The next day, I woke up, but I felt a strange pain in my head as I started to rise up. To top it all off, everywhere I look seemed to appear to be blurrier than usual. I didn't know if Jonathan or Andrew were with me so I cried, "Hey guys, where are you?!" then I started to hear voices; but not Jonathan's or Andrew's voices, but different voices instead.

"So this is what caused that green fireball?" said a stereotypical western voice.

"I guess so," replied a plain girly voice.

"What is it?" asked a voice that sounded like every tomboy known to man.

"I don't know," spoke a voice that I couldn't decide whether it were a southern belle accent or just your typical fancy accent, "but it sure isn't pleasant looking."

"Oh come now," said a calm, angelic voice, "I'm sure that it's beautiful on the inside."

"And besides," added a girly voice that sounded as if it had sucked an entire tank of helium, "we don't even know what this thing is!"

I wasn't really paying any attention to the voice's conversation when I finally realized that my glasses were never on my face the whole time. "Oh fuck me, how could I forget my glasses back on the cruise?! God, I am not gonna hear the end of this from my parents (if I ever get back); if only I wasn't near-sighted anymore, I wouldn't have to worry about losing those damn glasses in the first place!"

Whoever was speaking in that plain girly voice must've heard my woe, because she suddenly says, "Here, let me fix that for you."

Then out of nowhere I saw a flashing pink light! I freaked out at first, but then I slowly started to calm down when I realized that I can finally see again. I was then like, "Oh my God, I can finally read small words from far away again! It's like my eyeballs have been upgraded to HD!" I looked around and I found Andrew and Jonathan sleeping in two seperate beds, "Hey guys, I can see without my glasses!" but they were still asleep. "Boy do I wish that I could thank whoever gave me back my 20/20 vision."

And then I heard the plain girly voice reply, "You're welcome!"

Finally acknowledging the voice's existence, I said back, "OK, who said that?"

"I did!"

"And who's I?"

"That would be me."

I looked around the room, but I saw nobody. I then said to myself, "OK, I must be hearing things."

Then I heard the tomboyish voice shout, "Down here!"

I looked under the bed, but I still saw nobody. "Whoever you are, just come on out!"

"We are out!" cried the voice of the tomboy which was practically overflowing with annoyance at this point.

"If you're out, then how come I still don't see you?"

"Sweet Celestia, look at the end of your bed!"

I then looked towards the end of my bed, and that's when I noticed six, small, colorful ponies. "Ha ha ha, very funny, whoever you are," I said dismissively, "but it's gonna take a lot more than a bunch of stuffed animals to freak me out."

"STUFFED!" cried the fancy, southern belle voice. I looked down and notice that it was one of the ponies speaking! "I beg your pardon!"

I was petrefied at what I just saw: talking ponies! I couldn't believe it; I pointed at the one with the fancy voice and I cried, "Holy shit it's alive, and it talks!"

Then a pony that is pink from top to bottom pops out of nowhere and says, "Well of course we can talk, silly!"

"Holy shit that one can talk, too!"

Then a blue pony with a rainbow mane said, "Yes, she can talk! We all can talk!"

"B-b-but that's impossible; ponies can't talk!"

Then a purple pony with a dark purple mane with a pink streak said, "Our lips are moving and words are coming out, so that clearly disproves your theory."

"No, no, no, this can't be real! I'm probably having some weird, fucked-up dream! Yeah, that's it: I'm dreaming. And any second now I'm gonna wake-up and find myself in a hospital surrounded by human doctors!"

"What's a human?"

I closed my eyes, ignoring the purple pony's question and hoping to wake up from this fucked-up nightmare. However, I was unable to ignore the sound of Jonathan's and Andrew's moans, as they both started to wake up.

"Aw shit," Jonathan groaned.

"Jonathan, is that you?" Andrew called out.

"Yeah, it's me. Can you see anything?"

"No man, I think I left my contact lenses back on the cruise."

"What a coincidence, I just happen to have left my glasses there as well! I guess we better get use to seeing everything as blurry from a distance for the rest of our lives."

"That won't be necessary!"

That's when I saw the purple pony fire a pink laser beam into both of their eyes! The purple and white ponies both had horns, so that made them unicorns. The blue and yellow ponies both had wings, so that made them pegasus. And the orange and pink ponies were both just regular ponies. Anyway, after receiving that lazer eye surgery, the guys were just as happy as I was.

"Oh sweet mother of Jesus, everything looks clear again!" Andrew cried out in celebration.

Even Jonathan managed to be joyful enough to make a movie reference. "Mein Fuhrer, I can see!"

