Warning: There is a bit of language not exactly suitable for younger audiences in the latter portion of the chapter. But aside from that, well there's the other stuff that made this a mature-rated story. I apologize for that one instance and will look forward to a potential chastisement in the comments below. I hope that you do enjoy the chapter aside from it.

Cliff and Rickey continued to stare at me while their jaws practically dragged across the floor. For several seconds, they tried to process the fact that my initial story, originally perceived to be some sort of a shrooms trip, was actually legit. Meanwhile, Twilight was just as stunned to see the two other humans standing in front of the portal. Her eyes widened to the size of dinner plates while her hooves acted as if they were bolted to the floor. I was just quietly waiting for anyone to say something, preferably Twilight just so I could see their reaction.

Much to my disappointment, it was Cliff who spoke first. "So... you've been kidnapped by aliens, right? And you just so happen to have a portal to their home world sitting in your bathroom like 'fuck, might as well just keep this here in case I need it for reasons'?"

"Well... yea... no... maybe? No. NO, there's no way in hell I'll believe it." Rickey said as he was about to step through the portal.

"What part of this shit don't you believe?" I asked. "It's right in front of your face."

"Look, that purple thing over there may have wings and a horn, but I'll be damned if that... whatever-it-is can talk. Horses don't talk. They are incapable of speech. I bet that horn is fake as fuck, those wings are fake, that horse is dyed a different color for the purpose to sell your stupid little..." Suddenly his tone changed from complete disbelief to utter sarcasm. "Hey wait, didn't you say that they wanted you to marry their princess?"

I did not think he would remember that particular detail in my story. If the initial response was anything, it should be nothing more than a forgettable joke. Houston to damage control, we have a problem. "Well... um... you see-"

"What's the name of this princess you're trying to marry?" Cliff asked with a chuckle. "Princess Count DeMonay? Princess Seabiscuit? Princess Bella?"

Rickey turned back to face Cliff as they continued to joke amongst each other. "So is she named after Twilight, the story with the 'sparkling' vampires? I swear if she is, I'm going to lose my shit! Hey Nondis, is her name really Bella? If so, can we call you Edward?"

"Ugh..." I planted my palm directly over my face as I began to feel embarrassed. As I was continuing to express my grief, Twilight finally rediscovered her ability to walk and decided to walk beside the portal and shut it off. Meanwhile, Cliff and Rickey were too busy joking around to even notice.

"So we got team Edward. I bet 'Bella' must be some emo horse with a thing for bestiality." Rickey stated as he pointed to me. "So have you been running from dragons while you were here? Did she fall in love with a dragon too?"

"Okay, enough of the Twilight jokes!" While I proceeded to pinch the bridge of my nose, I turned to the purple princess. "I never really told them your name." She just simply shrugged. I turned back to the other two. "But either way... I think she took offense to what you guys said. So, can we get some sort of apology going?"

Cliff rolled his eyes as he walked towards her and offered to pet her. "Okay, I'm sorry miss purple horse. We're not here to hurt you-" But as soon as he reached in, his hand was enveloped by her magic. Of course, his initial reaction was panic. As he pulled, he couldn't seem to get himself free from her grip while she was giving him a devious smirk. At the same time, Rickey was trying to pull his arm free, but found that it was much harder than anticipated. I shook my head as I turned back to the purple pony.

"Okay, Twilight, cut it out."

She turned back to me with an innocent smile. "Oh I'm just making sure that they're done." She then turned back to the other two humans, who were far from laughing. "You two are done, right?"

They both stopped pulling and just stood silently as she allowed herself to speak to them for the first time. Neither one of them could believe that the pony before them was capable of expressing cognitive thought and coherent speech, not to mention magical capabilities. After she let them go, Cliff just let his arm fall to his side. Slowly, they turned back to one another and then made a dash for the portal. Rickey was the first to face plant directly into the mirror, producing a loud thud.

I had to give credit to Twilight though. If she hadn't cut the portal off, those two would be running for the truck by now. At least this gives me a chance to explain what all goes on here and why I've been here for the past nine, almost ten months.

Cliff just pointed to the portal and looked at me. "Bruh, this shit ain't workin'. Why the fuck does it not work?"

"Because she kinda wants your attention. After all, she's the one who built the damn thing. And yes, her name is Twilight... Twilight Sparkle to be more precise."

"Princess Twilight Sparkle actually, I'm the one who pretty much looks after Nondis... Annnnd I'm also the princess you just made fun of." Awkward. "But being that you weren't aware of my existence, let alone my name, I will excuse your ignorance and extend my offer of acquaintanceship. Do you accept?"

Rickey got off the ground, walking towards the princess. As she extended her hoof in welcome, he shook it briefly. "We accept, can we go back home now?"

"Rick, chill. She's not gonna hurt you. You act like she bites or something." I tried to reason. But then again I knew that the ponies here had a kink for biting ears. I'm not going to disclose that for obvious reasons.

Cliff started to rub the hand she previously caught in her magic. "Yeah, I don't know what the fuck that shit was, but I think she would bite the shit out of me!"

Twilight groaned as she walked away from Rickey and moving towards the man still rubbing his hand. "I promise I won't hurt you. I just wanted to show you guys that I was a lot more than what you perceived me to be, which was some animal incapable of speech and independent thought. The spell I cast on your hand was just a simple freezing spell, it prevents you or a part of you from moving."

