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Stoney Pones

by Samsara

Chapter 1: Bob Mare-ly

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Bob Mare-ly

"What'd ya say this strain was again?"  Applejack asked as smoke poured from her mouth and nostrils like an upside down waterfall.  

"I think it's called White Wendigo.  Someone far to the north grows it and needed to get rid of an ounce and was selling it cheap.  I just gave my last medicinal nug to Mr. and Mrs. Beaver sooooo I took it."  Fluttershy responded, taking back her absurdly large acorn shaped bong from the smiling orange earth pony.  She immediately buried her nose in and, with expertise, pulled through to keep the cherry alive in the three gram bowl.

Twilight's head rolled atop her shoulders as she forgot to keep it steady, and the resulting vertigo from the action prompted a simple, "Woah..."

"You okay, Twi?"  Rainbow Dash asked, her leg tapping impatiently until it was her hit again.  

"I feel like I'm in Cloudsdale..."  She responded; her tolerance was significantly lower than everypony else's, and it certainly showed.  Fluttershy snickered and blew smoke over at Twilight's inattentive face.  "Hah! I can even see the clouds!"

The group shared a chuckle at her expense, and the bong continued on its dutiful rounds.

"Fluttershy, could I possibly buy a baggy of this to take home?  Sweetie Belle has just been a complete pest these past few weeks and I could really use the pick-me-up."  She fluttered her eyelashes and took her hit at the same time, though the redness and squinting in her eyes just made her look as though she were convulsing.

"Ah you can just go ahead and take a twenty sack, I got it at a huge bargain.  I think my guy was about to get raided by the guards or something."

"Oh you're such a darling~"

Rainbow Dash snatched the pipe from Rarity after she had cleared it and quickly filled the chamber to the top.  Twilight stared ahead, mesmerized, by the thick tubes of smoke the pegasus blew out of her nose prior to clearing it.  "Dash... are you a dragon?"

"Kinda..."  She smirked, stood, and roared her best at Twilight; the flowing smoke from her lungs accentuated the display and made the toasted unicorn nearly fall out of her chair both from giggling and from fright.  Another riotous laugh encircled the ponies before Rainbow plopped back down onto Fluttershy's couch and passed the pipe to Pinkie Pie who accepted the bong but just held onto it.

"Hey Rarity, if you need somepony to take Sweetie Belle off your hooves for a day, I'd be more than happy to babysit!"  The jubilant pink pony exclaimed.

"What about Pound Cake and Carrot Cake?"

"Oh the Cakes don't let me babysit them anymore after I got caught making special brownies in their easy bake oven~"

"Hah!  I could care less what you do with Sweetie Belle, just don't let her play in traffic and I'll give you five bits a day to keep her busy."

"Deal!"

"Hey, Pinkie...  Hit that will ya?  It's cherried, you're wasting it."  Applejack said after noticing a steady stream of smoke rising up from the bowl.

"Oops, sorry!"  Pinkie took a deep breath, and then exhaled it all the way until her torso had deflated.  She made the best seal she could on the mouthpiece and pulled with all her might.  The five ponies around her stared on in amazement as she took what would go on record as the largest hit ever taken in Fluttershy's home.  By anypony's guess, she had inhaled three chambers worth of smoke before finally clearing it.  Pinkie, swollen from the smoke, released the hit after a few seconds, although it resembled the effect of untying a knot on a balloon.  Pinkie Pie promptly went flying about the living room like one as well, with a trail of smoke behind her erratic movement.  

The instant this happened, everyone burst into fits of uncontrollable laughter, as was the norm every few minutes when they smoked together.  Applejack, Rarity and Rainbow Dash hit the floor, but Twilight and Fluttershy kept their seats; Twilight only because it was her hit again.  "Ohh by the Princess's mane... I dunno if I can do this anymore."

"C'mon Twi, don't be a bitch."  Rainbow Dash said reflexively to the prospect of not getting more high.

