After that little ticket fiasco, Spike had come over to tell us what happened afterwards. He told us that Twilight did in fact return the tickets to Celestia; but instead of shoving them up her ass, she instead decided to just give tickets to all of Twilight's friends--she even gave a ticket to Spike. When Spike had finished telling us this, he then took out three golden tickets and said, "Celestia wanted you three to have these."

When he handed us the tickets, Andrew was like, "Wait, so Celestia wants us to come to that fancy ball?"

"Yeah," said Spike, "those tickets are pretty much your invitations to the Grand Galloping Gala. You guys are coming, right?"

Jonathan said, "Well if the princess bothered to give us these tickets, I guess we ought to go. Right, guys?"

Andrew then said, "Yeah, I'll go to this little shindig." But I just laid my ticket on the table and said, "Sorry Spike, but I'm gonna have to say no."

"Why?" asked Spike, with sadness in his voice.

"Well for starters fancy partys mean fancy clothing, and I for one like to stick to comfortable clothing. Also, there's a possibility that Celestia just wants me to come so she can strike me in the ass with lightning again."

"Dude, didn't you get back at her for doing that?" Andrew pointed out.

"Yes," I didn't deny, "but that doesn't mean that she's not planning on getting back at me."

"Come on, Jeffrie," Spike pleaded. "Please come as well; I don't want to be the only guy in a group of girls."

"You won't be," I told him. "You'll have Jonathan and Andrew to keep you company."

"Great, just what I need: the snuggle duo."

"What did you call us, dipshit?!" cried Jonathan.

As he rosed up, I grabbed him by the shoulder and sat him back down as I whispered to him, "Jonathan, unless you want to live the rest of your life in a full body cast, you better leave Spike alone." The ground then suddenly started to shake again. Oh God, I thought to myself, this better not be another ticket frenzy! But as I was thinking this, the shaking immediately stopped.

Andrew said, "Wow, that was awfully short compared to yesterday."

"Yeah," Spike agreed. "Well, see ya, guys. Twilight will probably be needing me to help her with something, as always."

After Spike had left, Jonathan said, "Shouldn't we go out and see what all the commotion is all about?" I simply said to him, "Nah, that can wait till tomorrow." And with that said, I went to my room and spend the rest of that day surfing the net.

The next day, me and the guys were just taking a short walk through Ponyville, and that's when we noticed a huge crowd of ponies gathering at town hall. I noticed that Vinyl Scratch was amongst the crowd, so I walked up to her and said, "Hey, what's everybody gathering around here for?"

She then said to me, "Oh, we're all here to see Applejack get her award."

Andrew then said, "What did she do to get an award?"

And then she told him, "OK, get this, yesterday there was like this cow stampede, and then Applejack comes in and stops them!"

Well, I thought to myself, at least we know what that shaking was all about. Anyway, me and the guys were at the far end of the crowd, but thanks to Twilight's lazer eye surgery, we can now see things a hundred percent more clearly than before. Twilight was on a podium giving a speech, but Rainbow Dash interrupted her at the last minute. After that, Twilight tries to continue her speech, but then she gets interrupted by Pinkie Pie. Twilight--yet again--tries to continue her speech, only to be interrupted by Fluttershy. And right when Twilight was finally going to continue her speech, she notices the Mayor standing right beside her; Twilight then just raged quit and got off the podium. Me and the guys laughed a bit and we each thought to ourselves, poor Twilight.

After the Mayor gave a long, boring speech, which would've made Twilight's speech much better by comparison, she presented a big, shiny trophy, and then everybody was waiting for Applejack to come get it. When Applejack finally came to get her trophy, she was acting very weird; She stepped on somebody's tail, she was dropping apples, and when she saw the trophy, she actually called it an "award thingy"

Andrew was like, "Did she just call it an 'award thingy'?"

And I was like, "Yep, apparently the cowgirl that you got the hots for has never heard of the term 'trophy' before."

Oh, and get this, she and Pinkie Pie then looked at eachothers' reflections and they started to make goofy faces and were saying weird, fucked-up shit like, "Ooo-ooo." Then when Applejack finally took the trophy with her, Andrew said, "What's up with her?"

"I don't know," said Jonathan, "maybe she and Pinkie Pie had marijuana brownies." We then started to laugh at the thought of them doing drugs. I mean could you just imagine a pony doing drugs? HA, HA, HA! I know, right?!

Anyway, let's skip on ahead to three days later.

Today seemed to be calm and peaceful; that is until the ground started to shake again! I figured that this one would be as short as the last, but this one however didn't seem to stop. I went out to see what could be causing this stampede, and then I let out a sigh of relief to see that it was only a stampede of rabbits.

After that little rabbit stampede, me and the guys decided to walk a bit--since we've been staying in the house for the past three days. As we were walking along, we each saw Twilight and we decided to go join her.

"Hey Twilight," Jonathan greeted her. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to see Applejack," said Twilight.

Andrew's interest immediately skyrocketed. "What's wrong with her? Does she need help?"

"You bet she does," said Twilight. "She's the whole reason why this stampede started!"

"She started the stampede?!" cried Jonathan.

"Yes, and that's not all; just two days ago she catapulted Rainbow Dash into my house."

"What?!" I cried. "You mean to say that something funny happened to Rainbow Dash and you didn't bother telling me?! Aw man, I would've been laughing my ass off so hard just to see something like this happening to her!"

Twilight looked at me all shocked like and said, "Anyway...she also made these muffins that gave everypony stomach aches."