"Spell?" Cliff quirked an eyebrow as he tilted his head. "So you can do magic?"

"Why yes." She answered eagerly. "I'm actually a natural-born unicorn. I just got the wings and a growth spurt a little later."

Cliff and Rickey both looked down at her and then to each other with a deadpan expression. I chuckled a bit at their reaction to Twilight's mention of her growth spurt. "Ponies here are naturally small. Even their largest one stands at about five feet... minus the horn. I'm guess there could be taller ones, but I don't know that for sure." I stated.

"So... we're in a land of magical midget horses?" Rick summarized.

"Yeah, pretty much." I confirmed, gaining a discouraging scowl from Twilight. "What? It's true."

"Yeah, but despite our small stature, we ponies can be capable of some things that you humans cannot do." She proudly stated as she summoned her magic, casting her manipulating aura around my entire body to lift me into the air. "For example, we have mastered the arts of levitation, telekinesis, summoning-"

"Anything we can't do outside of our body's basic functions, they pretty much can." I said as I floated well above Twilight's head. "They can even fire death lasers from those things, capable of destroying rock and earth. But they obviously suck at technology."

"What he means to say is that our daily lives are not as convenient as yours, as you can probably tell. Even your cell phones are devoid of any signals here." Twilight finished, causing the two men to pull out their phones and look for any incoming reception.

"Damn, no bars." Cliff said as he shook his head.

"I'm starting to see why you've been hard to get in touch with." Rickey cosigned. "I can't even get an edge signal here."

I pulled out my phone and looked at the time as I spoke. "Yeah, it's a little hard trying to keep in touch when you're working so much on this end and only have the time to come back every once and a while."

"Really, you work here?" Rickey asked.

"So what, do they have you in some cage at a local zoo?" Cliff questioned.

"No, not at all. I thought they were going to do that when I first got here, but surprisingly they didn't. But they did use me for research."

"It wasn't even that much!" Twilight clarified. "I already knew what a human was prior to your being here and it really cut down on what was needed to be researched upon. You just laid in the room for the duration of a whole week before I had to finally drag your lazy butt into town."

"Yup, sounds like him." Rickey joked while giving me a slap on the back, causing me to give him a displeased expression. He only continued to chuckle at my expense.

"Well, I'm not that lazy anymore. In fact I'm very busy with my job, which requires me to be in some form of shape."

"So what do you do?" Cliff inquired.

"Well I just do a bit of sec-"

"Nondis P. Haines, the first human to become a member of the Earth-pony, Pegasus, Unicorn guard... E.U.P. for abbreviation, and to achieve a high rank in such a short amount of time. Position held: Captain of the Royal Guard. Every mare in Equestria wants him." Twilight boasted as she placed me back down onto the ground.

"Okay, I was just going to say I ran security." I answered bashfully.

"Nonsense! They need to know just how accomplished you are on this side of the portal. You've achieved one of our highest military honors and have rightfully earned it. Not to mention you pretty much bear the scars of every conflict you fought in."

"Military?" Cliff questioned.

"Conflict?" Rickey asked, scratching his head. "What are all these 'conflicts' you fought in?"

"Just small skirmishes-"

Twilight saw fit to interrupt me once more. "Small? SMALL??? You got on a train and saved several civilians from a swarm of changelings and prevented them all from falling into a ravine on the side of Mount Canter. You helped me, Cadance, and Shining push several changelings back in the invasion of Ponyville. In that same invasion, you defeated well over forty changelings SINGLE HOOFEDLY! And then on top of it, you're going to be hunting down the changeling commander and bring him to justice, WITHIN A WEEK? Stop trying to downplay what you've done. You've done a commendable service for our nation and you're seen as a hero throughout the realm of Equestria."

"Like my accomplishments match up to what you do." I argued back. "I mean, hi-ho I got lucky on a train. Wooptie-fucking-doo, I fought a small gathering of changelings. It's not like I just went full-Kratos and slayed a damn god. You fought a ginormous magic-stealing centaur and blew up three mountains in doing so. You destroyed a king hell-bent on trying to enslave a small empire. You fought Princess Luna head on when she was possessed by that dark spirit. And you defended Canterlot from a changeling invasion. And the list of your accomplishments and the amount of windows in Canterlot with you face plastered all over them are too many for me to count. So yeah, my resume doesn't nearly look as decent as you make it out to be."

"First off, you're giving me too much credit! Second, it was Spike who saved the crystal ponies and helped Cadance defeat King Sombra. Third, it was Cadance and Shining Armor who defeated the changelings the first time. Fourth, it was a combined effort of me and the girls to defeat Nightmare Moon. Fifth, it took me and the girls to put Tirek back into Tartarus! And sixth, Celestia, Luna, and Cadance gave me their magic so that I could fight Tirek. Nothing was done on my own. You did everything on your lonesome. If anything, your accomplishments outweigh mine due to that fact alone."

"And you talk about me giving myself too little credit. Hello Sparklebutt, you saved the world, NUMEROUS TIMES! There are nations who are lining up to kiss the darkest part of your ass right now." While we had gotten caught up in our small argument, we had then realized that there were two other people standing in the room, watching us bicker. They only looked at us like we were crazy. I cleared my throat and brought the conversation back to ground level. "Sorry about that. Now, do any of you you have any questions?"

