Months later, me and the guys finally got to experience our first winter in Ponyville--and boy did it suck! Back in Texas, it never snowed during the winter. A bit of me was hoping that it wouldn't snow during the winter in Ponyville as well. God do I hate snow; I've hated it ever since that one time when me and my family had to live in Alaska for a year. Every morning I would have to put on a snow coat and shovel out snow. And boy was the weather cold! It was so cold that I couldn't feel any part of my body! And don't get me started on the strong blizzard winds; those winds were so strong that I always felt as if I was about to be blown into Outer Space! I bet that some of you are probably saying, "Oh, it'll be worth it just to throw snowballs and build snowmen." Well let me fill you in on something: IT'S NOT FUCKING WORTH IT! It all might look easy on Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, Frosty the Snowman, and every other Christmas special; but it's a lot harder than it looks! The second I tried to make a snowball, it would just crumble into little tiny pieces. And the same thing would happen when I tried to build a snowman! So don't bother trying to go up north to do any of those things; because chances are, you might suffer the same disappointment that I had to feel.

Speaking of which, when it came to the business of having to shovel all the snow around the house, me and the guys determined who would have to do it through a good ole round of Nose Goes. Andrew was the last one to touch his nose, so he had to carry the burden throughout the enitre winter. He complained at first, but after I'd pulled the electric razor out of my pocket, he immediatley went outside without any further complaints

A few days later, winter was finally about to come to an end, and all the ponies were getting themselves prepared for this big event that they like to call, Winter Wrap Up. While me and the guys were lying around the couch, trying to get warm, we could hear all the ponies--and I do mean all--singing a musical number! I've always thought that it was only Pinkie Pie who does this annoying habit, but it turns out all the ponies feel that they have to make a song out of every little mundane thing they do. I'm serious, one of them could just be going to the bathroom and that would somehow result in a song.

Anyway, when the singing finally stopped, me and the guys decided to go see what it is they do, exactly. We saw a bunch of ponies wearing different types of vest; some were either shoveling snow or just doing something that didn't involve shoveling.

As we were just walking around, we saw Twilight Sparkle, Spike, and Rarity, hanging out at some table, making birds nest. As we went to get a closer look, Twilight noticed us and said, "Oh hey guys, what do you think of the nest I just made?"

We looked at it, and I'm not gonna lie, it ain't pretty. The nest that Twilight made literally looked like something that Derpy would've made. I didn't have anything nice to say about that nest, so I just kept my mouth shut. Andrew was still gaping in an awestruck manner at how God awful that thing looked to even make a reaction. Jonathan however would do anything to make Twilight fall in love with him, so he told her, "It looks...great."

Rarity then said to Twilight, "Oh yes, darling, it does look great. The birds can use it as..."

"An outhouse?" Spike blurted out.

This resulted in me letting out a loud chuckle, which in turn resulted in Rarity asking me, "And what, might I ask, is so funny?"

"Oh it's nothing," I told her, "it's just that what Spike said about Twilight's nest being an outhouse was actually kinda funny." Twilight started to look sad, so I tried to cheer her up. "But, you know something else? This nest can also be..." I then took the nest and placed it on Jonathan's head, "A hat."

I was able to get a chuckle out of her, Spike, and Rarity, but all I got from Jonathan was an angry look and a sarcastic remark. "Ha ha ha, very funny."

After he'd placed the nest back on the table, we then followed alongside Twilight and Spike, while Rarity was left behind to fix the monstrocity. As we were walking along, I decided to strike up a conversation with Twilight. "So...what was up with the nest making over there?"

She then said, "Oh, well you see, this is my first Winter Wrap Up here in Ponyville, and I just want to do my part."

"And I'm sure that everybody here will be more than grateful to have your help."

"Thanks Jeffrie, you don't know how much this means to me coming from you."

After that, I went back to the guys so we could have our private conversation. After I'd explained everything to them, Jonathan said, "So she's basically trying to be accepted?"

"Pretty much."

Andrew then decided to change the subject, "Say Jonathan, did you really think that Twilight's nest looked great?"

"Hell no, that thing looked like it was made by Derpy!"

Oh hey, that's exactly what I was thinking, I said in my head. But I said to him outloud, "So basically you were just trying to get her to like you?"

