//Two fillies, a unicorn and an earth pony, sit in front of the gate to the keep of Deific Castle. The unicorn is thinking madly, while the earth filly is looking around frightened, almost expecting something to happen. Neither of them have their cutie marks.
Almost Expecting: Why d-do we have to g-get in this d-darn thing anyways? Let's g-g-go!
Thinking Madly: Are you kidding me? This has got to be the place with all the loot! We searched the rest of the castle!
//Loot? What loot?
T: (Wait, are they-- no, they couldn't know about that.)
Spike: (If you're going to tell me something, you don't need to pretend to mutter to yourself. You can just tell me.)
TM: Besides, why else would someone put this magical seal up unless there was something in here worth protecting?
AE: T-Tammy, I--
TM: Use codenames!
AE: T-Tamamo, I d-don't think this is a g-good plan...
//Twilight rolls her eyes.
T: (I use this tower as magical item storage, because of its out-of-the-way location and the atmosphere.)
Spike: (Atmosphere?)
T: (Abandoned castle in the middle of dangerous Everfree Forest, with ominous mist swirling around and a giant gaping chasm around it? Draws Heroes like moths to a lamp. Everyone knows it must already be looted.)
//Reverse psychology. Clever.
T: (Everyone intelligent, at least.)
Spike: (You underestimated how stupid some people are, Twilight!)
T: (Clearly.)
TM: Nonsense, I just have to guess the password!
AE: T-Tamamo, it's c-cold out here...
TM: Uh, 'melon'! 'Kidney stones'!
//With each shout, the unicorn filly shoots a beam of light at the keep's gate, trying to get it to lower. The beam strikes the wood and is absorbed.
AE: Maybe it's n-not a magic lock?
T: (Don't worry, there's no way they can guess the password. It's undefeatable.)
Spike: (I trust you.)
TM: Nonsense, we just have to find the combination! Let's try... 'friendship'!
//Nothing. The unicorn filly rocks her head back and forth, trying to think, and then shouts out in a bad accent:
TM: Tu ne te prosterneras pas devant de telles porteurs d'incendie, car l'Eternel, ton Jument, tolère aucun rival!
T: (_What_?!)
//As the beam of light strikes the gate, a rhythmic clink of metal begins, and the gate starts to lower!
AE: Woah.
TM: See? I told you it'd work!
T: (Darn, now I have to change all my passwords...)
//With a puff of scentless air that shakes the mist around her, Twilight disappears.
AE: What was the p-password?
TM: Eh, it was some weird thing my mom says a lot when people bring up dragons. Thought I'd try it.
AE: Must b-be an old p-person thing.
TM: I can't wait to see what's inside!
//Wait -- there are a whole bunch of dangerous magical items in there! Twilight just left! How irresponsible!
//Well, guess that means I'm up to bat!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

The Drakeling leaps out of the mist, towards the Unicorn Filly!

Spike: Stop right there!
//Both fillies whirl around towards me. The earth pony cuts her scream short when she sees me.
AE: S-Sugar sticks, I thought it was something n-nasty...
//...I can be nasty...
TM: What's this? A challenger?
Spike: You shouldn't go in the keep. It's dangerous.
//Also you beat up a colt and threatened travelers, but we'll get to that.
TM: And who's going to stop us? Who can threaten the great Tamamo and Alma Elma?
AE: That's n-not my name, T-Tammy--
//Tammy spits:
TM: (I swear to the skies, Alexa, you have rocks for brains--)
Spike: I will! (And can!) I'm a Hero!
TM: Pfff, Hero! Those things are like talking monkeys and cool boys! They don't exist! Show him what's what, Alexa!
AE: (You m-mean Alma--)
TM: That's what I said!

The Drakeling charges at The Filly!
The Drakeling slams The Filly in the upper body with his left shoulder, bruising the skin and bruising the muscle!
The Filly is propelled away by the force of the blow!
The Filly's lower body skids along the ground, bruising the skin and bruising the muscle!
The Filly slams into the ground!

//Alexa squeezes her eyes shut and shakes her head, whining:
AE: J-just my luck, I g-get attacked first...
TM: Are you going to sit there and cry about it, or fight back?!

The Unicorn Filly points at The Drakeling and starts to cast a spell!
The Unicorn Filly casts Stupefy!
The Drakeling jumps away from the beam!

//Whoa! Even a child spellcaster is ready to fight! I should take this a little more seriously...

The Unicorn Filly points at The Drakeling and starts to cast a spell!
The Drakeling draws power from within himself, and casts Walk of the Third!

//Tammy swinging her head at me slows down, and the world around it. I sneak behind her, and prepare for the Walk to end.

The Drakeling's Walk of the Third ends.
The Unicorn Filly casts Charm!
//The beam shoots off into the mist, hitting nothing!
TM: What?! Where'd he go?

The Drakeling grabs The Unicorn Filly by the lower body from behind with his left hand!
The Drakeling grabs The Unicorn Filly by the lower body from behind with his right hand!
Spike: Boo!
TM: Aaah!
The Unicorn Filly kicks The Drakeling in the head with her left rear leg, bruising the muscle and bruising the skull!
//Gaaah Celestia damnit crap stupid why did I do that
The Drakeling falls backwards!
The Unicorn Filly begins to run!

TM: Alma Elma! Run!
//Alexa shakes her head, still on the ground.
AE: I'm staying d-down right here.
TM: What?!
AE: We're in t-trouble, d-dummy! D-don't make it worse!
//Tammy runs towards the keep!
Spike: Don't go in there!
//As she tries to run through the archway, a solid wall of purple magic stops her!
The Unicorn Filly collides with the obstacle! The Unicorn Filly's fuzzy nose takes the full force of the impact, bruising the muscle!

