Author's Notes:

The Usual Disclaimer:

The following is a work of parody, and is protected as Fair Use under section 17 U.S. Code § 107 of US Copyright Law. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and all affiliated characters are property of Hasbro Inc.

I own nothing. All characters, settings and other belong to their respective owners. This is purely a fan-work with no intent towards profit, slander or harm towards the characters, settings or other, or their respective owners. If the respective owners feel that this fan-work in any way, shape or form threatens or besmirches their property, please let me know so that it be can be removed asap.

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Chapter 80

Spike grunted, limbs trembling as he struggled to not fall down on-top of Scootaloo.

Fifteen times.

For each of them.

If he didn’t have draconic vitality, Spike was fairly certain he would have died hours ago, and as things stood right now, that sounded like a mercy. Everything hurt, especially the Spike Special, and the only things to eat at the Clubhouse were some dried pieces of fruit, some half-stale cookies and, of course, apples.

He’d give up his hoard for a glass of water right now. How do I even have any fluids left in me right now?

“Spiiiiiiiiike …” Sweetie Belle crooned, flopping down onto his back and nearly causing the young Drake to flop in turn onto the equine puddle formerly known as Scootaloo. “Do you think you could maaaaaybe …?”

“S-sorry, I’m just too … spent.” Spine groaned, trying unsuccessfully to roll the lithe Unicorn off his back as his limbs quivered with the effort of holding both himself and another warm body up.

“We kinda did go overboard. Ah can’t feel anythin’ south o’ my navel anymore.” Applebloom pointed out from her position atop a pile of cushion that had been vigorously defiled by a team effort, a stupid, goofy grin on her face. “Same time tomorrow, Spike?”

“Can’t we just cuddle, dammit?”

Three mares all grinned back at him.

“No!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dappled resisted the urge to sigh, or move, as he glanced at the window and noted that it was well past midday and lunch was likely well over and done by now.

The reason for his caution was the very affectionate love-bug asleep on two of his limbs, with all four of her own wrapped around him and drooling somewhat into his mane.

Scout had climbed into bed with him when Dappled had been agonizing over his ‘reward’ from the Princess and the fact that Celestia herself, the Sun that shines on all things, personally detested him for a sexual fetish involving herself and Princess Luna. She’s been … awkward, somewhat mechanical and maternal at the same time as she tried to console him, and then he’d finally started to doze off, and presumably so had the Changeling.

Except now he wanted to get up and try to see if he could talk the Captain of the Royal Guard into letting Dappled get himself exiled to some distant corner of the world, far far away from the walking natural disaster that was Twilight Sparkle and the Elements of Harmony, rather than become the first of the Twilight Guard.

And he wasn’t entirely sure on how to do so without waking Scout up, and given how their previous close interactions had ended, especially their first encounter, Dappled wasn’t certain that doing so wouldn’t end up with some interspecies diplomacy that could land him in an even greater trouble.

Unfortunately the close proximity wasn’t doing much for his heart. Changelings, it seemed, had firm, smooth chitin on most of their bodies, but their bellies, the undersides of their necks and the upper inside portions of their limbs all had soft, warm skin, as Dappled was finding out. Every time he tried to scooch away, Scout would mumble and adhere to him even tighter, and he was desperately trying to think of things other than the warm, touchy-feely Changeling body tightly pressed to his own in a very compromising position.

The fact he knew Scout didn’t quite understand Equestrian social mores and had no concept of dangerous it was to be in this situation also horrified him. If it was a mare of his own species, Dappled Light would be fairly certain this could be called a firm ‘come hither’ signal, but Scout was … difficult to read.

Also the fact her entire Hive could be watching them from through Scout’s eyes made him shudder. He wasn’t used to having attention on him, his Cutie Mark made certain of that, and after all these years of having people notice him without having to have focused on repressing his own gift was … unsettling for a variety of reasons.

“Sssssscout? I need to get up.” Dappled ventured in a soft tone, to which the Changeling merely mumbled and shifted against him. “Scout? C’mon, I need to talk to the Captain.”

“Snrrrk hrngnnngh.” went the Changeling, rubbing her muzzle against his neck before burying it back into his drool-dampened mane. “Mmmnngh hnnnnn snrrrrk.”

“… Was that a yes or a no?”

“Hmmmngh.”

Sighing, Dappled tried to untangle himself with his magic, a weak telekinetic field that slowly pried Scout’s forelimbs away from his shoulders and then, blushing as he did so, Dappled attempted to untangle Scout’s hind-legs from around his waist with mixed results.

Every time he tried to move the limb hooked over the top of his hips, Scout’s other hind-leg tangled around the curve of his buttocks and the dock of his tail. When he tried to telekinetically drag that one away, the other hind-leg would immediately return to its former position. And of course, as soon as he started to make head-way with the hind-legs, Scout would whine sleepily and immediately snag him again with her fore-legs.

Dammit. I can’t just … get up, can I? I’d wake Scout up, but if I just … hmmm … wait, if I just dragged myself to the edge of the bed? Just fall out onto the floor? A bruise on my butt is hardly a steep price to pay for getting out of this without further embarrassment, right?

An inch at a time, Dappled managed to wriggle himself towards the edge of the bed, with a sleeping Scout being drawn along with him due to her death-grip on his body, and every time he stopped to reposition his legs or take a breather, the snuggle-bug of a Changeling would quickly re-wrap herself around him.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Dappled felt a gap under his back, the edge of the bed. Freedom … and then Scout’s horn glowed green, while Dappled found himself being levitated up and over the Changeling who was still clinging to him, and then placed back down on the mattress on Scout’s other side.

“Miiiiiine.” The sleeping Changeling crooned before snuggling back up to Dappled, this time holding his head to her chest, and began to snore adorably once more.