"No shit," said Jonathan. "After finding out that she was never thinking about me in any romantic fashion, I clearly have to get her to think of me somehow!"

"You know, Jonathan," I explained to him, "maybe it's because you're wooing her the wrong way; maybe she's into funny guys. I mean, didn't ya see how she'd chuckled at that hat joke? Maybe you just need to make her laugh."

Andrew added, "Yeah, get yourself a nice haircut, shave your face a little, start smiling more often, and start wearing new clothes and you can be her personal court-jester."

That might've made me laugh, but not as much as when Jonathan told Andrew, "Yeah, and if just head over to Applejack, kneel behind her, and duct tape your lips on her butt and then you can be her personal ass-kisser!" and that would result in Andrew crossing his arms, and making a pouty face.

After more roaming around, we came upon a frozen lake and there we saw Pinkie Pie ice skating...or is it figure skating? I don't care, they're the same to me. Anyway, while Pinkie was skating the ice, she somehow was able to use her skates to just slice through the ice and release the water. After she was finished with her little Olympic performance, Andrew--being the suck-up that he is--decided to aplaud her. "Wow, Pinkie, that was a pretty neat trick."

"Thanks," said Pinkie, "I've been doing this since I was an itty-bitty, little-wittle, Twinkie-Pinkie. What I do is that I cut lines in the lake with my skates. That way, when the rest of the weather team comes here to break the ice, it'll be as easy as pie."

Twilight then commented, "Oh, I get it; when the thick ice begins to melt, it'll break along the lines. Well, you sure have a lot of work ahead of you, there's quite a few lakes in Ponyville."

"Ha, tell me about it." Pinkie admitted. "Hey, Twilight, wanna help me out?"

"Would I?"

"Come on, put on those skates over there."

After putting the spare skates on her hooves, she went along with Pinkie as they began to carve out the next lake. As they were about to skate, I asked Spike, "Uh Spike, Twilight does know how to skate, right?"

Jonathan then decided--for once in all the times I've known him--to actually have some hope. "Oh she'll be fine; I bet she'll be a natural."

But right when he'd said those words, we started to see the reason why Twilight never skated in her life. While Pinkie seem to be skating with some amount of grace, Twilight however was clumsy at best. She was literally skating as if she were in a Goofy cartoon--all that was missing was for her to make the famous Goofy yell. She carved so many lines that the ice was beginning to get all cluttered up, and it resulted in her and Pinkie crashing headfirst into the snow!

In response to Jonathan's earlier statement, Spike tells him probably one of the funniest insults ever to be heard in the history of insults. "Oh, she's a natural all right; a natural disaster!"

And I just had to laugh, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Twilight! But you have to admit that it's pretty damn funny!" and I also had to award Spike with a high five (because I had to admit, sometimes he can make better insults than I can).

After her little mishap with the ice, Pinkie suggested that she go help Fluttershy. So without any further notice, we left Pinkie to her skating and went to find Fluttershy waking up hibernating animals. After she'd finished waking a family of porcupines, she turned and was surprised to see Twilight. "Oh, hello Twilight! I wasn't really expecting to see you here." And then when she'd finally noticed me, her cheeks started to turn red as she'd slowly turned her face away. "Hi Jeffrie, it's nice to see you as well."

I could hear the guys sniggering behind my back--they're lucky that I don't stuff some snow down their pants. Anyway, Twilight decided to make her request. "Say Fluttershy, you wouldn't mind if I'd lend you a hoof with your animal friends?"

"Will you?!" exclaimed Fluttershy. "Oh, that would be wonderful." She then turned to me and whispered, "I could also use your help too." Andrew then started to make smooching sounds and that's when I decided to sneak behind him and stuff snow down his pants.

Anyway, while Andrew was running around the background, dragging his butt on the ground like a dog and doing anything that would make him look like an idiot, me, Jonathan, and Spike just watched as Twilight tried to wake up some of the animals. She walked up to some little burrow and started to ring a bell. She was probably expecting a family of bunnies at the very least, but she instead got a family of snakes!

As she was backing away, I said to Jonathan, "Look at that, Jonathan, it seems she shares your fear of snakes."

But then she ended backing into a cave full of bats! As she was running away, Jonathan said to me, "And it seems she has your fear of bats."

