'll end up dying like one. You're my friend, Jeffrie, and as your pal I feel that it's my personal duty to prevent you from decomposing yourself."

Instead of looking both of my friends in the eye, I could only lower my head and shook it with lost hope. "This world makes no fucking sense," I meekly broke my two weeks of silence.

I felt my shoulder being pat by Andrew's comforting hand. "I know, this world can drive me crazy, too. Even Jonathan can't stand it as much as you."

"But as long as we still have each other," Jonathan placed his hand on my other shoulder, "then whatever insanity this world has to muster can't break us."

Hearing these assuring words coming from my best friends manage to renew some of my old spirit back inside. With that renewal I can finally bring myself to smile and not allow myself to be broken by any absurdity that's thrown at me. "You're right," I told the guys, "this all could've been a lot worse had I been alone."

Feeling that they've gotten through to me, Jonathan decided to be the first to say, "Listen Jeffrie, Twilight just invited us to this brunch that's being held at Sugarcube Corner. Do you want to come?"

Reinvigorated to once again to walk amongst this mad world ruled by ponies, I made my legs bring myself off from the couch and declared, "Yes, I will go with you guys...but first I better go freshen up." Making my way towards the bathroom, I left both of my friends to sit upon the couch and silently congratulated one another for bringing back their best friend's sanity.

Three minutes later, I practically marched through the town of Ponyville like I was prepared to face a hurricane. Although I've been strolling around at a fast pace, I quickly slowed down once I turned and saw the confused looks the guys were giving me.

"Is there something that you'd like to share with me?" I asked them.

"We thought you said you were going to freshen up," Andrew said first.

"I did," I assured him, "I wasn't going to go out in public with Cheetos stains on my fingers."

"What about your beard?" Jonathan brought up.

"Oh don't worry about that, I already made sure that there weren't any crumbs on my beard."

"I was talking about you shaving it," Jonathan clarified.

"Me shave this beard? Pfft! After all this time I've spent waiting for it to grow back?"

"Couldn't you at least trim it so it doesn't look so shaggy?" Andrew asked.

"Nah, my beard feels a whole lot better this way." I then let my fingers rub every hair of that beard as I continued walking.

"You know Jeffrie," Jonathan voiced in, "as your friend I feel very obligated to be honest with you at all times, and I honestly think it's kind of weird the way you like rubbing that beard so much."

"Ah, you're just jealous because you don't have a beard of your own to rub." I shut him up.

"Halt!"

"Who goes there?"

We all lost track of whatever we were thinking of once we heard those two commanding voices ring out. Being aloud to observe our surroundings, we found ourselves at Sugarcube Corner at last. As we got close to the front door, we saw two white Pegasus ponies in gold armor standing in the way of the entrance while blocking an intimidated Fluttershy from going in.

"No one. Never mind. I'll go home." Fluttershy meekly backed away.

After she bumped into me, Fluttershy couldn't bring herself to say anything once she saw my face, but instead turned her head away with a red blush covering her yellow face. Taking my eyes off of her, I quickly addressed these two guards. "You know, I haven't been out of my house for two weeks. So would one of you care to explain when the Cake's decided to hire bodyguards?"

"We don't serve the Cake's," the first guard clarified. "We're the royal guards of Princess Celestia."

Hearing that name again suddenly a portion of my good mood. "Celestia's here?"

"Of course," said the second guard. "This brunch is being held in her honor, after all."

Letting myself be silent for awhile, my eyes had finally notice the big chariot that's been parked beside Sugarcube Corner this whole time. Not feeling like going in all of a sudden, I turned my back and said, "Well guys, I guess this is enough outside time for me." My whole body stood in place once as I felt both my arms being gripped tightly by my friends.

"Come on, Jeffrie, you can't let your little grudge with Celestia spoil your day," said Andrew.

"Wait a minute," the first guard exclaimed, "you're that human whom Princess Celestia had electrocuted!"

"Say, you're right," his compatriot agreed. "I almost didn't recognize him with that beard on his face."