//Carried by stale air that wafts from the tower, a voice like sugared poison echoes:
Twilight: In trouble? You certainly are now, little ponies...
//Wait! Why is Twilight speaking out from the keep?
The Drakeling stands up.
Spike: (What is this?)
//Terrified, the two fillies watch as clouds of mist converge at the archway. They spin and fuse together, letting out a terrible laughter:
T: Ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha-haa!
//Wow, she's bad at acting.
TM: No! I didn't mean any of it! I swear!
T: It is too late for you!
//Tammy scrambles backwards and runs away from the swirling mists. A flash of purple shows--
//In the archway stands Twilight, with polished steel armor and wings!

The Filly stands up.
T: You fools! Your meddling has awoken my spirit to roam Equestria once again!
//Tammy bumps into Alexa, and the two fillies cling on to each other, terrified.
TM: Aaaaaaaaaah!
AE: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
//'Swings that's hard on the ears...
Spike: Who are you, foul spirit? Answer me!
T: I am Princess Twilight Sparkle, risen from the dead. And you look like my first victim!
//Princess Twilight Sparkle, that must mean what Na-Mira said was true...
\\Rarity said it in Longbridge, this is old news.
//...But I like Na-Mira better...
//I turn my head and shout:
Spike: Girls! Run to the bridge and tell your friends to hide! I'll deal with this ancient witch!
//For a split second, Twilight glares at me. Then the crazy smile returns.
AE: Aaaaaaa--
TM: Alexa, let's go!
//Half dragging and half running next to her, Tammy gets Alexa to run back through the mists as fast as they can, screaming. In only a moment they can't be seen or heard at all.
//I turn back to Twilight. She has a look on her face.
T: 'Ancient witch'?
//I shrug. It felt right to say at the time.
Spike: So what were you doing?
T: Trying to make sure a curious child doesn't get access to my storage of powerful magical items.
Spike: Well, uh, thanks for doing it in a way that helped me out.
//Twilight shrugs.

The Fillies have been defeated!
Spike earned 10000 experience points!
Spike is now level 28!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

//Twilight's horn glows for a second. Her armor and wings are dismissed, fading away.
T: You picked it up pretty quick. Good job, Spike.
Spike: So what's in there that's so valuable, anyway?
//I try to walk past Twilight into the keep, but she puts a hoof on my chest, stopping me.
T: What part of, 'trying to make sure a curious child doesn't get access to my storage of powerful magical items,' don't you understand?
Spike: Not a child, Twilight...
//I'm sure I couldn't use half of whatever's in there anyway.
T: If you get to call me an ancient witch, I get to call you a silly little boy. Which you are. Silly little boy.
//She pats me on the head twice. I'd feel insulted if the image of her doing this weren't so odd.
Spike: Oh, at some point we also should probably pretend you get defeated.
T: What's stopping you?
Spike: I meant, say, a triumphant laugh from me and you scream as the gate slams and seals you in, or something.
T: Eh, I don't know... I'm not much of a screamer.
//She trots off the lowered gate, and I follow. After a quick spell on the gate, it starts to rise, and I belt out:
Spike: Ha-ha, I have you now!
//Twilight adds a jagged scream, and the gate slams shut with a boom!
Spike: ('Swings, what was that? Something in your throat?)
T: (...I didn't think it was _that_ bad.)
Spike: (Wh-- you were serious? That was the worst acting I've ever seen, and Applejack tried to lie to me.)
//Twilight laughs.
T: (Sorry. Now get moving, you have Bandits to chastise.)
//She disappears in a collapse of scentless air. I turn away from the keep and start running towards the bridge.