“Buck…” Dappled cursed softly and resigned himself to waiting until his cute, sleepy captor decided to let him go, as much out of fear of what a being with such a strong field grip could accidentally do in her sleep if he tried to escape a second time as well as a guilty enjoyment of being held for once instead of being ignored constantly by the beings around him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A small mercy, Shining thought to himself, of being royalty was that nobody looks sideways if you brought large amounts of luggage with you.

Specifically, a heavy, iron-bound chest. Big enough to hold a slightly-larger-than-normal Pony … or Alicorn.

“Siiiiiiiir …” Adamant whined, giving puppy-dog eyes that should have been registered as a lethal weapon to his commander as their group, stuffed into a spacious carriage, was ferried up the steep series of switch-back roads to take them from the base of Canterlot Mountain to the castle itself.

“No, Adamant. Not until we get to the castle.”

“But … air-holes, sir!”

“There’s the keyhole, and the lid doesn’t form an air-tight seal. She’ll be fine for at least … another twenty minutes. If we don’t reach the castle in fifteen minutes, I’ll pop the lid and give her a fresh dose of air, but I will expect you all to help me subdue the Princess if she tries to escape again.” Shining turned and gave a withering glare to the rest of his subordinates, all of whom had the sense to bow their heads in shame as Shining’s glare raked over them. “I don’t fancy having to wrangle an over-stimulated Alicorn, in the full throes of her Dominion, all on my own again. Especially not in the middle of a castle full of Royal Guards who might not understand what I’m trying to do and interfere.”

“To be fair, sir, from the noises that were coming from the room, we kind of assumed you two were, ah, working on the heir for the Crystal Throne?” Flash Sentry offered with a weak grin that quickly vanished under Shining’s withering glare.

“Flash, I swear to Faust, you’re a trained, highly decorated soldier. If I order you to help me contain my wife while she’s in the middle of a shipping frenzy and about to bust out the side of a moving train so she can assault two members of Equestrian royalty, you bloody get in there and help me.”

“Shining, the last time I thought you were asking me to tag in while you and Cadence were making noises like that, I nearly ended up the second Royal Consort!”

“FLAAAAAASH …”

“Okay, okay, bad joke! But … seriously. You have our Princess in a box! That’s gotta be some sort of felony, treason maybe!” Flash stammered, and the other Guards in the carriage nodded furiously.

“Gentlecolts, until my wife, our Princess, recovers her wits and stops trying to assault two members of another nation’s royal family for private information on their love-life, details that not even Equestria’s own media is aware of, it is our duty as members of the Crystal Guard to stop her causing an international incident with two other divine leaders of another nation.” Taking a deep breath and trying to not fry his underlings with sheer force of his frustration, Shining carried on his explanation. “A nation that is, as everypony here should be well aware of, absolutely critical to ensuring the Crystal Empire can continue to survive as an independent national entity until our economic infrastructure is rebuilt and the rest of the world acknowledges our sovereignty and our borders. If Princess Celestia and Princess Luna had not leaned heavily upon the Dragonlord and the President of the Maze Republic, we would be inundated by Dragons trying to eat our home, and we’d be under the dubious ‘protection’ of the most militantly atheist country on the planet. And good luck having either of those nations recognize a herbivore’s right to self-govern without the threat of Celestia or Luna calling down some fury from the heavens hanging over their head.”

The carriage was silent but for the occasional squeak of a cushion spring and the constant clatta-clatta-clack of the cobblestone under the carriage’s wheels.

“I get that Princess Cadence is terrifying. But I married her, after all, for good times and bad, in sickness and in health, until my death do we part. And until that day comes, it is my duty, as her Royal Consort, as her husband, as her friend, to make sure she doesn’t go off the rails again and cause a political scandal that could affect the lives of the Crystal Ponies negatively. I doubt Celestia, Luna or Twilight would allow a situation that would harm the Crystal Empire to flourish, but I need you to remember that Equestria still has a parliament.” Shining continued, pointing with a hoof towards the Castle, where so many of the pains in his plot resided these days. “Even if the other Princesses can veto any petition or amendment to the law those inbred, self-impressed morons put forth, eventually they will have to give some sort of ground on the issue, or the Canterlot Parliament will just keep wasting precious time and money pushing for retaliation to salve their own pride, even if the royalty of the nation forgives the trespass.”

“So until we can get to someplace with relative privacy, Cadence stays in the box. Faust knows, it’s not the weirdest place I’ve stashed her when things went sideways …”

“What … what could be worse than being tied up and thrown into a box?” Adamant asked nervously as the carriage rattled up through the commons district and up into the first tier of the noble district.

Shining blinked, sighed and then smiled slightly.

“When we were first dating, things had started to get a little … heated between Cadence and myself, and we were up in my room messing around when I heard Twilight banging on my bedroom door.” A black hoof came up and rubbed awkwardly through Shining’s two-toned blue mane as his smile turned into a grimace. “Needless to say, I panicked and telekinetically shoved Cadence under my bed, then threw the covers over what wouldn’t fit under my bed. Twilight came barging in just seconds later and asked if she could stay with me, because she had heard ‘ghosts’ moaning while she was asleep.”

“Oooooh…” A chorus of understanding noises came from the other guards.

“So after defusing the situation and telling Twilie she was too big to sleep with me anymore, but maybe she should take Spike into her bed because he was probably as scared of ghosts as she was, I tried to pull Cadence out of the little crawl-space where she was wedged, only to find that my darling mare-friend was muzzle-deep in my stash of porn-magazines, which I had had to re-hide after Twilight had helpfully shown Cadence where they were hidden the first time.” Shining gave a deep, gusty, heart-felt sigh that seemed to come straight from his hooves. “And she then had me help her defile them with a permanent marker and a rousing game of ‘spot the surgery-scars’ as punishment.”

“Oohhhhhhh …” A second chorus, one full of sympathetic pain, filled the carriage now.

“I am the only fap material you need in your life!” Came a tinny-sounding, angry voice from the chest wedged under the seat of the carriage.