Had those guards simply kept their mouths shut, I probably would've been back to the house by now. But the moment they made the mistake of brining up the time when Celestia struck my as with lighting in front of me, I just couldn't leave anymore. "I hope you two won't be too offended if I have no recollection of ever meeting you two," I responded.

"Well, we were both still strapped to the chariot when that happened," the first guard clarified, "so I wouldn't expect you to remember us."

"And besides," the second guard continued, "you were too busy screaming like a baboon to even notice us!" the two guards both joined together in a snicker that only added to my irritation.

Not wanting these two pricks have the last laugh, I decided to refresh their memories of my day of triumph. "Yeah, I suppose that was funny; but it was even funnier when I deflected that other lighting bolt back at her."

That statement alone was all it took to wipe those laughing grins off their faces and look at me with unamused scowls. "You know, you should really consider yourself lucky that our princess is merciful; we wouldn't allow such insolence to go unpunished." The first guard declared.

Taking a couple of steps towards them, I felt that his little threat deserved a retort. "That's some nice armor you got."

"Um...thank you, I guess?"

"Does it come in stallion sizes?"

That little joke of mine earned me two chuckles from the guys and a faint giggle from Fluttershy. But the two guards kept giving me the same scowl as before. "You best watch your mouth, human," the first guard tensed up, "we're trained guards. I was the top in my class when it came to swordplay."

I finally took enough steps to close enough to that prick's personal space. "I bet you might be able to pull that sword out just in time to stab me, if my fist doesn't end up knocking you out first. Maybe if I had been a couple of spaces away from you, you just might've had a good head start; but since I'm practically right next to you, you just be able to wrap that hoof of yours onto that hilt before I punch you."

Had this guard been a unicorn he would've easily used his magic to slide that sword out of his sheathe. But this guard was a pegasus, and would have to depend on the speed of his hoof if he expected to plunge that blade into my gut. Before either of us even thought of making a move, we were broken out of our thoughts by the sound of Twilight's voice. "It's all right, sirs. They're on the list."

While Fluttershy and the guys made their ways into the candy store, I shared a few more words with the guard. "Well, I guess I better leave you to your post. I might even get you a drink, later." If I don't forget about it.

Sugarcube Corner hasn't been this packed since Pinkie Pie threw us that party. No sooner had we entered did the guys and I spotted three empty chairs that were clearly meant for us. I didn't pay too much attention to what was happening around me; I mostly just sat near this long table, drinking coke, while occasionally rubbing my beard now and then.

"Could you please stop rubbing that beard already?!" Jonathan voiced his complaint.

"Is this beard on your face?" I asked him.

"No?"

"Then you don't get to decide when I can or can't rub it."

After shutting up Jonathan, I finally noticed that Applejack seemed rather reluctant to eat any of the food that laid in front of her. "Uh...which is the salad and which is the appetizer again? And which am I suppose ta eat first?"

"You know Applejack, if you're so hungry then just eat something." Andrew told her. "You don't have to starve yourself."

"Normally I'd inclined ta agree with ya," said Applejack, "but since the princess is here I don't want ta look ill-mannered in front of her."

"Applejack, I think it goes without saying that your princess could care less about how you eat." I told her. "In fact, I bet that when Celestia is in her bedroom and nobody's around, she probably takes a big plate of cake to her bed and pigs out!" I then started to show them my interpretation of Celestia stuffing her face. "And also, I bet that if she gets bits of it stuck in her, she probably sticks it in her mouth and just suck it all off!"

"Jeffrie, I can hear everything you're saying about me." That's when I finally realized that Princess Celestia has been sitting in front of me this whole time.

Seeing that irritated look on her face was the encouragement I need to say something back to her. Had I been Andrew or Jonathan, I would've simply kept my mouth shut. But the temptation to talk back was just too strong for me to resist. Which is why I took it upon myself to utter the greatest comeback that has ever been said by any smartass. "Congratulations, you're not deaf." I bet some of you were expecting me to say, "Well excuse me, princess!" but don't worry, I'll save that one for later. Nothing could have made this moment any better than the sound of all the ponies gasping together. I turned around and gazed upon the sight of wide-eyed ponies with gapping mouths that could catch flies. Man, I didn't think my comeback could leave anyone this speechless.

