Life is such a fragile thing; brilliant and pure, but so easy to break.  My sister rests peacefully under the loose soil in my back yard; never stirring, never crying, never laughing.  I sit in the corner of my workspace, staring out at everything I've 'accomplished' in my career: dresses, coats, gowns, suits, outfits, beautifully crafted and encrusted with gems, but so pointless.  I've stopped trying to fight the bizarre things that my emotions have been making me do; right now I find slight comfort in just sitting here, holding my tail in my lap and stroking it.  The sun is coming up outside, I don't want to see the light of day anymore.  I haven't slept a wink, however in Equestria could i have slept?  Even if I could I can't imagine the nightmares...

My mane and tail have completely lost their form after this incident.  They simply sprawl out over my body with no discipline or care; I must look hideous.  Well... I am hideous; what I've done, what I'm doing now... every single little thing about me is ugly.  I just want this to be a dream, I want all of this to just go away.  I would give anything in the world to just wake up in my bed, and give my sister that one day of fun that i promised her.

The sound of tears impacting my hooves is the only thing that breaks me away from this train of thought.  Somehow it just seems to get louder and louder.  Further away even? Maybe I really am going crazy.  Maybe I'm losing my mind and now my senses won't even keep themselves in order.  Just as well, a disheveled wreck like me doesn't deserve equanimity... I deserve nothing.  Choking back the tears helps a little, but the pounding won't stop.  It seems to have breaks in it, but what could it be?  Is there construction or‒

"Oh no!"  I panic as I recognize the sound as a familiar pounding on my front door.  Maybe someone saw me last night, or maybe somebody knows.  What if it's Celestia's guards coming to arrest me?  She could know couldn't she?  Oh no, oh no no no this can't be happening.  I look out my window to see if I can catch a glimpse of who wants my attention but I can't quite see to the door.  Maybe it's for the best... if I get thrown in a dungeon at least it'll be justice served.  

In my moment of silent self pity I remember what I was supposed to be doing today...  It's my turn to watch the fillies during their little Cutie Mark Crusaders game today.  My heart shatters once more; by now it must just be a coating of fine pink dust on the inside of my empty chest.  How can I explain this? How can I get out of this?  What in Equestria do I tell them?  Will they worry when they see what I look like?  My hooves are dirty; cold soil from the grave.  My face still has that bloodstain on it, but I can't just 'not be home' this morning... I made a promise!  I have to think quick... I need to tell them something.

In a fit of desperation I simply walk toward the foyer, ready to face their judging eyes.  They're getting impatient now; I can hear their little hooves banging on the door, and voices every now and then yelling in through the window:

"Miss Rarity! Sweetie Belle! You're home right?"  That one sounds like Apple Bloom, and I suppose it's only a matter of time before they become Cutie Mark Crusaders: Search and Rescue and end up kicking it in, so I guess I'll have to respond.

I squeak out a little bit, having to shake my head and utilize my hoarse-from-sobbing-all-night voice "J-Just a second!"

Just looking at the staircase makes me sick, I just can't deal with this, I can't deal with them... I can't send them home, what can I do?  I feel so sick... I feel sick! Of course!  I quickly tear away one of the curtains lining my window and wrap myself up in it. I use this new bit of fabric to try in vain to wipe the blood off of my muzzle.  Grabbing the ice pack out of the pantry on my way downstairs to give the look that last touch, I take a few deep breaths and open the door to see too concerned little ponies standing all alone on my porch.  

"Hi Miss Rarity!  Wow you don't look so good, are you feeling okay?"  Apple Bloom asks me with an adorable tilt of the head.

"Oh, sweetheart, I haven't felt worse in my entire life,"  I say, accessing my inner drama queen and providing a fake cough to emphasize this.  At least I didn't lie to them.

"Aww, is Sweetie Belle sick too?"  Scootaloo asks, reminding me of my sister's... condition and causing me to flinch.  They picked up on the body language unfortunately so I just had to keep it going.

"Yes, yes she's sick too, and she's still s-sleeping right now,"  I have to stifle some tears just at the word, she's just sleeping... she's just sleeping.

"Well maybe we can make her feel better!"  Apple Bloom yells with her usual enthusiasm.

"NO!  Ahem... no, no you can't come in here or you'll get sick too... I don't want you to catch what she's got..."  I plea and plea in my mind for them to leave, they can't be here, they just can't be.  

