"Titan-- this old guy who handles mental health, said it was chronic PTSD." I rubbed my head and sat down in the tub. "I told him he was full of shit." I rubbed my eyes. "It's only ever nightmares anyways. If I keep going as long as possible it doesn't bother me."

Celestia looked at me from across the bath, her mane doused and heavy. "That's not normal though, is it? Nightmares that often?"

I rubbed the tip of my nose. "Look, it doesn't matter. You wanted me to tell you what was going wrong, I told you." I slouched back into the warm water. "I manage."

Celestia grabbed a sponge with her magic and waved it around in a circle. "By being a violent ass?"

I felt like something heavy set upon my shoulders. "That, and just by generally not panicking about anything. It's actually pretty useful when you're getting shelled. You just zone out and wait."

Celestia shook her head and dropped the sponge against her forehead. "That's not good. It can't be healthy."

"Neither is missing a leg. But that didn't stop some people." I scratched my arm. "So, what the fuck was that shit last night about?"

Celestia turned to me. "With the night guard?"

"No, when you fondled me while I was asleep. Yes the fucking night guard!" I stood up and raised my arms up. "You're not allowing your soldiers to train on the equipment you fucking provide?"

Celestia patted her head with the sponge. "Did I tell you about them? The thestrals?" She looked past me, at the door. "That is locked, right? Oh never mind." I cocked my head. "You'll see."

"See what?" I spotted what she was talking about as a golden bubble enveloped us. "What the hell?"

Celestia looked around. "Hello--hello. Okay." She nodded. "There are certain things I'd rather keep extremely quiet."

"Sketchy."

"Oh extremely." Celestia looked around again. "There are reasons I keep them from training." She took a deep breath and sank deeper into the tub. She looked over to me with a smooth shift of her eyes. "Remember when I said I've killed? When I--"

"Don't split hairs." I scratched my nose. "How many of them did you kill? And, if you did it for a reason, why are there still some around?"

Celestia's mouth hung open. "It's not that simple. We were displaced, we needed a home, they were unwilling to let us stay!" Every muscle in her body seemed to tense up as she spoke. "I had to find them a home, and if we roamed, we wouldn't have survived!" She took a breath to steady herself. "Everything you see, all the land from shore to shore, it was taken from them. Their kingdoms were burned, their land was seized, all except for one--"

"It was a genocide." Tapped my fingers against the glowing wall she had put up. "Then why leave any left?"

Celestia shook her head. "It wasn't about killing them. It was about finding a home. And they made it extremely clear cohabitation wasn't going to be an option!"

I stared at her, bemused. "So you killed them and took their place? Nice."

"You weren't there!" Her voice rattled my teeth. "You think I enjoyed it!?" Again, it echoed around the bubble, shaking me to the core with the sheer volume. "I left them alive because I knew it was wrong!" I flinched away, ducking down under the water. "If I told them what would happen? If I let them keep a military what would happen!? I keep them safe, it's what I have to do!"

The bubble shattered, sending disintegrating shards of energy into the water and around the room. I pulled my head out of the water to find steam coming off of Celestia and a white glow buried in her eyes. "Holy shit, okay...sorry."

Celestia's eyes slowly returned to normal. She rubbed her eyes and poured some water over her head. "I made it clear that those portions of history were buried. Thousands of years ago I did something I had to, for the betterment of my ponies, and the preservation of the thestrals. And if I have to keep them in the dark, if I--"

I waded through the water over towards her. "Okay...it's okay."

Celestia stuck a hoof out. "Don't."

I stopped half way and held my arms out. "So you can touch me when I talk about this, but I can't?"

Celestia lowered her head. "Able, if you need to be productive while you're here, I'll tell the guard to listen, but you can't train the night guard. Not yet. Maybe not ever."

"How long ago was this?"

Celestia took a shallow breath and sank into the water. "Long enough that I should have told the truth by now."

I nodded slowly. "It's easy to hide it, until you start seeing the consequences. And by that time, telling the truth always does more damage, just because you hid it."  I held my arms out. "You want a hug? That make you feel better?"

Celestia huffed. "Don't patronize me...."

"So that's a yes?"