//YOU ARE THE FATTEST AND UGLIEST AND WORST-MANNERED FUCKER I HAVE EVER HAD THE DISPLEASURE OF MEETING IN THOUSANDS OF YEARS OF EXISTENCE
//Oh my Celestia why does this pie taste so goooooood
//I'm sitting on the edge of Ponyville's central fountain, eating a custard pie with red confectionery sugar. It's fair to say the pie and my face have melded into one symbiotic being.
T: Where did you get the pie this early in the morning?
Spike: Mmmm.... mmmmglorp-phhmmmm...
//This pie is better than my friends. Sorry, Twilight.
T: Quit trying to get to fourth base with that pie and answer me. Where'd you get it?
//I finish the last of the crust. Custard hangs off my cheeks and covers my nose and chin. With a tongue longer than I thought (had I ever a reason to pay any mind to the subject), I try to clean off my face.
Spike: You know, they call it 'home plate'. Not 'fourth base'.
T: It's covered with gem powder. Ponies can't eat it. So, where did you get it?
//Is that why it tasted so good?
//I put the tin to the side, and pull the corner of my displacement cape out of the fountain. My face still feels sticky.
Spike: Sugarcube Corner. And really, you're missing out, that was a heck of a pie.
T: How did you buy it? You don't have any money.
Spike: They left coins lying about in this fountain, for some reason. So I gathered them up.
//I start cleaning my face with the wet corner of the cape.
T: ...Spike, those were offerings. For good luck.
Spike: Offerings to what?
//Twilight pauses, trying to find words. She chooses:
T: It doesn't really matter what. They're not yours to take.
Spike: Unless they were offerings to Celestia, they weren't really doing anything useful, so I made them useful. Besides, there's no such thing as luck.
T: People are allowed to believe in hocus-pocus if they want, Spike.
Spike: They would have just been swept up by the maintenance pony and kept in a bank or locked away in the town's coffers or something. Isn't it better for the local economy that I spend it?
//Under her breath, Twilight mutters:
T: (More like Bray-nard Keynes, if you ask me...)
//And I hop off the fountain, looking at a pony approaching with a professional posture. The grey mare has similarly boring hair, glasses most likely pilfered from a museum, and a satchel.
Spike: (Is that the mayor? I didn't get a good look at her earlier.)
//Earlier, before dawn had broken, I brought the Four Bandits to the Mayor of Ponyville, and left them in her care. Maybe I should have mentioned that first.
T: (Yes! She's a lot younger than she looks, actually. Be respectful.)
Spike: (I don't need to be lectured, Twilight...)
//In a scentless burst of air, Twilight's horn glows and she doesn't disappear.
T: (Ack, hold on a second, you have something--)
//She dips her hoof in the fountain and rubs custard from behind my ear, then disappears completely.
Spike: (She could have just told me.)
//I turn to the mayor and bow, Element of Kindness hanging off my neck as I do. She bows back.
Mayor: I'm assuming this is you, Hero?
Spike: It is, Mayor. Always glad to be of service.
//With the cape on, she sees me as a blur.
Mayor: If you do change your mind and feel like taking your cape off, it would be no trouble at all. We're all friends here.
//I raise my hands up.
Spike: I'm journeying as a Hero in the name of Celestia, Mrs. Mayor, not in my own. But thank you.
//The Mayor smiles.
Mayor: Your choices are your choices, I wouldn't take that away from you. I will say, though, that Ponyvillians are more than able to keep a secret.
//Don't I know it.
Spike: So, how did it turn out with the girls?
Mayor: I talked to all of their parents, and together we reached an agreement.
Spike: Not too lenient, I hope.
Mayor: We believe that it takes a 'ville to raise a child, and even the harshest private punishment wouldn't be enough.
//That's way too far in the other direction; these ponies mean business!
Spike: Wh-- you can't punish them on _display_, they're children!
//Something serious has to be done, sure, but that's not the answer!
Mayor: Hey, hold your horses!
//Not literally, I hope.
Mayor: We decided the girls will be going door-to-door to every single house in Ponyville, explaining what they did and apologizing to everypony.
//...Oh. That's different.
Spike: Everyone? ...Sounds like punishment enough for a young filly.
Mayor: They'll still participate in Nightmare Night festivities, but we'll keep a close eye on them. Two, if we can spare it.
Spike: And the colt who was injured?
//The Mayor looks away for a second.
Mayor: The parents of the girls are taking care of his medical bills themselves. They're somewhat responsible for what happened, too.
//'As our little ones go astray, it falls to the older and wiser to correct and instruct them'. It doesn't sound like their parents are bad people, just maybe a little inattentive.
Mayor: Trust me, they're all going to be keeping a closer watch on what the girls are doing from now on. I don't blame anyone in particular. Everything was just a youthful mistake.
T: ('Youthful'? She still lives with her parents.)
Spike: (Not everyone is as old as you, Twilight.)
Mayor: What was that?
Spike: Uh, I said, I'm glad everything turned out for the best.
Mayor: I'm glad you were here. If you hadn't rounded them all up, I just don't know what would have happened. There are worse things than ghosts in Everfree Forest.
//Ghosts... I guess the ponies of Ponyville really do think Twilight is dead.
Spike: Speaking of that, could you tell Jebed a certain Kelpie was seen in the area again? I think she'd like to know.
//Probably best to be on guard around watering holes, now that Wafa has been frustrated two times...
Mayor: ...The Forlegsandria dragon matron? I can send her a letter, yes.
//Her voice skips when she says 'dragon'. Opterix must have left a big impact on this town.
//The Mayor rears up, betraying her youth, and opens her satchel.
Mayor: Oh! Speaking of mail, I have these for you!
//Out of the satchel, she pulls a smaller bag, and a postcard.
Spike: Huh? What is this?
Mayor: That is a small award I'm empowered to grant you for your service to the people of Ponyville. And this is--
Spike: Mayor, I can't take this. I'm journeying for Celestia, not myself.
//The Mayor gives me one of those stares with a smile. She's not having any of it.
Mayor: Give it away or leave it as you wish, Hero, but I'm not taking it back. And this is a postcard, for you.
Spike: For me? How do you know my name? From who?
//I take the postcard and look it over, as the Mayor hoists up the satchel and starts to leave.
Mayor: It said 'Hero' on it. I tend not to ask her questions.
//'Her'? Who is that?
Mayor: Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go find my clown outfit.
//She leaves.
\\...Is that how you say goodbye to people?
//I inspect the card. On the front, a view from a mountaintop, ponies and dragons laying about, watching a beautiful sunset with expensive drinks close by. On the back:
::Dear Hero (hehehehehe!):
::I would just looooooooove to _personally_ show you a great time at Mountainville Casino and Resort! Please come as soon as you can! I'm sure I can find a way to fit you in!
::~Pinkie Pie!!
Spike: ...Pinkie Pie? The Avatar of Luck?
//I feel fur brush my arm. Invisibly, Twilight also starts reading the card.
Spike: (Why are you reading around my arm?)
T: (I'm not tall enough to see over your shoulder. Hush.)
Spike: It's just a taunt from an Avatar. And a rather transparent one at that.
//In Strategy, flustering your opponent and degrading their mental state can be as effective as any in-game move. But it's just a card.
T: Hmm, I don't think so. Pinkie Pie's usually pretty blunt.
Spike: I'll say.
T: No, more so. If she wanted to have sex with you she'd send you a card that said, 'Hi! Come to Mountainville so you can have sex with me!'
Spike: ...Is that really how she talks?
//Twilight did a high-pitched, almost mocking voice that sounds like a cartoon character more than a person.
T: I mean, she's gotten a little better, but I still wonder what this could be...
//I shrug, and pick up the small bag.
Spike: Doesn't really matter. I'm getting a train ticket to Canterlot; I'm sure Herr Yyz can figure it out.
T: Don't trust ponies just because they're decisive, Spike. That doesn't make them right.
Spike: Of course not. I trust Herr Yyz because Celestia is guiding her.
//IN THE SAME WAY YOU CAN TRUST A PONY WHO ALWAYS LIES TO ALWAYS LIE. YOU KNOW, LIKE TWILIGHT.
T: ...Okay, Spike. See you in Canterlot.
//She puffs away, and I start walking to the train station in the early morning light.