"Aww, but we could be..." Scootaloo begins... oh no here it comes.  "Cutie Mark Crusader: Bedside Nurses!"  They finish up in unison.  Normally I would be taken aback by a kind of annoyed charm... but this is far from normal, these two are venturing into places they really shouldn't.  Literally...  The second I finish that thought both of them rush into my home and up my stairs.  Apple Bloom stumbles a little and I nearly collapse under the weight of that painful memory cue.  

"Please girls, don't go up there!"  I call after them, trotting behind and tripping over almost anything raised on my floor.  My motor coordination is slowly circling the drain after so much stress and strain, I can't concentrate on anything but keeping them out of Sweetie Belle's room.  Too late, of course.

"Miss Rarity! Sweetie Belle isn't in here!"  I hear from the door.  As I approach the top of the stairs I can feel myself slowing down, shivering a little bit, knowing that I've been found out.  "Maybe she's hiding!"  The other voice says, muffled by the distance but still echoing through the hall.  Slowly, ever so slowly I walk toward them, thinking about what to do.

"Is she under the bed Scootaloo?" I hear Apple Bloom call out, some things get knocked over in the background.  

"Nope, how about the closet?"  Follows suit, a small toy, or some other thing falls onto the floor and squeaks a little,  Applebloom's voice is muffled by the increased distance.  

Soon the whole world around me seems to close in, darkening under the mental strain.  I have a horrible headache and the walls feel like they're getting closer and closer every step I take.  Sounds coming from the room seem to get further away, regardless of how close I step toward the door, and the lavender paint on my walls melts away into a dark, black void.  I look inside the room to see Scootaloo and Apple Bloom looking behind Sweetie Belle's old bookcase, under her bed again, inside drawers, under piles of clothing... everywhere for their lost friend.

A little voice in my head tells me to shut the door behind me as I step inside, so I do, latching it softly with a gentile click and trying not to disturb the two diligent workers.  

'They know,'  Says the voice; it only takes me a second to realize that it's my voice speaking to me.  'They know she's not here, they'll tell others, they'll bring back help,' I sound sinister... this can't possibly be me... can it?  'You can't let them do that, Rarity.  What would happen to your business?  What would happen to you?  Sweetie Belle wouldn't want you to rot away in a dungeon for the rest of your life.

'Shut up!'  I yell back to the voice, feeling my tongue move along to the words even though I try to keep my mouth shut and silent.  Wonderful, I'm actually arguing with myself now...

"Hey Apple Bloom! Lookie here, I found a clue!"  Scootaloo seems to want to be a Cutie Mark Detective now after finding the bedtime storybook I had inadvertently left askew in the bookcase.  

'It won't be long now, Rarity... What do you think would happen if they went out into your garden for some reason?

'Shut up! I said SHUT UP'

'All that loose soil, the shovel... they'll dig her up... they'll know it was you,  Now I'm crying... surprised that I even have that much water in my body... I look through blurry eyes at the two cute little ponies wandering around the empty bedroom playing detective and simply mouth, "no."

'Do it, Rarity,  The voice says, commanding me, but commanding me to do what?

"N-n-no..."  I whisper in response... seeming to know more than I think I do.

'They'll find her, Rarity, they'll find YOU if you don't do it!'

"I... I... I ca-an't," I whimper, noticing my voice starting to gain volume... the fillies didn't hear me, thank Celestia.

'You already did!'  This feels like a knife straight to my gut... I retch and scream, knowing that the voice is right... that I'm a murderer, looking into the now frightened eyes of the two little fillies in Sweetie Belle's room, having backed up to the wall during the whole argument.

"Do you girls want to go see Sweetie Belle?"  I ask them, feeling all thoughts, all emotions, all feeling drain from behind my eyes... it feels like my very soul is being sucked into the void in my chest.  I know what it is that I'm planning, but I can't even tell what's right and wrong anymore.

"B-B-But I thought you said you didn't know where‒"  Apple Bloom tries to interject.

"Oh I know exactly where she is, just turn around and look out the window and you can see her, I was just playing a little joke on you that's all,"  I say with a twitch in my eye, looking at the fragile glass of the window just out of reach of the ponies.  I take a few steps forward until my knees just barely touch the bed.

Scootaloo and Apple Bloom hop up on the bed, placing their front hooves on the nightstand so they can peer out the window, getting a grand view of the garden where Sweetie Belle is currently buried, and the winding, green forest behind it.

"Miss Rarity, we don't see her... is she in the woods?"  Apple Bloom asks me, never taking her eyes away from the view.

"Oh darling no, she's not in the woods, just lean back and relax and I'll show you,"  I say, laughing a little at my own cleverness... something is seriously wrong with me.  

