Et vidi, et ecce: equa albus, et qui sedebat super illium habebat arcum, et data est ei corona, et exivit vincens, ut vinceret. Equa clamavit, 'Ad hoc signo vinces!'

//I lift my head up and look at the sword. Did it just...?
PH: 'Swings, Reality itself...
//Yep. Wasn't just me; that sword just talked.
//Twilight looks on with disinterest.
Reality: Also here to be the gladius ex machina that brings you a totally contrived victory, but who are you to argue?
//Reality... the famous sword of Bucket James, lost five hundred years ago, said to protect its bearer from magical harm. Exactly the type of weapon I could use against Twilight!
PH: This is _so_ bullshit.
//Earthmold crawls up my tail and holds me still from the waist down. If I weren't already paralyzed...
PH: Who'd have thought mythology would be the clue we never considered to find Reality's location?
//You mean... who'd have thought ancient history would be the key to understand ancient history?
Reality: Hey Hero, aren't you supposed to be doing something? 'Cause I am shiny and all, but that only counts for so much.
Spike: Uh... feels kind of rude to just, I don't know, grab you.
Reality: I'm a sword. What am I going to do if I'm not used in the way I like? Walk away?
//...At least it has a sense of humor.

The Drakeling grabs Reality by the handle with his right hand!
The Drakeling slashes the Earthmold in the marble with Reality, but the sword bounces off! The spell effect ends!
//The Earthmold stops creeping over me. I hear Twilight sniff suddenly, halfway up the stairs.
T: Hmm, so it is Reality. I was wondering where Celestia put it.
//MY SUGGESTIONS FELL ON DEAF EARS
T: She must have kept it where she could keep an eye on it.
Reality: (Funny story about that; remind me to tell you later.)
//O...kay?
Reality: (But for now, there's a big dramatic fight to the death with your best friend to get back to?)
//...How?
Spike: (I'm kind of stuck. This is my only working limb and I'm half glued by marble.)
PH: Frankly, I'm surprised it exists... do you know what this means about infothaumics?
T: Yes, Hazel, we'll figure it out later. But for now--
Reality: (Those are oats behind the throne. At least I think they are; can't say for sure; no eyes. All I know is, you can turn to lava and James fought on his stomach.)
Spike: (Do you think we can reach?)
PH: Electrothaumic symmetry? Thaumodynamic analysis and the monopole hypothesis will--
T: Yes! I know, Hazel! This is a radical shift in ponykind's understanding of magic, now let's--
//I reach for the box of oats with Reality's pommel. Almost there, almost...
PH: I don't think you're taking this seriously, Twilight! This is award-winning stuff, a whole new field! Is Reality a method used within magic to blanket suppress other effects, or an opposite like--
T: Hazel!! _Not_ the _time_!
//Success!
//I pull the box towards me and scarf down as many oats as I can, scooping them up in an overly long tongue. Barely enough, but it will do!

The Drakeling draws power from within himself, and casts Blood of the Earth!
//Arm recovering... spine transmitting... limb use plural... I'm back in the game, baby!
The Drakeling's wounds have healed!
The Drakeling stands up.
//I stand up through the marble, breaking and melting it!
Spike: (You're not hurt by this?)
Reality: (Are you kidding? Tungsten boils before I put the AC on.)

Twilight speaks a word of power, forming symbols in the air! Twilight casts Heat Sink!
//The air around the throne plummets in temperature, freezing the tapestries next to me solid and causing a slight draft... but I don't feel it.
Reality: Yeah, I'm a bitch, huh?
//The words vibrate up my arm as the sword speaks. Twilight narrows her eyes at me.
Reality: Continuing magical effects won't hurt you as long as you hold me or touch me in some way. Which sounds weird. I should reword that.
The Drakeling's Blood of the Earth ends.
Twilight points at The Drakeling! Twilight casts Teleport!
Reality: Dodge this dodge this--
The Drakeling leaps away from the flying beam!
//The beam strikes a tapestry where I just stood, and it disappears completely!
Spike: Where did you send that?
//Twilight doesn't respond.
Reality: Instant magic like Teleport still works, though if I touch something that holds magic it's all drained away.
//I see... a plan starts to form in my head.
Reality: So it's kind of like tag! Sometimes I'm home base, sometimes you get tagged, and sometimes you tag others! Except with blood! Yaaaaay, blood!

Twilight points at The Drakeling and casts a spell! Twilight casts Helium Flash!
//Here goes nothing!
//As the beam approaches where I stand, I slash at it with Reality!
The Drakeling slaps the flying beam with Reality! The spell effect ends!
Reality: (Wow, that's a new one. Spicy!)
The beam expands! The *gold throne* is caught in the spell! The marble is caught in the spell! The marble has been melted, deforming its shape! The *gold throne* has been melted, deforming its shape!
The Drakeling's right hand is caught in the spell! The Drakeling's right hand has been singed!
PH: Watch it! That's the best seat in the house!
//I take a few steps away from the throne.
Reality: (Who's she? I like her style.)
Spike: I thought you said magic wouldn't effect me!
Reality: I can't stop it from doing things to things that aren't you! That spell heats up the air! By the way, avoid fast heavy objects.
//Huh?

The Drakeling dodges away from the flying +marble block+!
The flying +marble block+ collides with an obstacle and is blown apart!
//It turns to dust against the back wall!
Twilight points at The Drakeling and casts a spell! Twilight casts Helium Flash!
//Let's do it right this time!
The Drakeling slaps the flying beam with Reality! The spell effect ends!
The Drakeling leaps away from the beam!
The beam expands! The marble is caught in the spell! The marble has been melted, deforming its shape!
//Behind me, the two tapestries left catch fire (obviously no longer frozen solid) at once. The red carpet leading to the throne in front of Twilight starts to smolder.
PH: It's, hoo, a little hot in here. Anypony mind if I open a window?
Spike: Give up before I kill you!
T: Just roll over and die!
PH: That's a no, then, right? I'm going to open a window.