Turning myself back around and chugging down more coke, I manage to pick up the pitter-patter of hooves that were coming to the table. These hoofsteps were of course the result of Mr. Cake rushing to fill up Celestia's tea cup. "Oh, um...thank you." Celestia gave her gratitude.

"Not at all, Your Highness." Mr. Cake gave a bow.

After taking one little sip, her cup was immediately refilled by Mrs. Cake. "Thank you again."

"Oh, but of course, Your Majesty." Mrs. Cake bowed as well.

Celestia kept on sipping and sipping each round of tea that was given to her until she let out a fake sip and tricked them into filling an already full cup. "Gotcha!"

If that rainbow-mane troll thought I was going to allow her to out prank me she was sadly mistaken. I needed to show this princess how a pro gets it done, and luckily for me my prayers came in the form of Ponyville's residential drama queen.

"Don't touch me! Watch the dress! Careful, you're gonna spill that on me! Oh, oh, that looks delicious. What is it? Oh, does it stain?! Keep it away from me!"

Ah Rarity, sometimes she just makes teasing her way too easy for me. After taking one last sip of my coke, I made sure to let the guys get up to speed on my plan. "Hey, you guys want to play a little game?"

"That'll depend on what the game's about," said Andrew.

"Oh nothing to complicated," I told them, "just a little something that I like to call: Tease the Drama Queen." I was kind enough to even give them an example. "Oh my God, Rarity, there's a loose thread on your dress!"

"What?!" Rarity shrieked. "Where?! Where?! I made doubly sure that this dress is in pristine condition! There couldn't possibly be a thread out of place!"

The three of us were practically coughing with laughter after witnessing Rarity's freak out. It was now Andrew's turn to take a hit at her paranoia. "Good God, Rarity, someone just stepped on your dress!"

"Dear me! I better not find a single hoofprint anywhere! If I do, then somepony will pay dearly for this!"

We each pretty much had no choice but to bite our own fist just to contain our laughter by this point. It was now time for Jonathan to finish this little game with a bang. "Oh no, Rarity, there's a big tear on your dress!"

After a combination of eye twitches and fast heavy breathing, Rarity delivered a grand finale of a performance. "Tear? Tear?! No, no, no, no, no, no! Of all the worst things that could happen to me today! This is THE. WORST. POSSIBLE. THING!"

All three of our faces were becoming red from the guffaws that we've been holding back. My brief moment of mirthfulness, however, was quickly eradicated once my eyes had set upon the unamused look Celestia was giving me--she even add in a raised eyebrow for extra measure. "Ah, don't give me that look," I brushed it off. "You're just jealous because we thought of it before you did."

Not even bothering to give me a reply, Celestia turned her attention to Fluttershy. "And what about you, dear? Fluttershy, is it?"

"Me? Oh yes, Your Highness."

"I understand from Twilight Sparkle's letters that you enjoy tending to the needs of woodland creatures."

"Yes, I love to take care of animals."

"As do I. As Princess, I care deeply about all creatures, great and small." During this little conversation, the guys and I coulda sworn that we heard a sickly cough. "Nothing means more to me than the well-being of all my subjects." That same cough we heard earlier started to sound much harsher than before. "Ah, Philomena, my pet. You're awake. Do say hello to our gracious hosts."

That's when all finally notice the source of the coughing. Beside Celestia was a gilded cage; and within that cage we saw a sickly looking bird with pale red feathers and it had eyes and a beak that made it look like something out of The Flintstones.

"Oh...my." Fluttershy summed up our current reactions.

"She is quite a sight, isn't she?" said Celestia.

After Philomena let out another cough and lost a few feathers, Jonathan decided to ask the one question that either one of us wanted to be answered. "Is she suppose to be like that?"

"Philomena?" said Celestia. "Oh no, she's just going through a phase at this time."

"You sure she doesn't just have the bird flu?" instead of laughs, my little witty remark earned me nothing but groans from the guys.