"Lean back and relax? Is this like a surprise?"  Scootaloo asks as they both turn to look at me, seeing that I've gotten closer to the bed.

"Yup, both of you lay down on the bed and keep your eyes shut, I think you'll be very surprised,"  I say with one more twitch, my neck muscles keep contracting, as if trying to tell me how horrible this is.  I don't know what I'm doing anymore, but It's necessary; the voice was right.  I'm a killer, and they would find me out, so I may as well live up to my reputation.

I use my magic to levitate the pillows away from the back of the bed, thinking for just one moment as I stare into their cute little faces.  They sit there, eyes covered by their hooves, patiently waiting for their 'surprise'... oh who am I to hold out on them?  I focus as best I can and wrap the remaining sheet over their bodies, forcing them to lie still.  They immediately begin to yell, though not seriously... they must think it's a game.  That's it girls, it's just a game, no need to be scared.  Tears stream down my face as I hold the pillows to each of their faces, listening to their muffled cries and thrashing beneath the sheet, unable to move or even yell for help.  Scootaloo goes limp before Apple Bloom does, that little pony always was a fighter.  

I know my face doesn't quite show my true emotions... I feel almost liberated, accomplished even, for having dealt with this little problem.  I know that I'm grinning, even though the corners of my mouth keep trying to pull themselves into a wailing sob.  Apple Bloom's final pleading whines from behind the pillow soon fade as she joins Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle in their eternal sleep.  

I toss the pillows aside and step up to the peaceful looking ponies; Scootaloo is dead, not even a single shudder in her throat, but Apple Bloom is still alive.  I tilt my head and stroke her mane, gently toying with the beautiful red bow on her head.  She certainly is adorable, though Scootaloo could go for a few pointers on manestyling.  I decide to undo the bow and let Applebloom's hair fall down, picking her up a little so that she's sitting on her haunches, very slowly regaining consciousness.  I know she's waking up due to the whimpering cough she produces, unable to figure out where she is at the moment.  

"It's time to go to sleep, Apple Bloom," I coo softly, wrapping the thin strip of fabric around my hooves and positioning myself behind the scared little filly.  She turns to look at me with her big, frightened eyes, still coughing and gasping for air, but I simply shut my eyes and quiver.  That face, so innocent and so sweet, tugs at what's left of my shattered heart.  I wrap the ribbon around Apple Bloom's neck, pulling her off the bed and using all of my strength to hold her hooves off of the ground.  I can't look down at her or to Scootaloo... I'm a monster... a horrible, horrible monster.

Applebloom doesn't fight quite as hard this time, struggling to wriggle free of the makeshift noose, but ultimately unable.  Her hooves seem clung to the fabric around her neck as she squeaks and coughs, gasping for air over and over again, but unable to draw a breath.  I feel her whole body twitch as she passes out from lack of air.  It's all I can do to hold her still body there for the minute or so afterward to be sure she's gone.  I lay her down on the bed next to Scootaloo and listen to their heartbeats, nothing.  Apple Bloom's countenance retains the horrors of strangulation, so I close her eyes and relax her face for her.  Such sweet little girls, just sleeping, just like Sweetie Belle.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My face has been twitching off and on for a few hours now, my muscles are killing me and my mane is absolutely dreadful!  It's an awful lot of work, but at the moment I'm just getting done tidying up Sweetie Belle's room, the girls left it such a mess.  They're waiting quietly for me in the basement, just having a little slumber party... they're all so cute, and so quiet lately! I wonder what they'd like for dinner...

I hum a gentile tune to myself as I regain my composure and trot down toward the basement, passing a mirror on my way and catching a glimpse of myself.

"Tch, oh no no no, Rarity this won't do at all!"  I say, talking to my ragged reflection and levitating my purple hairbrush over.  "You're a mess! Clean yourself up won't you darling? What kind of example are you setting for the girls?"  I continue humming softly to myself, brushing out all of the tangles from my mane and even going so far as to toss in the odd compliment.  I make sure to wash those stubborn blood stains out of my coat, doesn't take too long in some frigid water, uncomfortable as it is.  And finally I magically reach for my curlers, looking at my mane flowing straight down my back.  I stand there for a minute or so, admiring the casual look.  Setting the curlers down I step backward, tilting my head side to side, watching the wavy purple locks as they hang naturally down my body...  I had no idea how beautiful I could look without putting this Mane up in its usual style...  Maybe I'll keep it!