The Drakeling charges at Twilight!
Twilight speaks a word of power, forming symbols in the air! Her horn glows brighter! Twilight casts Flashbang!
//Ready for it, I close and cover my eyes before the flash of light. No apologies to my hearing, but in another second I can see again.
//Reality makes a quip but I can't hear it.
Twilight points at The Drakeling and starts to cast a spell! Twilight casts Airshock!
Twilight points at The Drakeling and casts Airshock!
//Two bursts of air cause me to tumble, below my foot and aimed at my sword hand, but I hold on, roll down a few stairs, and stand up!
Twilight speaks a word of power, forming symbols in the air!
The Drakeling breathes fire!
Twilight kicks at The Drakeling with her Kick of Justice, but The Drakeling dodges away!
The Drakeling counterattacks!
Twilight casts Teleport!
//Twilight re-appears next to the throne room doors, and starts trying to fumble them open.
\\See, told you those things weren't pony-friendly.
//Maybe... if I use the one move I haven't yet used, this fight will be over... I saw Belladonna use it and if it does what I think it does, with Reality it'll work...

The Drakeling slashes Twilight in the left rear leg with his Scythereach from a distance, tearing apart the skin, tearing apart the muscle and chipping the bone!
A major artery in the left rear leg has been opened by the attack, and a tendon has been severed!
Reality absorbs the magic of Twilight!
//_What_?!
//SWORD. FUCKING HELLO.
//I meant to slap with it!
Twilight collapses from the pain!

//My hearing comes back as Reality giggles.
Reality: Oh, it's blood! Hi again! I haven't seen you in such a long time I thought you forgot about me! But now we're together again! Yaaaaay!

Twilight Sparkle was defeated!
Spike earned 32768 experience points!
Spike is now level 43!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

//Twilight props herself against the throne room doors, blood spattered against it and her fur. The red carpet beneath her has a darker, growing pool.
T: This... I agree, so bullshit.
//Hazel casts a spell that puts out the flames on the wall tapestries. More art destroyed, must not be culture's lucky day...
PH: Right?
T: But however it happened... you won. Congratulations, Spike. You're the new Princess.
Reality: He might lack a few of the requirements for that.
//She's bleeding out fast. Her eyes focus on me, unwavering.
T: You've earned it. You've... beaten every challenge I or the world could throw at you.
//Rarity said tests are meaningless, that the full execution of my duty could never be prepared. That's what being a Hero is; taking on situations no one can prepare you for. Like this...
T: I have... one last request. If you were truly my friend, all along.
Spike: What?
T: Don't... don't hurt Hazel. She's a good filly, who tried her very best. Even if she was mixed in with the wrong sorts of people.
Spike: You're not the wrong sorts of people, Twilight, Equestria can't survive without you--
T: No... you're the ruler of Equestria now. And I know you'll do just fine. You did... what you had to do. What is going to be best for us all. What... Celestia wanted.
//Twilight closes her eyes, and leans her head against the doorway, strength fading.
T: Now go on... finish it. Don't make me suffer. Despite all my mistakes, and failures, I... I hope to have earned at least that much.

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

>>END HER PAIN, AND BEGIN YOUR RULE.
>>LET HER SUFFER. LAUGH.

//What sadist wrote these options? I don't really have to choose from that, do I?
//Quine: You can always do more than you think.
//Oh, hey, there's a button in the corner here, what does that--

Spike cuffs Twilight on the ear with his left hand!
Spike: You are the biggest _idiot_ of any smart person I have ever known!!

\\Oh. That's what that does. Wonder what happens if you click it again...

//I turn around and look at Princess Hazel, standing next to an open window through which songbirds croon. She raises her eyebrows and motions for me to say something.
Spike: Do you have a gold potion of healing in that supply room?
//Pondering for a moment, Hazel sticks out her tongue.
PH: I -- yes, let me find it.
//She walks into the storage room and sets a light, searching. I turn back to Twilight.
T: ...I... don't understand...
Spike: Shut up. You're weak and also I don't want to hear you right now.
//Despite me admonishing her, Twilight lets out one more word, fully against the floor:
T: Celestia...
//The morning sun shines through the window Hazel opened, directly on Twilight. Unbloodied hair covers everything but her eyes, squinting past me into the brightness.
Spike: It's not the world I'm fighting for if my friends have to die for it. _No one_ should have to die for the world I want, but when they do, I have a solemn responsibility to make sure it's for the best, and that there's no other way.
Spike: Twilight -- you're not only an objectively better leader, thinker, organizer, and fighter than me, but the hardest worker I know. The example you show to everyone under you is invaluable; you're an inspiration to all your friends. Hazel, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, myself and even if she won't admit it Rarity don't want to see you hurt.
Spike: You're the best thing that happened to us as a group, and Equestria in whole. Who cares if you've made mistakes! Everyone messes up; the fact that yours had large consequences is because your _responsibilities_ are huge! Not your mistakes! Why would you have to die for it?! The past is a lesson, not a duty!
//A scared gasp, and the sudden sound of thick glass bouncing on marble as Hazel drops her potion. Behind me, the Princess of Equestria sputters and then blurts:
PH: How long have you been standing there?!

Celestia speaks a word of power, casting a spell! The *gold throne* is mended!
//The goddess smiles in her eyes, as the morning sun rises.
Celestia: Please, don't mind me. I'm just the handymare.
//...What. What is going on. Celestia is here, great feathery wings of pure white extended higher than the throne itself, majestic horn and simple adornments framing the horse in the flesh, mane waving on ether like it is more real than the air around it. Celestia has come back. Celestia is manifest.
C: You were going to give Twilight the potion to save her life, it seems. I would expect nothing less out of dedicated friends such as yourselves. Be quick about it; she is still bleeding.
//Hazel hastily dons the Equestrian crown and gallops over to Twilight and I. Together, we manage to put enough of it in her mouth to stop the bleeding, but... Twilight still lays where she is, unresponsive, staring directly at Celestia.
PH: I'll, uh... I'll call for the cleaners. That's a lot of blood.
C: In the meantime, Hero, you should gather your friends from the great hall, and bring them here.
Spike: ...Why?
//Staring down at me from next to the mended throne over broken stairs, Celestia allows the smile in her eyes to creep a little into her lips.
C: The holders of the Elements of Harmony should see how it is truly brought.

