Big Mac's Little Secret

by Sir Hat

Chapter 1: Stalling


I sat around the farmhouse, nearly a week and a half after the last time I spoke with Nada. I hadn't mentioned a word about her to Applejack or Granny, the fear in my gut far outweighing my confidence. I loved her, but I just wasn't ready to push my apprehension aside and make my relationship public.

I just couldn't take that next step, especially after Apple Bloom started working in the acres with some human kid. Despite all my tolerance, despite all the lessons my parents and sister had drilled into my head, I just couldn't. It was foolish, irrational, but like a fear, I wasn't ready to overcome it.

Nights were spent thinking about it, trying to find the root of the problem to no avail. Days were spent thinking about how terrible I was being, denying her just because of some stupid hangup. I wished I could buck myself across the jaw and somehow banish this horrid apprehension boiling in my gut.

But I couldn't. Each time I tried to, I found myself standing before Applejack and Granny, talking about the apple trees or asking about our cider stock. Whenever it seemed I was going to spill my soul, I changed the subject. Even when I managed to eek out her name I was forced to talk about Winona for about an hour.

No, for all my family knew, Nada was simply the vet I took Winona to. It would have to stay like that until I either got drunk enough or I finally lost my composure and sputtered it out like an idiot. I hated it, but something in my mind just refused to accept the idea of my immediate family stopping with us. I loved humans, Applejack's was fine, a bit stupid some times but it was clear he was trying to learn some self control.

Perhaps it was my age, a time of reproduction and family building. Perhaps it was fear, fear of things changing and other things ending. Perhaps it was simply stupidity, my mind causing all the problems. But whatever it was, I just couldn't do it.

It made me feel so stupid. Like some forest dwelling hick, unable to move on. But I could watch Applejack with hers, they would hug, kiss, I could stand it, but something about seeing myself tied down with someone I could never really have a family with tore away all that tolerance and vaporized it.

My musings were cut off as the kitchen phone started ringing. I took a deep breath, looking around the empty room and relenting my comfortable position. A quick trot to the phone and I managed to pin the receiver to my head, "Sweet Apple Acre--"

Nada's voice cut me off, "Big Mac, I'm coming over. We need to talk." A loud click followed up her simple statement.

I froze, straightening my head and letting the receiver slam into the wall. I had a single beat before I panicked, jamming my hoof against the buttons of the phone and calling someone I prayed could help. As soon as the voice on the other end picked up I screamed, "Farm house, bring AJ, now!" and jammed the phone against the holder.

I turned to the kitchen window as a loud pop rang out from the farms. A small black dust cloud followed before being extinguished and clearing from the sky. I knew what it meant, and bolted over to the front door. I paced around until a familiarly heavy plodding started growing louder and louder.

Before too long a soot covered human threw himself inside, Applejack tossed over his back, "I- what happened!?"

Applejack's legs just dangled limply, "I was kinda busy, Dave, can't this--"

David set her down, "Look...he sounded like he needed help, and he asked for you." he turned to me with a worried look covered by black ash, "So...what happened? Where's the fire?"

I shook my head hard, "Ain't no fire...." I turned to Applejack, "Can ya go get Granny and Bloom?"

Applejack cocked her head, a worried look riding her face before nodding it away and wandering off. With her gone I turned back to David. I stared at him, trying to figure out what to say, eventually settling on one simple word, "Help...please."

Dave shot bolt stiff, "Uh...that's why I'm here. What's going on?"

I stared backing into the kitchen, Dave matching my backward pace and closing the door behind us. I took a deep breath and looked at him, "Dave...ya got...wives.... But...ya ain't gonna have no kids...."

Dave just scratched his head, "...This is about your girlfriend, right?" I locked up, unable to even move my neck as his words bounced around my mind. "Yeah...you really don't want to keep secrets with a thirteen year old girl...they tend to talk."

I puffed out my cheeks and turned to a wall. I rammed myself forehead first into the thick wood wall, keeping myself pressed against it. "Dave...who else knows?"

"Not sure man...Apple Bloom asked me to keep it to myself, but she...she seemed worried about you."

I rubbed my forehead up and down the wall, "Well...ya know, you got any ideas?"

I felt Dave's hand on my neck, "Not really. I mean, it sounds like a personal hangup. I mean, you could always just force yourself to tell them, get it out in the open at least."

I grumbled angrily, "I tried...I talked about Winona's infected ass for about an hour after that."

"Well I mean...not- I uh...." I felt him turn me around, meeting me face to face before slapping me hard across the cheek. "Try the Ermey approach.... You listen to me you little shit, you get the hell out there and you spill your guts! Ain't no girl gonna let some hick brand idea last long before you're out on your ass you worthless sack of crap, now drop and-- op- too far...."

I felt my ass burn as I glared at him, "Dave...ya done--"

He coughed into his hand before grabbing me by the shoulders, "Big Mac...you gonna go and tell them what's up?"

I swallowed hard, the burning in my seat refusing to go away, "I'm scared...I don't know why...but I'm scared."

Dave's face contorted into a deep frown, "Then tell me what the problem is?" he found a chair and sat next to me, "Bloom just told me about her, not about your problem."