"No, Jeffrie, no." Jonathan sighed.

One of Celestia's guards trotted up to her and whispered a little something in her ear that made her stand up. "I'm sorry, everypony." She announced. "I'm afraid I have to cut the party short. The mayor has requested an audience with me. Royal duty calls. Thank you for a wonderful time. It's been a joy getting to know you all better."

As Celestia and her guards left, we heard a relieved Applejack say, "Phew! Now I can eat someth'n! I'm starved!" Sadly for her, all the food that was right in front was quickly swiped away by Mr. Cake.

"You should've eaten something while you had the chance." I wagged my finger at her.

"I can still have takeout." She stated with mild annoyance.

The guys and I sat back and watch each pony make their leave towards the exit. Pinkie cartwheeled her way out with a lot of giggles; Rarity--being the drama queen that she is--chose to go out with a big finale. "Stay right where you are. All I want is a clear path to the exit. Nopony move and my dress won't get hurt! Stay back! Back, I say!" And Applejack--true to her word--balanced a couple of plates of food on the muzzle as she made her way to the exit.

Feeling like she accomplished something, Twilight turned to Spike and said, "Well, Spike, I don't know for sure how things went with the princess, but at least no big disasters happened."

"Hey Twilight," Andrew called out, "is there reason why that bird isn't in her cage?"

"What!" no sooner had Twilight let out that yelp did we all see that Andrew wasn't fucking around; that birdcage really was sans Philomena. Being the paranoid pony that she is, Twilight began to have a panic attack. "Oh no. Nonononononono! This is bad. Who in their right mind would something as crazy as letting Princess Celestia's pet loose?!" She contemplated this mystery for awhile until she jerked her head in my direction and shoved an accusing hoof in my face. "It was you, wasn't it?! You never get along with Celestia, so you purposely let her bird out to get back at her."

Pushing her hoof aside, I then made my case. "First of all, Twilight, I already got back at Celestia by deflecting that lightning bolt at her; second, what makes you think I would gain anything by setting her half dead bird free?"

"I don't know, but it definitely has you written all over it!"

"Oh really? And proof do you have that it was me? Did you even see me go near the cage?"

"No...I admit I didn't actually see you anywhere near it. But why should I believe that you didn't do it?"

"Other than the fact that I would've remembered doing such a thing in the first place?"

Understanding well enough that there's no way she could possibly counter argue that bit of logic, Twilight could only let out a huff as a sign of her defeat. Not wanting to see this turn into a lengthy debate, Jonathan quickly gave us an idea. "Fluttershy seemed awfully concerned about that bird. Maybe you could ask her?"

"All right, I'll go check on Fluttershy," she then turned to me, "but you're coming with me!"

"Sure, if it'll shut you up."

The next ten minutes were spent on mostly walking in bitter silence as we made our way to Fluttershy's cottage. Neither one of us dared to look one another in the eye; it was one of those rare occurrences where someone actually took the "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything" method to heart. Despite this brooding silence, we were able to get to Fluttershy's cottage in the end.

I allowed Twilight to knock the door, but not even bothering to wait for Fluttershy to open it, Twilight just marches right in and says, "Hi Fluttershy! Listen, there's a little dilemma that just happened back at Sugarcube Corner, and we were wondering if you could help...?" after I followed her in and closed the door behind me, it was at this moment that Twilight and I saw Philomena sitting upon a stool with a plethora of molted feathers taped to her body. "What is Celestia's pet doing here?!"

"I couldn't leave the poor thing there. She needed my help." Fluttershy explained.

I figured that now was a good time to rub this in Twilight's face. "Ha! I told you I didn't let that bird out of its cage!"

"Twilight, how could you even suggest such a thing?!" Fluttershy scolded her. "Jeffrie maybe mean at times, but even he wouldn't stoop to that!"

Well it's nice to know that Fluttershy thinks I have standards. Too bad that her little chastising wasn't enough to make Twilight forget that her shy friend just stole a princess' pet. "Fluttershy, just what the hay you were thinking?!"

