Here I sleep in silent bliss, not dreaming, not listening, but only existing in nothingness.  I hold my tail close to me, instinctively grabbing onto something to cuddle; I need the comfort.  As my eyes gently flutter open I have no clue where I am, only the flickering, dim light of a dying candle teases at my lashes.  I take a deep breath, picking up a horrid smell of death and the awful feeling of having slept curled up on a cement floor.  My eyes pop open and I take in my surroundings:  My musty basement, the now burnt out candle leaving a small trail of smoke only visible due to the ray of sunlight sliding in through the window.  That one single ray casts its light on the faces of the three corpses in the room.  Their sight leaves me aghast, I can remember very clearly what I did to bring them here, even the distinct sounds of Apple Bloom and Scootaloo as they suffocated.  I remember the look in Sweetie Belle's eyes as she died in my arms; I remember what I was doing down here.  But none of it seems real, none of it seems like myself.  I don't believe I could have done anything so horrible... but my mind's eye shows my hooves giving Sweetie Belle the poisoned chocolate milk, smothering Scootaloo and hanging Apple Bloom with her own bow.  I look down at those very hooves; twitching and white, freshly washed for dinner.  I haven't actually eaten anything in well over a day and a half, but I am certainly not hungry.  I sit stunned in my little corner, staring out quivering over the three ponies in their sadistic tea-party setup.  I would probably vomit if I had anything left in me...

After an undetermined length of time I start to realize that the sunlight had gone from the ponies' faces to their whole bodies, lighting them up for me to see, though I plead it not to.  I can watch it move across the floor, moving toward me, pointing at me, judging me, condemning me for this atrocity.  Weakly I stand up and stumble up the stairs; my muscles are stiff and my will is weak.  I fall out of the door frame leading into my boutique and immediately close the door behind me.  Sitting on the floor with my head against the door the only thing I can bring myself to do is to cry.  I finally feel like I can lose myself in my emotions, finally able to let them go without something tearing at me inside to bottle them up, to pretend everything is okay.  Nothing is okay...  Nothing will be okay ever again.

I sit alone, clutching myself and shivering, hearing almost every insignificant noise in the background, noises I haven't ever heard before.  Ticking of a clock, the carefree scratching of Opal on my couch, the wind-chimes outside of the Boutique, the hoofsteps leading up to the door...  Wait...

Sure enough, to my chagrin, a gentile knock impacts my front door.  I feel paralyzed in fear, staring straight ahead as another set of three knocks follows by.  I stand up, forcing myself to get the door, knowing that I've sealed my own fate now and nothing can change how this will end... It would do good to own up to the truth...

The walk from my crying spot to the doorway feels like a mile; I have to figure that this is what walking down the isle to your execution must feel like.  I slowly rest my hoof on the door, magic would take just too much out of me to open it.  After one final deep breath I muster up the courage to turn the handle and open it.  I see the familiar, long, pink mane of Fluttershy; I had opened the door on her mid-knock.  

"Oh, hello Rarity, I'm here to pick up the girls and walk them home,"  She says timidly, glancing over me with an obviously worried curiosity.  "Is uhm, is everything okay?"

"Oh you mean the hair... Yes uh, the girls are just... driving me crazy, that's all,"  I finish up with a nervous laugh... of course she would be here to pick them up and bring them all home... she's the only pony nice enough to.  Well, now what?  What do I tell her?  "Fluttershy, darling, could I have a word with you for a minute before I go... get the girls?"  This last portion fills me with dread to say... I can't confess to Fluttershy, she'll be too traumatized to even talk afterward.  I would need someone... stronger.  "The girls are all still sleeping, I just think it's been a little while since we've had a quality talk, don't you?"

"Oh, uhm, I guess that's true... I, uhm, I just told Applejack that I'd have Apple Bloom back as soon as possible and..."  She's just so innocent... not a single hardship has ever touched her face, or those eyes... she reminds me far too much of the girls.

"It's okay Fluttershy I don't think she'll mind if you take five minutes to talk to your best friend,"

"Well... if you insist,"

I lead the canary-yellow mare into the living portion of my Boutique, finally regaining my composure long enough to put some water into a tea kettle and set it on the stove.  "So how have the animals been treating you lately?"  I ask, stepping back over to sit across from her and have a nice little chat.  

"Well... Angel still won't eat unless I sit there and beg him to.  And..." I lose my concentration in her soft voice, she simply talks about all her little animal friends, the only thing in Equestria that you can get her to talk to excess about.  She really is beautiful, but just so shy and timid.  If I looked anything like her I'd flaunt it everyplace I went, but instead she just hides it all away behind those pretty eyes.  