"A lot." Another voice rang out from behind us. As I turned around, I instantly felt my entire stomach drop as five other mares stood and stared at the other two humans standing in front of me.

"So, they can talk too?" Rickey asked as he eased back.

Everyone else outside of Fluttershy was pretty much floored while they only looked on while the yellow pegasus jetted towards both Cliff and Rick. "Oh my goodness! Oh my goodness! I can't believe it! More humans! I just can't believe my eyes!" Timidly, she grabbed Cliff's hand and shook it violently. "You'll have to forgive me for being so rude, but I just can't help myself! So you two are humans as well? What's your diet like? What are your daily habits? Do you often-"

I groaned as the palm of my hand smacked against my forehead. "Fluttershy, please. They just got here, don't overload them with questions."

"Y'all two are related to Nondis? What do y'all humans do fer a livin'? Do ya do a lot of work?" Applejack continued to add to the pile.

"Do any of you play a lot of sports? What's your favorite thing to do? Do the two of you fight?" Rainbow added to the bombardment.

"My, what interesting choices of apparel. Is there by any chance you two would be willing to allow me to grab your measurements for some of my latest designs? Why I could have the three of you matching like, how do you say it? Yes, bread and butter!" Rarity teleported her measuring tape to her side as she crept up to Rickey, making him feel a bit uncomfortable.

Pinkie grabbed Rickey away from Rarity, gaining a look of disapproval from the fashionista. "What do you humans do for fun? Do you like parties? If you want, I could throw you both a huge, ginormous, fun-packed 'Welcome to Equestria' party! OOOH, I COULD EVEN FILL IT WITH CAKE AND STREAMERS AND CONFETTI AND BALLOONS AND-"

"ENOUGH ALREADY, GIVE THEM A CHANCE TO BREATHE!" I hollered loudly. While my voice continued to ring throughout the castle, I waited for the other five mares to stand beside Twilight. As soon as Pinkie plopped her pink posterior against the cold porcelain floor, I began to speak. "They're here for a temporary visit. They won't be staying for any longer than they need to. After all, they can't stay here like I can. They have lives on the other side of the mirror. And not only that, but the three of us have some business to attend to. So I'm going to have to ask all of you to leave for the time being."

A collective chorus of sighs and groans of disappointments sounded throughout the room. Twilight nodded and offered to take the others to the main chamber while the three of us got back to what had brought us here in the first place. I waited until they all had disappeared down the hall before speaking of what was needed to be done.

"So enough distractions, let's get those weapons moved over."

Cliff and Rickey looked at me as if I was speaking in a foreign language. One of them walked up to the mirror and gave the surface a knock, indicating that the portal was still off.

"Oh, right. Gimmie a sec."

I walked to the side of the portal and flicked the switch located just behind the back of the mirror. As I did, the familiar sound of magical machinery whirred and buzzed as the portal once again became active. Before I stepped through, I could still see the two other guys standing and staring at me still.

"You two coming or what?"

As we traversed back and forth from our world to Equestria, lugging the tubs full of weapons, Cliff, Rickey, and I had a long chat about what I was doing on the other side. I offered to keep it generalized, but they had only grown all the more curious since I was coming back with injuries. But I kept telling them that there were magic spells that would do the trick and lead to a much more speedy recovery than what would normally be expected should we enter into a hospital on our end.

In speaking of injuries, Melanie called me to let me know that she was finally getting somewhere with getting a case made against Jasper. Apparently, he's being charged with battery, assault, and sexual harassment. And go figure, it turned out that he had a similar incident involving a girl just two years prior. The only difference was that he tried to put his hands in places she didn't like, and the only thing that stopped him was a taser. And since he transferred here in secret, the girl couldn't press charges. Thankfully those charges will be compiled and he'll be thrown into a place where his cell-mate would be willing to show him what bottoming-out feels like on the receiving end.

After what he did to Melanie, it serves him right.

Melanie also asked me if I could come over and spend the night with her. I had to turn her down due to job restraints. I have a weapons demonstration that I have to perform tomorrow and my sleeping around here would only cause me to be late for the set-up. So I told her that I was going to be working and that I was terribly sorry.

Goes without saying that she took it well, and by well I mean her sending me sad faces as soon as she hung up the phone.

After that call, I had to finish transferring the weapons from our end to theirs. When we finished, both of the guys wanted to know more about the world I was confined to for the past nine-to-ten months... and they didn't wanna hear shit from me. Instead, they were vying for a chance to speak with the girls. It turns out that they were kinda interested in exchanging ideas and fashions of each world. But they obviously didn't believe it when I had told them that the white unicorn with the curly mane had made the very clothes I was wearing. No matter, I'm sure that Rarity would probably prove them wrong in a heartbeat.

And knowing her, it wouldn't even take long.

When we crossed over again, I had to scan through the halls to make sure that there weren't any other ponies around, as that would cause too much of a ruckus. After a quick runaround, I finally brought the guys to the main hall. I was more than relieved to not find any guards on the way in. We already have to deal with the incoming volley of questions, we really didn't need anymore from any of the maids or guards... especially the curious maids who constantly gossip about how Twilight and I shared our affection with one another. I REALLY didn't need them asking either Cliff or Rickey any questions that pertains to human mating habits.

