I sat outside in the melting snow. "How long has it been?" I asked idly, looking around at the ponies running around the guard track.

Celestia walked around to my side. "Twilight's still working on--"

I turned to look up at her. "I'm just asking how long. The snow is starting to melt." I tugged at the grass. "It was January when I got here."

Celestia scratched her head. "January?"

I groaned and stood up. "First month of the new year--"

"Ah." She looked out at the guards running. "It has been some time, hasn't it?"

I gritted my teeth. "Feels that way."

Celestia's magic twinkled around me. "You arrived on Phoen the fourteenth, it's currently--"

"Twelve month system? Four season?" I asked, looking back to her.

Celestia nodded. "Yes...why?"

"Year, Month, Day."

"Ah." Celestia's horn shut down as she tucked her book away. "Two, two, five. You arrived on two, one, fourteen."

I sighed loudly. "Feels a lot longer. Wait, two? Two years?"

Celestia licked her lip. "We finished out the old era and started a new one when Luna returned. Did I not tell you? A lot has happened since then. I crowned a new princess, discord returned, changelings invaded. All within a year or so." She closed her eyes and sighed. "But yes, you've almost been here a month. Oh! You can celebrate winter wrap up!"

I dug my heel into the mud. "Wait, so your sister's only been around for two years? Aren't you both like, ancient?"

Celestia stopped her prancing. "That's-- I'll tell you later. And she's been around about two and a half years. We didn't start the new era right after she returned, we waited until the following new year. She returned early in the year prior to One After Luna's Return. ALR for short--"

"I really don't intent to be here long enough for it to matter." I rubbed my neck. "Any news?"

Celestia cocked her head. "I told you, she's working on it."

I looked the the guard. "Any chance I can get back to training them? Sitting around is starting to take its toll." I stretched my arms. "I miss the noise."

Celestia tapped the ground gently. "Ah, perhaps. Things have calmed down a bit since the thestral incident." She stretched her wings, tapping my crown with a single feather. "Am I not entertaining enough?"

I turned to her and glared. "Serious? Do I look like the kind of person that does well in classy places?"

Celestia looked me up and down. "Well, you're naked and muddy, so no."

"Speaking of! Where the fuck are my pants!" I held my arms out. "Seriously! She took them like a week ago, what the fuck!?"

Celestia shook her head. "I really don't know. I am sorry about that, I thought she'd work quicker."

I grumbled and rubbed my chest. "I look like a dog."

Celestia looked over my chest. "Hmm...you do realize you're not nearly as hairy as me or anypony else, right?"

I opened my mouth, it hung open with only dead air coming out. "That's not my point--"

"Have you considered trimming?" She walked around me in a quick circle. "I know ponies that shave their beard or mustache, you haven't though, I just assumed you didn't want to."

I scratched my face. "I'd shave off all my hair if I could."

Celestia shook her head. "Don't. You look fine with hair, and ponies always regret shaving their manes. Trust me." She tugged hers with her magic. "Wasn't always this long, or this short."

I stared at her mane, watching the iridescent shimmer run through it. Colors faded and gleamed as she stood there. "What's up with your mane anyways? Do you do that on purpose, or does it just happen?"

Celestia's face went blank. "Do what?" She pulled her mane around to her face. "I don't understand."

I waggled my hand at her head."The glowy shit, the color changing stunt you pull!"

Celestia cocked her head. Her mane went a solid pale turquoise. "I do it to give it some life. Because this is just a bit boring." I stared, and stared, and kept staring. I started to go a little lightheaded. I forced myself to take a deep breath and stepped back. "Able?"

I groaned loudly. "God damn it.... Nothing." I rubbed my face. "It's not boring, just for the record."

Celestia frowned and looked back to her tail. "You don't like the different colors?"

I shrugged. "The flowing thing is a little distracting." I scratched my arm and turned back to the runners.

Celestia sighed loudly. "I like it though--"

"Then do it. I'm not telling you to stop, I just asked if you did it on purpose." I grabbed the hair on my chest and tugged it lightly. "God damn...so I've almost been here a month?"

"Twenty-one days. Not too terribly long, considering your arrival." She scratched the earth, digging a small patch of grass out of the snow. "You've spent three days in the dungeon, if you count those."

"I don't. Still though, I feel like I haven't done much." I scratched my elbow. "I don't really even feel like anything happened to get me home either."

Celestia leaned towards me. "You've spent most days sleeping, or doing whatever you do while you're on your--"

"Sleep, eat, masturbate. That's about it really." I stretched my arms. "Black light that room and it'll probably glow." I tried to think of what else I'd done. "The guard thing was a night." I rubbed my chest again. "Talk with you every day, got nothing better to do."

Celestia cocked her head. "Well, you could have asked. I'm sure I could find you something to do."

I shrugged. "Give me some guards, I'll hammer out some soldiers and it'll keep me busy."

Celestia looked behind us, towards the castle spire. "You could travel. At earliest Twilight will have you some sort of way home within the next month or so."

I scratched my beard. "A month?"

Celestia nodded quickly. "Letting tears or portals open on their own can be sudden. Creating a stable one takes time, and skill, and even then--"

"Look just get it done." I crossed my arms. "I still have people waiting for me."

Celestia tapped the ground. "Well...Able, you know if we do find you a way home, the portal will still be open." She tapped my shoulder. "I've had portals open to other words before. Or rather, one other time."