I couldn't help but chuckle at Jonathan's temporary state of lightheartedness; and that got both of their attention. "Oh there you are Jeffrie," Andrew exclaimed. "I guess we couldn't see you very well; not that it's a problem anymore. Also..."

And just like me, Andrew and Jonathan were taken back by the sight of the six ponies in the room. It was silent at first, but then the pink pony jumped up and blurted, "Hi there!"

Jonathan was only able to leave his mouth gaping in an over the top fashion while letting out a weak squeak, while Andrew was crying from the top of his lungs, "Jesus H. Fuck! Demon ponies!"

"Demon ponies! Where?!" the yellow pony with the long pink mane shrieked as she cowered behind her pony comrades.

"He means us," the blue pegasus elaborated.

As the yellow pegasus began to calm down, Andrew said to all of them, "Just take it easy, ponies. We mean you no harm."

"Why y'all act like we were about ta eat ya," the orange cowgirl pony quiped outloud.

Upon hearing this, Jonathan did some kind of over dramatic faint, and then the yellow pegasus was like, "Oh my!"

And then I said, "Don't worry about him, he's just being a drama king."

"I am not!" cried Jonathan, who immediately rose back up upon hearing my little remark.

And I was like, "See, what did I tell you?"

The pink pony then said, "Gees, what's wrong with you guys? You act as if you've never seen a pony before."

To this I said, "No, we have seen ponies. We just never seen ponies that can talk!"

"Why wouldn't they talk?" asked the pink pony.

"Well...what're you all doing here, anyway?"

The purple pony then said, "We were given orders by Princess Celestia to find the source of a falling comet."

"Falling comet?" Andrew repeated those last two words in confusion. "Just what the fuck are you talking about?"

"Last night, Princess Celestia had received news from her sister, Princess Luna, that a giant green fireball had crash landed in Ponyville. So she told me and my friends to find out what caused it. And that's when we found you three."

"Ponyville?" I said. "OK, just where the Hell are we exactly?"

"You three are in Ponyville: one of the many places of our great country, Equestria."

The pony's quick explanation was interrupted by the sound of dry chuckling coming from Andrew's mouth. "What's got you laughing?" I inquired.

He then slowly explained to us, "While I was carrying you guys over to the hospital, I saw a sign that said 'Welcome to Ponyville'; before meeting these talking ponies, I thought that the name was just some kind of bad joke!"

While I left him to his laughing, I turned back to the purple pony to clarify something. "So you're telling me that we're in some kind of world ruled by ponies?"

"Exactly."

"Wow, now this is fucking trippy."

"You said it," Jonathan agreed.

The purple pony was like, "Trippy?"

There came a long awkward silence, and then Andrew finally got all the giggles out of his system in time to break the silence. "So...do any of you ponies have names?"

And then the purple pony introduced herself and her friends. "Oh, of course, allow me to introduce ourselves. I'm Twilight Sparkle, and these are my friends: Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie."

After hearing some of the most silliest names ever uttered, me, Andrew, and even Jonathan, couldn't help ourselves when we started laughing! The blue pony called Rainbow Dash flew up to my face and said, "What's so funny?"

Then I said, "Those are the most ridiculous names that I've ever heard in my life!"

"What's so ridiculous about our names?"

"That's just it, they're not names, they're just random words! I mean that's like naming someone Trash Boat, or Shoe Feet, or Butt Pillow!"

Andrew then added, "Yeah, you all have to admit that those names do sound pretty stupid."

Rainbow Dash then said "Oh yeah, then what's your names?"

I stopped laughing and introduced ourselves. "I'm Jeffrie, the drama king is called Jonathan, and the one who's probably wetting the bed by now is called Andrew."

The yellow pony called Fluttershy then flew over to Andrew, rubbed his head, and said, "Oh you poor thing, you must be catching a fever."

When I noticed that he was trembling, I said to him, "Hey Andrew, you better be careful, she might bite you!" me and Jonathan shared a chuckle while Andrew cried, "Shut up!"

The yellow pony that I've mentioned before then said, "You know, now that I'm looking at you three, you're definitely the strangest looking monkeys that I've ever seen in Equestria."

To this I respond, "We're not monkeys, we're humans!"

"Oh, I understand now; 'humans' is the name of your species," Twilight deduced in an overly gleeful manner. You know, seeing the way she was making a big deal over something so obvious was so adorable that it almost made me forget that we were talking to an animal.

But that little adorable act was immediately forgotten the moment Jonathan's grim thoughts kicked in. "So what do you plan on doing to us? It doesn't involve all of you strapping us to these beds and making us look like ponies through some kind of sick plastic surgery procedure, does it?"