Fluttershy has always been there for me when I needed her, even though she usually needed me more often than the other way around.  The only troubles she ever has are the tragic loss of a mouse or bird.  The last time that happened she cried on my shoulder for hours, which was a strangely rare occurrence.  I can only imagine what would happen if she saw what I've been seeing...  I shake my head, knowing full well where this is going.  Strangely, though, I can't help myself but find an anger at the pegasus start to rise inside of me.  I start to grind my teeth as she talks; I'm jealous, annoyed, and angry with her.  She's so perfect, she's so nice, nobody's good enough for her, and every one of us in Ponyville can't hold a candle to her sensitivity.  

"So Fluttershy, how do you think you would feel if something happened to your good friend Rarity?" I ask her, knowing she's going to miss my inert aggression behind the words.  

"What? What do you mean? What's going to happen?"  She asks, looking confused... I cut her off mid-sentence but she was just rambling about her chickens anyhow.

"Well... say I had to go away for a little while... or perhaps forever.  How do you think you'd be able to handle it?  I only ask because you break down at the loss even of a mouse.  I'm just curious how you'd be able to deal with one of your friends."

"Oh my! I'd be just... just..."

"Devastated?"  At this point I just want to lead her into a verbal trap... I know what I have in mind but I don't want to accept it.

"Yeah... I guess that's the word... Uhm, Rarity? You never said what was going to happen..."

"Oh darling don't worry your pretty little head, I'm just being hypothetical here... ooh! the tea is ready, I'll be right back"  Saved by the bell... ehm, whistle.

"Okay, I'll be here... gosh it sure is quiet here,"

"Oh isn't it just?  I love to get up early because it's the only time I ever get peace and quiet from the girls,"  I pour out the tea into cups for Fluttershy and me, seeing the bottle of sleeping pills I had gotten into the habit of using just a few weeks ago still sitting on my counter...  "One lump or two dear?"  I ask her as I quietly open the bottle, pouring 4 pills out onto the counter and proceeding to crush them up, covering the noise with a forced cough.  

"Oh, 2 if you don't mind," She says softly, barely even paying attention to me, but instead looking around my living area.  Seemingly distracted by how clean and perfectly organized I've made it.  

"Ah you've always liked your tea just as sweet as you are haven't you?"  I just figure she'll be more trusting if I tease her a little bit...  She giggles and blushes at the comment, hiding her face long enough for me to sweep the crushed pills into her drink, followed by the sugar cubes.  I walk slowly back toward my house guest and hand her the rigged tea, now it's only a matter of stalling until the pills kick in.

Fluttershy and I rarely get to spend this kind of time together, and honestly It weighs on my heart to know of my deception, but I just can't have her finding me out and running to get someone else.  She and I share a laugh as she finishes a joke that she heard from pinkie pie, even though she completely butchered the punchline (I just couldn't leave her in an awkward silence!).  

"Well, Rarity... it's been wonderful catching up but I think maybe we should go wake the girls up and get them--"  Her statement is interrupted by a deep yawn.  Well, deep as relative to Fluttershy anyway.  "home... I'm sure Applejack is going to be worried sick if Apple Bloom misses lunch, and Scootaloo's parents are trusting me to keep her settled down enough to bring her home."

I don't really need her to be asleep for this, but it would help.  I really only need to be able to overpower her, and I think by now if she were to try and fly away she'd get stopped for an FUI, so there's no point in worrying too much.  

"Okay Fluttershy, would you come with me to get them up? They were having a slumber party in the basement and must have been up all night,"

"That sounds just--" another yawn, won't be long now, "just fine... I don't know what's come over me,"

"Oh it's probably nothing darling, I'm sure you're just sleepy from last night, still having nightmares?"

"No, and last night wasn't particularly bad... at least I don't think it was anyway..."  As Fluttershy speaks I gently nudge her toward the basement staircase, thinking about just what I'm willing to do to her.  I know already that I couldn't bring myself to hurt her; she's just too sweet and innocent, and hasn't really caused me any trouble.  I just need to make sure she doesn't get away until the time is right...

As we enter the basement I can tell that the sun is much higher in the sky, leaving the fillies in the shadows at the back of the room.  Fluttershy steps in ahead of me as I look around for some way to keep her still; there's no way she'll put up much of a fight, especially not while drugged, but I can't be too careful.  I notice her stumble down the last couple of steps as she tries to call out for the girls to come to her, as far as she knows they're just sleeping.