And then she ends up bashing herself against tree, which would then cause a beehive to fall right on top her head! While she was running around, me and Jonathan were both trying to resist the urge to shout, "Not the bees!"

But the worst was just about to come; because the beehive was stuck to her head, she wasn't able to notice the skunks that were right in front of her. And I'm pretty sure you can guess what would become of her afterwards.

While Fluttershy was giving Twilight a nice tomato juice bath, me, Jonathan, and Spike, decided to check on Andrew. As we were coming closer, it was there that Spike had noticed that Andrew was in the process of making yellow snow. "What is that?" asked Spike.

Andrew zipped up his jeans and said, "What, that? It's yellow snow."

"How did it become yellow?"

"Because I'd pissed on it."

"And you're aloud to do that?"

"Well who says you can't?" I inquired.

Spike looked up to me and said, "Well...it's just I've never seen anypony else do this."

"Then you don't know what you're missing," I said, "I might not know who first started this, but yellow snow has got to be one of the greatest discoveries since Christian Bale."

Jonathan looked at me and was like, "How is he a great discovery?"

"Because he's made movies so much more entertaining to watch." I told him like it was common knowledge. "Now Spike, yellow snow is much more than just frozed up piss; It can be used for a lot of cool things. Allow me to demonstrate." With that said, I pulled my zipper down, and very carefully I was able to piss out the following words: JEFFRIE WAS HERE!

"Wow, that's pretty impressive!" Spike cheered.

"That's nothing," claimed Jonathan. "Here's a little something that only I can do." After pulling down his zipper, he took the piss from his bladder was able to create an image of large breast.

While I was rather impressed by this work of art, and Andrew was trying his best to avert his eyes from the snow tits, Spike didn't seem to know how to react to this. "Uh, what's that? Is that a sideways eight? Are those eyeballs?"

Jonathan looked at him all perplexed and said, "Those are boobs; you seriously haven't seen a pair of breast before?"

Spike was silent for awhile and then he said, "What're boobs, exactly?"

Jonathan turned to me and Andrew as he whispered, "And this kid wants to bone Rarity." He chuckled to himself, but me and Andrew just didn't really found that statement of his to be funny.

At this point we completely lost focus on Spike and just talked to ourselves. "So Andrew, how was it like to have snow in your pants?" I asked him.

He looked at me with a sulky expression and told me, "Well it wasn't exactly pleasant, especially since you practically had the snow covering my fucking balls! I never felt so cold in my life; I literally had to pour a cup of hot-coco down my pants!"

I laughed a bit as I responded, "You actually took a cup of hot-coco and just poured it down there? Jesus, I must imagine your balls were reaching a new level of pain."

"Hey, when your body starts freezing, then it doesn't matter whether it's hot or not."

"OK, I'm done." Spike announced to us.

I looked down at him and said, "You're done with what?"

"This." He pointed out for us a section of snow that appeared to have been green. It took me awhile to realize that Spike's pee is about as green as the fire he breathes. In other words, he just invented green snow. But the bigger question is what the Hell did Spike do? We couldn't tell if it were a message, a painting, or what!

"Spike, I'm not really sure what it is you're trying to showing us," I admitted.

"Yeah, this might be a bit of a problem." When he saw Twilight finally returning from her bath, he immediatley started to give us some instructions. "Twilight, I need you to teleport Jeffrie and Andrew to some hill that's a few miles back. Jonathan, you just stand there."

Not even bothering to ask why he wanted her to do this, Twilight had teleported both me and Andrew to some far off hill. When we got there, we looked far into the distance, and that's when we finally saw what Spike did with the green snow. We of course got a big laugh out of this, and I also decided to take a picture of it on my cellphone so I can show it to Jonathan. When we came back, I showed the picture to Jonathan. And there's literally no words that could describe how enraged he was; he just kept an extremely pissed off expression on his face as he gazed upon the picture of a giant green arrow pointing at him with this message: THIS GUY LIKES TO DRINK HIS OWN PEE!

He then took a long glance at Spike. Everything seemed to have gone silent at this point; he just stared down upon him in a long, uncomfortable, intense moment that you'd expect from a Sergio Leone movie. Then out of nowhere, Jonathan just sporadically lunges towards Spike! Spike was surprisingly quick on his feet, for the second when Jonathan tried to pounch him, he immediatley dodged away and he watched as Jonathan had his mouth stuffed with some of the green snow.

