Author's Notes:

The Usual Disclaimer:

The following is a work of parody, and is protected as Fair Use under section 17 U.S. Code § 107 of US Copyright Law. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and all affiliated characters are property of Hasbro Inc.

I own nothing. All characters, settings and other belong to their respective owners. This is purely a fan-work with no intent towards profit, slander or harm towards the characters, settings or other, or their respective owners. If the respective owners feel that this fan-work in any way, shape or form threatens or besmirches their property, please let me know so that it be can be removed asap.

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In which our story continues to slide sideways with greater and greater speed ....

CHAPTER 16

Applejack took one look at the glowing couple of Alicorns at the kitchen table, and the young Dragon muttering to himself as he stomped down the stairs, carrying a cardboard box almost as big as he was, and mentally congratulated herself on thinking to split up with Twilight and Luna to go fetch Rarity and Pinkie Pie when the trio had reached the outskirts of town.

She remembered how she had been when she first discovered that all that annoying junk between her legs had an actual use, and the Farm-Pony wasn’t sure she could handle hearing two Immortals going at it first thing in the morning.

And no, that was not hyperbole, the two of them were literally glowing, a soft, dusky-purple radiance surrounding them.

“Well … I am assuming the ‘Sympathy’ is well in hoof?” Rarity asked bluntly, levitating a styrofoam cup of coffee to her face, grimacing at the bitter taste of store-bought coffee. “Or will you two be roughing it in the forest for a few more days?”

“Uhm, we think we’ve got a handle on most of it … and Faust knows, I’ve missed showers.” Twilight sighed, then giggled at something as Luna leaned down and whispered something into her ear. “Nooooo! Well, I suppose I could put up one-way illusions on the windows …”

“Uhm, Twi, this isn’t your house, it’s a government building, we’re just living here as part of your employment as the town librarian.” Spike warned as he navigated his way to the basement steps, barely able to see around his box of possessions.

“Wait, are you serious, Spike?” Luna jumped, the glow disappearing from the couple as a worried look spread across Luna’s face. “A Princess of the realm does not have her own abode?”

“Well, I’ve sort of never needed one before, Luna. I either lived in Canterlot Castle while I was Celestia’s student, and then when I came here and took over the librarian position, part of that job came with actually living in the library.” Twilight shrugged, as oblivious as Luna to the lack of glow around them now. “Besides, I don’t think putting up illusions will violate my contract with Mayor Mare and Ponyville.”

“I was talking more about the damage you two did to the bathroom.” Spike shouted just before slipping into the basement stairwell, missing the blushes that spread over everypony’s faces at his lack of tact.

“So … uhm … before this gets any weirder, how are we gonna deal with Trixie an’ her friend?” Applejack coughed, trying to redirect the conversation to less awkward topics.

“Well, that’ll depend on Trixie. If she’s trying to show-boat, we’ll have to do damage-control until we can get her into the library, counter-spell whatever magical effect is causing her such trouble, and then … I have no idea. I guess we just wing it.” The purple Alicorn groaned, rubbing at her temples in frustration. “But Spike said the letter mentioned both Trixie and this Sun-something Pony were both mortified by the effects, which makes me think we’re going to have to be very subtle about this, because they’ve likely been turned into caricatures thanks to Weeaboo’s spells and my own mistranslating of them.”

“Yes, well, on another note, I remember you taking the whole batch of translated scrolls and burning them, Twilight. Very enthusiastically at that. So how did Trixie get her hands on one of those flawed scrolls?” The white-coated Fashionista asked, taking a seat at the table opposite Twilight, followed quickly by Applejack taking the seat opposite Luna, and Pinkie parking her pink posterior on the kitchen counter.

“I have no concrete evidence … but I think somepony in Ponyville has been spying on me, and selling the pictures and stories to the gossip-magazines for some time now. It explains how they could have articles on all of us so quickly … and in my haste to get rid of those damned Scrolls, I didn’t do anything to the ashes but dump them in the trash.” Twilight explained, not noticing the startled look Rarity shot Luna, who shook her head quickly.