“Honey, I agree, but at that time in a young colt’s life, that was a really crushing thing to do.” Shining pointed out in a pleading tone. “Also, are you calm now? I’d really like to let you out of that chest sooner rather than later and discuss this rationally.”

“… Define calm.” The Princess of Love asked testily, the chest rocking wildly and the chains that bound it rattling ominously as Cadence tested the limits of her prison.

“Oooookay, let me put it to you this way: If I let you out of there, are you going to accept you can’t just go flying off to assault Twilight and Luna for the juicy gossip on their relationship to feed your shipping charts with new information, or do the Crystal Guards and I have to dogpile you and push you back into the chest for a few more hours, and you get all your information on their relationship from the likes of Stump, Murdock and the Muckrakers?”

There was a tense wait for close to a minute as the Princess inside the chest considered her options.

“... Yes. By that definition, yes, I am calm. Now, get me out of here, my wings are starting to cramp.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Applejack sighed and did her best to relax into the plush beanbag, long practice at farm chores and manual labour having taught her to savour moments like this to conserve her strength. Twilight had, predictably, gone into super-nerd mode immediately upon returning to her room and had hoarded every piece of chalf and every blackboard in the room and was trying to calculate how to ‘defend’ the Changelings Queens from the terrified citizens of Equestria.

Queens. Meanin’ more’n one. Ain’t like ah can blame the other Queens for Chrysallis’s mess, but Faust tan mah hide, this might be the straw that breaks Twi’s back. The Farm-Mare thought as she tipped her hat back and stared at the frazzled mane and tail and tangled feathers of her alicorn-ified friend, who was managing to fill up several blackboards at once, despite the application of emergency hugs from her new Marefriend and what had amounted to several pots of herbal tea to soothe her nerves. Ain’t that ah begrudge the Princess puttin’ the best Pony fer the job where she needs to be, but ah sure as buck got somethin’ to say ‘bout her loadin’ Twi up wit’ all this stress!

“Sooo … you’ve just been sitting in our heads all this time? Just chillin’ as we go about our business?” Rainbow was asking Loyalty in a tone that sounded equal parts forced ‘cool’ and cringing horror.

“Yes, little filly, but if you’re concerned about privacy, we turn ourselves ‘off’ for most of the part. A part of us remains, think of it like a beacon we could use to immediately return to you if we sensed your pain or fear, but our spirits were off tending to other matters for most of the time.” The Element, having taken the form of a sixteen-pointed star of polished boulder-opal, looking like two cubes super-imposed over the top of each other, replied in that curiously british voice as it hovered between Rainbow, Fluttershy and Rarity, all of whom were seated on bean-bags of their own and covered with soft blankets pillaged from the maids’. “I have spent most of my time investigating the Wonderbolts and this curious steam-powered technology your people have developed, but I left enough of myself behind so that if you encountered something dangerous, truly dangerous, I could be at your side in a moment’s notice.”

“Uh … how dangerous are we talking here?” The cyan blue Pegasus stammered, going somewhat pale.

“Oh, nothing much, just a certain blue jaybird piledriving herself into the ground over and over again trying to master the Sonic Rainboom, dodging and weaving through a canyon filled with mutant eels and getting herself trapped under a rock and needing me to shield you so you only got minor injuries and didn’t lose a limb … little things like that.” Came the response in a calm and polite tone that somehow made it worse than a scathingly sarcastic one.

“And the other Elements did the same for the rest of us?” Rarity piped up, diverting Loyalty’s assault on Rainbow Dash as the blue Pegasus leaned into her yellow friend for a hug that looked surprisingly like trying to hide watery eyes from the world. “Well, for the most part, at least, leaving aside Generosity and Magic’s … indiscretions?”

“As a rule, my siblings had far less to do than myself, but yes, we tried to shield you from physical harm as much as we were able to. The dear yellow one over there generally didn’t need much help, but you and the orange work-mare?” A scoffing noise came from the floating boulder opal, and it took on a shape reminiscent of a moving Mobius strip, wobbling slightly in the air. “As dear as your little sisters are, could you please separate them sooner rather than later and just point out that they are naturally suited to different tasks? Even as the Elements of Harmony, we have limits, particularly in regard to our sanity regarding those three little hellions.”

“I don’t know, I kinda like the Crusaders.” The pink and blue tourmaline gem, Laughter, set into a golden brooch in Rarity’s mane, commented, to which Loyalty, Honesty in the form of a floating chunk of Ametrine floating by Twilight and Luna, and Kindness, having taken the shape of an exceedingly attractive Pegasus Mare who blended the features of Fleur de Lis and Fluttershy into one unfair package, all turned to face the Element-ornament.

“You would!” All three said with a great deal of heat in their voices, to which Laughter merely trilled with its namesake and shifted the precious metal around it’s core into a new configuration.

Need to have a talk with those floatin’ magic rocks, especially my orange hunka rock. Applejack thought to herself sourly as she watched the ametrine form of Loyalty turn back around, growing long tendrils of gemstone and gathering up stray pieces of chalk to add to the pile of such things that Twilight was rapidly powering through. Ain’t too keen on havin’ mah privacy invaded even with the best of intentions, an’ if’n its tellin’ the truth, it’s seen some … fairly personal things ah’d rather it scrubbed outta its … head? Noggin’? Cluster? Ah don’t know crab-apples ‘bout these Elementals, an’ Princess Celestia knew they were muckin’ ‘round in our heads? Changin’ us to be more ‘harmonious’, ‘cept for Magic and Generosity, ‘course.

And that conjured some awful thoughts that came riding into Applejack’s head on the coat-tails of the previous ones.