Celestia sank into the water and blew a few bubbles. "Yes."

"I figured." I wadded over to her and put my arms around her withers. I scratched up and down her maneline.

She sighed lightly as I pulled away. "You're one of the ten or so people I've told the truth.... Most have been because I trusted them, knew them for decades."

"And me?" I waddled back and sat down.

"I haven't told anypony in a thousand years. And nopony would believe you if you tried to tell the truth." She swirled the water around her hoof. "I thought it would feel a lot better to talk about it than it is."

"You never get relief from it. You just stop carrying it around." I leaned back against the wall. "Well, can I ask if you're just straight up racist? Do you keep them--"

"I keep the guard weak. That's all." She breathed slowly through her nose. "There's a large enclave in Canterlot, but the majority still live on the land I let them keep. Luna watched over it, but with her gone I fear it might be in a bit of a state."

I scratched my head. "Luna's your sister, right? The navy one?"

Celestia turned to face me. "Have you not met her?" Celestia's eyes sank past me. "Able...can I help you?"

"You can help me get home--"

"With your nightmares." She focused back on me. "I think I might have a way to help you."

I laughed loudly. "Sure, I'll believe that when I fucking see it." I hopped up and out of the tub.

Celestia looked up at me. "Able...I think I can help you."

I felt myself frown without my own permission. "I don't think anyone can help me with that."

"And if I do?" She stepped out and rung her mane out into the tub.

I shrugged. "I'll sit patiently for you to get me home? Oh, and Jesus will come down and smite the sinners." I held my arms out. "You're not gonna solve shit."

Celestia looked towards the door. "Alright." She took a deep breath. "Would you care to keep talking?"

I took a deep breath and looked around. "Can I have my pants?"

Celestia's face went blank. "That might actually be an issue. One of my student's friends has them.... She offered to--"

"Why? Just...why?"

"She offered to fix them."

"My pants weren't ripped." I put my hands on my hips.

Celestia shook her head. "I gave them to her in the set."

"Why? They were fine--"

Celestia walked past me to the towel box she had by the door. "They were filthy and ripped--"

"I'd been stabbed and shot! It wasn't like the knife was going to magically phase through my clothes and just cut me!" I slapped my hands against my sides. "They were fine!"

Celestia toweled herself off then turned to me. "Able, talk to me about your wife."

I felt a weight slam against my ribs. "Why?"

Celestia tossed a towel over my head. "You seemed worried about her."

"You're just-- You--" I stopped myself and stretched my neck. "I just want her to be safe and happy. That's it." I rubbed my eyes. "I don't want a wife...but if it wasn't me taking care of her, who the hell would it be?"

Celestia walked up to me and put a hoof out. "You can watch out for somepony without marrying them."

I huffed and stepped back, putting my arm out in denial of her offer. "It was her idea. And if it makes her happy, keeps her mind off what happened to her, then so be it." I rubbed my arm. "I just want her to be safe, and happy. That's it."

"That's sweet." Celestia tapped the floor with her hoof. "Seems like we had the same reasons for fighting then. Maybe on different scales, but I'm glad to know we share that much."

I shook my head. "We don't." I rubbed my chest. "I really hope we don't."

Celestia walked back up to me. She held her hoof out again. "You know, you're much calmer around hot water."

I felt my eyes burn. I blinked hard, feeling one tear drip away before I could stop it. "Talking fills time. Keeps your mind moving on happier thoughts." I wandered back to home, to Miz, to Quebec. "Bittersweet, maybe, but still happier than what comes up when you don't."

Celestia slapped me with her tail. "You know where to find me."

I shook my head. "Yeah, but I can't get attached. Talking leads to attachment, and if I'm going home I need to be ready to leave without getting hung up on goodbyes." I felt my skin creep. "It's why you're not supposed to talk with the locals anywhere. You move through and keep fighting. You stop and you lose focus and die."

"How horrid." Celestia walked around behind me and tapped my shoulder with a feather. "But I think maybe you're not at risk of death here. At least not sudden stabbings as you've described."

I felt my gut sink. "God damn it."

"What's wrong?" Celestia walked around and looked me over.