//Train to Canterlot. Midmorning. I might be drunk.
Spike: Gimme 'nother.
//I wave my empty glass at the bartender. He shakes his head at me from behind the small bar.
Bartender: Sir, you've already drank what little liquor we have. This is a public train. Also, it's ten in the morning.
//Bah!
Spike: Tha' was liquor? I though' it was pneumonia.
//Ammonia. My tongue isn't obeying me right now.
//Outside, a cheery morning speeds by, fluffy clouds overseeing the tiny mountain range whose north end includes Canterlot and south end stretches beyond Forlegsandria. I should have stopped in Forlegsandria, honestly. My finger is beginning to hurt.
Spike: Gimme a Fuscus Flash, 'n' make i' hot.
BT: Sir, I cannot offer you liquor we do not have. If you'd please make your way back to your cabin, I'm sure there are establishments in Canterlot willing to serve you when we arrive.
//A few old ponies are sitting at tables in the train car, having meals or quietly talking. No one else is at the bar, besides an employee on break drinking milk.
Spike: Then jus' gimme the peppers for it.
//With eternal patience, the bartender pushes a plate of hot peppers towards me, and continues reading a book under the bar. I try to take a peek at it. Wait...
Spike: ...Issat 'The Real Princess Hazel'?
BT: I'm sorry, is there something I can help you with, sir?
Spike: ...Nevermin'.
//I eat a few peppers, inspecting the outside world through the window with the bar to my back. It looks like we're a few minutes off from a tunnel.
//A griffon opens the door to this car and steps through, wind howling. Her talons clack on the floor as she walks up to the bar and takes a seat.
Thirsty Griffon: One Canterlot Special, please.
//I chomp on another pepper. Maybe the heat will distract me from my finger.
BT: Sorry, Ma'am, we're out of gin. Could I get you anything else?
Spike: A better tas' in drinks?
//I snark, chewing. These peppers aren't even spicy.
TG: Hey, what did you say to me?
Spike: Nothin'. I won' judge. Enjoy your My Firs' Drink.
//The griffon changes seats, moving next to me.
TG: And what would a dragon know about alcohol?
//...They made me take off the displacement cloak to order drinks. I should have thought of that before insulting someone...
Spike: ...Nothin'. Go away.
\\'Go away'? That was how you decided to end the conversation?
//Shut up. I'm drunk.
\\You had three drinks because you didn't want to be drunk meeting Herr Yyz again, quit pretending.
//The griffon does not, in fact, go away.
Spike: ...Damnit.
//I sit up and stop slurring my words. The bartender audibly rolls his eyes, and the griffon doesn't move.
TG: What are these, piments au safran?
//She pops one of them into her mouth and chomps down.
Spike: No.
//In a second, the griffon starts coughing into her fist, then braces the bar as she struggles to choke down whatever's left of the pepper. She raises her head again, eyes watering.
TG: That's a hell of a pepper.
//I eat the last one, and push the plate away from her.
Spike: No.
TG: Hey, who told you to be such a Negative Naga? Lighten up!
Spike: Who told you you could take one of my peppers without asking?
//She opens her beak for a moment, looks at the plate, and then closes it. I swing around on the stool.
TG: ...Sorry. Can I make it up to you?
Spike: Do you have more peppers?
//The bartender looks up from The Real Princess Hazel and nods.
Spike: Get the lady a plate, then. It was fun to see her in pain.
//The griffon lays her talons on her cheek and stares at me.
TG: Skies, you don't lay off, do you?
Spike: ...Sorry. I'm irritated.
TG: Why? Wake up on the wrong side of the treasure pile?
//I take the new plate of peppers from the bartender with my left hand, revealing my broken finger.
TG: Oh my skies, that looks terrible...
Spike: Eh. Had worse.
//At least I'm not strapped to a dragon's back with two broken limbs.
TG: I can't believe your rebirth-mate would let you get on the train with that sort of injury, it's only going to get worse.
//I stay silent, pick up another pepper and keep eating.
TG: ...
//The griffon stares at a knot on the bartop. She mutters:
TG: ...Oh. Sorry, that was probably pretty rude, wasn't it?
//Still not understanding why the griffon hasn't left me alone completely, I bite into a pepper. I can't tell if I'm getting heartburn or the combination of her and my finger is annoying me.
TG: Would you mind... could you tell me you got it?
//Whatever it is, sitting here and eating more peppers isn't going to help. And I'd like to be polite to this person, but frankly she's pushy and I'm never going to see her ever again.
Spike: ...I'd rather swim with a kelpie. Bye.
//I stand up from the stool and put the bag of the bits on the bar.
TG: Wait, what is that supposed to mean?
//The bartender looks at it and comments:
BT: Er, sir, this is too much. You only ordered--
Spike: Keep it. I've been kind of rude to you. If it's really too much, get the lady a drink, maybe that will shut her up.
//I fasten the displacement cloak and stalk back to my cabin, feeling worse than when I first came out here.