Ah’m beginnin’ to see why Twi’s so peeved ‘bout all’a this nonsense. Jus’ how much did the Princess not tell us ‘bout our role in things? Ah’ve been runnin’ ‘round on potentially lethal adventures, an’ she’s got that fancy gold armor jus’ rustin’ in her vaults? The thoughts came hot and furious now. Mah family’s served, ah’ve served as a Bearer, but we’re all jus’ … disposable? Tools to keep her country safe? After everythin’, tha’s all we are, jus’ pawns bein’ moved ‘cross the board while she sits on a golden throne an’ don’t use all that power to save anyone?

The fury left her quickly, leaving Applejack cold and limp, as she thought about all the adventures. So many had just been quirky, or stupid, or silly, but some of them had been dangerous.

Tasking six under-prepared civilians with no training to tell a sleeping adult Dragon to leave the country.

The Princess doing nothing as Pony settlers, Apple settlers, pushed into territory not theirs, and how that burned to admit even now, and were at risk of an all-out race-war with the Buffalo Tribes of the region.

The entire debacle with the wedding of Cadence and Shining Armor right under the Princess’s nose.

Asking them to befriend and reform a God of Chaos who had previously traumatized all six of the Bearers, and it had only been Fluttershy’s quiet courage and surprisingly iron-hard will that had carried the day.

“Bit for your thoughts, my dear?” A voice caused Applejack to jump, lost in a spiral of dark thoughts, and look up as the ametrine-like core of Honesty floated over her head. “I know that type of scowl, you granny used to make it all the time when the harvest was looking bad or the Pears were causing her trouble.”

“Yah don’t know me.” Applejack grunted, glaring up at the Elemental before looking around the room to find Twilight and Luna. The Lunar Princess was currently wrapped around Twilight, a cocoon of feathers and limbs as the ‘Friendship’ Princess sobbed frustratedly into her marefriend’s shoulder.

“I know you, but I wish I had been … free … to do more. To do more.” The floating gemstone turned slowly in the air, before it grew a crystal tendril that reached down and pushed a strand of blonde hair away from Applejack’s face. “Magic has far more to answer for than just it’s attempted perversions of our duties. I … knew your grandmother. I was extremely fond of her and her mother, and the other settlers that came to settle Ponyville. Russet’s betrayal of his loved ones, your mother’s slow descent into sickness, the struggles to keep the farm, all of it, you have no idea how much it burns to know I could have stopped it all if only Magic hadn’t forced us to go wait in those infernal orbs fifteen years ago.”

Applejack’s glare turned into a scowl, and she slapped the tendril away with a hoof.

“Really? Y’think because yah had to watch it all go down that yah know me an’ mah kin?” Applejack hissed in anger as the Elemental retracted it’s gem-like tendril as if burned. “Ah’ve had to watch everyone under that roof suffer and work to the bone jus’ to keep that roof over their heads! Granny Smith goin’ without food so Mac an’ ah could have a half-decent meal when the fruit bats came an’ wiped out two thirds o’ the crop the season after Ma died. Mac an’ ah havin’ to drop outta school ‘cause workin’ on our farm was ‘too hard’ for the hired hooves an’ they kept skippin’ out on us. Tryin’ to be a mother to ‘Bloom when ah could barely keep mah own mess in order. Havin’ nothin’ but what we could farm or forage to eat or repair the tools or patch the leaks ‘cause the banks wouldn’t loan us no money, all ‘cause mah father ruined our family’s credit when he ran out on us?”

“An’ yah think ‘cause yah had to watch, yah think yah know me?” The words burned with the bile behind them, and Applejack found herself not caring that the entire room had stopped their conversations to stare. Ah ain’t got nothin’ to be ashamed of! Ah worked hard for everythin’ ah got, for everythin’ ah’ve had to do in service to the Thrones, an’ ah ain’t gonna take it no more!

Honesty hovered in mid-air, starting to glow and trembling slightly as Kindness called out, suddenly, with panic in her voice. “Honesty, don’t! She’s not ready to know this! None of them are!”

“Out of all the beings in this room, Kindness, you of all of us should know the longer this is kept a secret, the worse it will hurt them.” Honesty replied, trembling as it hovered backwards from Applejack, shimmering softly.

“Oh … Honesty, you poor fool …” Applejack turned from Honesty to look at the Ponified Element, and suddenly something clicked in her head.

Why Honesty sounded so familiar, why he said watching everything bad that had happened to Applejack and her kin had hurt him.

The shimmering Element expanded, grew, turning into white light that slowly took on the form of a Pony …

It took a moment to recognize the face, but she’d seen Granny Smith holding the old photographs and smiling at them so often it didn’t take long to attach a name to the face. Pokey Oaks … but that can’t be right, he was Granny Smith’s pa! My grand-grand pa! But he died … fifteen years ago …

The dark tan coat, the orange shirt and brown overall, that stupid cowpony hat he always wore and that coal-black mane shot through with broad swathes of iron grey … and eyes the colour of Ametrine that seemed to hold limitless patience and kindness in their depths. Her grand-grand pa, down to the liver-spots under his coat, the wrinkled face and the scraggly whispers on his chin that used to tickle her mercilessly as a small foal.

“Oh my poor little girl, you have no idea how much it hurt to know if only Magic would have let us out, I could have helped so much more. To see my poor Granny Smith having to bear the weight of our family all on her own.” Applejack’s beloved hat, her grand grand pa’s hat, had crumpled between her hooves as she started to gasp for breath, as her great-grandfather leaned down to nuzzle the top of her head, the tickle of those rough whiskers on her scalp hauntingly familiar. It wasn’t possible, it was more magical hooey, it was a lie, a trick, a cruel prank. Pokey Oaks had just … fallen over and died one day, out in the fields … fifteen years ago!

She’d only been six years old, old enough to understand what death referred to, but not what it meant, old enough to understand her dear ‘grand-grand pa’ was too frail to play rough-and-tumble like her brother and her loved to do, but not to grasp why he was that way. Pokey been inspecting a fence-line for a loose post that needed to be replaced, the ancient stallion insisting that he could at least look for problems to add to the ‘to do’ list while the ‘young uns’ did all the ‘real work’.