As Jonathan was spitting some of the dragon piss stained snow out of his mouth, Spike told him, "Gees Jonathan, I know I said that you enjoy this sort of stuff, but I didn't think you have to make it so obvious."

Jonathan got up on his feet as he roared, "Come here you little punk!"

I quickly stopped him and said, "Hey, hey, relax! It was just a joke."

"Why are you always on his side?!" Jonathan whined.

While Spike was sticking his tongue at him, and while Jonathan was preparing to call him a doo-doo head, I asked Twilight, "So, did Fluttershy helped ya out?"

"Oh yes, she did a great job at removing the stench." She clarified. "She also suggested that I should help Applejack."

After mentioning that name, Andrew immediately said, "Well what're we waitin' for?! Let's get goin'!"

After we were all hastingly rushed by Andrew, we soon found ourselves upon some big field with a bunch of ponies plowing away the snow. When Andrew saw Applejack, he walked up to her and said, "Hey Applejack, how's progress?"

"Oh, just dandy." She said, "Little slow startin', but peachy all the same. What brings you here?"

"Well actually, Twilight was wondering if you could let her help you," Andrew explained.

"I dunno, Andrew," said Applejack, "she doesn't seem too fit fer this sorta business."

"Come on, she's your friend; just give her a chance."

"Well, I suppose if she's willin'."

So without any further notice, Twilight soon found herself behind a plow. But she quickly realized that pushing it was going to be harder than she thought--what with her not being athletic and all. So I figure that I go and give her some advice, "You know Twilight, you can just push the plow with your magic. You are the Element of Magic after all."

She then told me, "But Ponyville has been doing Winter Wrap Up without magic for generations. If I use magic, I'll be breaking a most sacred tradition."

"Twilight, what do you think these ponies want more? To keep traditions, or to get the job done quicker? Because if you ask me, I'd say that magic would make this job a lot easier and faster."

She thought about the matter for awhile and then she responded with, "OK, I'll give it a shot."

As I was walking back towards the guys, I somewhat noticed Twilight using her unicorn magic to make the plow move. When I finally came to the guys, I heard Applejack say, "She's awful strong fer such a little pony."

But aren't you the exact same height as her? As much as I wanted to ask her that, I had to put that question aside and tell her, "You're welcome."

"For what?"

"Well, since Twilight's using her magic, I'd say everything's gonna be just fine."

"She what?" right after that little outburst, I looked at Twilight again and saw that she'd lost control of the plow, and it somehow caused an avalanche!

When me and the guys poked our heads out of the snow, we noticed that we couldn't see our bodies. I jokingly said to the guys, "Oh no, oh no, I got nobody!"

We of course started to laugh, but that laughter soon came to an end when we all heard Applejack cry out to Twilight, "Nuts, Twilight, you used magic! That's not how we do it 'round here, and especially not on my farm!"

I looked back at Twilight and I noticed that she was beginning to tear up a little. Next thing you know, she just gets up out of the snow and runs away crying. And as I watched this, I was starting to get that same sympatheic feeling that I usually get around Fluttershy. And Jonathan was definitely having the same feeling as well.

As we were getting ourselves out of the snow, I can hear Applejack say, "I just knew I shouldn't had let her help; a pony like her has no business doin' this sorta work anyway. Aren't ya gonna help me up?"

When I looked at her, I was beginning to have that aggressive/defensive feeling that I had around Gilda. So when Andrew lifted her up, I walked up to her and I gave her face the biggest bitch-slap it ever felt in her life. "Who the Hell do you think you are?!" I yelled.

She rubbed her cheek as she said, "What was that fer?"

"That was for hurting Twilight's feelings, you bitch!"

I'm not too sure that this is the first time I called her a bitch, but I'm just gonna assume anyway. Applejack let out a gasp as she then said, "Ya mean you're slappin' me just fer losin' my temper with her?"

"You're God damn right I am!" I shouted. "How could you just hurt your own friend's feelings like that?! She was just trying to help!"

Jonathan then added, "Yeah, how dare you make her feel bad for wanting to help? You should be ashamed of yourself!"