“No, not one of ours, Miss Rarity. They were selected on loyalty to Equestria, and that precludes taking bits on the side.”

“Yet whoever did this had the magical know-how to return ashes to a fully-functional spell-scroll.” Rarity protested, wringing her hooves and flicking her head around to stare out the windows. “You must admit, Princess Luna, that that is a very disturbing ability for a spy.”

“It’s … not actually that difficult, Rarity. All you need is the right spell, all the components of the destroyed item, identical components that would have been used to create the original items, and then poof, you can restore any inanimate object.” Twilight pointed out, giving Rarity a puzzled look. “And I doubt it’s a spy, Rarity, just another gossip-hound looking for a cheap story and some free bits. It’s very disturbing that they’d go rifling through my trash, but personally I’m more worried they might have restored more than one scroll! If these things are floating around Equestria, it could be a potential disaster if somebody tries to mass-produce the flawed spells and sell them to other Ponies.”

“Ugh, that’d be all we need, Ponies runnin’ ‘round with huge eyes an’ spikey hair … and the other stuff too. Brrrr.” Applejack shuddered as she involuntarily thought of every Mare running around with double-equipment, and Twilight’s words about them having increased sex-drives.

“Awwww, but I liked those spells!” Pinkie protested, pouting from her perch on the counter.

“Sugarcube, you got a fancy lil’ dress outta it. Ah got eyes big as dinner-plates, an’ Rares looked like one of her parents was a hedgehog.”

“I wouldn’t refer to that dress as ‘fancy’, Applejack. Flirty, perhaps. Suggestive, even. But not ‘fancy’.” Rarity muttered, a dark look crossing her features. “The fact that it didn’t cover half of what it needed to for either modesty or protection makes me think that this ‘Weeaboo’ character was simply nothing more than a gigantic pervert!”

“Ah think that’s well established now, Rares.” Applejack pointed out, chuckling to herself.

“Well, regardless of what spell they are suffering from, it’s my duty as the creator of the translated scroll to fix it. Once I start casting, I’ll need everyone to leave the room, in-case the spell starts to ‘leak’ when I am performing the counter-spells.” Twilight spoke up, looking at all of her friends firmly. “I want you all to promise me that you won’t come into the room until I give the all-clear. Bad enough two random ponies have been affected by my mistake, I won’t risk my friends on-top of that!”

“While Rarity, Applejack and Pinkie should leave, I will remain behind to assist you, Twilight.” Luna interjected, raising an eyebrow as Twilight opened her mouth to protest. “I will be able to reinforce your containment fields if the spells do leak, and Sympathy or not, as a fully matured Alicorn I am far less susceptible to hostile magic than a normal Unicorn like this ‘Trixie’ pony.”

For a couple of seconds, the two Alicorns looked at each other, not glaring, not staring, just looking, before Twilight relented and nodded her agreement.

“Well now that that’s out of the way, can I throw the party now?” Pinkie asked loudly as Spike returned to the room, putting both claws to the small of his back as he walked as if he’d strained them.

“A party for what?” Twilight asked nervously. Pinkie’s parties had a tendency to be … out there … if she wasn’t kept in check.

“The ‘Thanks for making me lose 100 bits to Rainbow Dash and congratulations on coming out of the closet’ party!”

There was, again, silence at the table, looks of horror on the faces of Applejack, Spike and Rarity, and looks of confusion on the faces of Luna and Twilight.

“Please, forgive my asking, but the ‘coming out of the closet’ part I understand, if am not comfortable with … but why do you owe Miss Dash a hundred bits?” Luna asked, reaching for Twilight’s hoof under the table. The Pink One was up to something …

“Oh, I owe Rainbow a hundred bits because she bet you were hiding in the closet, and I bet you weren’t, and now you and Luna are together, I owe her a hundred bits! Which is annoying, because I really wanted to use those bits to make cakes for you all, but you’re happy and have a Mare-Friend, and that’s worth every bit in Equestria! Aren’t you lucky?” The pink, laws-of-physics-breaking Mare replied cheerfully, completely oblivious to the rage that spread across Twilight’s face, and the way her eyes glowed white.