Watching Pokey Oaks just go stiff and then crumple to the ground without a sound had just simply confused the young Applejack as she was bringing his lunch to him, but she’d never forgotten the sound of utter horror and heart-break that had emerged from her granny’s mouth as they watched the ancient stallion collapse before their eyes.

“Y’can’t … this is a trick. He’s d-dead. M-muh grand-grand pa died, an’ … an’ this is too cruel! Y’can’t tell me this! T’aint fair!” Her hat now crushed almost flat between her hooves, Applejack shook with repressed sobs as Honesty wrapped a lanky, age-spotted leg around her shoulder and leaned against her. “Y’aint a Pony, can’t be my grand-grand pa, couldn’t have had Granny.”

“Elementals can love Mortals, my little sprout, and have children with them too. I love Sew’n'Sow, more than anything else in this world, even though she’s passed into the Wheel now. The Mother of Stones nearly chewed me into gravel when I first told her I’d fallen for a Mortal, but I convinced her I could love my little Pony, and fulfil my duties too.” Pokey Oaks, Honesty, chuckled softly as he held Applejack close, and grunted as a trembling orange hoof snaked it’s way around his neck and returned the embrace. “Didn’t you ever wonder why I never changed that shirt? You grand-grand ma made that for me on the day she finally agreed to my courting her. Would have worn it to the altar when we were married, but …”

“But she said she’d deck you with her sewing kit if you didn’t wear the tuxedo she’d made for you.” Muffled through the ancient stallion’s shirt and overall, Applejack’s voice came out weakly. “An’ Granny told me an’ Mac that story every time she had to mend the darn thing, ‘cause you’d always be getting it caught on things you were meant to let grand pa an’ … an’ Russet fix.”

“Couldn’t let my kin do all the work. My form was fading, as much because I knew my time as a Mortal was coming to an end as to keep up the illusion that Sew’n Sow and I had agreed on to stop our family being … targeted. And fair to say, without my darling wife at my side, I didn’t have the heart to keep my vessel maintained.” Honesty explained softly, sitting himself next to Applejack with a slow groan as the ancient stallion’s joints popped and crackled. “I’m hoping that after the Mother of Stones pulls Magic and Generosity out of young Twilight’s noggin, I can ask to be released from my duties too and I … I can finally come home.”

“Ah don’t rightly know what Granny’ll think of you just poppin’ back in.” Still sniffling, Applejack warned her ‘grand-grand pa’ as the Ponified Element settled in at her side. “Can’t rightly say what she’ll do.”

“Oh, Granny knows exactly who and what I am, and she knew I’d have to leave someday, I’d told her as much as I could about my duties without breaking my oaths, but I’d told her I’d be able to give her a few years of warning.” Sighing heavily, the ancient stallion pulled the crumpled hat out of Applejack’s hooves and popped it back onto her head, earning a soft ‘huff’ from Applejack in response. “Having Magic just … pull me back and leave me able to do nothing but watch as my kin suffered filled me with so much anger I thought I might crack, but I thought it was part of some greater plan, some alteration to the scheme that we’d been cooking up to free poor Luna from the Nightmare.”

“And we could feel it.” Kindness added, walking over to the two Apples and seating herself on Applejack’s other side, wrapping a wing around the still-sniffling farm-mare. “We could all feel Magic gathering so much harmonic energy to itself, through us, and every time we asked if we were needed, it would simply tell us to wait, to stay in formation, to not distract it. If we’d known it had planned such devilry towards the Pillar, we’d have forced it to capitulate. But Magic has been our friend and leader for … I don’t think you Mortals have a term for that many millennia. Through the Eternal War with the Tree, our role as the Elements, protecting the species the Primoridals decided to uplift to true sapience, guiding the Hope Bringer and the Dreamer to their destinies, Magic was sometimes cruel, often domineering, but never malicious. Every action, even the horrible ones, were all part of the Plan laid out for us, and we trusted that Magic was staying true to our destinies.”

“It is why the Mother of Stones is on her way so quickly, why she’s so angry. Magic is … was … a hero to the Elementals of the Earth. It stood against all comers, fought the Tree for every inch of ground it took, protected the weakest of us from Mortal sorcerers looking for slaves, and negotiated with the Children of Air, Fire and Water on behalf of the Mother when she was busy nurturing a new generation of our people.” Pokey Oaks/Honesty sighed gustily, then smiled softly as Applejack nuzzled into his shoulder. “If he’s betrayed the Powers and has attempted to subvert his duty towards Twilight, then it is not just a simple issue of an Elemental breaking the pact we have with the Parliament of Immortals, but a situation where the Powers themselves might decide to intervene, and that could cause tremendous damage to the entire world if they get involved directly.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Twilight blinked as she tried to process the ancient pon … ponifed Elemen … whatever Honesty had turned itself into ontop of everything else.

One minute, she was having an existential crisis over trying to convince Equestria to try and give the Changeling menace a second chance, or fourth chance as a snarky corner of her mind reminded her, a corner that Twilight was really hoping had nothing to do with two renegade Earth Elementals squatting in the back of her mind and hopped up on Harmonic magic, when Applejack had started having a shouting match with Honesty.

And then Honesty had turned into a scraggly old stallion that appeared to be literally older than dirt, while poor Applejack looked like she’d just backed her wagon over the top of Winoa, the farm-mare’s beloved pet dog. The resulting emotional melt-down from her friend made Twilight more than a little conflicted, desperate to go over and be by Applejack’s side but terrified she’d end up drawing attention away from what was now obviously a ‘family’ matter between Honesty and Applejack.

“Ah, I had wondered why little Applejack seemed so familiar at times. If Honesty sired her line, then that explains a great many of her abilities.” Luna mumbled to herself, but holding Twilight so close in the aftermath of the purple princess’s small freak-out over her new burden meant that Twilight’s fluffy ear was right by her mare-friend’s muzzle.

