T: Okay, let's start. 'On the twenty-third day of the month of'... hey, it's Canterlot's heptcentennial today!
Spike: Uh... so?
//Applejack and I are sitting down in a short cave that connects the snowy mountaintop to Quine's underground lair. Twilight is here with us, levitating a quill and parchment. Quine is looking on from the greater cavern.
//Quine dealt with 'a potential distraction' in the darkness below shortly before Applejack arrived. I guess he doesn't like the idea of dealing with two Avatars.
T: Hah, sorry, got distracted. Ahem. 'We, the parties identified as the following':
Applejack: General Applejack, Equestrian Cavalry.
Quine: Quine.
T: 'Under the authority given to us by our peoples and in pursuit of the general interest of such peoples, as witnessed by':
Spike: Hero of the Land.
//SHOULD HAVE GONE WITH FUCKWIT
T: 'Agree to the following cessation of hostile action upon the other party and previously-mentioned peoples:'...

//Treaty-making is long and boring and there's a lot of arguing back and forth. Applejack swore she would agree to any peace treaty, but she refuses to be cheated. From Quine comes a sense of outrage that this has to happen at all, and at many points in the negotiation he bites his tongue. Twilight spends more time trying to reason with each of them than actually writing things down. I think about what the dragon instinct said.
//Eventually, the final agreement is reached. Dragons in the Aquinatics will be absolved of all attacks committed as acts of war if they accept Equestrian citizenship and swear fealty to the crown. Otherwise, they may not enter Equestria, now or for the next fifty years (it was 'ever' until Quine reminded us how long dragons lived). Quine himself is banished from Equestria under pain of death, a fate he finds just fine.
//The Cavalry will be tasked with processing refugees in the area and helping them find a place in Equestria, here or anywhere. An explicit mention of cleaning up and restoring the Valley is made, but the rest is left vague, which no one is happy about (there wasn't enough room left on the paper). Princess Hazel will agree to halve her initial land claim (giving up 'unoccupied' regions), and that will be divided among dragons as dragons see fit.
//It's a forced compromise and everyone is left unhappy, but I know it's for the best.

T: Okay, it looks like everything is taken care of.
//She rolls up the parchment and ties it with a ribbon.
Quine: Good. Leave.
AJ: Uh, yeah, I'd like to make it back to Gorge Coltiers before it gets dark. If you don't mind.
T: Don't worry, I can teleport you there.
//But she couldn't teleport me here?
AJ: Mighty generous of you, Twilight.
T: I have to run this by Princess Hazel, anyway. It's technically meaningless without her signature. I'll just wrap you into the spell.
//How is she so confident Hazel will sign it? Unless what Na-Mira said really is true...
T: What about you, Spike?
Spike: Huh?
//Twilight points her hoof at me. There's a small smudge of ink on it.
T: Where do you want to go? A three-way's not hard. At least, any more than it is with two ponies.
AJ: (She means teleportin'.)
Spike: (I got that, thanks.)
//Where to be teleported to? That's a good question... Quine, Applejack and Twilight don't have to deal with this war now. It's all over. There's no reason for me to be here.
//Who else needs my help? Jebed, Celel and Kezno would love to see me, and they could use help assimilating the refugees from the Aquinatics, but I don't know if that's the place for a Hero. Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie I've already defeated, and they're doing well enough; Rarity... if Rarity wanted to speak with me then by now she would have. Rainbow Dash, I'm still waiting on the information from Na-Mira, I don't want to charge in blindly...
//EVEN THOUGH THAT'S YOUR FUCKING STYLE IN EVERY SHITFEST OF AN ADVENTURE YOU HAVE?
//Wait, what did I even ask Na-Mira to find out anyway? Damn, did I completely forget?
Spike: There's an ice cream parlor in a village on the outskirts of Canterlot. It's--
T: Called 'Ice Cream Parlor'. (I noticed that too.) Do you want to go there?
//Honestly, no. I want to go to Canterlot and see the heptcentennial celebrations so I can catch a glimpse of Hazel and gauge her power a little bit. But somehow I think saying that would be the wrong choice.
Spike: Yes.
//I shift my displacement cape, making sure it's on correctly. Twilight points her horn between Applejack and me, and casts a spell.

Twilight Sparkle speaks words of power, forming symbols in the air!
The Drakeling is Teleported!
Applejack is Teleported!
Twilight Sparkle is Teleported!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