The white pony called Rarity spat out a "pfft" before saying, "Puh-lease darling, do we honestly strike you as the savage type?"

"Rarity's right, we would never hurt you three," said Twilight. "In fact, we were just going to give you three a tour of Ponyville as soon as the doctor says you're all OK to go."

I was then like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! That's not going to happen; what is going to happen is that we're going to be given our stuff back, and then we're going to get as far away from here as possible."

The pink pony called Pinkie Pie then said, "Oh come on, everypony will just love to meet you!"

"Every what?" I asked.

"Everypony," Twilight repeated.

"Everypony? What's everypony?"

The orange pony called Applejack then explained. "Everypony: ya know like 'hey everypony' or 'listen up everypony' or 'we gotta warn everypony about this' or 'we need ta gather everypony together'. Ya know?"

Me and the guys were silent for awhile, and then Jonathan said, "I don't get it." And Andrew said, "Yeah, I'm drawing a blank right now." And I said, "Yeah, Applejack, we don't speak freaky-deaky pony. OK, cowgirl?"

"Sweet Celestia," cursed Rainbow Dash, "everypony! You know, all the other ponies besides us!"

That's when I then realized what they were trying to say. "Oh, I see. You meant to say everybody."

Rarity then said, "Yes, we put the word 'pony' in every word. Isn't that weird?"

"Yes, that is weird," I agreed. "But do you know what's weirder? A world ruled by talking ponies, now that's weird!"

"OK, we get it," Twilight groaned with irritation, "you and your friends aren't used to seeing talking ponies. But it can't be that weird!"

"No, it's still pretty fucking weird!"

"Does somepony need a hug?" said Pinkie Pie. And when she said it, she held out her forelegs in a gesture that shows that she wanted to hug me.

But I didn't want to hug a pony--especially one that talks. So I leaned forward and told her, "How 'bout no, you crazy talking pony!"

Fluttershy had overheard my comment. So she stopped rubbing Andrew's head, flew towards me, and said, "That wasn't very nice." When I turned and looked at her, she went from being a strong, authoritative figure, to a weak, timid pony.

I was beginning to be annoyed at having to see them, so I said, "Don't you have anything better to do than bothering random people?"

To this Twilight said, "No, we were told to find you three, and that's exactly what we did. So you better get use to us!"

There was no way in Hell that me and my friends are going to get use to seeing these obnoxious, girly, sissy ponies! So I tried to get rid of them by using a Jedi mind trick. I waved my hand in front of them and said, "You want to go away, now." They all had confused looks on their faces. I tried this trick on many people before, but to no avail. I figured that maybe it could work on ponies; because it's just like what Obi-Wan Kenobi said, "The Force can have a strong influence on the weak minded." And since these ponies are clearly nothing but a bunch of dumb animals, who just happen to have the ability to speak, then they must be extremely weak minded.

Twilight then said, "Um...no we don't."

Then I repeated, "You want to go away, now."

But Rainbow Dash insisted, "No, we don't."

"Yes, you do."

"No, we don't."

"Yes, you do."

"No, we don't! What you think you're some kind of hypnotist, waving your hoof around like that?"

Apparently they've never heard of Jedi's--or hands for that matter. So I said to Rainbow Dash, "First of all, the word that you were looking for is Jedi, not hypnotist. And second of all, this is not a hoof; this is called a hand. And do you see these little bendy parts? They're called fingers. You want to see what they can do?" I leaned over to a table that was next to me, and I started to pick up a random object. "Look, I'm picking up an object! Now isn't that fascinating? Now let's see you pick it up." I then threw the object to the ground, and I waited for one of them to pick it up. "Go ahead, pick it up. Don't be shy, just pick it up. Oh that's right, you can't pick it up, because you don't have any fingers!" I was then pointing at my fingers and I was doing it in a gesture that shows that I'm trying to tell them, "Be jealous!"

Rainbow Dash then said, "You think you're better than us?"

To this I said, "Missy, I don't think, I know. And besides, we humans have higher functioning brains than you ponies. And, we can pick stuff up; you can't pick shit up with a hoof, it's useless. It's all about the magic fingers, baby. Magic fingers. And speaking of magic, what was that pink laser beam that you," I was pointing at Twilight, "had blasted into our eyes?"

To this Twilight said, "That was basically just magic."

Jonathan was then like, "So you're saying that it was just plain magic?"

"Exactly."

I then let out a soft chuckle as I laid my hands behind my head and said, "OK, now I know that we must be dreaming."

"Why do you keep insisting that you're dreaming?"