The upbeat Winter-Wrap-Up tune is positively stuck in my mind as I trot down the stairs to see the fillies.  I hum the happy little tune as I dust off the hoof-rail on the stairs leading down into the dimly lit basement.  Scootaloo sits up against a pile of old boxes , eyes shut tightly and mouth hanging open just a little.  Apple Bloom seems to have already laid down for bed, the poor dear, unable to hold herself up with anything short of a prop!  Sweetie Belle could really use a bath after playing in the dirt for so long, but I decided to let this one slide since she seemed to be having so much fun with her friends.

"Hello girls! Don't mind me, I just decided to check on you three and ask you what you would like for supper? It's getting late and I figured the Cutie Mark Crusaders wouldn't want to go to bed hungry!"  No answer, such good, quiet little girls they were.  "Hmm, am I wrong Sweetie Belle? I can usually tell when you three start to get hungry, ahahaha!"  I plaster on a fake smile after that horrible fake laugh, wishing for Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, even Scootaloo to answer with a chuckle of their own, but nothing comes from the lifeless fillies.  I look over to Apple Bloom and ask her if she would like some apple pie; I've been meaning to try out the recipe that Applejack had lent me.  But her crushed windpipe and lockjaw didn't seem to be enabling her to talk very much.  "What about you Scootaloo? What do you usually like to eat for dinner?"  The small pegasus just sits perfectly still, hair a complete mess.  "Oh you poor dear, you still have bed-mane!  Well it just so happens that I have a hairbrush right here for you,"  I continue trying to smile, feeling my mouth quiver and droop as my conscience starts to claw its way through the emotional wall I've built up.  I brush the dead pony's mane down, smoothing it out and making it nice and even, not styling it too much, and certainly not making it too girly.  I know Scootaloo wouldn't want to look too feminine; she's so much like Rainbow Dash in every single way.  

I decide to look back over to Sweetie Belle one more time, digging her up wasn't the most pleasant thing I've ever done, but I did promise Scootaloo and Apple Bloom that they'd get to see her tonight.  

"Sweetie Belle, it's almost dinner time and you're filthy!  Here, let me see if I can help any..."  I glance around the room, still talking and cooing to my sister, noticing a little pink towel laying over one of the boxes.  I tug it over with my magic and accidentally knock the top box off along with it. I disregard the mess and get right to work cleaning some of the dirt off of Sweetie Belle's coat.  She had still been wrapped up in the blanket when I buried her so she wasn't too dirty, but the odd bit of moist soil still managed to leave a spot.  While I scrub her rigor-mortise stiffened cheek with the towel, gently humming a tune of my own invention, I can't help but notice the distinctive sight of some of Sweetie Belle's toys.  Evidently they fell out of the box I knocked over, and among them was the hand-stitched teddy bear that she brought along with her after mother and father decided she should move in with me.  I remember how she would never let that thing go for the longest time, always keeping it with her regardless of how dirty it became...  I got sick of it, I washed it one day and while it was drying I told her it must have gotten lost.  I was so careless that I forgot about it entirely and packed it away with the clothes that didn't fit her anymore...

"Well well, Sweetie... look what we have here..."  I coo softly, trying to keep up my happy and comfortable facade, even as my will weakens and crumbles under the weight of my own self-hatred.  "It's Tay-tay, your bear! And he's g-good as new,"  Tears are welling behind my eyes, Sweetie Belle loved this bear and I just took it away from her.  "H-here you go Sweetie... everything's ju-just as it sh-sh-should be..."  I say, whimpering to myself and letting the tears pour down my cheeks.  I can't fight it anymore, I can only place the bear under her arm and cuddle it up against her body.  

"Just a-as it sh-should b-be..."  I sit on my haunches and bury my face in my hooves.  Once more I break down, curling up in the fetal position and crying; crying harder than I ever have.  Years of emotions flood back into me, it's only been a day or so since Sweetie Belle was killed... but it feels like half my life was ripped out of me.  All because of one stupid mistake... and now... now I killed her friends! Oh Celestia I killed her friends!  What am I?  What... what what what... I just sit there wailing, mouthing out "what, what, what" in between breaths and sobs, trying to rock myself, comfort myself.  Sleep deprivation has been catching up, and now all this...

"You're a pretty pony Rarity, a very pretty pony..."  I say to myself, shaking under the fear and sadness coursing through my veins.  I slowly rock back and forth, laying on my side and stroking my tail with my hooves.  "I'm a pretty pony, a pretty pony...  Pretty, pretty pony... Nopony's as pretty as me... hah... hahaha!"  I can't help but burst out laughing, rolling onto my back and balancing there, laughing as hard as I can until my ribs feel like they're going to burst.

"Nopony is as pretty as me! ahahahaha!"