//Canterlot. It's packed like sardines, and smells like it.
//Every building has been scrubbed down to a raw white along the parade's route, and as far as can be seen away from it. There's not a cloud in the sky, which means the pegasi flying about organizing the aerial show can't hide. But, like the busy police hustling about keeping barriers and taking orders from a stallion with a shield on his flank, it's polite to overlook them.
//I take an inadvertent hoof to the face and hardly get an apology.
//The constant roar of the crowd betrays an excitement, giddy expectation for a spectacle. It also betrays how many people there are. Most of them are ponies of assorted shapes, colors and sizes, but I see a few griffons and bison and shapeless displacements and even dragons... no drakelings.
//A burst of trumpets from the south drives a cheer through the crowd, followed by quiet.
Filly: Ohmiskies it's starting!
Stallion: Remember when Celestia brought the sun up that one time? This is going to be better!
Old Pony: Celestia brought up the sun everyday, y'little hooligan. T'ain't nothing special 'bout it.
Young Mare: Hush, Dad, let's just enjoy the parade.
Mare: What, the time with the chariot?
Old Pony: Humph.
Stallion: No, before her student; the dance she did!
Filly: I wonder if they're throwing out candy like they do at parades in Manehattan?
//Well, almost quiet.
//The first parade float, carried by magic, slides down the street. Glittered streamers in groups of five and tasteful paper-mache musical notes line the sides. It carries the trumpeters and is directed by two marchers twirling batons.
Filly: Why are they playing so loud?!
Mare: They have to play loud. Everyone needs to hear them coming!
Foal: Where are they going, Dad?
Other Stallion: All the way to City Hall! The Princess is going to give a speech there!
//She is? I should get to City Hall instead of being here...
Foal: Oh! Oh! Can we watch the speech, Dad? Can we?
OS: Well, I don't know if we'll make it in time...
//The foal looks crestfallen.
OS: But we'll try!
//The second parade float rounds the corner. On it, Pinkie Pie, though thankfully the float wasn't designed by her; it looks like a sleek train car. She and two others, dressed halfway between modesty and debauchery (hold on, is that Lilith and Lilin?), are tossing out candies into the crowd to make the children go wild. Two bipedal dragons are hanging off tall poles, every so often lighting a sparkler to wave in the air.
Old Pony: Bah! Dragons in Canterlot? By Celestia, how I wished such a thing were unthinkable.
Mare: Dad, come on. Dragons are people too.
Old Pony: Back in my day those savages would be scared to come within a hundred miles of this place!
Mare: Times have changed. Society's grown, for the better.
Old Pony: I don't want to be part of any society with those meat-eaters in it.
//...
//The third float is carried by ponies, unlike the others. Everypony around and on it is in uniform, marching in step with the music. The Canterlot flag waves high, attached to a pole at the center, with four smaller and lower flags on each corner. I see Cavalry, Neighvy, Magic Corps, Air Patrol--
//A huge boom breaks above us like thunder, and a rainbow circle expands in the sky!
Filly: Woah!
Stallion: Look at that!
Old Pony: A Sonic Rainboom, at least that's something...
//Three teams of pegasi fly in formation through the ring before it dissipates. They're all in blue uniforms; I can't tell who's leading them.
Mare: Here she comes!
Old Mare: By heavens, the Princess! Egbert, look your best!
Foal: Grandma, stop it!
Stallion: The Princess is coming! Get on my back so you can see!
//Her float should be rounding the corner...
//Three spheres of rolling silver mist carry the royal float, spinning mechanically beneath it though they have no substance. Suspended in the air and lacking sides is the float, a simple slab of wood painted green. Two guards in full armor stand to the rear corners, and a University mage at front to control the wheel...-like thing in front of him.
//Princess Hazel stands in the middle, waving a hoof with a gentle smile. Her fur is white, her mane is brown and cut male-short. She stares into the crowd with dark blue eyes, great feathery wings spread open.
//...
\\Were you seriously expecting a snarling beast?
Filly: Wow, she's so big!
Stallion: It's because she's an alicorn! See her wings? And her horn? Only alicorns get that big!
//She is taller and longer than the ponies around her... but I need to get a closer look.
\\Why?
//...Something doesn't seem right.
Filly: Am I going to be that big someday? Can I be an alicorn, too?
//The stallion chuckles.
Stallion: Maybe someday, sweetie.
//I should get to the other side of the road to follow this to City Hall anyway.
\\The Princess has killed hundreds of dragons, according to Jebed. Don't make one of them you.
The Drakeling draws power from within himself, and casts Walk of the Third!
//The crowd and music dulls around me, in a lower register and stretched out. The smell of pony doesn't permeate everything as strongly now. Even the sun beats with less intensity.

The Drakeling leaps over the barrier!
The Drakeling leaps towards the float!

//The float looks as it did, just slowed down. Balls of silver magic rolling beneath, mage furiously concentrating despite the crowd, guards rigid at attention... all looks the same but Hazel.
//In a slow pulse about as quick as my heartbeat, the wings coming out of Hazel's sides fade and become invisible, then reverse and return to full opacity. In between they are transparent, so I can see buildings behind her. The rest of her body stays as it should.

//WATCH OUT FOR THE FLOAT SHITHEAD
The Drakeling leaps away from the float!
The Drakeling leaps towards the barrier!
The Drakeling climbs over the barrier!

The Drakeling's Walk of the Third ends.

//Ponies flinch away from my sudden appearance--
Pony: Hey!
Older Pony: Don't shove!
Child: I can't see!
//But I look around and nothing else seems wrong. No one's reacting. Thank you, displacement cape!
//Hmm... Hazel's wings are magic, not real. I didn't smell any burning rubber, but someone as smart as her wouldn't overlook something as simple as that... and I'm sure the pulsing was to throw off some other method of detection. But why would she pretend to be an alicorn? Just to look more like Celestia, look more legitimate in the eyes of the people?
//Puzzled, I turn and wade through the crowd, aiming for City Hall. Maybe some answers can be found there.