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

//The Avatars sit around a circular table in the Castle Canterlot great hall. They are playing a card game. A plate of sandwiches, cut in triangles, lies half-eaten next to them. The mood in the room is of tiredness.
//In a small voice, Fluttershy says:
Fluttershy: I fold.
Rarity: ...Fluttershy, if you keep folding every turn you can't possibly win anything.
//Pinkie Pie holds her cards out in front of her, looking goofy.
PP: Does anyone have any aces?
//Rainbow Dash groans and folds.
//I cough, drawing their attention. Reality is still in my hand (I don't have a sheath for it). (Well, not one I want to put it in.)
AJ: Howdy, Spike.
Spike: Hey all.
PP: (Is that blood?)
//Rainbow Dash visibly stops herself from picking at the wound dressing across her chest. The fur is still burnt -- the edges of what hasn't been shaven for the gauze, that is.
RBD: What's with the sword?
//Reality is silent. I'm not sure how to explain it myself, either, so...
Spike: Heck if I know. Are you all busy?
AJ: Only busy losin' money, so, reckon not that busy. What's up?
R: Was Twilight not there? Even so, I'd imagine a serious talk with Princess Hazel about the concerns you have with Equestria should take longer than that. Is something wrong?
//...I don't know the answer to that.
Spike: Well, uh, two things.
PP: Oooh, boy, are we playing charades? I love this game!
FS: I don't think we're playing charades, Pinkie.
Spike: One... with my authority as Hero of the Land I am totally commandeering the rest of that sandwich platter, so hand it over.
//Rainbow Dash tosses it to me with her teeth and I wolf down a slice. Egg salad; not that bad.
AJ: Huh-huh, and two?
//I swallow.
Spike: Two: after I almost murdered Twilight, Celestia appeared in the throne room and wants you all to come in and hear what she has to say.
//Baffled looks are shared by the Avatars, none of them saying anything. Then, they all rush past me in a hurry, heading for the throne room.
Reality: ...Hey, Spike. Remember that funny story I told you to remind me to tell you?
//It's hard to hold Reality, my sandwich, and the platter all at once. So I shove the sandwich in my mouth. Problem solved.
Spike: ...Mmmph?
Reality: The punchline is, Celestia never knew I was there over the entire five hundred years. I'm not sure if she was looking during any of the fight, but... on the off chance she wasn't, I'd like to play it safe. Don't mention me to her.
//Okay, sounds easy enough. I'd like to know why, but that can come later. Sandwich now.
Reality: And whatever you do, whatever happens in that throne room, you must remember one very important thing: under absolutely no circumstances are you to let me go. Understand? _Do not let me go_.
Spike: Phmm-phmm.
Reality: I'll, uh... I'll take that as a yes.