//Gaah, why do I feel so bloated? I'm swelling uncomfortably; every time the train shakes my stomach does a somersault.
\\Maybe you're pregnant?
//Maybe you're stupid. Shut up.
//I open the door to my cabin and stagger in, holding my stomach.
Spike: Ugh, why do people have to talk to me when I'm irritated?
//I lie down on the cabin seat (alone this time) and groan. Maybe I shouldn't have eaten so many peppers.
T: I think she was trying to be friendly. In her own, not very effective way.
Spike: ...What kind of person invites themselves to a stranger's food and then asks intensely personal questions after having met for two minutes?
T: ...The kind of person who wants a drink at ten in the morning?
Spike: Hey, I have an excuse, my finger's broken.
//And my stomach is churning, I think I might be sick...
Spike: Uuuuooohh...
T: Maybe her heart was broken.
Spike: And I'm supposed to be the one to remedy that? Tell me, in all the trashy romance novels you've read for the vicarious thrill of imagining yourself with an active love life, has _anyone_ met by drinking on public transportation?
//Twilight raises her front leg up, looking greatly offended.
T: _Trashy_?!
//I start laughing, but the motion causes something in my stomach to riot.
Spike: Urk... I think--
//Twilight ducks as I let out a huge belch, releasing everything pent up in my stomach. I squeeze my eyes shut afterward and lean back, feeling much better. My tongue stings.
Spike: Ahh...
T: The curtains are on fire.
//What?!
//I snap my eyes open.
Spike: The curtains are on fire!
//Twilight covers her nose with a hoof and leaves with:
T: I have to step out; I have a meeting in a few minutes. Also, it smells in here.
//I leap out of my seat and rip the curtains off the wall, so nothing else catches fire. They're letting off too much smoke, someone's bound to notice, it's a closed room with no air flow...
//There's a window in the cabin, but no real way to open it. The glass is held in by great big brass screws.
Spike: 'Swings, I'm really doing this, aren't I...
//I wrap the curtains around my neck like a thick scarf and grab a screw, twisting it with my claws.
Spike: Gah, come on, why of all times now is the train a safe and reliable mode of transportation...
//The screw falls to the floor with a heavy THUD, and I get to work on the next one. I need to take it out before my displacement cape catches fire...
//Wait, why did Twilight leave when the curtains caught fire? Couldn't she just have put them out?
//I take the screws off the window and gently take out the glass. Wind tries to wrench the glass pane out of my hands as soon as I get it loose. It screams as loud as it can into the train.
Spike: Shut up!
//I try to throw the curtains out the hole, but the wind drives them back in and they hit me in the face. I have to wrap them around my forearm and stick it outside so the wind takes them.
Spike: Hold on...
//I look out the window as the curtains fall away.
//WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO THINK WHEN IT'S THIS LOUD PUT THE FUCKING GLASS BACK IN BEFORE SOMEONE INVESTIGATES
Spike: We're about to enter the mountain in a minute. Over there's where we come out, right?
//WHY THE SHIT ARE YOU ASKING ME?
Spike: Why is there a pryde of griffons floating about where we exit?
//WHO CARES?
//I do, that's why I asked. You're the worst conversational partner ever...
Spike: Wait, scratch that. Why would a griffon need to ride a train in the first place?
//WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST STOMP OUT THE FLAMES YOU FUCKING IDIOT
//...Uh, probably should have thought of that...
//From further back on the train, I hear a scream over the wind, and then a tough, beaky voice:
Tough Griffon: _Where is the drakeling_?
//Oh, that sounds good.
The Drakeling puts on the displacement cape.
Spike: Allez-vous!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

The Drakeling leaps out the window, away from the speeding train!
//THIS WAS NOT ONE OF YOUR BETTER IDEAS
Spike: Shit!--

//I slam into the grass!
The Drakeling slams into the ground!
The Drakeling's left upper leg takes the full force of the impact, bruising the muscle and bruising the bone!
The Drakeling bounces!

Spike: Shit!!--
The Drakeling's tail skids along the ground, tearing the scale and bruising the muscle!
The Drakeling slams into the ground!
The Drakeling's head takes the full force of the impact, shattering the scale, bruising the muscle, and tearing apart the right ear's cartilage!
The Drakeling bounces!

Spike: Shit!!!--
The Drakeling slams into the ground!
The Drakeling's left hand takes the full force of the impact, bruising the muscle, shattering the bone, jamming the bone through the left wrist and shattering the left wrist's bone!
//Gaaaaaaaaaah why why why why
//BECAUSE YOU'RE A FUCKING MORON. YOU FUCKING MORON.
The Drakeling's tail skids along the ground, denting the scale, bruising the muscle, and bruising the bone!
The Drakeling lands.