Ugh... That would be too much for me to even mentally process, let alone explain it in a way where I don't look like a zoophile. Then again, I'm kinda already in that part of the danger zone. It's best that there are no questions that pertains to the more in-depth details of Twilight's relationship with me.

In fact, I think I should just gloss over those questions in general. Just ignore them. Nothing asked, nothing told.

"So what do you guys do for fun?" Rainbow asked as she hovered just above her seat. "I know that Rookie here doesn't really do too much of anything fun nowadays, with his being captain and junk."

Cliff scratched his head as he spoke. "Nothin' much. It kinda varies from person to person. Like Rickey could be goin' out to play some football with the frat. Personally, I'm cool with anything. Now I can't really speak for Nondis, but I think he likes to play video games from time to time. Don't let him catch you on the stick. He might set out to embarrass yo ass."

The mares looked at each other somewhat confused as they took a moment to decipher what Cliff had just said. After a moment of deliberation, they looked back to him as Applejack spoke for the whole group. "Um... pardon?"

Rickey offered to clarify on what was said. "He means 'don't let Nondis catch you playing with him.' If anything he's good at, it's games. Especially anything FPS."

The six mares turned their heads sideways in confusion.

"Guys, they don't know what video games are." I announced, making it known that the conversation about me and games wouldn't make too much ground.

After a brief moment of silence, Twilight perked up as she tapped her hoof against the table. "...Wait, isn't that the human medium to which you interact with a technological interface─I.E.: a box-shaped device and a screen with a functioning controller used to run the interface─for the sole purpose of entertainment?"

The three of us humans turned to each other, at first in silence but later in approving nods. "Pretty much." I answered.

"Oh, well I know that it's a form of recreation, albeit one that requires very minimal physical activity... or social interaction. I'm afraid that we don't have anything like that here. We don't even have televisions here."

Rickey seemed to have shrunk at that statement. "You don't? Then what do you guys have as far as media is concerned? How do you get the news out? The traffic, the stock market, local developments, the weather, the music?"

"They have radios." I began to explain. "So they have music. Their music is similar to ours, but they haven't exactly mastered the synthetic sounds just yet. They don't have cars, so traffic isn't really an issue. Things like the stock market and the local news usually make the newspaper. And for the weather... well I'll have Rainbow Dash explain that one to you. Rainbow?"

"We run shit." She answered as she sat down and cocked her hind legs on the table.

"Thank's, Rainbow. What's the weather looking like tomorrow?"

"It's gonna rain."

"Thanks, Dash." Well that would put a bit of a damper on the weapons demonstration tomorrow. I guess I'd have to reschedule.

Cliff shook his head with a snicker as he waved us off as joking. "Nah, y'all can't just be sittin here and dictating whether the shit's gonna snow or hail."

Rainbow immediately responded with a boastful tone. "Actually, we pegasi are the ones in charge of the weather. So if we need it to rain, we'll gather the clouds and knock them on. In short, we run the weather here. If you don't like it or you need the rain to come later, then you can just send a request through town hall. They'll report it to the weather team after that, then we'll clear the skies from there on."

"That's a magic specifically allotted to pegasi." Twilight followed up. "They control anything that has to do with the weather. Unicorns are more visual with our magic. We practice telekinesis and often use it for when we need to grab something that would normally be grabbed by hoof. The primary difference is that we often use it to handle more precise tasks. But it is possible to study beyond the practical uses for magic, or learning how to cast spells, summon for items, beasts, familiars for those in the dark magic realm, create shields, teleport from one place to another, or to use it as an offensive weapon. Earth ponies use their magic to tend the land and quickly grow crops. They are also known to have specific attributes that would allow them to endure a lot more than what normal ponies do. They can jump higher, run faster, carry more weight, and in rare cases can obtain extrasensory perception that makes them able to predict a variety of things. That of course varies from pony to pony."

As Twilight passed on that massive wall of information, both Cliff and Rickey looked at me as if I was supposed to explain everything to them. But as far as all of that is concerned, I have not been able to quite figure it out myself. So I was a little less stumped than they were, if not as much. "What she said. I guess they had to make things fair to the race that doesn't levitate anything or can't fly."

"Still seems unfair." Rickey mumbled.

"Put it this way, if you were playing an adventure game..." It took me a while to properly explain what I was trying to say in a way that was easily relatable. "Say you're playing Final Fantasy. They have a job system in place that allows certain attributes and stats to go to those of a certain job."

"But if a unicorn can cast spells, wouldn't it be possible for them to add a shit-load of buffers and spells to make them more powerful than the other two?" Cliff questioned. "I've played my share of FF7 and FF12 for me to understand that you could make one of your guys overpowered as fuck."

"Well, from what I can guess from Princess Purple, I think the horn is the main thing that gives them power. Knock that off and they'll be no better than the Earth pony... right?" Rickey summarized.

"Yeah, but if you knock off a unicorn's horn, they suffer a significant amount of brain-damage. Hell, a cracked horn is almost as bad as an aneurysm from what I've seen. So knocking one off and not giving them any medical attention would cause a loss of blood and immense amounts of pain, leaving them to die a slow and painful death." I stated, keeping in mind what had happened to Shining Armor. "And also, all you'd have to do is grab their horn to stop them from using magic."

"Brutal." Rickey whispered to himself. "But how do you do that if they're down range?"

"Yeah, like healers and black mages and shit. How do you stop them from shooting lightening bolts at yo ass?" Cliff questioned once more.