"Oh she helped all right," said Applejack, "she helped make a big mess of things!"

"So she made a little mistake," said Jonathan, "it's no big deal."

"A little mistake!" cried Applejack. "Oh no, it ain't little, it's huge! Now we're goin' ta be late fer spring again!"

"So Twilight's not perfect," I said. "So what? And besides, Applejack, you're not exactly Miss Perfect yourself. In fact, I remember a time when you made nothing but mistakes: you catapulted Rainbow Dash into Twilight's home, you made muffins that gave everybody stomach aches, you even started a rabbit stampede for Christ's sake!" Applejack was speechless. "And do you know how you've stopped making these mistakes? Because Twilight helped you! That's right, Applejack, if it weren't for Twilight and her magic, you wouldn't have been able to harvest all those apples and you'd still be making more mistakes." She was about to say something, but I quickly interrupted her. "And by the way, didn't you once say about Twilight's magic being a part of her?" she knew exactly what I was referring to. "Yeah, I'm talking about that night when Trixie was revealed to be a big fat fraud. You know, the same night when Twilight took down that Ursa Minor with her magic! And I remember you telling her, and I quote, 'your magic is a part of who you are, and we like who you are. We're proud to have such a powerful, talented unicorn as our friend.'. Now did you really mean all that, or were you just makin' up a load of bull-shit? Because you do know that you can't make up bull-shit if you represent the Element of Honesty, right?"

"You callin' me a liar?" I allowed Applejack to say.

"No, I'm just simply stating that you're a hypocritical bitch." I retorted. "And judging by the way you just treated Twilight, I'd have to say that you completely prove my point."

"Hypocrisy, thy name is Applejack!" Jonathan blurted out.

Applejack then said to Andrew, "Come on Andrew, you're on my side, right?"

I was expecting him to kiss her ass again, but he surprisingly said, "Sorry Applejack, but I have to agree with them." She then had a "what the fuck" expression on her face. "But don't get me wrong, normally I would be on your side, but they just have a good point. You were being a bit of bitch to Twilight; and friends just don't do that to each other. Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy didn't treat Twilight like this when she messed up."

Applejack wasn't getting that last bit of information, so Jonathan decided to explain to her. "Yep Applejack, you weren't the first person Twilight had offered her service to. Only this morning we saw her trying to help Rarity build a bird's nest; she didn't do good, but Rarity didn't yell at her for it. Then after that, she tried to help Pinkie get rid of some ice; she might've screwed that up as well, but Pinkie never lost her temper with her. And then she went to help Fluttershy wake up some animals; now she really messed up on that, but did Fluttershy yell at her for it? No, she didn't! She knew that Twilight was only trying to help her friend, and she also knows that friends don't hurt each others feelings--even if they fuck up. You however don't seem to get it; and you don't get it because you're a horrible friend. And I think I speak for all of us when I say that I'm very disappointed in you."

And after that heartfelt lecture, what did Applejack have to say in response? "Sweet Celestia, I don't believe this. Y'all just gangin' up on me and actin' like Twilight's the victim. Well what about me and everypony else?! Look at all of this snow we have ta plow now! It's gonna take us hours!"

I couldn't believe that Applejack would be unremorseful for all of those terrible things she said to Twilight. So I told her unremorsefully, "Well, then I guess ya better get your little pony butt out of the snow and get back to work!" as me and the guys--including Spike--started to leave, I said under my breath, "lazy."

After hours of searching, we finally found Twilight hiding behind a bush. "A bush? Seriously?" I said. "I mean, I can expect this from Fluttershy, but not you."

"What do you want?" Twilight said in a depressed tone.

Jonathan then tried to lift her spirits, "Come on Twilight, don't be so upset. You tried your best."

"Don't even bother," Twilight rejected his comfort, "I'm just a winter mess up."

"Look Twilight," I butted in, "we all make mistakes once in awhile. You make mistakes, Spike makes mistakes, I make some mistakes, Jonathan make mistakes, Andrew makes a lot of mistakes."

"Now wait just a minute! I..." the second I took the electric razor, turned it on, and held it in front of his face, Andrew was like, "I...have nothing to say. Please, continue."