//I lay my head back, arm on my chest, and groan.
Spike: Celestia...
//TELL ME WHY YOU DECIDED TO LEAP YOUR RANK ASS OUT OF A MOVING FUCKING TRAIN.
//I slowly scoot over half a foot, and lean my back against a bush. The train rushes by in front of me, going through the tunnel.
Spike: They... looking for me...
//It hurts, but nothing could hurt worse than what Rainbow Dash did earlier, I just need a second...
//FULL SENTENCES, COME ON. YOU BROKE YOUR WRIST, NOT THE SHITMEAT YOU CALL A BRAIN. ANY MORE THAN IT ALREADY IS.
Spike: If... someone's looking for me, as a Hero or drakeling, it's... I can't confront them where there are others...
//Removing myself from the situation as a Hero strangely enough is the correct move when someone's trying to manipulate me. The griffon(s?) was (were?) clearly nefarious, and likely willing to use the other passengers as leverage. It's better for them that I left, instead of fighting where there were innocents.
//YOU COULD SAVE A LOT MORE LIVES BY RUNNING AWAY COMPLETELY. MAYBE AN ENTIRE FOREST'S WORTH.
//I'll just have to... find another way to get to Canterlot to see Herr Yyz. I'm sure that won't be too hard.
Spike: Agh, I need to find something for my wrist...
//It looks worse than it feels and feels worse than it looks. I can't move it at all (not that I'd want to). The bone is jutting out through the scale, and there's a lot of blood.
//I try to look around, feeling a slight breeze coming down the mountain on my torn ear. There are flat green grasses here, but making a sling is out of my range of motion right now.
//OH, YEAH, WAIT THE FUCK AROUND, DUMB BASTARD; GET YOUR ASSHOLE TORN OPEN BY GRIFFON CLAWS WHEN THEY REALIZE YOU'RE NOT ON THE TRAIN AND COME LOOKING.
//...Bully's got a point. But is there anywhere to move to?
Spike: I have a feeling I'm going to regret this decision more than anything else I've ever done.
//JUMPING OFF A TRAIN? THAT'S WORSE THAN BURNING DOWN A FOREST?
Spike: I was talking about listening to you.
//I stand up, holding my left arm still with my right, and look around. Far away, up the grassy mountain, repeating grey poles jut up out of the...
Spike: ...
//...No, it can't be.
Spike: Ski lifts?
//There's no snow here! Not even above the treeline!
//A clear blue sky shines above. The sun is warm this season, but the altitude is cooling. This mountain is an active volcano, but there's no tree cover for miles around, just grass growing thick in the fertile ash. If I remember right, there was widespread logging, to support the construction of...
\\...Mountainville. Of course.
Spike: Just my luck.
//I start trudging through the thick grass, up the mountain. There's no cover for me at all, unless I can find a way to hide purple scales in dark green grass. Celestia, I guess the ski poles are closer than they look... or my head's getting woozy from the pain.
//OH SHIT, WE'VE LOST HIM. THE ALLURING ATMOSPHERE OF ALCOHOL, GAMBLING, DRUGS, CASUAL SEX AND TOTAL HEDONISM DID HIM IN. GOOD RIDDANCE.
Spike: I'm moving before the griffons find me, my wrist needs medical attention, and Pinkie Pie is there anyway. ...Even if she probably had a hand in this.
//I jumped off a train, completely evading people who wanted to hurt me, and escaped with only a broken hand. That was pretty lucky, to tell the truth.
//A griffon cry comes from the other side of the mountain, stained with anguish!
Spike: Yeah, it couldn't last. Knew it.

The Drakeling breathes in and focuses, casting Terrae Corpus! The Drakeling's scales become as hard as rock!
The Drakeling breathes fire! The Drakeling's scales are caught in the fire! The Drakeling's wound has been sealed!

//Feathery lions start to tear through the sky on wings of fury.
//IT'S A RAPE NOT A METAL ALBUM CALM THE FUCK DOWN
//They spot me and start to fly over. I keep walking up the mountain.

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

//One griffon pulls up closest, and says:
Aggressive Griffon: By Warhelm, you _jumped_?
Spike: Excuse me for thinking of '_Where is the drakeling_?' as a bad sign.
AG: Man, this means we're getting damaged goods...
Spike: There's nothing good about this.
//A second griffon with a rougher voice swoops in, a little too close.

The Drakeling breathes fire!
Second Griffon: Eeeeeee!
The Griffon dodges away from the flames!

//Quine: Some fights are about dimension. One degree of freedom over you and your opponent should have no contest.
//Spike: Should?
//Quine: You may be fighting idiots.
SG: Hey, you almost burned me!
Spike: Sorry, I didn't mean to. I give in. I'll go quietly.
//I stand still, hanging my head. Several of the griffons look at each other, forming a flapping circle around me.
AG: Well, okay, man.

The Griffon charges at The Drakeling!
The Drakeling draws power from within himself, and casts Walk of the Third!
//Her dive slows down. I step a few feet closer, and then do some mental arithmetic.

The Drakeling's Walk of the Third ends.
The Drakeling breathes dragonfire!
AG: Yaaaaah!
The Griffon is caught in the dragonfire! The Griffon's left wing has been set aflame! The Griffon's upper body has been singed!
The Griffon rushes by The Drakeling!

The Griffon slams into the ground! The Griffon's right front leg takes the full force of the impact, bruising the muscle and shattering the bone!

Spike: Celestia, you're on fire!
//I rush over to the griffon, trying to put her out!
The Drakeling charges at The Griffon!
The Drakeling kicks The Griffon in the upper body with his right foot, bruising the muscle, bruising the left false ribs and bruising the left lung!
//She screams and scrambles away!
The Drakeling rushes by The Griffon!

Spike: Skies, I'm sorry! I missed!
//The other griffons still circle and follow our short chase up the mountain as the griffon engulfed in flame tries to take off.
The Drakeling charges at The Griffon!
The Drakeling kicks The Griffon in the left wing with his right foot, bruising the muscle and shattering the bone!
The Drakeling collides with The Griffon! The Griffon tumbles backwards!
//Removed 3D from the equation, this should be no challenge now.
The Griffon slashes The Drakeling in the lower body with her left front claw, but the attack is deflected by The Drakeling's scales!

Spike: Hey, stay still! I'm trying to put you out!
The Drakeling stomps The Griffon in the left wing with his left foot, bruising the muscle, shattering the bone, driving the left wing's bone through the left lower scapulocoracoid and shattering the left lower scapulocoracoid's bone!
The Griffon gives into pain!
//With a sickening crunch her wing flattens into her body. It's mostly put out. All the feathers have burned off or been kicked out.
Spike: I mean, that's just irresponsible. Do you know how much damage a wildfire can do?
//YOU DO