//I re-enter the throne room. The Avatars assemble, shoulder to shoulder, a few steps away from the first stair. They face Celestia, who is spreading her wings wide, standing at the top of the stairs in front of the throne. Twilight stands next to one of the windows... at least she's standing. Staring off into nothing like that doesn't seem good, though...
//Hazel meets me by the doors.
Princess Hazel: I stood Twilight up; she's catatonic but I think she'll be fine. We're all following your lead here, Hero. Whatever happens, I trust you.
Spike: ...Okay.
//We walk towards the throne, Hazel with crown high and folded wings. I grip Reality tight and try not to draw attention.
Celestia: ...Ah, my little ponies. By my wings, it is wonderful to see you again.
//At the sound of her voice, Applejack and Fluttershy bow, Pinkie Pie salutes goofily, Rainbow Dash stretches her wings. Twilight is still standing motionless. Rarity... is just calm.
//Celestia turns to the first Avatar and smiles, a wide crack of sunlight over the horizon.
C: My dear Fluttershy. It's been a long time since we last spoke. Do you still care for the well-being of all creatures, as you once did?
Fluttershy: Why, yes...
//Fluttershy hides her face behind her bangs. Even the audience of just this room is too much for her.
\\Then again, Celestia is intimidating.
C: I hear you tend to a glade within Everfree Forest. I care too for the strength of my lands.
//Celestia nods and closes her eyes. Is that how a goddess bows? The barest of gestures; being able to move Celestia such a small amount deserves titanic respect?
//She turns to the next Avatar, who is bouncing from hoof to hoof.
C: Pinkie Pie, how marvelous to see you in fine spirits. You turned your love of celebration into an art form, from what I gather.
Pinkie Pie: Don't you know it! Come down to Mountainville sometime, Princess Celestia! We've got candy and cake and balloons and streamers and games and fireworks and prostit--
C: I'll be sure to.
//Hmm... so Celestia knows a little bit about what happened after she left. Did she see Reality? What about everything else?
//The goddess moves on, and her tone grows more formal.
C: General Applejack.
//Without hesitation, the Avatar of Strength stands at attention.
Applejack: Ma'am!
C: ...Your devotion to your kin is strong, as strong as the day you sold Sweet Apple Acres and joined the Cavalry. I mean no insult when I say I hope your new career becomes unnecessary, and you can return to them.
AJ: ...Thank you ma'am.
//Celestia raises an eyebrow, amused at Rainbow Dash's inability to keep her wings closed.
C: The famous Rainbow Dash. Almost two years and your records remain.
Rainbow Dash: ...There's more to life than flying.
C: So I hear. Equally important is the willingness to teach others to fly.
//After meeting Rarity's eyes, Celestia pauses, looking her over. Then, the goddess bows her head deeply, corona on display.
C: ...Gallant Rarity. It is true--
Rarity: Go and skip me, please; very little has been done on my account.
C: It seems you sell both yourself and the artifacts you create short.
R: Hubris is a dress ill-fitting.
C: Humility doubly so, for one as skilled as you. Your designs belong to the world, not a dark closet in a highest tower.
//A moment passes, then Rarity nods her head proudly. Celestia turns a little more.
//She passes over me, pauses for a second... and smiles. Her eyes never even touched Reality.
C: This is a new face which falls before my eyes. My little pony, what is your name?
//Hazel responds in a frank tone:
PH: I am Hazel, the Princess of Equestria.
C: Ah, the spirit of youth! Keep your vigor, girl, Equestria will find a use for it in the time to come. But be mindful that of your two predecessors in this room, I was not the one to make you my heir.
//Softening eyes fall on Twilight, far away in the back of the room, mouth slightly ajar and staring deep beyond the marble.
C: Dear Twilight, my faithful student...
//An unconscious movement of her face causes Twilight to utter:
Twilight: Luh...
C: ...Too much has been done on your account for me to even say. But, for everything, you have done well.
//Celestia turns and looks me in the eye. The world grows a little brighter.
C: And, finally, the Hero Spike... I have watched you closely over your journey, since my absence. This I am sure you know.
//I lean my head forward a little. Why isn't the dragon instinct saying something? He should be throwing a tantrum right now, if I know him...
C: From a house husband to a Hero belonging to legend, in the span of not a dozen weeks. Impressive, to say the least.
//If only we could make that a program and sell it.
Spike: Why are you here?
//I mean, if no one's going to take initiative, I may as well start.
//Celestia stops her talk and gestures for me to continue.
Spike: Why have you come back? I didn't do what you asked.
C: But you have done what I had hoped.
//Huh?
Spike: You asked me at the beginning of my quest to kill the false Princess. I didn't.
C: That is correct. I asked you to defeat one of Equestria's most powerful and most influential statesmares. And you have not. For that, I am glad.
//So... Celestia told me to do something in the hopes that I wouldn't?
C: You have shown a discerning mind throughout your journey, and it has not failed you here. The words of a goddess were not enough to sway you into doing something you truly thought was wrong. Courage and strength like that are very rare these days.
Spike: ...So you lied to me. Hazel and Twilight weren't the problem with Equestria. Why lie to me, as a test?
//R: Tests are meaningless. You can either succeed at the tasks needed of you, Hero, or you can fail. If a test could find that out you would not _be_ a Hero.
C: There are different positions in the world for those who follow orders, and those who follow ideals. Now that I know you are capable, I will fully entrust you with a task that will determine the safety of Equestria for decades to come.
Spike: ...I still feel that could have happened without the deception.
\\Spike: Was she honest?
\\Twilight: Not as much as I would have liked.
//Celestia pauses, and says in a lower tone:
C: Some people have to lie for the good of the world.
AJ: (...That doesn't mean we have to like it.)
//Good, I'm not the only one confused by this.
C: Your goal led you to grow in physical and mental strength. It led you to fight the Avatars and your very friends, and you showed the blood of the covenant thinner than the wax of the seal.
//Pinkie Pie notices Fluttershy's confusion, and sticks a hoof straight up. Celestia stops and looks at them.
PP: Could you explain that? We don't get it.
FS: (I'm s-sorry...)
C: ...Spike's friendship did not overpower his sense of right and wrong.
//I'm glad she explained that, because the metaphor was kind of obtuse...
C: You searched for faults in a society that needed fixing. And, in my eyes, you have fixed them, in your own way. With your ability and prowess, a new journey can begin.
RBD: What's that?
//She's so blunt! Not that I wasn't wondering the same thing.
//Celestia spreads her wings and raises her head, framing the throne behind her. The rising sun illuminates her from the side window, casting shadows over one half.
C: I wish to re-take the throne of Equestria.
//Everyone steps back a little, as the sudden revelation hits us. Even though, thinking about it, it is kind of obvious...
AJ: Pardon?
C: I understand I have no justified claim to the throne ever since my departure. The decision to be made lies with you, and you alone. But I would like to explain why I am asking this of you.
//Yeah, so would I.
PH: O...kay, right. Explain then.
C: Princess Hazel, your duties are to represent the Crown and government to ponies inside and outside of Equestria. After her funeral, the Princess Twilight Sparkle became the organizer of Equestria, handing down law and policy direction for the betterment and protection of all of Equestria. These tasks have been done admirably, for the circumstances which required them.
AJ: I see. Y'all, on the other hoof, have a thousand years' experience of doin' that, Princess Celestia.
//Hazel mutters to no one:
PH: (She's not the Princess yet.)
//Celestia smiles, as if rewarding Applejack's cleverness.
C: Very good. Leading Equestria from the front, creating a path for our people to follow, and lighting a beacon to call them; these are things a true Princess must do. It is not enough in this world to pass law and fight battles. What is necessary is... inspiration.
//Hmm... Hazel's inability to bring people together in a spirit of unity did let a lot of interspecies tension continue between dragons and ponies. And buffalo. And water kelpies, but honestly, screw water kelpies.
\\T: (Tack 'true' on anything and you get to redefine it, it seems.)
C: We are not in a grim position as I return to you. The newly-appointed Hero of the Land has prevented many dangers by his own power. You, Avatars and keepers of the Elements of Harmony, have suffered much adversity. But this has made you stronger. With the wisdom, the personal strength, and the perspective gained by Twilight Sparkle, Equestria will become a land of glory never before seen in this world, where all peoples are granted my protection.
//A long silence, as each person figures out what this means for them and Equestria. Whether we want to or not, no one can deny her words... her works back them up.
PH: ...And what will happen to me?
C: ...Whatever we wish.
//Huh?
C: We have among us now the power to tell any story we wish. It may ease the passing of the crown if you and I were to engage in a climactic duel, for example. The specifics can be shaped to evoke the response we desire.