"That's a pegasi thing. Weather elements is their thing as far as I'm concerned." I said as I tried to think about a unicorn using elemental magic. "I know that it's possible for unicorns to do it, but only extremely high-ranking ones with appropriate licenses are authorized access to those kinds of spells, let alone using them. And it's not like you can just find a grimoire or a magic scroll with magic spells listed on it in your public library."

Twilight nervously rubbed the back of her neck as she laughed nervously. "Well... they weren't exactly public access."

"Yeah, Twilight had a bunch of them all lining up on the shelves back in Golden Oaks!" Pinkie shouted rather loudly.

I looked back at the purple princess and stared as if she had, which she did, done something completely stupid. Her response was a instant change to the subject. "Well, *ahem* I think we should get back to the previous subject at hoof... or hand. What other things do you humans have for entertainment?"

Cliff started listing off everything we'd normally have. "Movies, sports, music, books, games, parties, se-"

"OOOOH, WHAT KIND OF PARTIES DO YOU HAVE!?" Pinkie screeched with the highest pitch and volume she could produce. "DO YOU PLAY GAMES AT YOUR PARTIES!?"

"Eeeeyah." Rick said as he tried to rub the ringing out of his ears. "We have dancing games, table games, drinking games, games where we do stupid shit, video games, twister, truth or dare."

"Nobody's too old for truth or dare. Don't let em tell you that lie." Cliff said as he pointed to Pinkie. "So what, do you ponies turn-up?"

"Turn up?" Rarity questioned with confusion in her voice. "I'm not sure what you would call this... turning-up. Is it some sort of gesture referring to the attendance to the soiree?"

"It means 'turn up the hype' like you would the radio when your favorite song is on. Kinda like that feeling you get when you say 'this is my jam' and you start to vibe with the song. It's kinda like that." I graciously translated.

"Oh, I get it! Hee hee! Turn UP! Like turning up the party! I LOVE THAT, I COULD USE THAT! TURN UP!"' And now I'm going to be hearing that at every party Pinkie throws... great, just my luck.

"So Ah get that y'all have an 'ism fer bringing the party to a hype, but is it possible that y'all have a turn-down notch of sum-"

"TURN DOWN FOR WHAT!?" Cliff shouted at his loudest volume, exciting Pinkie even more.

"Non-non, I like him. When is he coming back?" Pinkie asked as she wrapped her hoof around his neck.

"When he decides not to be a bad influence." I muttered as I started to rub the bridge of my nose.

"Yeah, what y'all pony-folk do when y'all throw a party?" Cliff inquired.

Pinkie happily answered his question. "A bunch of stuff! We have a bunch of games we play. Like we play Tizzler," the pony version for Twister. "Apple bobbing, truth or dare, cider guzzling, whip cream eating, and muff diving!"

Rick slammed his head into the table as soon as he heard that last one. Cliff took a step back and stared as if the pink party pony had lost her mind. "Say what now?"

"Sh-sh-she said 'muff diving'." Rickey stated as he continued to giggle against the surface of the table. "Sss-s-she said it."

"Yeah, what's wrong with muff diving?" Rainbow asked.

At this point, Cliff took a brief walk around the room while Rickey was laughing himself to literal tears. "There's... s-s-sso much beauty in the world, you know?"

"Yeah, we kinda turn it into a competitive event. Rainbow Dash and Ah try to see who can come out on top by the night's end. Really great times to be had." Applejack added. "Rarity said that she wouldn't ever play with us though."

"I can't get my mane wet, darling. Do you know how long it takes for me to get these curls right?" The fashionista said as she started fiddling with her coiffure.

Cliff took a moment to hide his face into the collar of his shirt as he allowed himself to bust his guts all over the room. Rickey fell out of the chair and held his sides with one arm as he pounded the floor in an expression between delight and pain. "I-I... I can't fucking bre... BWAHAHAHAHA!"

"BRUH, I SWEAR I WAS NOT READY FOR THIS SHIT!" Cliff said as he gasped for air, just moments before he continued to laugh.

Pinkie announced loudly. "Yeah, between the whip-cream eating contest and muff diving, Nonnie loves those two the most!"

...She didn't just say that. She didn't.

Well fuck.

Both Cliff and Rick stopped for a moment to look at me with dumbfounded expressions, but the silence only lasted briefly as they snorted and spat just before laughing again. At this point, they were laughing and coughing up their lungs in hearing a statement made outside of context. They can have their fun, but it won't be at my expense.

"To clarify, Muff Diving is actually diving for muffins in this world. So whatever dirty thoughts you two might have entertained, they won't remain as such. What you do is you go diving in a giant tub full of muffins and try to snag as many as you could before the time was up. Whoever had the most won. And now you have your context for the evening, gentlemen."

The two still needed some time to recover from their impure thoughts. But it did leave them with a lasting impression. I'm only hoping that they were listing to a word I was saying, otherwise things could grow to become awkward between us. I don't need them finding out about just how far I actually went with a pony... or I could be facing a long term filled with scrutiny and uneasy stares.

Pinkie tilted her head at the other two humans as she spoke. "Doi, silly. What did you think 'muff diving' actually meant?"

Sniffling and wiping away tears, a exhausted Cliff answered her question. "Well, in our world, it refers to the act of eatin-"

"A furry peach." I said, offering a vague explanation that fully defines what was being said, and at the same time in such a way where the girls would remain unaware of what it really meant until much later. Anything to change the subject. "Next question please."