"And when did that happen?" asked Jonathan.

"Yesterday."

"Why would Applejack be doing all of this?" asked Andrew anxiously.

"Because she's been up all night bucking apple trees."

"Is that why she was acting so weird when she got that trophy?" I wondered.

"Exactly."

"Phew," Jonathan released his breath, "for a second there I thought she was high."

"Why would she be high?" asked Twilight. "She's an earth pony."

"No, no, no," said Jonathan, "I meant high as in on drugs."

"What are drugs?"

"I'll explain it to you later. But right now, we should focus on helping Applejack."

"Yes, we do need to help her!" Twilight agreed. "But every time I offer my assistance to her, she just says 'NO'!"

"Then maybe you shouldn't be taking no for an answer," I suggested.

"You mean just help her without permission?" asked Twilight.

"Hell yeah I mean 'without permission'. I mean, there's no law that says that we can't do things without permission."

"Actually..." OK, the rest of this conversation is just long filler of Twilight explaining the laws in Equestria. So I'll do you a favor and just skip straight to when we arrived at Sweet Apple Acres.

When we finally came to Sweet Apple Acres, we found Applejack snoozing underneath the shade of an apple tree. "Applejack, wake up!" cried Twilight. When Applejack had woken up in a daze, Twilight told her, "Now look, Applejack, I know you don't want help, but you need help!"

"I told ya before," said Applejack in a groggy manner, "and I'll tell ya again. I...DON'T...WANT...HELP!"

"Yes," said Jonathan, "but be that as it may, you're going to need help."

"I don't need help, either!"

"Come on, Applejack," said Andrew. "We're your friends; and friends help eachother all the time. So why don't you just give us a chance?"

"I said no!"

"Well too fucking bad!" I cried. "You need help! Because one: you catapulted Rainbow Dash into Twilight's house--despite how hilarious that might've been. Two: you made muffins that gave everybody stomach aches; and they're probably all puking in buckets right about now; buckets, Applejack, BUCKETS! And three: you just caused a rabbit stampede today--I still don't know how it was possible, but you did it. So the long and short of it is you need help!"

"No I don't!" Applejack protested. "I don't need anyponys' help!"

"Well that little 'no means no' bullshit may work on these pansies," I said, "but it won't work on me! I'm going to help you whether you like it or not!"

"You wouldn't dare!" Applejack challenged me.

"Oh yeah, just watch me."

I then walked up to an apple tree and I spread my hand out. "Don't you dare grab that there apple!" Applejack barked. I then grabbed the apple. "Jeffrie, don't you dare pick it!"

"Well you better come stop me, Applejack," I said teasingly, "I think my hand is slipping."

I then began to slowly pick the apple with only about half of my strength. Applejack was then pleading in a high-pitched voice, "No, Jeffrie, you can't!" and then I picked the apple.

I was like, "Oh look at that, I just picked one of your apples. And now I'm gonna drop it into this here barrel."

I then held the apple over the barrel (preparing to drop it in). Applejack then said, "No, not that!"

I then commenced to dropping this thing, Tweety Bird style. "This little piddy went to market."

"No!"

"This little piddy stayed home."

"Please!"

"This little piddy had roast beef."

"Don't!"

"And this little pidy had..." after I lifted my other finger, the apple had fallen right into the barrel. I then said, "Oh what do ya know, ran out of piddies." As Applejack just stood there in a stunned manner, I said, "Now I'm gonna pick this one. And this one. And this, and this, and this, and this..."

As I was just picking away, Applejack collapsed to the ground and said, "I give up, go ahead and help me!"

I stopped and said, "Say what now?"

"I need your help," Applejack confessed. "I bet Big Mac that I could harvest all these apples on my own, but I was wrong; please help me."

"I'm sorry, could you repeat that? I didn't quite catch that."

"Please help me."

"A little louder."

"PLEASE HELP ME!"

With that said I patted her on the shoulder and said, "That'll do, Applejack. That'll do." I heard her the first time, I was just milking it in. As Twilight was taking Applejack back to her house to rest, Andrew said to me, "Gees Jeffrie, did you really have go that hard on her?"

To this I said, "Well, maybe if you had grown a pair of balls and stopped being so damn soft on her, then I wouldn't have to be so hard on her, would I?"

A few hours later, after me, the guys, and all of Applejack's friends came and helped her harvest the apple trees, she thanked us by giving us apple juice--but I didn't drink it because I just don't like apple juice. Spike then came with a plate full of muffins; Pinkie Pie said, "Eeew...Spike, I threw those all away. Where did you get them?"

Then Spike said, "From the trash."

Then the ponies were like, "EW!" while me and the guys were just laughing away.

Rarity was like, "That's not funny, that's gross!"

"He's a boy," I said, "boys do plenty of gross things. That's why we're called boys and not girls."

Jonathan then asked Pinkie, "Also, why would you throw these muffins away?"

Then she told him, "Because those are the same muffins that gave everypony those stomach aches."

Andrew then said, "If those are the muffins that Applejack made, then how come Spike isn't sick?"

"I'm a dragon," Spike clarified, "I can eat anything--including gems." He then extended his plate and said, "Want one?"

These muffins might give us stomach aches, but if it grosses those ponies out, then we were willing to take that risk. So as me and the guys grabbed a muffin, we made each of the ponies watch as we stuffed our faces with garbage infected muffins. This grossed them out of course, but that is the typical reaction that a girl gets from seeing a guy be a guy. And it would seem that we each did the most badass thing ever--but in a few minutes, we were probably going to regret that.