“Elementals can do that?” Turning and half-burying her muzzle into Luna’s mane in the process, Twilight hissed at her fellow Princess in alarm as she tried to imagine the logistics of a being composed of sentient energy-waves somehow impregnating a being composed of organic matter without causing one or both to blow up spectacularly. “Does that mean there’s other families out there with Elemental bloodlines? Half-Elemental Ponies exist?”

“It is a theory that the original ancestors of the Tribes all had interbred to some level with Elementals. Air Elemental children gave the ancient Pegasi and Thestrals their wings and ability to manipulate clouds, the bloodline of the Earth strengthened the bodies of the Earth Ponies and gave them longer lives, Fire Elementals bound themselves to the ancestors of the Unicorns and granted your Tribe a unique link to the magical aether, and Water Elements and Ponies gave rise to the Sea-Ponies …” Whispering back, Luna kept both eyes on the dramatic scene as Kindness and Honesty wrapped Applejack in a hug, while Pinkie busied herself handing out tissues to Rarity, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash, of all ponies, who were bawling their eyes out at the emotional display. “Of course, there’s also a theory that it was interbreeding with Dragons that caused the original biological differences between the Tribes, or it was just the Powers meddling with their Plan on the fly that gave rise to the innate magics of equine-kind. It is … difficult … for us to study the strands of life that determine who will gain wings, horns or a more robust body, and since those most interested in studying such things tend to wish to control such things, often to make more of their own Tribe or remove all traces of the others, my sister and I tend to come down hard on those who wish to learn such secrets and bring them under our own hooves, before they can cause much mischief or harm.”

“I am not sure how one could breed with a Dragon and survive …” Twilight muttered, her subconscious being extremely unhelpful and providing images of Spike in his greed-sized form trying to copulate with a tiny, squeaking Rarity in a much-abused wedding dress.

“If there is one thing unique to all sapient life, my love, it is that if there is a hole, somebody will inevitably attempt to put something in it. Ask my sister, if she’s still talking to us after this whole mess is over, about the time she negotiated a cease-fire with the Orcs’ Warchief before we convinced them to move to Down Unda. Neither of them walked straight for a week after that bout of ‘diplomacy’, and she still can’t look at a cork-screw without blushing.”

Twilight craned her head up to look into Luna’s eyes, and grimaced like she’d bitten into a cow-pie.

“Orcs are giant, omnivorous razorback pigs twice again the size of a Pony and four times as heavy. They’re also stronger than the Minotaurs and can outlast almost any other race in terms of stamina. And you are telling me that Princess Celestia …”

“Took a porking from the Orc-king to avert a war between the nomadic Orcs and Equestria, yes. For a week straight no less. The Warchief of the Orcs back then was five times the size of a Pony, was infamous for beating up adult Dragons for fun and could rival my own Canterlot Voice with ease.” Luna’s face twitched into a smirk for a second. “I am still convinced that people on the other side of the continent could hear them. Faust knows it was their antics that first convinced Ponies to invent ear-muffs to block sound rather than just the cold, not that it did much good for those of us stuck within a few miles of Celestia’s bed-chambers.”

Twilight swallowed heavily to try and remove the taste of bile that was coming from the back of her throat.

“Half-Elementals. Explain. Now.” The smaller Alicorn whispered as the three-way hug-fest across the other side of the room started to break up, Honesty assuming a gemstone form again before Applejack burst into tears, causing the Elemental to return to it’s … his Pony form immediately, while Kindness gracefully shuffled away to give the two space as great-grand-father and Bearer fell into each other’s hooves again. “I’ve studied summoning spells, and Elementals are distinctly classified as sentient, self-sustaining energy-waves innately tied to one of the four fundamental states of existence, energy, solid, gas and liquid. How in the name of Faust’s left ass-cheek can hyper-compressed energy-waves impregnate a mortal being?”

“Vigorously?” Luna offered with a smirk that faded quickly under her lover’s scowl.

“I’d appreciate the joke more if I wasn’t five seconds from a major emotional meltdown. Does this mean that Applejack is 1/8^th rock? Is she going to suffer any long-term health-issues due to the infusion of Elemental energies into her bloodline? This is serious, Luna, one of my friends has just been revealed to not be entirely Equine right as Equestria seems to be Tartarus-bent on making me out to be the Arch-Fiend herself and we’re dealing with a Changeling crisis.” Twilight’s wing wrapped itself around Luna’s barrel and gave the larger Alicorn a nervous hug. “What happens if Ponies decide they can’t handle that? You know how stupid Ponies can get in large groups, when the herding instinct can over-ride our conscious minds! With all the conflicts with the Gryphons, all the disasters we’ve been stopping by the skin of our teeth, and now the reveal that Changelings are surrendering to Equestria to save themselves from an even greater threat across the Badlands, a reveal that will be going public sooner rather than later just so Chrysalis can save her behole’d backside? If Canterlot doesn’t riot, let alone the other bigger cities, it will be a small miracle!”

“Anyone who is ‘different’ when this all goes public is going to become a target for every stupid, shallow, terrified mind out there looking for a scapegoat, and we don’t have time for jokes right now!”

“Twilight, if there is one thing living for millennia has taught me, is that there is always time for laugher, even in the darkest of hours.” A trio of flexible primary feathers snuck around and pushed a lock of mane out of Twilight’s face, and Luna gave a wan smile to her marefriend. “So what if Applejack has Elemental heritage? You came into this world as a half-Unicorn, half-Earth Pony hybrid, one of thousands of potential Alicorns, but the only one to actually achieve that destiny? So what if the Changelings are surrendering and our mass media is going to spin it into a nightmare. Life will go on no matter what we do, as broken and impossible and frustrating as ever, and no amount of screaming, shouting or throwing heavy objects in its general direction will make it actually stop.”