//As the words settle in, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity gather in a small group. They start to brainstorm ideas about the hypothetical duel. I hear a lot of wooshing noises and explosions.
PH: ...Well, damn. I wasn't expecting this, of all things. Then again, maybe now I'll finally have a chance to work on the thaumic autodynamics bit Twilight asked for...
//She hangs her head, obviously disappointed. I'd imagine losing the Crown of Equestria would be a difficult thing to go through for any pony, although a fake duel is much more pleasant than the way those things are usually lost...
//I glance over at Applejack and Fluttershy. Fluttershy is physically near but not participating in the choreography planning. Applejack meets my eyes, for a millionth of a second, an urging somewhere inside them. She then walks over and listens to the circular conversation.
//It's enough to make one of the Elements on my chest grow hotter. The wheels turn, and I'm forced to ask:
Spike: Why do we have to lie to them? Why can't we just tell the truth?
//Celestia turns back to me. The side conversation stops dead as the Avatars turn to look.
C: What truth would you have them hear?
Spike: _The_ truth; there's only one truth. No tricks of wording or omission. We figure out what we're going to do and then tell them.
//Celestia pauses for a moment, turning her head slightly to say:
C: The people more easily believe a story than they do a truth.
Spike: What they believe isn't as important as what we say.
R: Hero, this is Celestia's modus operandi. The use of temporary deception to bring a greater good for all is a near-universal mentor trope.
Spike: The most solid strategies don't depend on deception.
//...Why isn't the dragon instinct responding? He should have so much to say, but I feel nothing...
FS: Spike, we can't tell the truth because... well, the truth...
Spike: Would be 'Celestia appeared in front of us and said she wants the throne back, so we gave it to her without question or second thought.'
R: It's hard to see how that wouldn't be a public relations nightmare.
Spike: The truth doesn't sound good so we made something up to feel better about ourselves for what we've decided? That doesn't sound a little irresponsible to anyone?
//A long silence follows for everyone in the room. It's like they're slowly realizing how much they assumed Celestia would be given the throne back.
Spike: I mean, sure, people will ask questions. Because that's what people do, they search for the truth and more of it. But if we have to lie to them, doesn't that mean the truth is bad? If the truth is good, all we have to do is make them understand that.
R: How many people do you know, Hero, that would rather embrace a hard truth than a comforting lie?
//I ball my empty hand into a fist. They're not getting it!
Spike: At least one: _me_. Applejack, you're the Avatar of Honesty itself. How are you okay with this?
//Faces turn towards Applejack. Sheepishly, she withdraws a little.
AJ: Honesty's the best policy a great deal of the time, Spike... but one little white lie, for the happiness of thousands of ponies across Equestria... I'm thinkin' that's a hard bargain to pass up.
Spike: (Seriously? Am I the only one here who has more questions about this whole damn thing?)
PH: (It's... she's Celestia, returned to take the throne again. What's there to question?)
//I turn to Celestia and demand:
Spike: Celestia! Why did you appear after I almost killed Twilight, instead of before to stop me from hurting her?
//In an understanding voice, the goddess responds:
C: I would have prevented you from doing so. But it would not have been a positive mark for your character, so I am glad you chose as you did.
Spike: Then why did you let me make all the mistakes I did along my journey? Innocents died because of me!
C: When I was watching, your failures have made you stronger. There was no way I could save those lives without endangering the many more lives you were one day meant to save. And, though I am a goddess, my attention is not infinite. There are others to consider beyond you.
FS: Spike, please be considerate; the Princess is being very patient with you and there's no need to yell--
Spike: Were you paying attention when I lost my memories?
//She appeared to greet the new me into this world. Maybe she knows how the amnesia happened, or what that flash of light was.
C: ...I was not. Where I was, I had much time to understand your situation afterward. I want to apologize for telling you once that with the full resources of Canterlot Castle your full memories could be restored. As I understand now, it is impossible.
//Impossible... impossible. Damnit. Another lie from the start.
\\Where she was, she had time... so, what, another plane of existence?
Spike: Where were you, then?
//Celestia pauses. It seems like she didn't expect this question.
C: Not a place you would know of.
Spike: What's the task I have to do for Equestria's safety for decades? What are you planning for me?
AJ: ...Spike, you beat the tar out of things better than anypony on record. I reckon it has to do with you beatin' the tar out of more things.
//Celestia pauses, not denying Applejack's words.
C: As Hero of the Land, you are the the ultimate enforcer for the Crown to ensure the safety of Equestrian citizens. To complete this duty in a discreet manner, you must remain a drakeling. With magic, this will not be an issue.
//ST: Quine was not k-kept as a drakeling by magic for the greater p-p-part of a millennium. Damn aristoc-cratic y--y-- ... snot-nosed bastards.
Spike: ...You don't want me to become a full dragon?
C: The power you've shown has not been due to your size, little one, but your heart.
//No... it's because of complete luck and the dragon instinct and Avatars granting me powers. I was just the right dragon in the wrong place; anyone could be as powerful as I am now.
C: You will be granted a boon, not often enjoyed by those of your kind, in return. As Hero of the Land of Equestria, you will have the right to mate with any mare or dragon of your choosing, including those you have encountered in your journey, and even those in this room. They will not be allowed to deny you.
//...Dead silence. I stare at Celestia as songbirds start up again. They stop singing when she speaks.
Spike: Does _one person_ in this world have a not-fucked-up view of sexuality?!
//The goddess blinks. I don't really think she intends to answer that.
PH: I'm not the only one who also thought that was weird, right?
PP: What's with all the questions, Spike? I wasn't expecting an Equestrian Inqui--
Spike: Why are you back?!
C: I wish to re-take the throne--
//I wave my hand, interrupting her.
Spike: No! Not 'manner' why, 'motivation' why. Why do you want to come back?
RBD: Eh, Spike, interrupting a goddess is a teensy bit ballsy, even for you...
//Celestia, to her credit, is standing with an open and welcoming air, not offended by my questions. The morning sun has risen further in the sky, and it hits the throne, sending reflections everywhere that are blocked by her wings.
C: My primary concern is the health and well-being of all peoples in Equestria, and throughout the world.
//That's what I thought, so now the sucker-punch question:
Spike: If you cared about Equestria why would you _leave_ in the first place?!
//It makes no sense, a benevolent goddess leaving the throne to chaos and then appearing here much later, when we have everything in place...
//I try to think about why Celestia would leave. Why? It rapidly gets confusing, there is no good answer. I can't see why she would do such a...
//Celestia, stone-faced, only says:
C: I cannot tell you.
//A wave of disappointment hits the ponies around me. But I can only lower my eyes, madly working it out... agh, my head, there's a burning at the top of my head and it rings...
Spike: Why would you leave? If you really wanted the best for people? Why -- agh...
//It's intensifying, pulsing with my heartbeat, a great growling flame being fanned by thought. I put my hand on my head and squeeze my eyes shut.
PP: Spike? Are you alright?
Spike: No...
//Everything I know, everything I've learned and seen, fits together except this one thing, everything but that final question...
The Drakeling drops Reality.
//Despite its warning earlier, it says nothing.
Spike: Why, why, why, why... it makes no sense, there are links leading to nowhere and leading from nowhere and buildings and structures and towers built with no foundation and a foundation with no building but bridges lead to open air and empty space where ideas should be, ripped out of my head like a page from a diary...
//I fall to my knees, holding my head with spread fingers. Dragons can't feel heat, and my fingertips burn.
//Puzzle pieces are whirling about in my head, rearranging fast enough to cause friction burns. It's maddening.
Spike: Why, why, why, why...
//Celestia raises her head back, eying me. Why would she leave?
C: I think the Hero is in need. For what, I cannot say.
//All the ponies are staring at me but Twilight. Why is she catatonic at a time like this, I could use her...
//Whole strips of my life are torn up from the carpet of understanding and left floating in air. I never put it all together, just thought what I knew was good enough, and now nothing makes sense... principle of explosion never felt so _hot_. Nothing I know can be true, it's...
//...I'm losing control of my mind...
//My mind losing... of control... I'm
M/osing lin dy..m. m'Ifo /.coorl..t n