"Well...  You do make a persuasive argument, Miss Peer Pressure."  Twilight smirked and, with her best shot, attempted to keep the bong moving.  The instant a whiff of the skunky, thick smoke made it through the chamber to her nose, however, Twilight fell into a coughing episode.  Fluttershy put her hoof on the pipe to stabilize it and prevent any of the smoke in the chamber from flowing out while Twilight recovered, but the rest of the ponies just laughed at her.

"Hurry up, Twilight, if you let it sit in there it's just gonna get more and more stale, harder and harder to take."  The cyan pegasus said between chuckles.  Her only real goal was to see how far she could push the uppity unicorn.

"Yeah, Twi, that's actually true."  Applejack piped in.  At this point she'd sided with Rainbow Dash entirely and was intent on watching Twilight hit her limits like a stone wall.

"Okay... Okay..."  The unicorn said between wheezes.  "I'll do it."

"You don't have to if you don't want to, sweetheart," Rarity said.

"Yeah, I can always clear it for you."  Fluttershy offered right after.

"No, no, I'm not gonna be a bitch.  I got this."  Twilight composed herself and, after forcibly loosening the tar from her throat and lungs, she stood up from the chair and nuzzled into the thick glass mouthpiece.  Rarity removed the bowl so Twilight didn't have to focus too hard, and the purple unicorn pulled as hard as she could with a single breath.  The noisy hit shotgunned the smoke, several liters of air, and even a few droplets of bitter, stale bong water up into her lungs.  She contorted her face and bit the inside of her cheek to stave off the discomfort, but after her vision blurred with tears and vertigo from the THC became too much to keep her balance, the unicorn fell back into the chair and violently forced the thick white cloud out of her lungs in yet another fit of coughing and hacking.  It was a fairly impressive hit, but Twilight just couldn't recover from it.  "Nope... Nope... I'm done for a bit."

Fluttershy patted the retching purple mess on the back and took the bong back from her.  She grabbed an unsharpened pencil and packed it down a bit, noticing that the cherry had died.  "Twilight, think you could do me a favor?"  Without even looking up from the floor, Twilight's horn glowed and the bowl re-lit. "Thanks a bunch~"  Fluttershy, stupefied from the THC in her system already, burned the crispy, stale bowl down until it sunk.  She stood up, walked the pipe up to her bedroom and replaced it, then exhaled upon sitting back down in the chair with her friends.

"Nice!"  Applejack commented, although that was the last word anypony said for nearly five minutes.  Each one of them just sat and stared at their respective interests around the room: Applejack was captivated by a potted plant that served as the opera house for an orchestra of crickets, Pinkie Pie had disappeared into the kitchen after she realized the bowl was finished, Rarity was examining her own reflection in her hoof, Twilight had focused so intently on the cracks in the floorboards that she may well have been trying to travel through them, Rainbow Dash stared longingly at the clouds out the window (and the ones between herself and the window), and Fluttershy put her focus on the giant bag of pot sitting on her coffee table.  The solid, deep green and "snow-sprinkled" plant material was beckoning for her, but a strong case of "the lazies" took hold over her body.

The silence was only broken with a signature Pinkie Pie squeal of joy.  Everypony wrenched their gaze toward Fluttershy's kitchen and witnessed as the bouncing pony rejoined them, precariously balancing several bowls of snacks on various parts of her body.  She set chips and salsa down on the coffee table, cookies on the end table of Fluttershy's chair, and a big plate of carrots right next to the big bag of weed.  Nopony reached for the snacks right away, and Pinkie smirked.  "What's the matter you guys?  Got... Cottonmouth?!"  To emphasize that final word, she produced four two-liter bottles of various flavors of soda from seemingly out of nowhere.  Immediately, she received the praise of royalty.

If snacks had feelings, it would have been a grisly massacre.  Cookies, chips, and carrots were devoured by hoof-fuls; crumb carnage littered the floor and table, and carrot greens (promptly devoured by animals with a contact high) had been scattered about.  Apart from the sounds of noisy chewing, hissing carbonation and various grunts of pleasure from the ponies, no conversation ensued until everypony had their fill.  Afterwards they lay back and sighed contentedly, nearly an hour had gone by and they had been in perfectly positive affect the entire time.  Once again, the silence was broken, but this time by Twilight.