"Oh my! Do be careful dear, are you sure you're feeling okay?"  I say in an overly-comforting voice, running up to Fluttershy and examining her face, pretending to be worried.  

"Oh, uhm... I do feel a tad lightheaded... I don't quite know why,"  She says, having trouble keeping her eyes open now;  the drugs are kicking in, but I don't think she'll pass out without a slightly higher dose.  Something in me wants to say she has a tolerance for sleeping pills built up, at least from the look of it.  

"Well let me show you a trick, here stand between the hoofrail and this beam here, now stand up on your hind legs,"  I say, getting an idea after noticing an unused roll of tacky green ribbon laying in the corner.  

"O-okay... What are you going to do?"  Fluttershy asks, still suggestible in her trance-like state, but clearly confused.  I'm careful not to seem too pushy or threatening to the delicate little thing.

"Just showing you a trick to help get the blood flowing, now put your hooves out to the side, pressing as hard as you can against that support beam and this railing.  Then tilt your head back and take ten deep breaths,"  She does exactly as I tell her, wobbling a little as she struggles to keep her balance.  Her front legs spread wide and pressed against the two objects makes my life so much easier; I use my magic to stealthily pull the ribbon over and unravel a large section of it.  She manages to count to about 'five' before I tie her hooves to the beam and rail.  I didn't have anything to cut the fabric with so I just used one continuous ribbon to tie both her hooves up.  She breaks from her trance and looks me in the eyes with a newly acquired fright.

"Rarity! Wh-what are you doing?"  She asks, looking over to each of her hooves.  Her legs are a bit longer than I expected, but she still can't quite get her head over to either of her bound wrists.  

"Oh, don't worry darling, just try to relax!  I just don't want you to leave quite yet,"  As I say this I flash her a bit of a grin.  She takes it the wrong way and turns crimson in the cheeks, knocking her knees together at the thought.  "Oh no dear nothing like that! I just can't let you take the girls from me, they aren't ready yet... I'm not ready yet."

"W-what? Rarity what are you talking about?"  She tugs a little at her wrists but is unable to move, flapping her wings furiously in a panic.  Honestly I'm a little surprised at the gust of air coming from her as she tries to escape; I didn't think her wings were ever that strong.  

"You see dear, I had a little accident with Sweetie Belle, and then the rest of the 'crusaders' came over... they were going to find out.  What was I supposed to do? Traumatize the little fillies?"  As I speak I move toward the three corpses cast in shadow.  I find another candle from the box I kept right next to the 'play area' I had set up for the fillies, replacing the old candle in its fixture and lighting it.  This casts and ominous orange glow into the whole room, only brightened by the pure white beam of sunlight pouring into the small window near the ceiling.  Poor Fluttershy can't believe her eyes.

"Y-y-y-you... You k-killed them?!"  She yelps, tears already beginning to pool along her big, beautiful eyes.  Just looking at her the way she is makes me take a step back and really analyze my situation.  I knew deep down behind all the lies and all the pretense that I really had killed the fillies.  I remember doing it, I remember watching the life fade from Sweetie Belle's face clear as day, but the accusation coming from my best friend gives that thought a power I never thought I could feel from Fluttershy's voice.  "P-Please, Rarity... I'm begging you, don't kill me, don't hurt me! Please! I'll do anything!  I-I-I won't tell anyone! I'll just forget I saw anything! Please just don't hurt me!"

"Oh... oh darling why would you think I wanted to hurt you?"  Just asking that makes me feel stupid, but I can't help it.  She sees me for what I am on the outside: a cold-blooded killer.  I don't know what I'm supposed to say... there's no way she can understand what I've been through.  She quivers in the purest fear I've ever seen as I walk toward her, disheveled wreck that I am.  "I'm not going to hurt you, I never wanted to hurt you... I never wanted to hurt anypony!"

Fluttershy can barely respond, she still thinks I plan to kill her.  "W-Why? Why did you do this?"  The one question I thought I had prepared myself to answer.  I've been justifying it to myself for almost two days straight... barely sleeping, never eating, never doing anything but trying to bury my mistake in a lie.  I can't answer her; I don't know how anybody would answer that question.  

I can only sit down, staring into the bound pegasus's eyes, mouth agape, trying to justify all that I've done.  Fluttershy continues her writhing and whimpering; the drugs must have been countered by the adrenaline that is no doubt surging through her system.  