Jonathan then said to her, "Look Twilight, everybody makes a mistake once in awhile; they were just accidents waiting to happen. And you shouldn't let a little mistake get to you."

"A little mistake?" said Twilight. "You call an avalanche a little mistake?!"

"Well nobody's perfect," I told her. "Besides, I used to think that somebody of your high intelligence to be a snob. But after seeing you make all those little mistakes, you've shown me that you're not a snob. Because a snob would be perfect at everything, but you're not perfect at everything--which is a good thing."

Andrew then added, "Yeah, you're just humble, like Wilbur."

"And what's that suppose to mean?" Jonathan asked with a hint of anger.

"I'm just saying she's like Wilbur. You know, the pig from Charlotte's Web."

"You're saying she's a pig?! Is that what you're saying?!"

"No,no, I'm just saying that she's humble like him."

"You're saying, that she is like a humble pig?

"Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm saying."

"THAT'S IT!"

And that's when he started to beat the crap out of Andrew. While that was going on, I told Twilight, "Now Twilight, every cloud has a silver lining. You just got to find it."

Next thing you know, all the ponies started to argue with one another. Apparently, due to those little mistakes Twilight had made, everybody was falling behind. While they were arguing, I overheard the Mayor mention something about being organized. When she heard that, Twilight popped out of the bush and shouted, "Spike, get my checklist and clipboard, STAT!"

"Eh, yes ma'am." Spike obeyed.

Twilight then got everybody's attention and said, "Sorry, I know you want to complete your jobs on time, but arguing is noway to go about it. What you need is orginization, and I'm just the pony for the job."

Like I said earlier, every cloud has a silver lining. And Twilight just found hers. Jonathan was so proud to see her succeeding that he started to cry tears of joy. But since it was still winter, his tears had become frozen solid. He was like, "Ah shit, my tears have frozen!"

I then said to Spike, "Hey Spike, I think Jonathan could use a hand."

He knew just what I had in mind as he started to shout, "No, no, no!" Spike then breathed fire on him and it made the icy tears melt away.

Andrew then told him, "Holy crap, Jonathan, I think you just lost all of your facial hair."

"What?!" after touching his face, he then cried out, "SON OF A BITCH!" apparently dragon fire can shave off anything.

Anyway, with Twilight's great organizing skills, she was able to help everyone get rid of winter and make way for spring. The Mayor was so impressed with her skills, that she made her a vest of her own: All Team Organizer.

Then out of nowhere, Applejack said, "Spike's sure gonna be in fer a hog-sized surprise when that last piece of ice melts."

They all started to laugh, even though I wasn't getting what she was talking about. "What do ya mean?"

She then pointed at something, and that's when I realized that it was Spike. He was asleep, on a piece of ice, in the middle of a huge lake! I was starting to panic; I was like, "Well don't just stand there, do something! Isn't anyone going to save him?! Rainbow Dash, you have wings, go fly over there and bring Spike here! Twilight, use your magic to teleport him away from the lake! Come on, Spike's gonna drown if you don't do something!" but nobody did anything, they just stood there and wathced. I was then like, "Jesus fucking Christ, must I do everything by myself!" after taking out my cell phone and handing it to Andrew, I rushed into the water and caught Spike just before the ice had melted. The water might've been cold, but it was worth to save Spike.

He then woke up and said, "What happened?"

"I'll tell you what happened," I said, "you were this close to drowning, and nobody did anything to stop it!" I then turned to all the ponies and said, "What the Hell?! Spike was about to drown and you all just watched?!"

Applejack then said, "It was just a little joke."

"A joke?!" I cried. "You think death is a joke?! My God, what the fuck's wrong with you ponies?!" so yeah, not only are these ponies racist and hypocritical, but they're also homicidal as well--I'm learning so much about them. Anyway, I then told the ponies, "Next time, when something like this happens again, you do something! I mean, it's irresponsible crap like this that made Jason Voorhees a killer!"

Rainbow Dash then said, "Who's Jason Voorhees?"

"That's not the point," I stated, "The point is I can't do everything for your lazy asses!" after a brief moment of silence, I took a long look at the ponies and said, "You sicken me." Then as me and the guys were going back to the house, I coulda sworn that I head Rainbow Dash say, "Did he just call us lazy?"