//I shrug at the fainted griffon as the others fly around and over me, a little further out. Is that some sort of insignia on her chest, or...
The Drakeling picks up the red helmet badge.
//She had this pinned to one of her feathers. What is it?
Second Griffon: You... you-- if she dies, it's your fault!
//I spin around, yelling up to the leering griffons:
Spike: You're trying to assault me, and I shouldn't defend myself?
//I fold the red badge into my displacement cape, putting it away for now.
SG: You surrendered!
//And you were dumb enough to believe it!
Spike: I can see why you're criminals. Actual work must require some sort of brainpower.
SG: False surrender is a war crime!
//I start working my way up the mountain. This argument isn't worth sticking around for.
Spike: I'm not a soldier or at war. You're trying to enslave me!
SG: Bull, you're a Hero and everyone knows it.
Spike: Oh, so you were with the griffon on the train.
//She must have...
//I stop for a second, long grasses waving against my legs and tail as the griffons follow me.
Spike: ...I never told her I was a Hero.
Third Griffon: Sir, Agatha is down. You're the most senior officer here. Orders?
//'Sir'? Orders? What's happening?
SG: ...
//I continue walking up the mountain, trying to listen in on the conversation. If only Patatrin-Vikramana wasn't replaced...
SG: (Okay, he's far enough. You two, airlift Agatha out of here.)
//Two griffons, smaller than the rest, zoom back down the mountain and land.
TG: (We have him to rights. His arm's broken and he's hurt one of our own. Should I--)
SG: (No, I'm not calling in heavy ordinance so close to Mountainville. The crown doesn't respect their own rules of warfare, too risky. Help with Agatha, I'll distract him.)
//The rest of the griffons, about five in total, fly in formation over to where the first lies. Remaining, the officer begins to shout at me:
SG: You selfish prick!
Spike: Yes, shame on me for wanting my freedom over your personal benefit. It's completely inexcusable, I know.
SG: That's the worst part. You're so brainwashed you don't see anything wrong with it.
//I reach the bottom of a cliff edge, make a guess and start to work my way left. Insects of different sorts crawl in the concealment of tiny rocks, lying along the grassless strip that follows the cliff bottom.
Spike: So, to clarify: we're talking about assaulting a drakeling in order to mentally enslave them, right?
SG: 'Assault' -- 'enslave' -- have you ever talked to any bound drakeling? A single one, at all?
Spike: ...You're not going to say 'because they retroactively accepted it, it was okay'.
//Griffons off in the distance are carrying Agatha away. They made a sling with the grass for her wing...
SG: What if I am?
Spike: ...Consent isn't eventual, it's immediate. Evil done in the progress of something that turns out okay is still evil -- and that's saying 'assault being rewarded with immortality' is turning out okay!
SG: Liberators are always resisted by people who are entrenched. These are people who have been convinced by someone else their way is the only way. Why do you have such a strong opinion about something you've never experienced?
//...I don't need to go through some things to understand them. That's part of being intelligent. You don't have to experience a perspective to empathize with it.
Spike: I've never been murdered either, but somehow I have an opinion about that.
SG: 'Murder'? You're being prejudiced. You need to open your eyes.
Spike: You need to shut your mouth!
//Her idiocy isn't making my wrist feel any better.
//The griffon scoffs.
SG: What? Your convictions can be shaken by merely the existence of alternative viewpoints?
Spike: Assaulting a drakeling... their whole personality changes. You may as well kill them and put someone else in their place! It's like murder, but worse, because someone else is dancing around in their body, hurting the people who were close to them and swearing loyalty to someone who doesn't deserve it!
SG: People change their mentality when significant events happen to them. It's part of life.
Spike: This shouldn't be.
//She looks around, and back at where the others were taking off. They are far away in the sky, still visible.
SG: You...

The Drakeling breathes fire!
The Griffon dodges away from the dragonfire!

//She gradually flew closer as we were talking. Thought that would work, darn...
SG: Have you thought about immortality? For even the slightest damn second, the littlest bit, about what it would mean?
Spike: It would mean evil is eternally rewarded!
SG: Mathematical and sociological models of destructive behavior arise from competition for scarce resources. Introduce immortality. No resources are needed to live! Evil has no longer any reason to be! Immortality is an infinite gain for finite costs. You're, what, inconvenienced for ten minutes, at most?
Spike: People aren't only evil for their own gain. More people are evil in the name of others than that!
SG: Why does any conflict need to happen if someone is going to live forever? What is there to fight over? _You_ are Outside Context Solution. Through removal of its causes or directly, immortality would completely solve every single problem of the world right now, and for all eternity! It would be a new world, a better world -- imagine if for every person to exist there were a drakeling to make mistakes, absolutely any mistake, completely fixable! Including death!
//...She's a zealot. A complete and total nutcase, wrapped in a wrapper of freak.
Spike: Your plan to fix the world is for every single person to have a slave of their own to take care of all their needs.
SG: You're forcing us to _die_ because you don't want to be uncomfortable for a few minutes! How can you be anything but greedy?!
Spike: In the name of Celestia, some day I hope you see how crazy you sound.
//A lion's roar echoes from down the mountain. We both spin to look.
//Pegasi in blue suits are attacking the griffons carrying the hurt griffon away. It looks like the fight is going in favor of the pegasi.
SG: _Medics and wounded are protected_, you savage fuc--

The Mysterious Mare charges The Griffon!
The Mysterious Mare strikes The Griffon in the tail with her Wind Drill, bruising the muscle and shattering the bone!
The Mysterious Mare collides with The Griffon! The Griffon loses control and spirals downwards!
//A dark blur came out of nowhere!

Spike: (Why is she wearing a kooky outfit?)
//The pegasus who just attacked the griffon has an obfuscating purple body suit, a black cape and hat. It looks stupid.
T: (It's the Mysterious Mare Do Well!)
Spike: (No, it's Rainbow Dash. No one else can fly that fast and she used Wind Drill.)
//I remember that move. For good reason.
T: (...You're very perceptive.)
Spike: (I could tell by the ultra-violence.)
//On the ground, the griffon sputters:
SG: You -- I'll kill dishonorable muck like you!
RBD (muffled): Yeah, right! Bring it on!
//Not only is she a bad actor, but her text box says 'RBD (muffled)'. Who does she think she's fooling?
//I reassure that my displacement cloak is on tight and start to sneak away. Being in the general vicinity of Rainbow Dash doesn't seem to go so well for me...
//...Strangely enough, she doesn't follow. I run further up the mountain as the two are fighting, getting away.