Rickey took a few deep breaths as he continued to hold his arm against the aching portions of his waist. "In speaking of eating furry peaches, how did you and the purple princess even get into this 'marriage' thing?"

Dammit Rickey, you were not supposed to ask that question.

"Ya know, we never really found that out fer ourselves." Applejack confessed as she turned to me. "How did y'all decide to just get into it, you know, full-blown datin'?"

And she is not helping me. Now I'm really gonna look like some sort of freak. "Well, it just sorta happened."

"Well it had to have been more than 'just sort of happened'. Shining went out of his way to run you into the ground in basic training." Rainbow Dash added, much to my displeasure.

I've always thought that explaining that I was dating a girl would be easy, but try telling your frat brothers that you've actually kissed a pony, not even screwing the equine princess, or going into detail how her mother caught her blowing me. Try selling that to National Lampoon.

...There are times where I am glad that my worst thoughts remain as they are: thoughts. "Shining and I had it out for one another in the beginning. You know, overprotective big brother."

Pinkie began to speak. "Really, because I thought it was because Shining Armor walked in on you and Twilight just as she was-"

QUICK, CHANGE THE SUBJECT! MAKE UP A STORY! JUST SAY ANYTHING AT THIS POINT! "About to kiss me."

As soon as those words left my mouth, I slammed my head on the large table before me... Dammit. Why did I just say that?

...You're fired.

"Wait, you kissed a pony?" Cliff asked with a hint of disgust in his voice.

"Actually, I was drunk at the time." Twilight clarified, looking at me uncomfortably. I guess she had caught on to what I was trying to do. "I had just gotten through being rejected by another stallion I liked. So Nondis did what a good friend would do and came over to comfort me."

Thank you Twilight, for taking one for the team.

"Comfort you as in how?" Rickey asked, implying that I had did more than offer her words of encouragement.

Twilight blushed as she looked at me, wearing a sort of bitter smile. "Well, he told me that I was special, and that I was pretty." And she immediately began to gush. "And told me how he would do anything to prove to me how I was special to him. So I made a bit of a drunken choice and tried to lean in on him. But after my brother walked in... I kinda offered him more than a kiss."

Oh boy, I wonder how these two are going to throw this out of context.

"Oh sweet Celestia, it took me nearly an hour of scrubbing to get that vomit stain out of your tux." Rarity mumbled over to me, not realizing that she was loud enough where everyone else heard it.

...It could've been worse.

Cliff shook his head as he tried to hold on to his laughter. "Wow, you must've had you a bomb-ass time over here."

"Oh, and in speaking of a good time..." Twilight muttered as she gave me a devious look.

"What you staring at me like that for?"

Before I could ask anything else, she used her freeze spell on me and casually removed my phone from my pocket. As her hoof lightly tapped on the screen, she pulled up a familiar picture. "Would you two care to explain why Nondis wore this?"

Both Cliff and Rickey looked at the phone and smiled as they took the phone from her. On the screen was a picture of me wearing that maid outfit from the 'Gentlemen's Ball'. Thankfully they were in similar circumstances, so they wouldn't disclose too many details. "Oh shit, this was from that one thing we had before we crossed last year." Rickey pointed out.

Cliff snickered as he scratched the side of his face. "So you didn't think to delete this shit after we had finally crossed?"

Suddenly, I could feel my cheeks warm by a significant amount. "Wait, you two deleted yours? I thought Prett told us keep it on there as a 'ticket into the frat'."

Rickey shook his head slowly. "Uhh... yeah, and we deleted it immediately after probate."

SHIT! Why did I keep that damn picture on there? "I guess I was caught up in personal things to even think about deleting mine. My bad." I said with my cheeks turning redder by the second.

"Yeah, you were really in some shit, bruh." Cliff said as he lightly nodded in agreement. "But that just begs the question, how the fuck did you get here?"

"Beats me." I stated with a shrug. "I just woke up here."

"I was the first to find Nonnie running around the Everfree Forest!" Pinkie answered cheerfully. "He was wearing this orange shirt with a strange symbol on it and some pants, but I saw that they were really soggy. So then I said to myself that 'maybe this creature lost their way to their home'. So then I said hello to him and he ran some other way, hitting himself in the head with a tree branch."

"I... was told I ran into a tree just before I woke up. Explains the pine needles I found in my hair when I finally came-to."

"So you were still wearing the clothes you had on when you crashed your car into the gulf? That's... unusual." Rick said as he tapped against his chin, pondering on what would be the missing link between there and me showing up here.

"So you ate those shrooms, smoked every doobie you could, got a case of the munchies, drove your car into the gulf, and then bashed your head in with a tree branch? I mean we knew you was havin' problems, but damn I didn't think you was gonna literally trip yo depressed ass to the horse version of Narnia." Cliff stated.

Rickey placed his arm around me as he spoke. "Yeah, you were so hung up from that fight you had with Mel, I personally thought you had decided to just commit suicide by riding off of the bridge like that. Scary shit, dude."