"How could I just walk away and not do anything?" Fluttershy spoke in her defense.

"But...but...she doesn't belong to you!" Twilight retorted.

"I had to do something."

"Without telling anypony?! Without asking permission?!"

Their discussion was immediately halted by the sound of Philomena coughing.

Finally getting her composure under control, Twilight Sparkle actually attempted to reason with Fluttershy. "I know you had good intentions, but you've got to return the princess' pet!"

"But...." Fluttershy couldn't bring herself to keep arguing once she heard Philomena take a deep wheezy breath. "You're right. OK, let's..." Philomena let out another cough, "...go."

The idea of failing to cure an animal's illness may have been too heartbreaking for Fluttershy, but she didn't waste any time in putting Philomena in basket and preparing to return her to Celestia. Just as I open the door for us to leave, we found the entrance being blocked by the same guards from before!

"We were told we could find Twilight Sparkle here." Said the first guard.

Stepping aside so as to give the guards a clear view of Twilight trembling behind me, the more than nervous unicorn tread carefully forward.

"We regret to inform you, miss, that the royal pet has gone missing." The second guard told her.

"Really? You don't say!" she let out a less than subtle laugh that could honestly make anyone feel suspicious.

Despite being covered in a basket, Philomena's coughs could still be heard. In attempt to fool the guards, Twilight and Fluttershy both let out excessive coughs to block out any of Philomena's; I joined in as well, but since I wanted to have more fun I chose to add some fierce hacks to my fake coughs.

"I'm very sorry," I made my voice crack a little to give it a hoarse effect, "we all just got ourselves infected by this rare disease."

"Really? What's it called?" the second guard inquired.

"It's called..." trying to think up of a fictional disease as fast as possible, I just blurted out the first thing that came to my head. "Stick-it-to-the-man-noisis."

"Is it contagious?"

"Oh yeah, it can spread just from one little touch." Covering my fake cough with my right hand, I purposely place my left hand onto the first guard's muzzle until he shook his head to get it off. "I really envy those two," I pointed to Twilight and Fluttershy, "they just have to deal with a little coughing here and then, but it's much worse if you're a guy. Not only do I cough, I also get constant diarrhea, I'm always thirsty, my bones become brittle, and I slowly start to loose my vision, and...oh no! I think my privates are going numb!" ending it all with an over-the-top cough directed at the guards, I chuckled to myself as I watch the two of them flee in terror. Closing the door, I turned around and was greeted by a stern look from Twilight that said "seriously?"

"You could've been more subtle," she criticized me.

"Yeah, but where's the fun in that?" I shrug it off.

Wanting to get this over with as quickly as possible, Fluttershy tried to get close to the door but was immediately stopped by Twilight. "What are you doing?!" she hollered.

"Going to return Philomena, remember?" said Fluttershy.

"We can't now!"

"Why not?"

"You have no idea what the princess is gonna do if she finds you're the one who took her pet, do you?!"

"Do you?"

"Well...no. But it can't be anything good. She might banish you from Equestria. Or throw you in a dungeon. Or banish you and throw you in a dungeon in the place that she banishes you to!"

"Whoa there, Twilight," I stopped her, "I know Celestia might be a bit of a bitch but even that seems too far for her. In any case, she'll probably just chew Fluttershy out, instead."

"She's gonna eat me?!" cried the timid pegasus.

"No Fluttershy, it's just a figure of speech. (I have Asperger's and even I never took that phrase seriously.)"

"OK, granted none of that would probably happen," Twilight admitted, "but do you really want to take that chance?"

"All that really matters to me is that poor little Philomena here gets well." Fluttershy answered.

Another cough from that sick bird was enough to win Twilight over to Fluttershy's side--sort of. "That's very noble of you. I'll write to you when you're banished. Unless I'm banished to somewhere that has no post office. Then you'll have to write to me. Deal?"

"Please Twilight. You just have to help me get Philomena healthy and then we can return her to the princess. And everything will be thine."

"Did you give her any kind of medicine?"

"I tried to, but she wouldn't take it."