"Do you have any idea how hard it was to watch my sister die in my arms Fluttershy?"  I ask, choosing to avoid the question entirely... this isn't about me, and I won't let her make it about me.  "Do you have any idea how hard it is to try and cover that up? Knowing full well what you did, knowing that nopony could ever understand? DO YOU?"  Each word I say seems to pierce into her, as if I were killing her slowly just by speaking.  

"R-Rarity, you have... you have to stop this!"  Her statements are always interrupted by an unsure gulp or stutter, she couldn't make a point to save her life... heh...

"Of course I have to stop this!  But I'm not ready for a dungeon, I'm not ready for an execution... I'm not ready to be ostracized by all of my friends, starting with you... What makes you so special anyway?"  I shift the focus to her... Attacking her in a fit of desperation to take the spotlight off of my horrible actions.  "You've had to deal with death haven't you?  I know you have, taking care of sick animals all the time, but you sure don't cry as often as one might think you would, considering your current standing as 'that shy little thing' that just about everybody knows,"  My breaths go from shallow, nervous little huffs into a powerful pant.  I'm angry at her, for what I don't even know... Maybe that she really is better than me, but I don't want her to have the praise.  

"R-Ra-Rarit--"  She manages to stutter out between frightened sobs; I won't hear it.

"Quiet!  Just what is it that you do to cope with death?  Do you drink?  Or maybe you abuse over-the-counter sleeping drugs like the ones I gave you.  You took a dose that could put me out for a whole day and only got a little stumble in your gait afterward!  Maybe you lead a double life, something to get rid of all that pent up aggression and anger that any normal pony your age should exhibit."  Now I'm getting a little too personal...  I know I struck gold with the sleeping drug accusation because she shut her eyes and tried to look away.  "You aren't better than me, Fluttershy... you never have been, and you never will be."  I think about hitting her, wanting to destroy that beauty that she was graced with... maybe cutting her mane into a horrid, patchy mess.  Though I know I'm just jealous... I've always wanted to be like her... she really is better than me and I know it...  But she's so weak and innocent... She couldn't handle what I've had to handle... she couldn't do it, she couldn't deal with it... She'd probably accidentally kill herself by overdosing on her favorite brand of drowsy-drug.  

Just as I start to feel that familiar dark feeling well up in me again, getting mentally prepared for whatever abuse i have in store for Fluttershy, she speaks up.  "I... Don't... Murder children!"  She squeaks... I realize in my blind rage I've moved up and am holding her cheek in my hoof, looking over her face with an envious hatred.  What she said, all too true... For all of her flaws, what little there truly are, there is nopony as broken as I...

"W-What did you say?"  One last ditch attempt to try and get her to take it back... get angry at Fluttershy and she'll take back anything... or say anything you want.

"I said... I don't murder children...  Rarity look at yourself... look at what you've done, look at what you're doing,"  Where in Equestria did this kind of strength-of-will come from?  "You... I don't know who you are anymore, Rarity... I never imagined I could see you like this..."  This shatters my wall.  The wall I've been trying to build since I hit Sweetie Belle not thirty-six hours ago.  All it takes to destroy an emotional barrier fit for even the most cold-hearted psychopath is a soft voice and motherly disappointment, leaving the scared, worried, stupid white unicorn exposed to the crucible of her own mind.  I step back from Fluttershy, tears in my eyes, looking slowly over to the three bodies sitting in a circle.  I did that... I look at Sweetie Belle's fractured neck and dirty coat.  I did that... I gaze over to Fluttershy, tied up and scared, still crying and shivering, but resolved to fight back the only way she knows how.  I did that...

"Oh Celestia what have I done?!"  I scream, sitting back, afraid of my own voice... backing up across the floor, dragging my body until I slam into the wall.  I sob and quiver, trying to breathe normally but unable to draw a solid breath.  I look at my hooves; murderer's hooves, metaphorically stained with blood to the point that the red will never leave them.  I curl up, sobbing into my knees and shaking... I wanted to harm Fluttershy... I wanted to hurt her and destroy her... I did hurt and destroy my sister, her friends... Myself.  I feel my horn touch the ground as I fall to the side and cry, gasping for air and feeling like a newborn foal: confused, weak, small, scared.  I feel like I couldn't walk no matter how much I tried.  My body feels like jelly, and Fluttershy is still trying to get free, probably to try and help me, not run away like she should.  I'm a monster...

"Rarity, please... please let me go, you have to stop this now.  There's nothing more you can do..."  Fluttershy says, gaining a better hold of herself and speaking with pure conviction.  She's not entirely right... there's still more that I can do.  I can stop myself.  