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

//Answers or not, this place is worse than the streets!
//I am literally hanging off a lamppost to have a place for myself here. Beneath me, a sea of pony flesh spreads out as far as the eye can see. Police are working their way through the crowd, 'asking' pegasi on the ground to make some room by taking to the air.
//The mayor of Canterlot, a plump stallion past middle age with a bright orange tail and no mane, waits near a gilded podium in the sun. Banners that say 'Happy Heptcentennial!' and 'Seven Centuries for the City on the Hill!' hang around City Hall. He dabs his head with a kerchief, still waiting.
//The sun falls a few notches in the sky while I wait, motionless. Dozing off, I'm only awakened by a bad pun Pinkie Pie makes about a hazelnut-flavored dessert. It booms across half of Canterlot, amplified by magic and architecture.
Pinkie Pie: And now! The Princess you've all been waiting for! It's my pleasure to introduce the Princess of Equestria, Hazel!!
//A mutter next to me:
Veiled Pony: The Princess of a Thousand Enemies isn't who I've been waiting for.
//Is drowned out by the maddened stomp of hooves on cobblestone and dirt. Hazel, without her smile, takes the podium from Pinkie Pie.
Princess Hazel: Thank you, Mister Mayor, Miss Pie, thank you Canterlot. It's good to see you so well.
//Her voice is... uh...
//FUCKING ANNOYING AS SHIT I KNOW RIGHT
//...I'm gonna go with 'monotonous'. Here's hoping it's a short speech.
PH: I want to greet everyone who is here from outside of Canterlot to celebrate the city today--
//An obvious cheer.
PH: --and I want to thank all of you from our wonderful city who came out for the occasion.
//An obvious, much stronger cheer.
PH: I... should have quite a bit to say today on the city's history--
//She holds up a stack of papers. The crowd nervously laughs.
//...You know, it's not that bad once you get used to it. Her speaking is very simple.
PH: But I'm afraid our time has to be cut short.
//She levitates the papers back into the podium as mutterings start amongst the crowd. Leaning forward, she spreads her wings and finishes:
PH: As of today, I am in negotiations that may lead to a deal to bring peace to the Aquinatic Region. These talks are time-sensitive and require my urgent attention. Please accept my apologies. Mayor Ruttiger will be reading a speech in my place.
//...Huh.
//Princess Hazel turns and walks off the stage, nodding to the Mayor. Confusion sets in throughout the crowd.
//She said she was in negotiations and talks. But the deal itself is done; all she has to do is sign it. Were there other complications? Is there renegotiation?
//The Mayor approaches the stage and announces:
Mayor Ruttiger: Er... erm... that is, thank you, Princess Hazel, I, erm...
//Or is this what a savvy statesmare does? Only when a deal is assured offer its possibility to the public, so those who hope are rewarded and those who doubt are proven wrong. And she even took credit, when she did nothing at all to stop the war...
//The Mayor starts his speech as Princess Hazel exits into City Hall.
//What kind of person has fake wings to look more like a Princess 'should', tells half-lies to the public to look busy, and takes credit for something she had no hoof in, all to make herself look better?
\\...Do you think Twilight would have time for a two-hour speech?
Veiled Pony: I suppose prey will run and hide in their holes.
//Seriously, who is that?
//I want to follow Princess Hazel to find out more. But there's a sea of flesh between me and City Hall, not to mention all the guards surrounding her.
//Quine: When primary assets are threatened, or vulnerable, they will be protected at dire cost. This cost oftentimes includes secondary assets, even those without whom the primary would fall. To put it simply, threaten a life to take a wallet.
//...With all the guards around Princess Hazel, Pinkie Pie looks left alone... I see her trot off in a minute, and do my best to follow.