“N-now calm down there, Sugarcube! It’s jus’ Dashie, you know how she …”

“Twilight, dear, breathe! It’s just a juvenile …”

“OH SHI …”

“Oh don’t be a party pooper Twi …”

“Twilight, you must not …”

“BbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU …”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In her cloud-mansion, Rainbow Dash found herself suddenly, and inexplicably, ejected vertically from her prone position on the couch, smacking into the ceiling with such force she remained there for several seconds, before falling back with a pained grunt onto the cushions.

“Wh-what just happened?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In Sugarcube Corner, many of Ponyville’s early-risers had ducked in to enjoy a hot beverage before the daily rush began.

The Cakes enjoyed these early-mornings, as it gave them a chance to talk to their customers and get valuable feedback, and normally such mornings passed without incident, and as such when the windows of the shop began to vibrate madly in their frames.

“Odd … I don’t recall a storm being scheduled …” Thunderlane muttered, staring up at the clear, cloudless morning sky.

“Well, I’m sure it’s nothi-“ Mr Cake began to say, before everything shook.

There was no other word to describe it. The coffees and hot-chocolates splashed up out of their containers, yet did not spill a single drop, the Ponies were shaken by an invisible force in their seats, but did not fall, the building shuddered as if caught in an earthquake, yet not one crack appeared in the wall, not one cake was disturbed in the display cases.

And as suddenly as it had started, the invisible phenomena stopped, leaving a shop full of very startled Ponies clutching their beverages and pastries, looking at each other in shock.

“What just happened?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Luna took one look at Twilight, hunched over the kitchen-table, teeth gritted and steam rising off her body and wings, and then shook herself, as suddenly chilled.

The other Ponies in the kitchen looked dazed, although Rarity seemed to be more concerned about her mane possibly being messed up rather than the sheer amount of raw arcane power Twilight had just emitted, and then throttled, before it could cause any true damage.

Spike, however, simply toddled over, climbed up onto the kitchen table and began to soothingly rub Twilight’s mane for her, and gave Luna a meaningful look, giving her a silent thumbs-up when Luna took over the ‘grooming’ and Twilight stopped shaking so badly.

“Oh … oh, now ah know how a martini feels …” Applejack groaned, trying to stand up before wobbling dangerously and sitting back down in a hurry.

“Is my hair alright? Somepony, is my hair alright?” Rarity hissed, patting at her luxuriously permed mane as she looked for any sort of reflective surface.

“Oh wowie, that was a doozie! My Pinkie Sense didn’t even give me a single warning!” Pinkie Pie chortled, apparently no worse the wear for being at the epicentre of what could have been a crater if not for Twilight’s overly-taxed self-control.

“Twilight, are you alright? Oh by my sister’s beard, don’t do that to me again, I thought you were going to … these power-fluctuations of yours are triggered by intense emotions!”

“JUST … Just give me … a moment. I need to … calm down.” Twilight grated, but thankfully didn’t shake Luna’s hooves off, taking several long, deep breaths before finally looking up and glaring at Pinkie Pie. “So let me get this straight, Pinkie. You and Rainbow took bets on my sexuality, and didn’t think that I might not get offended at my love-life being treated as a game to you?”

“Of course not, silly-filly! Why would you get upset? It’s not like you were going to lose any bits!” The pink Mare giggled, and seemed bemused when every other being in the kitchen lunged forwards and gave Twilight an emergency group-hug as the tangy odor of burnt ozone began to build again. “Dashie and I are always betting on things, because it’s fun!”

“Pinkie, would ya kindly jus’ shut up?” Applejack snapped, holding Twilight’s left hoof and stroking it in what she hoped was a soothing manner.

“Oh come on, it’s no different than when you and Dashie are challenging each other to races or hoof-wrestling matches!”

“Kinda is different, Pinkie!”

“Pinkie Pie, honestly! Think before you open your mouth, please!” Rarity pleaded, holding onto Twilight’s right hoof and kneading it between her own two fore-hooves. “A lady’s heart is not something to be gambled upon!”