Again, that decision could have either been purely incidental or premeditated. I'll never know, nor would I even remember it as I wasn't really working with a sound mind. "Yeah, not doing those kinds of drugs again." As those words left my mouth, I had realized that I had said them out loud. I covered my mouth to prevent myself from saying anything else about it, but it seemed that everypony else had already heard it. Pinkie wasn't too happy hearing that I was in such an ordeal. Rarity didn't seem to like that I was so depressed. Twilight just didn't like the fact that a certain someone was involved. "Long-story short: I'm okay. Now let's talk about something else."

"So... Melanie made you depressed?" Twilight questioned.

Before I could answer, Applejack piled on another question pertaining to my long-time friend. "Yeah, who the hay is this 'Melanie' gal? Sounds like somepony ya know."

Pinkie squeaked as she raised her hoof in the air. "Ooooh! Let me! Melanie is Nonzo's best-est of his best friends! They had known each other since the tenth grade, and Nons has had a crush on her for quite some time. And also she really, really, really, really, REALLY likes him!" Not helping, Pinkie. "He's also been there since she's been in other relationships, making her smile whenever something went completely wrong with each one of them. But then he got upset that he kept being overlooked and confronted her over it, and she said no. So Nondie's been sad since then." REALLY not helping, Pinkie.

"Ehh... pretty much." Cliff verified, continuing along the same trend of providing information that Twilight would take out of context.

"Wow, you really have it for this 'Melanie' chick, huh?" Rainbow asked. I wanted to answer her and provide some insight, but I was too busy focusing on the burning glare that Twilight was giving off in my direction. She obviously didn't like that Melanie was so close to me. Once again, no one really didn't help me in that regard.

Thankfully, Rarity came to my defense. "Darling, they've been knowing each other since the latter years of their education. And I must say that eight years is a significant time-table for one to develop... dare I say... immovable desires. But I do believe that he has decided to move on from her, remaining her friend instead of vying to become her lover."

"Really?" Rickey asked with a quirked eyebrow. "Because she told me that she's been head-over-heels for the dude for years."

...You sonofabitch.

Twilight started to look towards me again while the others produced audible gasps. She offered to confront me about the situation. "So I was right when I said that she was experiencing feelings for you. And yet you had the intestinal fortitude to tell me otherwise? Is it possible that you just don't appreciate my company anymore?"

And it got worse. "No, you're getting ahead of the situation. At the time, I didn't know-"

"At the time?" Twilight started to shout. "So you mean to tell me that you know that she likes you!? And you haven't said a word to me about it!?"

"Please, don't." I raised my own voice in anger and frustration. "Twilight, I am tired of you continuously being on the offensive about every single girl I just so happen to know, IN MY OWN WORLD! And to answer your question, I wasn't made aware of this until recently! Can we talk about something else? I really don't wanna talk about this in front of everyone! And especially not now! I would rather us talk about it later and in a more private setting."

"Oh please, now would be a good time to do so! Come clean while you're at it, don't just rut me a few days before and expect me to be content with a 'break' from our relationship later on! What's the real reason why you're separating yourself from me! I wanna hear it!" She was trying to trap me in. And if it wasn't for Rickey and Cliff knowing her, I wouldn't feel that I would have to go on the defensive so much. But being that Rick is her ex, who still feels for her in some manner, that doesn't help me in the slightest.

While I had gotten some extremely shocked looked from the guys, I continued to argue with her. "I explained this to you last night! I don't need to say anything else!"

"You really don't love me at all, do you Nondis? Or is it that you take shame in me being something different than you?"

She went there. Wow. Now I'm really pissed.

"Oh no." Fluttershy whispered as she stood by.

"This got ugly." Rainbow mumbled to herself as she turned a blind eye to the two of us arguing.

Rickey stepped in and offered to get in between the two of us. "Hey you two, let's chill out for a second."

I pulled Rickey out of the way as I scolded him. "And you just sat here and blew up everything on spot. Do you know how hard it is to clear something like this up? It's been a really long fucking day for me. I'm just tired of thinking about..." The bruises on Melanie's face. "...Melanie is on my mind just as much as anyone else is right now." I then turned back to Twilight. "And I'm sorry, but she's my friend just as much as anyone or anypony else here. So with her being my friend, I have to be concerned."

I have a headache coming along... I need some fresh air.

"You keep using the word friend, Nondis. But I don't think you really mean that whenever her name comes up." Twilight rebutted with a scowl. "You sound like you're in love with her."

"But I'm not! So you can cut that motherfucking shitty-ass garbage short!" I replied rather sharply, gaining a few gasps from the others. Afterwards, I stood from my chair and walked from the room to give myself a much-needed break. While I did so, the others continued to call for me. But right now, I just needed to take a moment to let myself simmer back down to non-volatile levels.

"Non-non, where are you going?" Pinkie asked, her voice being the last I needed to hear at a moment like this.

"Pinkie..." I honestly thought about disclosing everything that happened recently, but I knew that it would be wrong to Melanie. And Twilight had already threw the dirty laundry out for everyone to see. If Cliff and Rickey didn't think less of me when they found out I was with a pony, they would now since they know that I actually had sex her. But I had stressed myself to the point of where I could no longer conduct a civil conversation without expressing any anger. I needed to separate myself for a while so that I could operate on that level again. "You said it was rude to ask personal questions. Everything's a little touchy right now. So I'm sorry that I have to leave. I need a moment, so if I may be excused."

As I walked towards the door, I paused for a moment to speak, but decided to just leave in silence.

Breathe in, breathe out...

Inhale, exhale...