I swallowed hard and fell to my slightly pained rear. "...Gonna take a while...."

Dave scoffed, "I turned off my welder...and I think I broke a dial when you started screaming, so...I've got time."

I took a deep breath, trying to collect myself. Eventually I found a starting place, "Met her 'bout six months ago, she's workin at the vets and I had to go bring Winona in after she ate a cork. Been seein' each other for about five and a half." I laid my entire body against the ground, "Things got serious about two months back...she's askin' me ta' move in."

Dave clapped his hands together, "That's good right?"

I frowned softly, "Dave...I want kids.... I'm almost dang thirty...and I ain't settled down yet."

Dave scratched his head, "Uh...you're like twenty eight.... And I know ponies that are about forty having kids...."

I pressed my forehead against the floor, "I know...but- I mean...I tie myself down...I ain't never gonna--"


I ignored him, "- have a kid. I mean...I love her, but I don't think I'm--"


I lifted my head from the floor, glaring at him for a moment before turning back to my place on the ground, "Look...point is, I don't wanna settle down with a girl I can't...start a family with--"


I snapped my neck up and glared at him, "Dave, the buck ya doin'!?"

He just cocked an eyebrow, "Dude...you don't have daddy issues...you've got freaking commitment issues." He crossed his legs and leaned against the back of the chair, "Let me ask this...which is scarier...being trapped with someone with nothing to say, or never having kids?"

I swallowed hard, my mind shooting back to school projects and presentations. "I--" my throat locked up. "I don't--"

Dave scratched his head, "My brother had the same thing, except his didn't work out. He was terrified to be alone in a quiet room, then he found some girl to put up with him, and he flipped his shit even worse than before!" Dave leaned towards me, "Are you scared of this lady?"

I thought back to my beautiful mate, her tanned skin, her smile white smile. She wasn't intimidating, but every moment of utter silence around her was agonizing. She would always fill the empty air with some sort of tease or subtle movement to draw my eye. But what was by far worse, the times she didn't. The times she would sit across my lap, resting against me, asking me about things I knew nothing about.

I swallowed hard, remembering the human waiting for an answer, "I uh.... Yep...."

Dave nodded, "You...you two have normal sex? Like...as normal as it can be?"

I cringed at his question nodding slightly, "It's...nice...."

Dave rolled his eyes, "Anyways...this sounds like some kinda' social phobia dude."

I grew indignant at his accusation, "The heck that supposed to be!? Some weird human brain mumbo jumbo!?"

Dave matched my pissy look with his own, "Hey, I'm trying to help!" he slapped my ear and went back to asking questions, "Now this girl...she's nice...she talks to you, where's the hangup?"

I crumpled back to the floor, "Dave...I don't know...." I racked my mind, trying to pinpoint the start of my unease. "I think about the house bein' quiet...I think of how dang empty everything would be, no kids. And I mean...she said she'd have a donor...but I- I don't.... I don't want somethin' that ain't like her...." I felt myself grow slightly misty, "I love her Dave...she'd make a great momma.... But when I think of it...when I see her with a pony in her lap...it feels weird...like...not good, but not terrible, just...outta' place."

Dave shrugged, "You know we're technically alien species...right? It's okay to be a little weirded out by some things about your partner. I mean...I'm still not used to when...AJ just decides shes gonna. Uh, discharge.... Like a freaking slimy white period...." Dave started laughing hard, "I mean, have you even seen this girl on her--"

"Yes...." I grumbled, remembering back to the first and only time I'd seen blood on my penis. "Didn't...talk much after that."

Dave looked off to the side. "I can only imagine."

I thought back to the awkward night that followed my first experience with a human period. It was horrible, long bouts of silence broken up by sudden outbursts and apologies. I ended up being a teddy bear for that entire night.

I felt a familiar hollowness in my gut. "Oh dear Celestia...." I felt a small blur between memories. Silence, lots of silence. I was dragged back to my last year in school, a presentation, a silent crowd. I thought back to the night with Nada, the unending silence, the fear welling up in me as we sat wordlessly. I finally choked back my panic long enough to turn to Dave, "Partner...am I boring?"

Dave froze, "Uh...is this a test?"

I shook my head, raising to my hooves, "Dave, I mean it...am I boring?"

Dave looked nervous, "Okay, why are you asking?"

I crumbled falling with my chin resting on his knee, "Dave...I'm boring.... I don't got a thing ta talk about with her...." I shut my eyes and thought back to Nada's stories, "Nada goes and talks about where she used to live. About people she went so school with...stuff she did back with animals and stuff.... All I got, apples...and dirt."

Dave put his hand on my head, "Big Mac...what the fuck? Have you talked about this to your girl?"

I sighed and gave up the tension in my legs, going completely limp against his lap, "Dave...I don't even know what she saw in a damn mud pony like--"

I was slapped once again, "...Married to three earth ponies...jackass...."

I rubbed my cheek, "Dave...stop slappin' me."

"Stop acting like a prick."