“Accept that control is an illusion. We can guide the river to not wash away out homes, but it will still flow, we can plant seeds for our crops, but never change what will grow from those seeds. We have what we will have and nothing more, so we must learn to love and accept that bounty rather than waste our time wishing for what can never be.” Twilight shuddered as Luna’s words washed over her like cold water. The words made sense, but it was still difficult for her to accept the logic behind them. “The Mother of Stones will be here soon, love, and once she pulls Magic and Generosity out of your head, you can finally sit down with my sister and have at her with all those questions you’ve been stewing in for the past few days.”

Twilight’s gaze travelled from Luna’s sad, smiling face to the rest of the room, where Applejack and Honesty were talking to each other softly, the rest of the Bearers were clustered around Kindness and Loyalty, bombarding them with questions about the ‘hows’ and ‘whys’ of the Elements’ interactions and alterations to their Bearers while Laughter twinkled and laughed at it all from it’s perch as a hair-ornament for Rarity.

“I want my friends there when it happens.” Twilight found herself saying suddenly. “They’ve gone through hell and back on Celestia’s little ‘missions’, and they deserve a straight answer as much as I do.”

“I do not believe my sister will deny you this, but Twilight … Celestia had reasons to obscure history, and good ones at that. What you learn will guide you to wisdom and a just rule. What they learn …” Luna’s embrace around Twilight tightened from merely a hug to a tight squeeze for a few brief seconds, giving the new Princess the impression that it was Luna who needed the comfort of another being now. “… Well, at least my sister’s mind-healers will be on-hoof to aid them.”

“We have faced Discord, Chrysalis … Nightmare Moon. Our wills are not so easily broken.” Twilight protested, then squeaked in an undignified manner as Luna’s hug turned crushing.

“A single axe strike is never enough to fell the tree, Twilight. But all of you have faced such hardships over and over again, with no time to heal, no aid to recover.” Luna’s words were soft as lamb’s wool and cutting as a knife. “What you will see, what you will ask them to see, is the horror of five thousand years of barbarity, cruelty and the selfish choices of mortals who care only for themselves and their kin.”

“There is a reason that the phrase ‘ignorance is bliss’ is prevalent in every society, my heart.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Celestia shuddered as she spied on the conversations in Twilight’s room. Her young student had never detected the old runes in the corners of the room that allowed Celestia to scry on her pupils, a practice she indulged in only rarely and only when she felt the need was truly great enough to violate her students’ privacy.

If she’d done it more often, she might have noticed Sunset’s fall. She might have been able to avoid Twilight’s neurotic tendencies from growing so strong. A thousand other Royal Students might have had better lives, or not turned down dark paths out of jealousy or fear of failure.

Or she could have made things even worse … trying to take too much control over her Royal Students’ lives would have made them mere puppets, and rebellious, bitter ones like Stoic Mountain had become. Sunset was still very upset and hurt at her treatment by the bitter Neighponese Sorcerer, and Celestia had only had a few moments to console her former Student and extract guarantees from the two Fourth Circle Magi who were attending Sunset that Bleak Mountain was to be barred from Sunset’s quarters under Celestia’s own authority before the affairs of state interrupted and dragged the Solar Princess away again.

With another shudder, one that ran from the tips of her wings to the soft curl of her nose and down to the dock of her tail, the Solar Princess allowed the magic to fade slowly over the course of a minute, a practice that allowed the slow cessation of magic to seem like a natural part of the constant waxing and waning of the countless runes and glyphs that protected the chambers of the Royal Student, and the bulk of Celestia’s conscious mind returned to her body, where ‘she’ was engaged in a furious round of talks with the castle staff over the arrival of the Mother of Stones, while poor Dawn Ray stood at her side at attention, complete with neck-brace, desperately in need of a good cup of coffee to stay awake during all of this madness.

“Leafy Greens, for the last time, the Elemental Lord of Earth will not require a ‘balanced meal’, but she will want lammingtons. Preferably with cream and a little bit of strawberry or boysenberry jam.” Celestia glared at the chef, who glared right back, the stubby little Mare’s eyes trailing to Celestia’s rather substantial rear end and back to the Princess’s face with a sour look. “I cannot stand coconut, you know this, and I’m hardly going to get into a knock-down drag-out fight with you over the Royal Kitchen’s desert-budget for plain sponge-cake coated in chocolate sauce and grated coconut!”

“And the last time that you insisted I feed an ambassador sweets, I came in to find you and Labrynthian ambassador into your fifth cask of desert-wine and eighteen trays of pastries.”

“It was a difficult diplomatic incident and I had to …”

“You gave the ambassador diabetes.”

“I only aggravated an already existing, hereditary trait!”

“SHE HAS A SIGNED MEDICAL CERTIFICATE THAT SAYS SHE IS TO BE GIVEN INSULIN, INJECTED INTO HER MEALS. WHICH ARE ALL CAKES NOW. THAT I HAVE TO MAKE OR RISK AN INTERNATIONAL INCIDENT.”

“WHO IS HER DOCTOR AND WHY AREN’T THEY ON MY PAYROLL?”

“Ladies, focus!” Dawn Ray barked, less than intimidating in his cone-of-shame neck-brace. “Your majesty, Leafy Greens cannot disobey a direct order, please stop falling for her antagonisms. Leafy Greens, there is a literal avatar of the very ground we all walk on coming to save the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony from a rather prickly situation, so make the damn lammingtons already. Unless you think a dietician’s advice and a hi-fibre diet can fend off the next world-ending threat that decides to pay Equestria a visit?”

Celestia sighed and nodded, while the short, portly little Unicorn’s face screwed up into a frustrated pout before rushing away, sobbing loudly about ‘calories’, ‘bee-em-eyes’ and ‘stupid Alicorn metabolisms’.