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

//AND CLICK
//My body leans back without me thinking about it!
Spike (Dragon Instinct): HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I ALWAYS WIN
//Everypony in the room is taken aback.
//Celestia's eyes fill with hate.
AJ: Wha--what in tarnation is that?
PP: Spike sounds so angry! What happened? Did I miss something?
FS: No, it's--
//The dragon instinct, like lava, raises my arm and points at Celestia.
Spike (Dragon Instinct): HELLO, HECATE.
R: Hecate?
PH: Hecate was an old sorceress, lived over a dozen centuries ago. She killed the last of the true dragons.
R: I know, but why her?
FS: It's the dragon instinct.
PP: The what?
//Celestia watches the proceedings with absolutely no motion of her body, beyond her eyes.
FS: A shared consciousness that inhabits the minds of all dragons. He's... unpleasant.
Spike (Dragon Instinct): REMEMBER WHEN BUCKET JAMES KILLED YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY?
RBD: What?!
AJ: Family? Princess Luna can't have, y'know...
Spike (Dragon Instinct): BECAUSE THAT WAS FUCKING HILARIOUS. YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THEM BEG.
PP: Wow, Spike, is this in your head all the time? What a meanie!
RBD: I thought that Blueblood guy was the only relative of Celestia.
FS: ...Dragony, isn't it better to be nice?
//In a low, echoing tone, Celestia emits:
C: Foul spirit, how do you dare accost me now?
Spike (Dragon Instinct): ONLY THE MOST COWARDLY SHITPILE WOULD EVER FORCE A DRAKELING'S BODY AGAINST HIS WILL, IS THAT RIGHT?
//The goddess stiffens.
AJ: What exactly is he accusin' Celestia of?
//The puzzle pieces, they're whirling, they're spinning about in my head...
Spike (Dragon Instinct): OH, HERE'S A MESSAGE FROM THE ONE PERSON IN THE WORLD WHO EVER REALLY LOVED YOU: FUCK YOU YOU CUNT.
PH: No... in one of the seized heretical texts, a hypothesis for Celestia's immortality... a drakeling bond?
C: I will draw you, foul one, as poison is drawn from a wound.

The Goddess points her horn at The Drakeling!
The Goddess casts a spell!

//The one time in my life I want to listen to the dragon instinct, this happens...
The Drakeling dodges away from the flying beam!

//I groan, and sputter:
Spike: Let him... have his say.
Avatars: Spike?!
RBD: You're still in there?
FS: It's not always like this, oh my...
Spike (Dragon Instinct): SHE DOESN'T WANT TO COMPETE WITH AN ANCIENT POWER THAT ACTUALLY TELLS THE FUCKING TRUTH.
//Celestia, attempt at silencing the dragon instinct defeated, now glowers at me from the top of the stairs, wings wide instead of tall.
//I... It's coming together, now structures are starting to build, and I see where the tip will be but I need to get there and bridges will be connected and from the rubble I make a library that holds the world--
C: I am a goddess. The truth is what I will to be.
Spike (Dragon Instinct): HAHAHAHAHA, YOU CALL YOURSELF A GODDESS NOW? I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, LITTLE FILLY, AND EVERYTHING YOU DO WILL BRING IT QUICKER.

The Goddess speaks a word of power, forming symbols in the air!
The Goddess casts a spell!