"Well first of all, there's unicorns and pegasus in the room; unicorns and pegasus only exist in fairy tales and myths! And second of all, magic is not real; it's just a stupid superstition! And there's nothing that'll convince me that there is real magic in life."

"So there's nothing that'll convince you that magic is real?"

"Nope, nothing."

"OK, then I'll show you."

I then watched as Twilight's horn started to glow pink. Then out of nowhere a cloud pops up on top of my head, and it begins to drop little snowflakes on my head. I was like, "What the Hell's going on?!"

And Twilight was like, "Oh, I've used a summon spell to conjure up a snow cloud. And until you're convinced that magic is in fact real, I'm just gonna let it freeze you a bit."

As the snow began to bundle me up, I said to the guys, "Hey Jonathan, Andrew, will you look at this; an indoor blizzard, and in the middle of June." Jonathan was then like, "I believe in magic!" and Andrew was like, "I definitely believe in magic!" it was clear that neither of them wanted to go through the same shit that I'm having to go through. When I was finally starting to feel cold, I said to Twilight, "OK Twilight, turn it off; I'm convinced." Twilight's horn glowed pink again, then the cloud disappeared; but unfortunatley the snow didn't.

So as I began to rub some of the snow off, Andrew said, "I hope you don't go in for any of that black magic."

Then Twilight said, "Oh no, I can assure you that my magic is only used for good. In fact, I even represent the Element of Magic. And my friends here also represent the other Elements of Harmony. Now that I've mentioned it, I remember that it was only two days ago that my mentor--Princess Celestia--sent me to Ponyville so I could learn about the magic of friendship, and then..."

At this point I interrupted her, "Uh yeah, very interesting. Um, couldn't you just E-mail us the rest of this story?"

"E-mail?"

"Yeah, E-mail. You know just type down this story and E-mail it to us, because now doesn't seem like the right time to be telling us a very long story that we could honestly care less about."

They all had confused looks on their faces. Applejack then said, "What's E-mail?"

Then I told her, "E-mail, it's like a letter that you can send through the internet."

"What's internet?"

"Really? You ponies can talk, run hospitals, rule countries, and yet you don't even have internet?"

"Should we have it?"

As I was about to respond, a pony who looked like a Dr. came in. "Oh good, the three of you are awake. I was beggining to think that you were all dead."

"And just how bad were our injuries?" I asked.

"Well, none of your bones were seriously broken," the Dr. explained, "but you three were having some severe internal bleeding that would've killed you if we hadn't took you in right away. But now that you're all right, you and your friends are free to go." Then a couple of nurse ponies came in with our backpacks, clothes, and oxygen masks.

"Holy shit, guys," cried Andrew, "I just realized that we're not wearing our oxygen masks!" he and Jonathan then started to do that suffocating act that Buzz Lightyear did in Toy Story.

I then gave them a reality check. "Wait guys, we're still alive aren't we?"

They both stopped their little act and they started to notice the obvious. "Yeah, he's right," Jonathan admitted, "we're still breathing."

Then Andrew decided, "Then I guess we won't be needing those oxygen masks anymore."

The nurse ponies then threw the oxygen masks away and just gave us back our backpacks and clothes. When we had our clothes on and our backpacks hanging on our backs, we left the hospital and laid eyes on this Ponyville of theirs'. Right when we were about to leave for good, we heard Twilight say, "Wait, please don't go!"

I let out an annoyed sigh and said, "Why do you want us to stay so badly?"

Then Pinkie Pie popped out of nowhere and said, "I'll tell you why." After my nose had received a firm boop from Pinkie, we then heard background music being played out of nowhere, and then Pinkie Pie starting to sing a musical number!

"Stop singing!" I screamed as loud as I can to put an end to that stabbing of my eardrums. I then lifted Pinkie by her ears and tail and told her, "It's no wonder we don't want to be here!" after placing her next to her pony friends, I told each of them, "And I've already told you ponies, when we get our stuff back, we're going to leave this place for good!"

Twilight then said, "Couldn't you at least let us give you three a tour?"

The guys were mouthing, "No! No!" and I said, "Yeah it sounds fun and all, but the answer's still no."

Pinkie Pie then said, "Couldn't we at least give you all goodbye hugs?" she then held out her forelegs in the same gesture as before. Apparently she has some kind of weird obsession over giving hugs.

I then said to her, "Yeah, I'm gonna have to say no to a hug. And it hurts me to say no, because I'm usually a real people pleaser. Well thanks for creeping up our day, weird, demonic, talking ponies. Normally I would say 'auf wiedersehen', but since that means 'till we meet again', and since neither of us wish to see any of you again, I say to you, goodbye." We then turned around and tried to get as far away from these ponies as quickly as possible.