Hearing her mention this brought back memories of when my folks would have to hold me down whenever they tried to make me take medicine, and judging by the next words that Twilight's about to say, she's probably planning on doing that. "Then you have to make her take it." She stated. "You can't be such a pushover, Fluttershy! You need to show this patient who's the boss. Make her straighten up and fly right!"

Boy, Twilight better hope she never finds herself in a situation that requires her to stand up for herself and act like a pushover, instead. Because just like a Telltale game character, I'm going to remember that. Anyway, Twilight takes this big pill that was lying on one of Fluttershy's tables, opened Philomena's beak like a trash can, and dropped it in and made her eat it. I never could understand why doctor's insist on making pills so big; do they really have no idea how to make them smaller while still having the some effect, or do they purposely want people to choke?

"Done. OK, what else?" Twilight felt ready for the next procedure.

"Uh...well, she keeps pulling her feathers off. The ones that haven't fallen out yet from all her coughing, I mean." Said Fluttershy.

"There you go." Twilight quickly put a dog cone over Philomena's head. I always thought that they're only meant for dogs, but that can apparently be used on birds as well. And much like any dog that wears one, Philomena immediately tried taking it off.

"I don't think she likes it." Fluttershy pointed out with concern.

"Tough love, baby." You know, I almost would've been surprised to hear Twilight say that, but then I remembered that this is the same unicorn who has no problem putting her child assistant in harms way, so I shouldn't be too surprised if that's the justification she uses. "Next!"

"Well, she desperately needs some bed rest, but I can't get her to stay put."

"One step ahead of you."

Philomena moved from having a cone on her head to being stuck in a cage covered by a blanket. If the plan was to make her sleep, then the sound of her screaming and jerking around is all the sign one needs to know that they've failed. While Fluttershy tried to soothe her down, Twilight finally took notice of the bowl of tomato soup that's been lying on another table.

"What's this soup over here? Smells delicious." Twilight complimented the soup, even though it looks as if it would've been cold by now.

""I made it for Philomena." Fluttershy explained. "But she wouldn't eat it."

"Oh, she'll eat it, all right."

Twilight gazed at the cage with a rather overly devious look as she lifted the blanket off the cage and gave the soup a clear opening for Philomena. That bird must've thought Twilight was trying to poison her, what with that devilish look I mentioned earlier, because as I open the door to leave, she lets out a big scream as she made a run for the opened door. This of course meant that we had to pursue her by means of a Benny Hill styled chase.

Those two weeks I've spent in the house really took a huge chunk of my energy. I could barely keep up with the ponies as they were both chasing after Philomena; although, lagging behind did allow me to spot that bird perching atop a tree that Twilight and Fluttershy were running around. After I shout out to them, Philomena quickly made a jump for it and continued her fleeing. We ran around some more until we stopped at a bench where Philomena, wearing a brown mustache, has been sitting on this whole time. The weirdest part is the fact that Fluttershy and Twilight actually falled for it. After giving myself a face palm, I did what anybody with a high functioning brain would do; I swat the newspaper away, grabbed Philomena by the neck, pulled off her fake moustache, and allowed both ponies to let the fact that they've been duped by a disguise even two year olds wouldn't fall for sink in. Sadly though, I didn't hold onto her for too long; the damn bird bit my thumb so hard that it made me lose my grip on her while also giving me an idea on how my mom must've felt after being bitten by a penguin. As the chase continued, Twilight and Fluttershy both slowed down their pace to sneak past the same guards from before. I, on the other hand, decided to let out another fake cough for the sake of freaking those two out again, just to take my mind off the pain that bird gave me. We then partook in that classic routine of running into a bunch of doors; I ran out one door riding on Twilight's back, I ran out another giving Fluttershy a piggy back ride, I pursued Philomena to one door with a net, only to be chased into another door by her while carrying a giant battle axe. It kept going on until both ponies bumped into one another, and I ended up tripping on those two.

As we resumed our quest of tracking down that sick bird, we all found ourselves being pestered by the unnecessary appearance of Rainbow Dash. "What are you three doing? Are you having a race? Oh, can I play? One, two, three, go!"