"Oh? What happened--"

"It was a dead planet, no oxygen." She nodded. "I decided it would be better to just get rid of that one."

I nodded. "Probably.... But what's your point?"

Celestia coughed. "Well, in theory we could establish a permanent boarder with your home, you could travel back and forth, we all could."

I started to stare at the base of her horn. "I-- I-- Pffff." I slapped my sides. "Cool."

"Cool?"

"Yeah, cool...." I shrugged. "I don't know what you expect me to say."

"That you'd visit."

I lowered my view to her eyes. She still had a beautiful color about her, and the shade of blue in her mane was gorgeous. I took a deep breath and slumped forward. "What's that winter wrap up thing? Like some holiday?"

Celestia nodded. "We clear away the snow and bring in spring. There's usually a dinner held in the castle."

I scratched my chest. "Look, I don't do public things, I just don't. But if you wanted to-- Look, I'll sit down and be civil if you want, like an actual dinner. Just not in public, I can't deal with crowds well."

Celestia smiled at me. "I can host something private. I'll invite someponies I think you'll--"

I shook my head. "No...just, trust me, alright?"

Celestia's tail popped up ever so slightly, and only at the base. "Alright...."

I took a deep breath and crouched down. "...If I ever get home...if I-- I mean you'd stick around with me?"

Celestia leaned against me. "Able, I've offered to try. I've been around a long time, I've been with dragons, griffons, thestrals, every species. I've outlived them all, and I've learned that personality and kindness are what matter. And you might not believe this, but I believe you can be kind if you tried." She reached down and nuzzled my crown with her mouth. "I mean, I do enjoy physically attractive ponies, people, you understand. But it's been long enough, and I do enjoy discussing matters of war and state with you, even histo--"

I stood up and held my arms out. "Lick me."

Celestia stepped back. "I'm sorry?"

I popped my arms up slightly more. "Lick me. Now's your shot, you've made it real clear what you've been getting at--"

"I'll save it, thank you." She shook her head slightly. "But I am glad you're at least considering it."

I took a deep breath and let my arms fall to my side. "Look...my romantic life has been severely fucked up." I looked to make sure the ponies were ignoring us and running along. "I lost my virginity to my sister...I fucked a horse when I was twenty...I'm locked up in a sexless marriage with a seventeen year old girl I'm watching over, and the last time I had sex was during a mortar barrage in a muddy foxhole." I shrugged. "You're the sweetest person to ever ask me to do something like this...and all I'm going to do is disappoint you."

Celestia cocked her head. "Your sister?"

I groaned loudly. "I grew up in a place with ten people. We were about fifty miles from any actual town. And when you're fifteen and your sister is thirteen, and you've both never had sex, and never met anyone your own age for fifty miles, shit like that will happen...." I rubbed the back of my neck. "One...blizzard stricken night...." I rubbed my face. "It's not like I don't regret it! It was a matter of teenage rage and no outlet! You couldn't masturbate, you couldn't fight, there was nothing! You were never alone! Sitting around and playing cards with her was the closest--"

"Able, do you want a hug?"

"Yes!" I held my arms out. "...Yes...I just--"

Celestia swept a wing behind me and pulled me against her. "Shhh-shh-shhh. It's okay."

I whimpered softly. "I'm just trying to tell you, I'm not what you think I am. I'm just going to disappoint you or not live up to--"

"Have you ever cheated?" Celestia swung herself around and started guiding me towards the Castle. "Ever lied about loving somepo-- Someone?"

"No and no...."

Celestia pushed me along towards the nearest door. "Any vices?"

"No." My feet hit stone as we walked along the path towards indoors.

"Disease?"

"Fuck n--Chlamydia once, cured." I pulled away and stepped away from her. "That was from the woman in the foxhole to be fair...." I coughed into my hands. "Like I said, I'm not sure what you--"

Celestia poked her horn towards the guard office. "Able, are you willing to try?"

I locked eyes with her. "Are you still trying to get me home?"

"Yes." She nodded swiftly.

I shrugged. "Then there's your answer.... But trying and succeeding are two very different things."

Celestia closed her eyes and turned away. "One dinner, then you can decide. And even then, nothing is set in stone. Not even Discord." Celestia's smile faded. "Even though he should be...."

I scratched my head. "Who?"

Celestia turned to me and backed into the guard office. "Nopony. At any rate, you should go wash, I'll find you your guards, and please...give yourself some worth." The door to the office creaked shut.

I looked down at my bare body, scarred and pale, pasty even. My hair was unkempt, my beard scraggly and long, everything about me read homeless and battered. "Alright...about a dollar?" I rubbed my forearm. "I don't fucking know what my paystub was." I groaned loudly and ran my hand through my greasy hair. "I get looking past a lot, but come on damn it...."

A red pony with a hat ran over. "Excuse me...you've talked with the princess quite a bit, yes?"

I nodded. "Yeah...what about it?"

The red pony nodded to me. "Can you point me to her? I have a message."

"Just tell me."

The red pony looked towards the castle. "She has a guest waiting, Ms. Rarity is here with the clothes she asked for."

I gritted my teeth. "I'll be sure to tell her. Bye now."

The pony looked me up and down. "They said you were unpleasant. You're honestly not that terrible--"

"Oh I'm just hiding it. Saving it rather, because you just gave me somewhere to aim all that rage I have." I smiled at him. "You should go now." Next Chapter: Dragon Skin Boots Estimated time remaining: 50 Minutes