//Immediately, the dragon instinct fades away. His voice is gone, and I control my limbs again, lying on the ground with everypony but Celestia and Twilight over me... but the final brushstrokes are added to the painting. The building is complete. It all... it all makes sense now... My journey, and everything I've done. It's... the full picture is so beautiful... and it's terrible.
//It's horrifying.
//I have a plan.
The Drakeling picks up Reality.
AJ: Give him some room, y'all.
//The ponies retreat a few steps.
The Drakeling stands up.
//I walk forward, past Rainbow Dash, and look back at Celestia. Her visage is softening.
Spike: General Warhelm led the Red Helm Army to the center of modern Equestria from parts unknown while going completely unnoticed by Equestrian forces.
R: Is there a question at the end of this, Hero?
Spike: You'd think an army that size would have been recognized by the magical currency-tracking scheme Twilight has going on in Mountainville--
//Pinkie Pie gasps.
PP: Spike, you did _not_ just break a Pinkie Promise _in front of me_!!
//Fluttershy leans in towards Pinkie Pie and whispers:
FS: Pinkie, I'm sorry, but I think something much more important is happening now...
Spike: --or at least have some indication of a resource base at all. Unless, say, a mare in the shadows was handing them bags of gold and equipment every so often.
//That mare with the powder-blue armor, and the Caduceus cutie mark... who was she?
Spike: I haven't figured out how Latoftcwyidwits found its way from the tomb of Bucket James to Warhelm. Or, how despite exploding into a pile of gore, any trace of Warhelm was gone from this world minutes later.
RBD: Hey, Spike? Are you getting to the point soon?
//The point is that the Red Helm Army didn't make sense at all and couldn't have been predicted.
//R: It is dreadfully obvious all true dangers which we have been through were manufactured... none of the threats we seem to have defeated had any retrograde impact on contemporary society, despite seeming so dramatic and intense.
Spike: How many alicorns are there in the world?
//At this sudden change in direction, Celestia takes half a second to think.
C: In the last century, there has been Princess Luna, Princess Cadence, Princess Twilight Sparkle, and myself.
//Cadence? Never heard of her before.
PH: Five, if you include me.
C: Of those, Luna and I are still alicorns.
//...Cadence must have been Twilight's sister-in-law, the one that was killed by the Thirty.
Spike: Does Luna have a Caduceus as her cutie mark? Black fur, powder-blue armor?
FS: Why, not at all. Princess Luna was a very normal pony; I couldn't imagine her looking like that.
R: ...Her name is 'Luna'. Her cutie mark could never be anything but the moon.
PP: Yeah, and I can't think of anyone with scary black fur and light blue gear except Nightmare Moon!
//A long pause follows, as all the ponies stare at Pinkie Pie.
Spike: ...The mare with a holiday?
PH: Nightmare Moon _was_ Luna. And Twilight became a Princess in the first place by finding a spell that changed a pony's cutie mark.
//Was Luna... that makes more sense. I see everything so clearly now.
PH: Are you asking because you saw a pony like that?
Spike: Warhelm froze up after I accused him of making a deal with a devil. _That_ is who I saw in the Red Helm camps, coming out of the armory. And now, if that really was Princess Luna, I know how everything else happened.
//R: I will agree with you on one thing, dear. 'Celestia did it' _is_ a valid answer for most everything.
Spike: But that doesn't explain how I know she was a devil.
FS: ...Those creatures with two legs and no fur or scales don't exist, Spike.
//...Devil, not demon. And it's a metaphor; I just said she was an alicorn!
\\The dragon instinct was banished by Celestia, it looks like... you can tell the story of Osto Bacchus now.
Spike: In the Valley of Death forest, I fought a living skeleton. And that's not a metaphor.
//Above and behind me, confusion. Celestia remains calm.
RBD: A skeleton? Bones can't move on their own.
Spike: They did, enchanted by magic beyond what normal people could ever think possible.
//Twilight: ...magical healing is a tricky subject... not to mention there are no peer-reviewed publications focused on either topic until the last one point five years.
Spike: The evil I fought had the power to raise the souls of others from the dead. I fought against two spirits, one named Sizmig Gloric and one extremely powerful drakeling with a sword.
//Hazel taps her chin with a hoof.
PH: Gloric... the Inquisitor?
Spike: She was granted this power by the Rod of Asclopius, which I destroyed.
FS: Spike... I'm sorry, but the Rod of Asclopius is a story. It's a very good story, and I know--
Spike: It was an ever-living snake nailed to a staff whose venom was the gold fluid we use in healing potions and by touching it the skeleton was healed; does that fit the bill?
//When asked why the recipe for making those potions was lost, Twilight just told me Princess Celestia disappeared. She must have taken it with her.
RBD: ..._Maybe_ I was a little harsh on you burning down the forest. Why didn't you just say so?
//BECAUSE _I_ WANTED HIM TO SAY IT HERE
//That... that also makes perfect sense.
Spike: The skeleton claimed it made a deal with a 'devil', a dark pony with a funny way of speaking that had the Caduceus as her cutie mark. In return, it was granted undeath and the Rod of Asclopius. What's the legend about the Rod?
//Fluttershy squeaks once as I turn to her. She whispers:
FS: (Uh-uhm... it was... stolen from a dragon hoard by H--Hecate...)
//Hecate. That was what the dragon instinct called Celestia.
Spike: Celestia! When I was in the tower of Celestia's Faceless, after Herr Yyz told me she would cause famine and catastrophe, you told me to kill her.
C: ...It is possible that what you heard and what I said were two different things.
Spike: What? No; who cares about that; I did the right thing. Here's my question: why did the pony trying to _destroy Equestria_ recognize your voice? From three words, after one and a half years?
//I understand that Herr Yyz was obsessed, but such a quick recognition is impossible unless Celestia was talking to her at other times.
//Celestia spreads her wings wide, and speaks in a condemning tone.
C: If you try to convince others of what you believe with no evidence, that makes you no better than her.
Spike: I'm sorry. You're right. I don't have any evidence you talked to her, just pattern recognition.
AJ: Pattern? I don't see any other cults tryin' to cause mass starvation...
Spike: No, not --
//TELL HER HOW THE WAR ENDED. YOU KNOW, WITHOUT HER IN ANY WAY.
Spike: ...fine. Let me tell you how the Aquinatic Conflict ended.
AJ: Spike, I was there, I know how --
Spike: Quine was adamantly refusing to compromise. The Thirty would attack Equestria after his death, which meant he couldn't be killed. So he had no reason to surrender.
//Not even the well-being of his people could convince Quine. I guess that's why they call him Quine; he doesn't take into account anything but himself.
Spike: Until the dragon instinct chimed in and told us one little sentence: 'if you don't end this, Celestia will'.
//It's hard to see through the dragon instinct's rage sometimes, but there's always truth behind it. Except when he's telling me I went on this journey for sex.
//NO THAT'S ALSO FUCKING TRUE
Spike: Why does the spirit with millions of dragon-years experience cumulative, and all sensory information from every dragon that ever lived, think Celestia would use a crisis as an excuse to return to Equestria? When Herr Yyz thought the same thing?
//Celestia has been trying to return for a while now as the returning savior, the bright light that washes away darkness. But darkness rises only where the light neglects to shine.
Spike: Why did an alicorn -- who looks distinctly like Luna and has access to resources only a metaphorical goddess would -- try to manufacture two crises of the level of danger only a goddess could solve?
//It's a classic two-mare con.
//Celestia flaps her wings, once, brushing away my comments.
C: I am here to take back the throne, and better Equestria. Only I can do this.
Spike: No, see, that's not it. It's clear why you're here. I didn't kill Twilight to create a ruling crisis once no one knew how to organize Equestria, or Hazel to create a crisis of succession, so now there's no obvious hole for you to fill and you're trying to force it.
//Even I am a crisis Celestia tried to create.
RBD: Uh, phrasing?
//Oh my skies, who cares?
Spike: You tried to kill potentially hundreds of thousands of people to retake the crown under thunderous applause! There's no denying it!
//Celestia lifts a hoof, and looks at it with disinterest.
C: I try not to treat mortal behaviour with disdain. Terrified of its own death, the brain seeks out patterns where none exist. I had thought you were above such biases, Spike, but it seems not.
//She puts down the hoof.
C: It is possible once you experience immortality, you will see how baseless these accusations are.
//She's... trying to bribe me. It won't work!
Spike: I won't take bribes, especially not from a traitor.
FS: Oh, my...
AJ: Woah there, Spike, don't you think that's a little harsh?
Spike: For a pony who will do _anything_ to take back the throne? No. I think that's exactly the sort of person we should prevent from doing it!
PP: Well, duh, but Celestia's helpful, and friendly, and nice! She's not a nasty old meanypants!
R: (I do believe 'helpful, friendly, and nice' are mutually exclusive with the deaths of thousands...)
//I fold my arms.
Spike: Believe it or not, I am a forgiving Hero. I am willing to let Celestia back on the throne.
//Hazel paws at the stone steps, adding:
PH: Er, you know, if it weren't already occupied...
Spike: You'll be Princess of Equestria again if you answer one question. That's all I want. Answer one question, truthfully, and give me an answer we agree is good enough. And you have everything you're aiming for.
//Celestia regains her graceful visage. She spreads her wings.
C: I have answers. I have all of the answers, to any problem that may trouble you.
Spike: Why did you leave? Tell me that. That's all I want. And the throne is yours. Why did you leave?
//For the longest time, in the greatest room in all of Equestria, between two of the most powerful people to ever walk the land, there is a juvenile staring contest.
//She's not able to answer. When it mattered most, and would get her everything she worked these last two months for, she can't just tell the truth.
//With deliberate movements, and an air of finality, Celestia opens her mouth and answers:
C: ...I cannot endanger the ends I have worked by telling you. I ask only, that as my friends, you trust me.
//A stunned silence. But this is exactly what I was expecting.
//Princess Hazel, the rightful holder of the throne, answers first.
PH: I'm not your friend. And this is my castle.
AJ: For as long as Twilight is decidin' to remain comatose, I'm sworn to Princess Hazel.
RBD: Hey, Applejack, hold your horses!
//Applejack looks at at Rainbow Dash, standing proudly in the front.
RBD: You can't be the first one to swear loyalty to the Princess! That's gotta be me!
R: Celestia, your rule was filled with oddities and horrors and the most bizarre occurrences, the likes of which Equestria could never have predicted. Say what you want about Twilight, but at least her rule is defined by empirical truth. This new world, one without you, makes sense.
//Fluttershy squeezes her eyes shut. But from behind Applejack, she adds:
FS: ...We have to know each other better in order to get along. And I... oh, I'm so sorry, but dragons just aren't willing to do that with Celestia around. They've been hurt too much.
PP: While I hate to add to the party ruining, Twilight is one of my dearest and bestest friends! Princess Celestia isn't a bad pony, but she's someone I hardly knew! And I could never lose faith in my friends! We'll do a great job of running Equestria!
//Twilight mumbles nothing of great consequence. It goes unheard. Princess Hazel starts walking up the stairs, towards Celestia, crown shining from outside sunlight.
PH: You heard us well. Go on, now, go. You're not welcome any more. Equestria is our responsibility.
//A last thought triggers in my brain, the final puzzle piece sliding into place.
Spike: Not enough...
//I grip Reality tight. How could I have been so stupid?
R: Speak up, Hero.
//Gave power to a lich trying to enslave all of Equestria... planned a catastrophe to bring starvation and misery to the land... propped up a puppet to take the throne by force... and then, when that didn't work, tried to manipulate me, and my friends...
Spike: More than just that. Celestia...
//'What kind of idiot would I be to trust the first person I see after I woke up'? What kind of idiot, indeed. I said it myself, and I've been so blind... if it weren't for the dragon instinct, I never would have seen it.
//Celestia took away my memories.
Spike: With my power, as Hero of the Land of Equestria, in the name of the crown of Princess Hazel...
//This is what the dragon instinct has been training me for. This is my mission, for dragonkind, for myself, for Equestria...
//For Twilight...
//I point my sword at Celestia and shout:
Spike: For treason against the throne and its people, I banish you forthwith from the kingdom of Equestria! Under pain of death!
FS: What?!
PP: Spike!!
RBD: _Might_ want to reel that one back a little, heh-heh...
//Princess Hazel takes a few steps away from Celestia. The goddess is glowering at me from her old throne, a spell brewing on her horn, mystic mane floating on an impossible breeze.
R: What is that, the syntax is unfathomable...
//The spell fades. Celestia's stance changes from one of anger, to acceptance, to sadness. She closes her eyes, and turns away.
AJ: (Uh... so what now?)
Spike: (...What did she cast?)
R: (Something lost to the sands of time, I suspect.)
//Princess Hazel discreetly checks the air with her nose.
PH: (Divination... on you.)
//From beneath an angelic wing, one eye of Celestia pierces through me in a manner which can only be described as ancient, with the full power and wickedness that such a word deserves.
C: You have chosen poorly.