//What I find out from following Pinkie Pie: Pinkie Pie gets lost. A lot.
//It takes us an hour before we're in a region of Canterlot she recognizes at all. At times she actually closes her eyes and wanders. Throngs of ponies separate us at all times, but I make sure not to lose her (even if she's lost herself). Halfway through, she puts a dark grey cloak, and starts looking over her shoulder.
//It takes another hour for her to find the destination, a hole-in-the-wall bar six blocks from the train station. In decreasing modesty: the number of people here, the coat of grime on every surface, and ponies' clothing. Surly barmaids and a gruff, rail-thin bartender with a milky eye serve what could almost be called drinks.
Pinkie Pie: One Canterlot Special, please!
//Like that.
//Drink balanced on her nose, Pinkie Pie meanders over to a table with three others in grey cloaks, hoods up.
Rainbow Dash: Finally.
Applejack: Howdy, Pinkie Pie, I'm glad you made it.
Pinkie Pie: Me too! I got lucky this time, it only took me two hours to get here!
Fluttershy: Wouldn't it be wise to invest in a map?
PP: Hehehaha, where's the fun in that?
//She sets her drink down. Fluttershy quietly sips at apple juice as boisterous bar conversations continue outside the table. Applejack doesn't have a glass in front of her. Rainbow Dash has six empty ones.
//I take a seat along the bar, next to the door. Here's hoping I won't need this quick exit.
PP: What are we waiting for?
RBD: Who do you think?
AJ: Well, Pinkie's usually the late one, but she's here. Maybe Hazel got bogged down somewhere. Reckon there's a lot of traffic today.
//I knew this would work; they are seeing Princess Hazel...
FS: There is a lot of traffic. I even had to fly.
AJ: No Rarity today, Fluttershy?
//Fluttershy shakes her head. Stray pink hairs are caught on the grey cloak.
FS: She mentioned a family situation. I... tend not to probe about her sister.
AJ: You, probe?
//Fluttershy looks sheepish.
FS: Not as much as I normally do...
//Laughter. Rainbow Dash bops Fluttershy on the shoulder.
RBD: Face it, 'Shy. You'd be the worst alien invader ever.
PP: Hehehaha, you couldn't be nosy if you were a booger!
//Are they going to ask the same thing about Twilight, or...
Milky-Eyed Barkeep: Hey, buddy. You gonna order a drink?
//That breaks me out of eavesdropping. After a moment I put a few coins on the bar and order:
Spike: Two rounds of I was never here.
MEB: Coming right up.
//I can't tell if that was sarcastic.
//A taller pony, in a dark green cloak that conceals her face, is putting a manicured hoof on the Avatars' table. The new pony is humming something with her tongue out.
Pony Humming: Avatars.
//They all nod their heads, and the hooded pony takes her hoof off the table.
//Seriously, that's just unsanitary.
AJ: An honor as always, ma'am.
//Only one pony I know of is able to command the immediate respect of the Avatars like that...
PH: I see you're here now, Pinkie.
//Pinkie fishes the umbrella out of her still full glass and starts twirling it between her teeth.
PP: Thorry! Canterlot wath packed today!
PH: Haha, crowded as shit, right?
//Is that really Princess Hazel? The tone of her voice is significantly different...
RBD: So why an emergency meeting today? I'm supposed to be schmoozing with the Air Patrol right now.
PH: You'll get back to schmoozing quickly enough. I called you here because the Aquinatic Conflict has been ended.
//A short pause from the whole table, then:
PP: Oh.
PH: Kind of important to know, right?
//Nervously, Fluttershy raises a hoof. Applejack stares at her.
AJ: ...Really?
FS: Uh-huhu-uuhm, e-excuse me, Princess... I -- well -- if I could -- oh dear.
//She shrinks away from everyone looking at her.
PH: Please, Fluttershy, you're far more important than I'm ever going to be. Why are you nervous?
FS: I... may have forgotten your nickname, and I h-had a question...
RBD: It's 'Garnet'. Same as it's always been. I'm half drunk and I can remember that.
PH: That's because I told you the story of how much a crazy bitch she was. 'Swings, the day she couldn't make bail again was a sad day for the whole college, I'm telling you.
AJ: Is this the pony who cut off all her hair over some monkey?
//When Fluttershy speaks in her assertive tone, ponies stop and take notice. Attention is even pulled from neighboring tables, for a short moment.
FS: Excuse me, but I did have a question.
//The table hushes, and everyone looks at her. She lowers her head a little and squeaks:
FS: Sorry. ...Didn't you say the Conflict was over in front of City Hall?
PH: Oh, well, I might have implied there was a chance of progressing towards...
//Hazel waves her hoof vaguely.
PH: But it's totally over, if what I understand from General Applejack is correct. She deserves all the credit.
//Immediately, Applejack mutters:
AJ: Much less than all of the credit, ma'am, you're flatterin' me...
//...Which is totally true. Applejack and Quine were both obstacles to peace that I overcame! I did most of the hard work!
//UH, FUCKING HELLO
PH: Equestria isn't at war anymore. Which means, put on your best face for the public, all of you. Any fights, take them under the radar or not at all if possible.
RBD: You'reeeeeeerp! I mean -- 'scuse me -- you're mostly talking to me anyway, why not just say it?
PP: Dashie, no one else gets in fights above Forlegsandria with dragons in broad daylight.
RBD: Hey, I won!
//Like that makes it any better!
RBD: War's over, so Applejack's not running about like molasses with its head cut off.
PH: No, but she still has work to do. You're not the only one I'm talking about. The more we make it look like an abrupt end to dragon and pony species tension, the more it will actually be just that.
AJ: But there's always the chance Quine won't honor his deal. And then there's worryin' about dragons gone rogue, lashin' out on their own. _And then_, I have to get all the critters who want out rounded up, documented and elsewheres without lettin' any abuse slip out from the Cavalry.
PP: Wow, would they really do that?
FS: ...Nineteen months straight of awful sights can make anypony change.
//Dash snorts.
RBD: 'Change'? Half the Cavalry joined it to kill anyway.
//Applejack kicks the floorboard with her hoof, cracking it. The sound shoots through the room, drawing attention from everyone. A mare gasps.
AJ: I'd like you to reconsider those words.
RBD: Come on. Take any Cavalry officer and give 'em a choice: left, orphanage starting to burn, ahead, mission objective. They wouldn't do the right thing unless they were ordered to do it! Even the so-called 'best' are mindless thugs.
//The Avatar of Strength shifts her footing, standing a little closer to Rainbow Dash. She becomes very, very quiet.
AJ: (Dash, you're my friend. If y'all decide to blame your little comments on the alcohol, I trust we'll continue to be good friends.)
RBD: (Oh yeah, what's the story of you and this peace treaty again? I can tell _that_ wasn't your idea; where are the whip marks? You're no different.)
//This entire time, Princess Hazel has been tapping her forehead with a hoof and humming. She lets out, so quickly it barely sounds like her:
PH: Like I didn't have other shit to do today girls.
//The Avatars of Speed and Strength stay next to each other, brushing fur, staring each other down. A few conversations start up again throughout the bar. It's a little more crowded than when we first came in.
//Rainbow Dash tickles Applejack's belly with her wingtip and gives a wink. Applejack steps away.
Milky-Eyed Barkeep: Two rounds of Iva's Neder Beer for you sah!
//Two frothing mugs of something yellow-green slam down in front of me. I jolt out of eavesdropping and almost knock one over.
Spike: Are those... little prickers?
//Orange spiny balls are floating in the drink.
MEB: S'posed to be suns, sah. Catch 'em on the lip and make a promise, they say!
Spike: I'll uh... pass.
//If I ever need to do something monumentally stupid I know what the appropriate drink is for the moment.
//CAN WE GET A BARREL TO FUCKING GO?
PH: Yes, actually, you two would be perfect to cooperate on rehabilitation for long-term veterans. I'll find you a budget for it somewhere. Mental health is still health, right?
//Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy beam. Well, Fluttershy about as much as she can, but I can tell she's happy.
PH: Damnit, I need to get back to the point. Right. So, remember our little murderer?
//Our little... what?
//...Oh. They must be talking about me. I lean a little closer in.
PP: Oooh, what happened now? I love these stories!
//'These stories'?! What?! How often does this happen?!
\\Why in the world wouldn't the people who were your best friends try to keep up with your life?
//But that means... Hazel has been telling... so, she has to know...
PH: The peace treaty lists him. Not by name, but by Applejack's lack of Element I'm guessing he had something to do with it. And there isn't anyone else who calls herself a Hero.
//...If Hazel really is Twilight in disguise like Na-Mira said, she's going far enough to even pretend to her own Avatars... which is exactly what Twilight would do if she planned out an in-depth disguise! Gah, that doesn't mean anything!
RBD: I got a student named Jeff, but he's not gonna get very far.
PH: Will the full debriefing I'm going to get correct me about the Hero's involvement, General?
//After a moment, Applejack shakes her head.
AJ: You have it right, ma'am.
PH: Good. So.
//She sips at water, and then decides that was a terrible decision.
PH: ('Swings, I've seen sewers cleaner than this. Why do we come here?)
AJ: (Because it's terrible. So nopony actually drinks.)
//Pinkie Pie noses her full drink sans umbrella and mutters:
PP: (I keep on forgetting that.)
PH: On the advice of a close friend, paperwork's been filed to declare Spike a legal Hero of the Land.
FS: What?!
RBD: No way!
PP: Already?
AJ: Wow.
//A legal Hero of the Land? How's that different? I thought it was a title I got when all the Elements were mine.
//I take a sip of beer and decide the spikeball was the most pleasant part of the mouthful.
RBD: You can't just _give_ him amnesty!
AJ: I was willin' to do it for endin' the war. And, however he did it, he ended the war. But full on Hero of the Land?
FS: Ha-- Garnet, Spike isn't close enough to others yet to be a Hero. He's less than a year old, he hasn't shared the pain of others. Isn't this a little fast?
//I watched Kezno and Celel suffer beyond measure. I saw the hate in Galsid's, Pitaya's eyes because of me. I know what effects I can have on others, for better or worse.
PP: Yeah! And he wanted to be a great big old champion of dragon/pony equality, but no one knows him yet! Whoever heard of an unknown famous person?
//That's... totally true. But fame must follow power, the other way around is useless...
AJ: Ma'am, if I may speak out of line, this is a mistake. Y'all don't have any idea what the varmint believes in. 'Cause -- 'cause he doesn't really know what he believes in! Spike is a mess!
//I believe in myself. I believe in my friends. And we can fix this mess of a world.
\\That Hazel created.
RBD: ...He's not strong enough yet to be a Hero. Some mare's just going to make him into a toy. Like an ornament, 'the boy who was Hero but now goes in my--'
//That won't happen.
PH: No more Hearth's Eve at your house.
//Laughs from around the table, breaking some of the tension.
PH: All this means is his arrest warrant, if they connect him to Herr Yyz, needs to be signed by me. Unless it's somehow for treason.
AJ: Are you sure he won't abuse the privilege?
PH: How? He doesn't know about it, right?
//HELL YEAH NOW WE CAN FUCKING KILL EVERYONE LET'S FUCKING DO THIS
//I sincerely wish _he_ didn't know about it...
PH: He still needs to gather the last two Elements of Harmony -- fairly -- to meet with me. And if what I'm told is correct, I think it'll be a just wonderful meeting. We could definitely use some more help as it is, and the little drakeling is so motivated.
//...
PH: It also means killing him is punishable as treason. Which, may I remind you, is the only crime you lot can be convicted of. So, be careful.
RBD: You're still just talking to me.
//Of all the things Rainbow Dash is planning on doing to me, I think killing me is the last on her mind...
FS: I don't know if I'm powerful enough to put a line between self-defense and lethality.
PP: Hehehaha *snort* hehehaha! Fluttershy, she didn't say anything about tempting him! Who says we have to use our bodies to _fight_?
//A surly waitress comes over, and Hazel disappears into the bathroom. For a few minutes they have to balance ordering another round with getting kicked out. It's a tough choice.
//I very carefully make sure my displacement cape is on (and has been the whole time), then put bodies between us as I walk out of the bar. This is not the time to take risky chances.