I held my gut. "Just worried." My fingers dug into my flesh. "My wife-- Miz. She's not-- She's-- Miz, Miz is her name. I call her my wife to shut down people talking about her." I rubbed my chest. "Got a false arm, and I taught her how to fight. I mean, as well as she can considering the fake arm." I moved my hand to my side. "Sudden stabbings...are more...common-- Fucking, I'm worried about her okay!?" I held my free arm out. "Is that so fucking weird?"

Celestia pulled my towel away with her magic and dabbed my head. "Then I suppose I'll try and find you a way home." She sighed softly. "Trying to find one particular world, one universe, at a certain time or instance is nearly impossible. We might find you a way home, twenty years later or thirty years ahead. We might find the right time, but the wrong location, the wrong world, there's a lot that can--"

"Try." I stepped back away from her. "Just try...please."

Celestia nodded slowly. "Able?"

I patted my side. "What?"

"Can I hug you?"

"I'd rather you didn't."

"Are you going to stop me?"

I tried to put my hands in my pockets, instead I just slid them over my thigh. "No? I lack the means and--"

Celestia stepped forward, pressed her chest against my shoulder and wrapped a hoof around my back. "I'll try to find you a way back."

I kept my arms at my side. "...Thanks." I awkwardly started to raise my arms up to return the hug. I decided against it and just stood there.

Celestia eventually stepped back and smiled at me. "Thank you." She turned to the door. "Able, clarify, are you married or--"

"Are we doing this again?" I shook my head. "I'm not, but god damn is now the--" I stopped dead and locked up as Celestia pressed her tongue against my shoulder. I felt my muscles twitch as she licked up and flicked it off my arm. I titled my head towards where she'd licked me and shook my body out. "Jesus Christ."

Celestia laughed softly. "Too much?"

I was still reeling from the sudden equine display. "God damn it...son of a bitch." I ran my hand over my neck. "It's a horse thing, isn't it? horses used to lick me back when I worked the stable." I felt a shiver run up my spine. "God damn it, son of a bitch."

Celestia shrugged. "It's rare I find somepony I can share the past with. Is it such an awkward display of affection that you--"

"Display of affection.... So that tail--"

Celestia snorted and turned away. "How often do you think I talk with stallions? If it's not my guard, almost never. It's either heads of state or guards, and neither make for particularly good conversation." She shook her head. "The griffons are always worried about trade, Saddle Arabia's Sultan is a lecherous pig that asked me into his herd, and the Cervid Tsardom has a Empress. Shining Armor is marr-- The captain of the guard, is married to my niece. And my subjects never ask about such aspects of my life, unless they do so in absolutely lecherous ways." Celestia shook her head gently. "And I made sure to keep it simple."

I took a deep breath. "For a horse.... Completely different context with humans...."

Celestia cocked her head. "Oh?"

I just shook my head. "Just don't lick me again. Okay?"

Celestia nodded. "I suppose I overstepped--"

"It's just-- It-- fucking--" I put a hand on my head. "It means something different for us, okay?"

Celestia put a hoof up. "I just wanted to--" She reached over my head and licked my hair. "Better? Is it a skin thing?"

I stared at her, completely drained of anger. She was earnest, but it still pissed me off. "It's a skin thing. Now don't lick me again."

"Nuzzle?"

"Why?!"

"Because I consider you somepony I can be friends with."

"Then shake my ha--" I stuck my hand out and looked at it. I tilted my head slightly. "I can see where this would become an issue."

Celestia leaned her head down and poked her horn.

"Funny." I turned to the door. "Casual chat about death followed by hugs and kisses." I rubbed my face. "Are we crazy?" I looked back to her and pointed at myself. "Is it crazy, or has it just lost meaning for us?"

"Killing?" Celestia frowned. "I don't think it's lost meaning. I think the impact is a bit less for ponies like you or I. Living thousands of years tends to dull the pain, as does war."

I sighed loudly. "I guess. So what next? You have work for me, or we gonna keep talking?"

"Did you want to keep talking?"

I shrugged. "Passes the time."

Celestia smiled and nodded. "I'll take that as a complement. Follow." Next Chapter: Goodnight Estimated time remaining: 1 Hour, 11 Minutes