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

The Goddess points her horn at The Drakeling!
The Goddess casts Bind Drakeling!

//With a great arc I slice in front of me! Reality absorbs the beam in a burst of sparks!
Reality: (Oh my skies I forgot some spells taste like chocolate. Oh my skies.)
PP: Aah, what was _that_ for?!
PH: Get out of my kingdom!
RBD: Hey! No one hurts my friends and gets away with it!
Spike: Celestia...
//In my hand, Reality yells:
Reality: I was over the throne the entire time! Also, you're a bitch!
//Celestia, for the first time I've ever seen, looks genuinely shocked. That passes quickly.
Spike: You've had five hundred years to think of a battle cry and that's what you came up with?
FS: Talking sword, why is there a talking sword, this isn't happening...
AJ: Get a hold of yourself, girl!
//CUNTIMUS PRIME CAST A SPELL AT YOU, WHY IS BATTLE NOT STARTING
//Oh yeah, that's a good point.
Reality: I'm the blade that killed your family and now I'm back to finish the job!
PP: There, that's better! ...In a manner of speaking.

The Drakeling draws power from within himself, and casts Walk of the Third!
The Goddess speaks a word of power! A blast of air radiates outwards!
The Goddess speaks a word of power! A blast of air radiates outwards!
The Goddess speaks a word of power! A blast of air radiates outwards!

//The triple blast strikes Hazel first and sends her tumbling back. It hits the Avatars and Twilight last, throwing them down, but I keep my ground.
The Drakeling's Walk of the Third ends.
//Damnit! I forgot! I can barely fight right now!
The Goddess closes her eyes and concentrates! The Goddess completes a ritual!
C: ~Remina, Remina, Remina~!
//With three final words, a flash of white aether replaces Celestia, like the world is paper folded until the colors stretch. Goddess now absent, the only thing that sounds in the throne room is our breaths, and the echo of far-off thunder.