//So, it's time to see Rainbow Dash.
//The overnight train to Fillydelphia runs at full speed over the desert; we should be there before the heptcentennial celebrations are finished. All the magic makes the City on the Hill glow like a lamp in the night, jutting out from the cloudless sky.
//It's dry here. The paint on the train is pitted after hundreds of journeys across this wasteland, and every turn of the train's wheels comes with the faint crunch of sand. No wonder there's no towns between Canterlot and Fillydelphia. Was it like this when Celestia helped ponies control the weather?
//Although, even if the lack of rainfall means no permanent settlements are possible, it's an excellent hideout for predators of all kinds...
//I sip water to keep myself cool. Also because it helps me avoid talking to the person next to me, an awkward puberty-mangled colt. Staring out the window into hurtling darkness hasn't helped me sleep any.
Awkward Colt: *Snort*, I, uh, wonder if we'll ever get to sleep.
Spike: Mmm.
//I'm going to see Rainbow Dash to have a heart-to-- well, a heart-to-something, and try to convince her to leave me alone. None of my other friends are in danger or need help now, and I want to do this so I don't have to worry about it in the future.
AC: Oh man, this reminds me of the time at my Aunt Blossom's house. But now goats won't kick over the cheese.
//He laughs to himself. I try to sigh, but I don't have the heart.
AC: Have you ever seen a goat angry? Not like, angry, but totally furious?
Spike: ...No.
AC: Let me tell you, man, it is a sight to see.
//He stretches, nearly knocking over my water, and yawns.
AC: Oh, sorry. Last time I was this sleepy but couldn't go to sleep was when my grandpa told me about demons. You know, back when I was a kid.
Spike: Really.
//I take a sip of water and ask the steward for more. Somehow, I wish griffons would attack this train too...
AC: 'Cause, like, those things are terrifying! When they chase you, they're able to run for longer than anything else in the world. It doesn't matter if you're faster, 'cause you can't sweat like they do. You'll run and run but never get away until you die of heatstroke from running so much. As soon as one decides it wants to eat you, it's just a matter of time. Crazy, man.
//Is this seriously what prey animals do? Make up predators, because the world didn't already have enough?
Spike: Unless you can fly or cast magic or breathe fire.
//It's a particularly bad metaphor for inevitable doom when being born a certain way prevents it. I take another glass of water from the stewardess (was she always a mare, or am I seeing things?).
//The colt ogles the stewardess as she walks away.
AC: Hey, dude, can I ask you a question? Does being a drakeling get you, like, all the girls?
//He didn't give me enough time to say 'no' to the first part.
Spike: You have no idea.
AC: Wow, that must be totally sweet.
//Sweet is not an adjective I would use to describe my life so far.
Spike: Uh, hey, I have to go, would you mind?
//He looks at me funny.
AC: Stop's not for another three hours.
Spike: I have to piss. Let me by.
AC: Oh! Sorry, I didn't -- yeah.
//He stands with a freakish gait and I move past him. Maybe I'll lose consciousness in the bathroom.