“We also have several other … issues, to deal with, your Majesty.” A thin, trembling Pegasus shuffled forwards, holding several manilla folders under her wings. “Namely the ‘not legally an apology’ responses from the ambassadors of the nations we found inserting surveillance charms into our defensive spell-network and another wagon-load of invitations for Princess Twilight to visit the other nations of Equiss.”

“How … how many of them are from Gryphonia, and how many of them are from Neighpone?” The Solar Princess’s left eye twitched as the Pegasus shivered and pulled a notepad from out of her mane to check.

“In regards to the surveillance issue? Nothing from the Gryphones, they’re denying all knowledge as belligerently as politically possible despite bountiful evidence of tampering, as usual, but the Neighpone Ambassador has admitted to her Empress giving the green light for the surveillance charms in Princess Twilight’s personal chambers and the … ah, the Royal Baths.”

Celestia’s left eye begin to twitch furiously.

“The invitation issue? Nothing but more demands from the Priesthood of Asha’Ramahn to turn over Twilight to be sacrificed to revive their titular ‘god’, and two subtle requests from the moderate factions in Gryphonia for Twilight to visit on the sly so they can discuss how she can aid them in toppling said priesthood, which is the first real evidence we’ve had in decades that the Gryphons will allow us to aid them discreetly.” The mare paused, looked at her Princess with concern and her trembling increased ten-fold to match Celestia’s newly-acquired tic. “The Neighponese Ambassador was very apologetic about it, but the current Empress is, ah, insistent on meeting Princess Twilight as soon as possible, and may have dropped a few hints about marriage contracts and ‘binding’ Equestria and Neighpone together more closely via such things.”

Celestia took a hoof and placed it over her left eye, holding the lid down as she engaged in a breathing exercise to calm down while the poor Pegasus before her trembled like a freezing chihuahua, the Solar Princess mentally counting to twenty before speaking.

“No, I will not whore Twilight out to the Empress, no matter how many times she rephrases the question. To be perfectly clear if Twilight goes to Neighpone, or any other country for that matter, she will be under heavy escort and have either Princess Luna or myself at her side. She is not going to be married off to another nation’s leader without her input or unless there is a threat greater than can be handled by four Princesses bearing down on the entire planet.”

Silence greeted Celestia’s statement, and then a soft thud noise as the trembling Pegasus gave in to her nerves and fainted dead away, dropping her folders everywhere in the process.

“Blunt, your Majesty, but apt.” Dawn Ray grumbled as the aging soldier and acting Captain of the Royal Guards levitated the limp Mare, and her bewildering array of notes, onto his back. “Could you perhaps tell that to Cadence and Shining Armor when they return to Canterlot? Our Royal Agents in Ponyville say they took the train back to the capital after Princess Cadence went on a shipping frenzy, and they should have reached Canterlot within the last hour."

“And they have not reached the castle because …” The Solar Princess turned and gave her acting Captain of the Guard a weary look.

“Apparently your niece is still a tad bit excited about her sister-in-law’s new love-life and had to be locked inside a chest to prevent her bursting out the side of a moving train to get the, ah, juicy details.” Dawn Ray pointed out, tugging awkwardly at his neck-brace with a hoof as he did so. “They let her out and then Princess Cadence proceeded to stuff Shining Armor into the chest in revenge and … well, I’m sure we have enough bits to cover a replacement carriage for the taxi company this financial year.”

Celestia’s response was a low groan and a hoof to her own face.

“In any case, the Crystal Empire ambassadors are currently still en-route to the castle proper, just in two carriages now.”

“Oh dear, sweet, loving Faust, they’re fighting now?” The Solar Princess looked in terror out the window. The thought of the Avatar of Love in a snitch against the object of her affection, and tied to the Crystal Heart, a relic capable of flooding the world with love, or corrupting it, did not fill Celestia with the warm fuzzies.

“No … the Crystal Guard refused to ride in the same carriage as their leaders, and insisted on a second carriage for themselves.”

“Leaving the two titular leaders of their Empire unguarded?”

“I believe our agents’ reports were all of the Crystal Guards either threatening to quit on the spot or bursting into tears when told they had to share a carriage with Princess Cadence while she’s in her current, ah, mood.” Several of the assembled servants and couriers all winced or muttered their condolences at this point, to which Celestia put a hoof and the tips of both wings to her face and groaned loudly.

“Just … just so long as they are both safe and not about to be blown up or attacked by the Shadow Court or any other threat that is still infesting my city, I don’t care. I honestly do not care, I have far too much to deal with right now, and my niece backsliding into her old bad habits is something that requires far more alcohol for me to be able to handle her than our stocks can supply.” The Solar Princess said with great feeling, taking solace in the fact that her new, more ‘open’ attitude to her trusted staff earned appreciative murmurs and soft offers of support than the usual shock or stone-faced expressions when her emotions flared out before. “However, my little ponies, we’re going off topic. The Mother of Stones. Soon. In my castle. Any and all Elemental forces in the gardens or the castle grounds are to be secured, especially any Tree- or Air-aligned entities. I know most of our residents of that nature have forsworn the Eternal Conflict, but the Mother of Stones is about to engage in some very serious and delicate work on Princess Twilight Sparkle and Lady Rarity. Under no circumstances is she to be nettled, heckled, disturbed or distracted, and make certain everybeing is aware that they won’t just be dealing with an angry Mother of Stones, but I will personally kick them out of Equestria with my own four hooves if they disrupt this meeting for anything less than a world-ending threat.”

Dawn Ray grunted as he shifted the thing Pegasus to a new position on his back and gave his Princess a searching look. “Duly noted, your majesty, but … what are we going to do? About the Mother of Stones, I mean? How long will she be here, and how long will the Bearers be in our care?”

“As long as it takes, Captain, as long as it takes.” The Princess muttered, shooting a nervous glance out the window to where her fellow Princesses were currently ensconced, and winced. “And for now, the rest of the world is just going to have to shut up and wait … and I am not entirely certain that the rest of the world leaders are going to take that with any sort of grace.”