Without a word to Fluttershy I stand, walking slowly toward the staircase and looking into her eyes.  Knowing my bloodshot gaze can't hold hide my true self anymore.  She seems surprised and worried to see her old friend Rarity, in the worst situation she could possibly have put herself in, walk right past her and up the stairs.  

"Rarity! Don't leave me here! Don't leave!"  She's afraid I'm just going to walk away with her tied up in a basement full of bodies...  Tempting as it is, that wouldn't be the justice I deserve.  I can't believe how hard she can scream... I close the door behind me as I step into my kitchen, looking around and pull a pairing knife out of my silverware drawer, setting it on the counter.  I think about slitting my wrists right here... but that's not how this is going to work.  I turn, pasting a smile on my face; this one's genuine.  I step slowly toward my pantry, looking back into the recently organized stock of dry food ingredients...  I reach back with my hoof into the hiding place and produce the bottle of rat poison that I used to end Sweetie Belle's life... only fitting.  I use my teeth to open the foal-proof cap and cast it aside, emptying the entire bottle into my mouth.  I swallow as many of the tablets as I can before gagging on the sheer volume of them,  but I don't spit them out.  I simply chew them into dust and rinse it back with some water; I don't have long now.  So I pick up the knife and head back toward the basement.

I slowly open the door, humming 'hush now, quiet now' to myself, levitating the knife right next to my head and flashing a smile at Fluttershy.  She screams at the top of her lungs when she sees the blade, sobbing and struggling, beating her wings again and pulling so hard on the hoofrail that I fear it's going to be pulled off of the staircase.  I look her in the eyes and approach her.  She whimpers and tries to hide her face by looking down, clenching her eyes shut and shivering so hard that I can actually watch her hair shake.  Using the knife I cut the ribbon keeping her bound, promptly dropping it and embracing her in a tearful hug.

"Fluttershy, I'm so sorry... I'm so, so sorry,"  I sob into her shoulder and hold her, standing on my hind legs and shaking, already feeling my nervous system start to shut down.  The pegasus is speechless, and after a while wraps her arms around my back, holding me close and trying to calm me down.  We both cry for a minute or so... but I break the hug and walk shakily toward the three dead fillies in their corner.  Fluttershy doesn't try to stop me, only inching her way toward the stairs (I can tell by her shaky, noisy hoofsteps) and watching me intently.  

"Sweetie Belle...  I love you so much, you know that right?"  I ask the lifeless body, giving her cheek a stroke of my hoof, unable to stop myself from falling to my knees.  "I didn't want any of this to happen... none of you deserved this... but I do..."  Tears fall freely down my face, blurring my vision until I can see only the pure white of my sister's coat, not a speck of death corrupting it.  "Apple Bloom, Scootaloo... I don't ever expect you to forgive me... I don't expect anyone to, but it's never been beneath me to beg for it... I'm so sorry,"  Now I can feel my breathing slow down; I can barely move my hind legs, and my front legs are starting to feel a chill slowly penetrate into them as I lose control of my own body.  The only thing I can bring myself to do is to wrap Sweetie Belle up in the tightest hug I can manage and sob.  Fluttershy had stayed to watch, but at the first violent spasm in my back she could tell something was wrong.  She bolted up the stairs and slammed open my basement door, not slowing down for a single second, bursting open the front door and leaving it open as she took flight as fast as she could, presumably going to get help.  I can barely hear all the banging and running as she left me... but I didn't want to be anywhere else at the moment.  

My life flashes before my eyes; melting away the grief I had caused myself in the past day and a half.  I see myself blow out some candles at a birthday.  I can recall the feeling of my first kiss, as well as the pain of the first breakup that followed.  I recall finding the rock full of gems, and subsequently my cutie mark.  I recall the day my sister was born and how much I loved her.  I remember every source of happiness and despair that I've ever experienced, seeing them before me on the pure white canvas of my sister's coat.  

Everypony says that you see a light at the end of a tunnel before you die, but I can't see one.  All I can see is my world melting around me: the basement, the corpses, my own twitching and numb body lying mostly still in my field of vision as my sight begins to die out.  What I can see is a blackness that intrudes on the edges of my vision, or rather... My vision begins to dissolve into a senseless, chaotic darkness from the outside in.  Colors blend together, my world darkens and I know this is the end.  The only comfort I can take is that i stopped myself before I let my wall shut me out from the real world.

I punctuate my final breath with a sniffle, "Sweetie... Sweetie Belle... I'm coming to see you... Let's have that day of fun I pr-promised..."

~Fin~