//Honestly this bathroom is much cleaner than I expected.
//It's been too long of a day and I haven't had a decent sleep in about a week and I'm not looking forward to meeting Dash even though I have to because responsible people talk out their issues instead of pretending they don't exist. I slump against the wall and groan before doing anything. Movement versus staying near that annoying colt is the worst dilemma in the world.
Spike: Why, can't I just outsource the whole life thing, pretend my issues don't exist, and go eat grossulars, on a beach...
//Though seriously this bathroom is way too clean. And the toilet paper's stacked six high, that must be a mistake.
//In a minute I finish and start washing my hands. Damn, the soap even smells like vanilla. With a little spice in it. Layers of dirt slide off my hands, and specks of ??? float out from underneath the scalefeathers. It's actually kind of embarrassing how dirty I am. Have I ever had a bath?
Voice From Below: It is you, hck!
Spike: Wah!
//I fall backwards on my tail and bang my arm on the toilet. They both smart.
//A cracked door in the supply closet below the sink reveals cleaning chemicals, extra toilet paper and piping crammed in with a snake-headed pony.
Spike: Na-Mira?!
Na-Mira: Yeah, hihihi!
Spike: What are you doing there?!
Na-Mira: I'm a stowaway!
//She... that's... I...
Spike: Were you watching me pee?
Na-Mira: What?! No! That would be weird!
//So is hiding in the bathroom supply closet and talking to me from it!
Spike: Why are you stowing away?
N-M: Ever since I left my job at the Snaffler, I don't have any money. But you're on this train! And Information Gatherer Na-Mira knows no boundaries when it comes to her Hero!
//Yeah, I got that.
Spike: ...You cleaned the bathroom really well so the staff wouldn't have to get out the supplies. Clever.
N-M: Hihihi, it was nothing compared to what you've done.
Spike: Thanks. So what did you find out? Scratch that, first, what did I ask you to find out again?
N-M: You asked me to look into the Thirty! I know all about them now!
//I stand up in amazement.
Spike: You do?!
//The Thirty were mentioned by Twilight and Quine, and sound powerful enough to threaten both them and Equestria itself, but I have no clue who or what they even are...
N-M: Yeah! But I can't tell you here!
Spike: Why not?
//She snorts. Or, whatever.
N-M: It'd look really suspicious if two people talked in the bathroom for a real long time and only one came out!
//...Right. Plus, someone else may need to use it.
Spike: Okay. I was planning on getting a room at an inn once we arrive in Fillydelphia. Will you be able to find me there?
N-M: Oh, Spike, yes! The stars will guide my hck! I mean, heart!
//...Sure.
Spike: Great.
//I turn to leave. Wait...
Spike: Uh, Na-Mira... how are you going to get out?
//Quite a long pause from the supply closet under the sink. A slight shuffling of limbs is followed meekly by:
N-M: I'll... figure something out.
Spike: ...Okay.
//I return to my seat, completely unable to sleep now. What really are the Thirty?