"Guys... I can hear the narrator."

"... What?"  Was the general response from everyone else.

"Just then.  When you all said "what?"  There was a voice that narrated it.  You didn't hear it?"  Twilight asserted.  Her friends all stifled their smiles and giggles, and Applejack had to nudge Rainbow Dash before she said something mean.

"Twilight... You're stoned, girl."  AJ said in response.

"Like the streets of Canterlot, yes, but I swear by the Princesses, past present and future, I hear a Narrator...  What if our entire life is just a story?"

"That's deep..."  Fluttershy said, guzzling back a glass of water that she had snuck off and filled at some point.

"Who would waste their time reading into the hours of time we spend smoking pot together?"  Rainbow Dash asked.  She was still the most sober of the group.

"I dunno...  But I got you to read Daring Do all the time."

"Yeah, because she actually goes out and does things.  Her story is interesting!"

"I think you guys are interesting..."  Fluttershy said with a blush, and went back to drinking her water.

"Well, if there is a narrator, why don't you test it?"  Pinkie Pie said, with an odd flare for scientific method.

"That's not a bad idea, Pinkie.  Hey, Narrator!"  Twilight said, calling out to no-one in particular.  "It's not "no-one in particular" I'm talking to you!"  She yelled.  Secretly Rainbow Dash was thinking that Twilight had finally snapped and lost her marbles; something she'd expected for a long time. "Oh come on, that's not cool Rainbow."

"What?  I didn't say anything!"  Rainbow Dash was caught completely off guard by the statement.

"This really is good shit..."  Applejack said, smelling the sweet, musty flavor of the marijuana.

"You're thinking that I've finally snapped and lost my marbles!"

"... Fuck, can you read my mind?"

"Hey Fluttershy, can we load another bowl?  I wanna get as high as Twilight."  Pinkie said with a snicker.

"If it's alright with you, dear, I could go for another round.  I've got a lot of work to do tonight and I'd really like to just time-warp through it."  Rarity asked with a cock of the head and a flutter of her extra long eyelashes.

"Yeah, no problem... one sec."  Fluttershy stood and walked over to a bookshelf, pulled a few of the tomes off of it and removed her stash box.  The large, beautifully engraved wooden locker that she hid her pipes in opened up in tackle-box fashion, revealing Fluttershy's tremendous collection of blown glass pipes. "What do you wanna smoke out of?"

"Hmmmm..."  The entire crowd said unanimously.  They gathered around and examined the collection.  She had pipes that looked as though they would suit wizards, aliens, animals, hippies, businessmares, and anything in between, from one-hitters to multi-gram bowls.  The group each wanted something different, so they quickly became indecisive about which of the twenty pipes to load up.  Twilight was still focused on her quarrel with the nonexistent "narrator" however.

"That's right, the Narrator...  Hey Narrator, give us some more weed so we don't have to smoke entirely on Fluttershy's dime!"

At that very moment Twilight's horn glowed involuntarily and a magical sphere came into existence right before Twilight's face.  Everypony in the room's eyes widened, somewhat in terror and somewhat in interest as their entire existence had been brought into question.  The package that fell from the sphere was a scroll, not a bag, though, so Twilight slowly unrolled the piece of paper and was immediately disappointed.  "Aw dammit...  It's just Celestia."

A sigh of relief permeated the room before Rainbow Dash asked, "What's that fatass want?"

Twilight cleared her throat and read the letter aloud in a mocking, nasally tone.  "To My Faithful Student.  I'm very concerned about your grades as of late.  It's come to my attention that you haven't sent in any letters, reports, or research assignments from me or anypony else who has been in contact with you and giving them to you these last two months...  Oh shit."

"Hah!  Forgettin' to do your homework, Twi?"  Applejack said with a big smirk.

"No, I just realized something."

"What's that?"  Rarity asked.

"We could use this to roll an enormous joint!"  Unanimously, the group of ponies decided that Twilight was a genius. Next Chapter: Angel Gets Into Fluttershy's Stash Estimated time remaining: 26 Minutes

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