“Well, what are we supposed to do? It’s not like Twilight can bet, she’s the only one who knows which way she swings, so it’s not fair for her to be part of the bet!” Pinkie pointed out, completely missing the whole point of Rarity and Applejack’s argument. And the streams of arcane power oozing out from Twilight’s tightly-clenched eyes.

“Pinkie, perhaps you should go … home.” Luna suggested, trying to keep her voice as calm and level as she could. “Go home and prepare for a party, just in case Trixie and her friend decide to stay in Ponyville for a while?”

“Of course not, silly! I need to stay right here and …” Pinkie’s reply was lost in a sudden whooshing noise that ended with a brittle snap noise, and a flash of purple light.

In the stunned silence, three Ponies and a Dragon looked at the scorch-marks on the bench where Pinkie had once sat, and the Pony in the middle of their hug who had started to steam again.

“Uh, Twi? Not that ahm judgin’ … but where’s Pinkie?”

“Someplace far from here, where she’s going to get a full lecture on the nature of being a good friend!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There had been a moment of … disturbance, as if all of Equestria had trembled beneath the force of something implacable and terrifying, and then they had found themselves in this situation.

Celestia stared at Pinkie and felt embarrassment welling up, threatening even her legendary, unflappable will.

Discord stared at Pinkie and wished for the hundredth time that his Cultists had never had descendants, especially ones who could access his reality-altering powers.

Pinkie stared at Celestia and Discord and wondered exactly what game required pink frilly garments like what Celestia was wearing, and why Discord needed five bottles of instant whipped cream and a giant bowl of chocolate sauce.

The awkward silence held for several moments before the impossibly perky pink Pony spoke up.

“Soooo … that’s how Equestria was made!”

“Oh dear sweet Faust no …” Celestia moaned, holding one of the frilly adornments up to hide her face. She wasn’t entirely sure how one of her Ponies, especially that Pony, had managed to get inside triple-layered barriers and bypass all the security spells she had recently woven into her private rooms, but right now damage-control was her first concern, not security.

“Err, no …” Discord muttered, trying to hide behind Celestia without giving himself away. The Pink Pupil just had to pop in, right when Discord had almost convinced Saucy Sunbutt to play hookey and spend the day with him! “I wouldn’t say this is how Equestria is made …”

“Well then, are you baking something?”

“I … don’t think that’s … possible.” Celestia mumbled, blushing slightly. And quailed internally as she realised that ever since her affair with Discord had started, she hadn’t used a single contraceptive spell once.

“More like basting and stuffing, or at least we were before you showed up.” Discord muttered darkly.

“So … if you’re not re-enacting the creation of Equestria, or baking, why do you have all that whipped cream … oh! OH, I know!”

“Ah, Pinkie Pie, as … interesting … as your unexpected visit is, perhaps you should …”

“You’re trying to make a cake for Twilight and Luna making it official? I knew a ‘Congratulations on coming out of the closet!’ party was a fantastic idea!”

Once again an awkward tableau held sway as Pinkie looked from one Immortal to the other, all but bouncing on a pile of … things that Discord had discretely bought using a disguise as a Pony for his ‘revenge’ on Celestia, making them clatter and squeak and flex against each other inside the silk sack.

“Beg pardon?” Discord said quietly, turning his full attention to the annoying Pony, his face going slack with surprise.

“PINKIE PIE! They are not … it’s just the Sympathy!” Celestia protested weakly.

“Nope, I’m fairly certain they had just finished fooling with each other’s flanks when Rarity, Applejack and I went to visit them at the library today. Oh, that reminds me, Twilight needs to fix a spell she messed up, that that meanie-pants Trixie cast on herself and Sunset Shimmer, and …”

Pinkie’s babbling was throttled as a cord of golden energy wound itself around her muzzle, a suddenly pale and serious-looking Celestia abandoning all pretense at hiding what she and Discord had been doing and fixed her best ‘Angry Princess’ look on Pinkie.

It was a testimony to her long tenure as Princess that it affected Pinkie Pie enough to make her pay attention and stop trying to make jokes even when muzzled.

“Trixie and who, Pinkie?”