//Fillydelphia. The inn.
//Na-Mira holds a pointer with her fangs. It's not working.
Na-Mira: So!
//She tries to point at a map on the bed with the pointer. A gust of wind from the open window pushes it further away, so she turns her head more and leans.
N-M: This is where the tundra begins, and it's the old border of the Crystal Empire's lands about a thousand years ago.
Spike: Uh, is the pointer necessary?
//Her eyes are like a cat's. I notice that as she stares at me.
Spike: You're drooling on the map.
//Wiping the corner of her mouth, she continues.
N-M: Ponies were fragmented into city states at the time, ruled by various dragons, or small armies with the implicit backing of Celestia. One day, the capital of the Crystal Empire disappeared. (The city's name was also 'The Crystal Empire', which I never understood...)
Spike: Like, how? It got razed?
//Na-Mira shrugs. This knocks the pointer out of her mouth to the floor.
N-M: ...
Spike: So what happened next?
//Please leave the bloody thing where it is.
N-M: The Crystal Empire was the most powerful country of the time, the only one to escape dragon rule without Celestia's help. After the capital suddenly disappeared, dragons started dividing up the remains.
\\By which she means burning, pillaging, destroying, terrorizing...
//More warm night wind drags the map over the foot of the bed. I close the window while Na-Mira gathers it up.
N-M: And no one could help them.
Spike: To get there you'd have to either sail the Boxing Sea or go all the way through the pass of Stalliongrad.
//'Stalliongrad'? Who names these places?
N-M: Yes! The fall -- or, I should say, first fall -- caused the city states to panic. Secretly or openly, those who were ruled by dragons petitioned Celestia to offer her protection to all ponies. And an overwhelming majority of free city states agreed to unite under her.
//'Free' meaning ruled by a pony, not a dragon, I suppose. But tyranny can come from any sort of power. Unless Celestia herself ruled something then...
//Na-Mira draws a perimeter around most of the map, excluding the Boxing Sea and all the tundra.
N-M: Celestia, at some urging, declared herself monarch over pretty much all of what's known as Equestria today, and had other dragon leaders ousted or subjugated.
Spike: I'm guessing they didn't appreciate that?
N-M: Hihihihi!
//She crosses her front legs when she giggles. I never noticed that.
N-M: Hck, they couldn't do anything about it. But a very powerful, very old group of dragons heard what was happening. They thought only dragons had the power or right to claim that kind of land. Attacking Equestria was their way of punishing her arrogance.
//I get it now!
Spike: Oh, and they were the Thirty!
N-M: _They_ were the _Forty-Six_. After Celestia killed sixteen of them, they fled to beyond the Boxing Sea.
//These dragons threaten Twilight, all of Equestria, and Quine bows to them somehow, but... Celestia can just up and beat a third of them? They don't call her a goddess for nothing.
N-M: Princess Celestia, as she had just been crowned, said all ponies were under her protection, and the Thirty would best stay in the frozen wastes if they didn't wish to be hunted down. Even the Crystal Empire, should it somehow rise again, was part of her charge...
Spike: And when Celestia disappeared, they attacked it. They're still fighting a battle decided a millennium ago.
//I THINK THE SCOREBOARD READS DRAGONS ONE, CRYSTAL EMPIRE FUCKING ZERO
N-M: The Thirty were known for their age and terribleness, even in their day. After a thousand years of being forced into a frozen hell, with ice covering their scales, they learned to breathe it -- a reverse flame, so cold it slowed magic down or stopped it completely.
Spike: ...
//That kind of power is beyond even imagination... I see how a dragon like that, even one, couldn't be stopped by anything in the world. But thirty of them?
Spike: Old in their day, spent a thousand years in the snow... they must be the hugest, meanest, nastiest, strongest dragons in existence...
//OH WELL FUCKING SHIT IF WE'RE SAYING OBVIOUS THINGS THEN YOU'RE SO AFRAID OF RAINBOW DASH KILLING YOU OR FUCKING YOUR ASS YOU'VE SERIOUSLY CONSIDERED RUNNING AWAY INSTEAD OF CONFRONTING HER
//No! That's not--...
//FUCKING COWARD, YOU'RE WORSE THAN HER
Na-Mira: Hck, legend says their hearts are made of black ice...
//THEY ARE _ANCIENT_. WITH THE FULL POWER AND WICKEDNESS THAT SUCH A WORD DESERVES.
//After a thousand years, they destroyed an entire city and killed everyone in it just to get back at Celestia... just over a matter of pride and having lost once.
Spike: They slaughtered thousands... over a petty grudge.
//I don't know how, I don't know when, I don't know who, but in my own heart, I know... someone has to make these dragons pay.
//THE THIRTY DON'T PAY, THEY LOOT AND PILLAGE SHIT. PAYING IS FOR CHUCKLEFUCKS LIKE YOU.
//As a Hero, I have to bring to justice to those who deserve it... and if I'm going to do that, I can't fail now.
\\Hold on. If they caused the Fall of the Crystal Empire, then both Twilight and Rainbow Dash should know about them...
Spike: Rainbow Dash...
//Na-Mira cocks her head and looks at me, wiggling her fangs once.
N-M: What?
Spike: Rainbow Dash might have seen the Thirty. I want to talk to her.
//She might be able to give me information about how they fight.
N-M: Hck, what's stopping you?
//...Also not wanting to talk to her?
Spike: Rainbow Dash is a particularly strong Avatar. She's attacked me three times, almost killed or enslaved or done both to me every time, and her temper is just erratic.
\\Also openly discussing with the other Avatars your murder or assault. Even if Princess Hazel forbid one, that just makes the other option that much more likely.
//I can't go up against Rainbow Dash without some sort of trump card. I need... something.
Spike: One day I want to bring justice to those terrors, because -- because you can see the pain so easily, in Twilight's eyes and Dash's eyes, they inflicted on just the living. I'm sure there are also thousands of bloody spots on the snow beyond just the Crystal Empire they're responsible for, and... I can't overlook that.
//YOU'LL KEEP CHASING PONYCUNT UNTIL I TELL YOUR ASS NOT TO.
//No. I refuse to let something like that go--
//THERE ARE BIGGER FUCKING PROBLEMS YOU SHITHEAD SO LET THE SMALL SHIT SLIDE AND DO YOUR GODDESS-DAMNED JOB HERO
Spike: But that means tomorrow I have to see Rainbow Dash. And she's not keen on me, if I can understate, so that brings up issues of its own.
//I put my hands on the bed and sigh. My path just got a whole lot less clear. I was going to meet with Rainbow Dash to try to make my own life easier -- whether she would listen to reason before being bested in a fight is a separate issue. Now, there are thirty dangerous dragons that could and would cause total destruction in Equestria, have done so in the past, and neither Twilight nor Hazel are capable of handling...
\\Hold up. Twilight said it was the Twenty-Nine now. Does that mean... it's possible for mere mortals to defeat them? Facing them isn't certain death?
//Na-Mira raises my chin with a cold hoof, and looks into my eyes.
N-M: ...What are you going to do, Sir Spike?
//What am I going to do... that's a good question. What _am_ I going to do?
\\...
//...
Spike: ...I have a plan.