I stood up, "I'm actin' like a prick!? What about you!? Runnin' off like a tod--"

"I know, I know, and it probably would have helped to have someone to slap some sense into me." He put his hand on my head, "Look...you've done nothing but talk about how great this girl is, but you're making excuses not to tie her down. So either you've got some phobia, or something. Either way, you need to get past it, and it's about time you started."

I stood tall, shaking off my funk and rubbing my back. Dave quickly joined his hand in, causing me to shiver as he ran his fingers over my spine, "...Alright...I just gotta...I gotta." I ended up planted in the middle of the room, unable to move. "...Dave...need a push or something."

"You stuck?"

I nodded feverishly, my legs starting to tremble like mad. "Dave...help."

He stood up, wandering to the door and stopping dead as it creaked open. "Oh- well...hello there."

I froze, unable to move, unable to think, my ears twitching at the pair of voices that cut the silence. First came Applejack's, "Dave...got something kinda...important ta' say."

Followed by another, more frightening voice, "Big Mac...I can see you," Nada's.

I stood stuck to the floor. My body trying to run, but with no place to go I was locked in place like a deer. I could hear Applejack talking, apparently her and Nada had been listening to us from behind the door. I felt them to sort out themselves while Nada walked into my vision.



She didn't crouch down, instead leaving me looking at her skirt. "So...you're scared of me?" I didn't answer, "You're scared of being alone with me?" again, no answer, "You know this doesn't really work if I'm the only one talking. And your sister knows...you really can't trust a teenager with a love affair."

"Nope, apparently not...." I looked up at her, face contorted into a pained frown, "Nada...ya' know I love ya', but I just- it's hard ta' say I'm taken. It's hard to see myself tied down so soon, it's like hoof cuffing myself to a princess, I'm just gonna slow you down and drag myself into places I don't belong."

Nada raised her head back, letting it fall back down to me rather abruptly, "That's one of the better excuses I guess...called me a princess, but it's still just an excuse." She finally crouched down to meet me eye to eye, "Big Mac, I love you. I know you love me, and I want to go ahead. But if you can't...I just don't see this working out."

I snapped to attention, "No!" I freed up my limbs and stomped the ground, "I ain't gonna lose ya' like that! I ain't gonna let some stupid Celestia damned stupid thing keep me from ya!" With a severe trembling in my legs I lurched forward, "I'll tell everypony, I'll scream it from the tallest hill in town, please...just be there with me."

Nada seemed a bit shocked, starting to tear up, "Dear God Mac...so all I have to do is--" she was cut off as David fell backwards and slammed into the table, then the floor. Slamming down with a loud clatter and a heavy thud.

Everyone in the room froze, staring at the downed man in the center of the floor. Applejack sat sideways on his chest and rubbed her face with her hoof, "Every dang time I tell him something important...he faints."

I turned to her, looking for any way to distract from my mate, "Well what'dya tell 'em?"

My answer came in the form of a strange looking stick with two faint lines on it. "...Mac...you know a decent amount about humans."

I turned to Nada, a skeptical look on my face, "Who's that dad...?"

Nada hardened her expression, meeting me face to face, "You want me to start from the beginning or you want me to leave you to figure it out!?" I flinched, looking off to the side, "Okay then.... I missed my period, it was already late so, yeah...not great. So I go to the doctor, some unicorn, they take one look at me and give me a pregnancy test and starts freaking out." she fumbled with the test, stuffing it back in her bag, "And...I never slept with anyone besides you...not since we started dating."

I glared at her, "So what...it's mine?!"

Nada shrugged, giving me an unsure look, "The doctor seemed...panicked isn't really the right word...crazed? So...given that there are freaking griffons...I'm doubtful this is the...the uh...most outlandish...thing."

I took a deep breath and turned to Applejack as she sat on Dave's chest, "Applejack?"

She lowered her hat and nodded. "Yep...."

I took a deep breath and moved back to Nada, "...Apple Fritter's still got the paperwork I think. She's stayin' at the house with the smell a' smoke around the west side."


"She's a notary...I think she's still a notary.... Just fill it out and bring it to me.... But, if you'll excuse me...I'm gonna...join the family." I felt all the strength leave my body, my legs turning to jelly as everything faded to a pure black in seconds, followed by a loud thud and a flash of brown.

In my stupor I came to a quick conclusion. If ever there was going to be a way for me to get over my fear, my anxiety of being tied down, this was going to be it, and it was hardly the first time an inter-species couple had a baby. I just prayed that it wasn't going to be a centaur, after the last run-in we had with a centaur, it would be a bit difficult to explain why a red bodied centaur baby was running around the farms.

But, problems for another day, battles were going to be fought, lives would be changed, and people would be brought together. As these events often do, it would tear lives apart, and stitch others back together. Such is life in Equestria, such is life at Sweet Apple Acres. My final thought before succumbing to the dark sleep, that kid is gonna be worked like a mule.

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Other Titles in this Series:

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    While most Equestrians are rather open about their love, there's one stallion who is rather bashful about his relationship. Mostly due to the species difference. But it doesn't stop him from visiting his mate every week.

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    1 Chapter, 3,506 words: Estimated 15 Minutes to read: Cached
    Published Jun 16th, 2014
    Last Update Jul 10th, 2014
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