The Griffons were defeated!
Spike earned 1000 experience points!
//Crazy bint. And the griffon, too.

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

//Hours pass as I climb up the mountain path. Grass starts to fade away with the elevation, and grey poles start to reach higher and higher. My wrist throbs uncomfortably in tune with my heartbeat. It feels hot.
Spike: So, this may not have been the best idea.
//BEING A HERO? I FOR ONE FUCKING AGREE.
//Not a cloud in the sky oversees my journey. Further up the mountain, I can see the bumps across the angled horizon that might be buildings, but they're so far away...
//It's afternoon, all of the sudden, and nothing is looking any closer. The grasses and pretty much anything besides pale yellow dirt disappeared some time ago. There's actually a significant risk of dehydration if I can't find anything or get anywhere soon. To keep myself sane, I practice speaking in the voices of others, to surprisingly find I'm pretty good at it.
Spike: The _slain_ lie on the _plain_ beside the _train_ in Transyl-_vain_-ia...
//...I'm walking, what more do you want from me?
RBD (muffled): I didn't take you for a hiker.
//I whirl around, fists up!
//Rainbow Dash is standing a few feet behind me, Mysterious Mare outfit still on. There are tears in the cloth where her blue feathers peek through.
Spike: (...Twilight?)
//Silence. I guess she must have gotten bored.
RBD (muffled): Then again, _that_ cloak isn't exactly hiking gear. Don't you have any others?
//Others? Why would I...
\\...If you were a different person, you'd have others. The displacement cape obscures your identity. She thinks you're someone else.
//Twilight isn't here to interrupt, so, maybe, I can... I was just getting the last part down, actually, and I feel pretty confident about it...
Spike: Why, of course I have others, Rainbow Dash, but discretion is not something to be taken lightly. Even if both your and my wardrobes seem to lack it as of late.
//I try to speak from my head, breathier than normal. Now that it's out there for someone else, this accent sounds goofier than I'd ever imagined. Who speaks like this?
//Rainbow Dash takes off the mask of the Mysterious Mare costume, and breathes in.
RBD: Yeah. Sorry for messing up the costume, Rarity. I know you put a lot of time into it.
//...Must be a passable imitation.
Spike: Please, dear, don't apologize! I know you; you play rough with your things. If I wanted to see it preserved, I wouldn't have given it to you.
//The Avatar of Speed chuckles, and takes off the costume fully. She puts it to the side, gentler than I've ever seen her handle anything.
RBD: I should get one of those displacement cloaks. It's probably a lot easier than the costume!
//I nod, not wanting to wear out the voice.
RBD: What are you doing here, anyway? Twilight told me to clean up the griffon attack, as far as I know.
//Twilight did? Was that the meeting she had to go to?
Spike: Oh, I'm visiting Mountainville so I can speak with Pinkie Pie. (And perhaps some gambling, I haven't decided yet, hohoho!)
RBD: Oh yeah, I haven't talked to Pinkie in ages! What are you meeting her for?
//Uh, are we really shooting the breeze here in the middle of nowhere? I had hoped imitating Rarity would get Rainbow Dash to ignore me and leave, but if I am going to do this, maybe I can gain some information before it falls apart...
Spike: I had heard rumors that Spike had defeated Fluttershy for her Element, and was planning on confronting me in Canterlot. I was going to ask Pinkie...
//At the mention of my name, Rainbow Dash's friendly face slides away. She leans forward, staring at me from narrowed eyes.
Spike: ...Is something wrong, dear?
//She takes a step forward, flaring out her wings.
RBD: I'm gonna ask you to take off the cloak now.
//I take a step back, covering my broken wrist. My impression wasn't the greatest, then...

The Drakeling breathes in and focuses, casting Terrae Corpus! The Drakeling's scales become as hard as rock!

RBD: _I said_, I'm gonna ask you. And I did. So now I'm gonna tell you: take off the cloak!
\\It's a powerful magical item, given in the name and duty of Celestia, whose scarcity is enough to impress even Twilight. It's not worth risking in a fight with someone who's beaten you twice before.
Spike: Fine.
The Drakeling takes off the displacement cloak.
//Rainbow Dash recoils, as if physically struck.
RBD: _Spike_?!
Spike: You were expecting a baker?
//Rainbow Dash hops into the air, pushing yellow dirt away from her as she flaps in place. For a few seconds, she doesn't speak.
RBD: ...Has anyone ever told you you're messed up?
//I KEEP TRYING BUT HE DOESN'T LISTEN
Spike: Why?
//She doesn't respond to that, twisting her lips to keep some shout in.
RBD: ...I'm not going to let you get away unpunished with impersonating one of my friends.
//SHE'S GOING TO FUCK YOU TO GET CLOSER TO RARITY?
Spike: Oh, so you're going to mount me to strengthen your relationship with Rarity?
RBD: ...
//That bit deep. I think I'm beginning to understand...
//Is what I would say if I were a blockheaded moron who can't take a hint.
RBD: You defeated Fluttershy. That means you may be a Hero of the Land someday. But as Avatar, I get to see if you're for real!
Spike: Right, this again. Glad to see you haven't changed.
//Rainbow Dash looks at me oddly. Her gaze grows a little colder, further away.
RBD: If you're gonna help out, you need to pull your weight! Let's see if you can stand up to what I have in store for you!
//Celestia just get on with it.

[[SAVE LOCATION]]