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

//They say it rains on this mountain all the time, and it never lets up even though we're in the middle of the desert. Then again, they say Twilight Sparkle is dead. So I guess 'they' aren't that reliable of a source.
//Rainy Mountain. About ten thirty in the morning, not that you could tell by looking up. Short grasses and bushes are common here, with the occasional sapling, nothing too dense. Must be something in the soil. Horthwick Water, the river running through Fillydelphia, creates great floodplains that feed the greater Gloucester region and much of Equestria, but it doesn't seem to be sourced here. What does seem to be sourced here is something more interesting, if the abandoned rock climbing equipment is any note.
//It's strange here, like the opposite of Everfree Forest. That thickly grown, wearily old forest stood silent, still, nonthreatening. Because it wanted nothing more than you out of its known world. This is a new growth, a bold green step into arid wasteland, and the weather assaults it to prove it is special. It howls and glares, just so you'll take notice.
//I am aware of the metaphor.
//Mud clings to my legs and tail as I walk. It encourages me. Anywhere the world doesn't want me to go is where I should be. That, and the complete lack of predators in the area signifies an ultra-apex. So does the carved building reading 'dojo' at the top of the mountain.
//...Sorry, but would you really have listened if I mentioned that first?
Spike: You know, the rain's not all that bad.
Twilight: I'm glad you think so, it's ruining my hair!
//I pause in climbing over a boulder and look.
Spike: ...It's not that bad...
//I hear the 'drowning victim' look is in these days.
T: This is all because Rainbow Dash couldn't have the courtesy to live in a normal location.
Spike: Like Mountainville or Gorge Coltiers, you mean?
//Twilight huffs and tries to zap mud off her tail.
T: This is the worst.
Spike: Compared to what's waiting for me at the top? I'd take this any day.
//I take advantage of some climber's hooks to skip a long detour and climb up a cliff face. Twilight teleports to the top and offers me a hoof.
Spike: Thanks.
T: Don't mention it.
//She tries to flip her mane out of the way, and it ends up entirely in her face.
\\Feathers are much better in this situation than fur and hair.
Spike: This rain is really getting the better of you, huh?
T: Ppbbth. Are you going to stand there and laugh at me, or help?
//I'm not much better off than she is. New history books from Fillydelphia are in the waterproof bag. I'm just suffering through it (pony raincoats don't fit me). (And galoshes are stupid.)
Spike: What do you want me to do, breathe fire?
T: Spike -- my hooves are covered in mud. You have claws. Could you get it out of my eyes?
//Well, my claws aren't that much better, but...
Spike: Couldn't you do something with magic? Like, I don't know, turn into a duck?
//I draw my finger along Twilight's forehead. Her hair is stuck to her cheek now, but she can see.
T: ...Are you the spellcaster of the two of us?
Spike: Hey, just saying. You don't have to be here for me.
//Uh... somehow that came out wrong. Not the words, but the way they were said.
//I move past Twilight and further up the mountain, up a shallow slope. To my right, not far off, I hear the rain hitting a pool of water. The dojo is still far up the mountain, but closer.
T: ...Okay. I understand. Best of luck, Spike.
Spike: Oh, Twilight, I--
//In a sphere of shock, droplets are pushed away from Twilight's disappearance. They fall quickly.
//...Only the sound of the rain on mud and water.

Spike: Twilight?
//I say, a little bit louder, to be met with silence.
Spike: I didn't mean it like that...
//From the direction of the water comes a voice from somepony listening in.
Listening In: My, did you hear that, sister? It sounds like an intruder in our bath.
Bathing Other: Why, Linnaea, I think you're right. An uninvited witness to our skinny dipping.
//Don't ponies always skinny dip?
//Two pegasi spiral up into the air. One is the color of ink with pearl eyes, the other has pearl fur with ink-black irises. Water trails their wingtips and bursts with every wingbeat. They spot me immediately.
Linnaea: How rude. Wouldn't you say so, Boreali?
Boreali: Beyond rude. I think you owe us an apology.
//I scratch my neck. Didn't mean to sneak up on them, but there's no harm in saying sorry...
Spike: Uh, sorry for interrupting. I didn't mean to, honest mistake. Excuse me.
//The twins (they must be twins) fly in a wide arc, exchanging glances and hovering above my path up the mountain.
LI: A proper apology is more than just words, if you ask me.
BO: You should find a way to make amends as well.
Spike: So I'm going away as quickly as I can. How is that not the best amends I can make?
//The twins hover in the air, staying aloft easily in the rain.
BO: I don't know.
LI: A little flimsy.
//Do they always do this?
BO: Our Sensei has us escort lost travelers off of the mountain.
LI: It's our task to steer the misguided, with no expectation of reward.
BO: But I think you need to be more sorry if we're going to help you.
LI: It's not unrea--
//I interrupt the other twin with:
Spike: Why do you do the double-talking thing?
//They both stay silent, sharing a look.
LI: What?
BO: I don't understand.
Spike: Never mind. I have to see Rainbow Dash, and it's most thematically appropriate for her to be at the top, so I have a lot of walking to do. Bye.
//Also, the 'above everyone else' metaphor suits her perfectly.
//I trudge further up the trail, under the color-inverted twins.
LI: ...My, my, did you hear that, Boreali?
BO: Linnaea, I heard what you heard, dear sister.
//Both nod sagely.
LI: A competitor to us should never be allowed such arrogance.
BO: He must be humbled before meeting with the honored sensei.
Spike: (What the heck is a sensei? A squid dish?)
T: (...Spike, why would ponies honor a cooked squid?)
Spike: (Is... is that a setup for a joke? It sounds like the setup for a joke. I don't know, what?)
//Behind me, the twins say in unison:
LI: Your punishment will be fun for the both of us...
BO: I'm going to pin you down and pee in your face!
The pegasi attack!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]