While I pray that Rainbow Dash would keep flying all over the world, we finally stopped at a fountain where the rest of Twilight's friends and mine just happen to be hanging around. While Fluttershy and Twilight kept looking for Philomena, I just stood where I am and let out a ton of heavy exhales in attempt to catch my breath. I kept on exhaling until I felt back receive a hard pat from Andrew's strong hand.

"Damn Jeffrie, you look like you ran a whole mile." He told me.

Jonathan took this time to ask, "So, did you and Twilight find...?"

"The princess' pet bird!" both guards shouted in unison as they pointed to us the sight of Philomena standing on top of the fountain.

Nearly all her feathers had molted off her body, all except one on the tip of her tail; but that last feather plucked itself out as fast as blink, and poor Philomena could do nothing but let out her last coughs and plummet off the fountain. Fluttershy tried to catch her in time, but no one--not even her--saw it coming when the naked bird burst into flames and turned into a pile of ashes the moment Fluttershy's hooves caught them. Oh, that's what she meant when she said "going through a phase". I thought of this sudden realization in my head.

"What's going on here?" if the guards were here, then that only meant that Celestia was close behind. "Twilight?"

Feeling like a student speaking to the principal, Twilight did her best to look her mentor in the eyes and said, "Yes, Your Majesty, there's been a terrible accident."

"What are you talking about?" I said. "You're making it sound like she's dead."

Fluttershy looked at with her teary eyes in confusion. "What? B-but we saw turn to ashes."

"Yeah, all phoenixes do that." I educated her.

"What?!" she and Twilight cried in unison.

Celestia paid none of us any mind as her only interest seems to be in the ashes that used to be Philomena. "Stop, fooling around, Philomena. You're scaring everypony."

We were taken back when the ashes scattered everywhere, and up in the sky we watched in awe as the once goofy looking half-dead bird transform into a magnificent creature with blazing red and orange feathers! Seeing Philomena in her true form the guys and I the feeling anyone may have when seeing an eagle or a condor for the first time; even the squawk she lets out somehow makes her more majestic.

"I don't understand!" Fluttershy was dumbfounded. "What is that thing?"

"That's called a phoenix," Jonathan enlightened her. "I thought you're an animal expert."

While Fluttershy blushed in embarrassment, I gave Jonathan a light elbow to the gut for making her feel that way. Princess Celestia took this time to go in detail with Fluttershy.

"A phoenix is a majestic and magical bird. While it appears healthy and happy most of the time, every so often it must renew itself by shedding all of its feathers and bursting into flame. (Rather melodramatic, if you ask me.) It then rises from the ashes, fresh as a daisy. All just a normal part of the life cycle of a phoenix. I'm afraid mischievous little Philomena here took the occasion to have a little fun with you, Fluttershy. Say you're sorry, young lady."

Philomena squawked in way that I assume is her way of saying, "I'm sorry."

"You mean you can understand what that bird says?" Andrew inquired.

"Of course, Andrew." Celestia stated. "It's not impossible."

While that bizarre statement left the three of us puzzled, Fluttershy took the chance to ask, "So...aren't you gonna banish me? Or throw me in a dungeon? Or banish me and then throw me in a dungeon in the place that you banish me too?"

"Of course not, my little pony." Celestia chuckled. "Where on Earth would you get such an idea?"

"I guess I have some imagination."

"No, you got of all that from Twilight, remember?" the Aspie part of me reminded her.

My sense of honesty earned me a glare from Twilight that she normally gives to Spike on occasion. Anyway, after Twilight tells her mentor what she learned from all this, Fluttershy received a feather from Philomena as token of her appreciation. But before that phoenix was about to get back in its cage, Rainbow Dash whispered a little something to her. We watched as she tickled one of the guards' muzzle with her feathers, witch then resulted in him laughing and all the other ponies joining in as well. The guys and I just stood there, not really knowing what's so funny about this.

"These ponies have a strange sense of humor." I declared.

"You said it." Jonathan concurred.