Gather, release...

Expand, relax...

I don't really know the primary reason things just exploded like that. But I know that I wasn't too thrilled when everything came out. It was like the whole tone of the room went from zero to shit in like five seconds. I know that Rickey was playing games to make Twilight a little jealous, as he does with practically everyone. But the problem was that he didn't know just how deep it ran for her. So Twilight got beyond pissed as soon as she finds out that I'm being liked again. And it doesn't bode well considering that we had a conversation about what little had occurred between me and Rarity just last night.

In short, this was a massive snowball I was just crushed by.

So after our short shouting match, I took a leave and made my way back towards the room where the portal was stored. I crossed over for a short while to see if I had gotten any messages from you-know-who. I decided that I was going to speak with Melanie in regards to how we view each other. I know that she's dealing with a lot right now and that I was going to have to take things slow with her. But in the wake of all of this... I was going to need to talk to her about what I could disclose and what I would be willing to say to her.

Should I tell her about this alternate world? Should I even consider bringing her to Equestria? Would her and Twilight meeting potentially squash any beef or would it cause an unnecessary conflict? Better yet, would she even believe me if I had told her? I don't know where to go from here. Rick and Cliff probably think I'm some sick-ass weirdo who fucked a pony, the girls probably think I'm a habitual liar at this point, Cadance would probably clarify things to Twilight, but how long can she keep everything a secret from Shining? It's like no matter which route I choose, I'm doomed to disappoint someone. They say that the truth will set you free, but it feels like the exact opposite. Where do I even begin and who do I begin with?

...I guess it would be best to start with the two people who don't live in Equestria. Getting them back home is priority right now.

I finally crossed back over to the pony world and saw both Cliff and Rickey standing in the center of the room, talking amongst each other. But when they looked at me, they stopped their conversation. The river of words that flowed endlessly from their mouths, producing a calming sound of indifference, had shrank into a dry creek of silence. Their eyes rested upon while I contemplated on what I was going to say first. I didn't know what I wanted to say, so I started with two simple words.

"I'm sorry."

There wasn't much said after my words fell from my mouth and landed against the crystalline floors. It was like they had found out some irreparable truth about me. And given the time it took for me to compose myself, a whopping hour and thirty minutes, it would be best to assume so. Either way, the portal was open and they looked like they were ready to head back home.

"Well... The portal's open. If you two wanna leave now, you can. And I can understand if you-"

"Bruh..." Cliff started as he sat on the ground. "Let's talk about some shit."

Rickey walked over and draped his arm around my shoulders, guiding me towards the center of the room. "We kinda got the lowdown on what's going on. And had I known about it, I wouldn't have said anything about Melanie liking you. But because I did, I had to take responsibility for it. I sat ol' girl down, and we had a long talk about what had happened just earlier today."

Cliff scooted to the side to let me sit by him. "Yeah, so this 'Jasper' thing wasn't the first time you dealt with this kind of shit. From what we were told, you had to deal with the same exact shit over on this end... only with more bruises, more drama, more attention, and a lot more lawyers. And not only that, but it seems that you've been extremely dedicated to this Twilight girl, am I right?"

I nodded quietly, still looking at the ground. "I guess I'm a little weird to you guys now, aren't I?"

Cliff shook his head. "Nigga, you've always been weird as fuck. That's just some real shit." I kinda winced at the use of the N-word, but I knew he was just being honest. "But we gotta look at it from what you had to go through, which was a lot."

Rickey sat beside me as he started to speak. "Nondis, you've been here for a long-ass time. And you've grown accustomed to their culture as well as their customs. And it's not like they aren't sentient beings that are also incapable of reciprocating any sort of emotional response. The bodies are a little... lot different, but they talk just like us. They get mad, they laugh, they fuss, they cry, they smile, they go through as much as we do. And the stories we heard, reminded us a lot about Mel. They reminded us a lot about what we all had to go through."

"If I can be honest for a sec." Cliff interrupted. "If you had told us this without any context or proof, I would've had to knock yo ass out and take you to a mental hospital to get treated. But from the shit we heard and the scars you got all over you... including the one on your neck, this shit is pretty damn real."

I instinctively reached up to cover the scar from the attempt made on my life two nights prior. As I did, Rickey patted me on the back. "Yeah, ol girl told us about that too. But nobody else knew about it, so you might be in for some conversation when you guys meet up again. Other than that, bottom line: We explained everything that was going on with you on our end, they told us what was happening on this end. And we kinda know that it's a little hard for us to keep you out of trouble on this side. So we talked it up with Twilight and... she's gonna see if she can get something to get us all connected somehow."

"Basically, if your phone goes off, don't be surprised." Cliff summarized as he stood up from where he was sitting.

"Dude, we could never do the shit you did. And to be stuck here for seven months without a way back is scary as hell. But you stuck it out, and you made some friends while you were here. You learned a lot and you kinda got lucky while you were here... We might have some more questions about that later, but for now we'll just leave things as they are. We won't tell anyone about this, unless you do so first. But if you in some shit and you need some help, let us know. We got your back."

As I stood from where I was sitting, the guys continued to give me words of encouragement. Though I was more surprised by their lack of ridicule. I'm not exactly sure what all was said, but apparently it was substantial. But more importantly, I didn't feel like I was being shamed for what I did. But I was aware that they still had questions about the more intimate details about our relationship. But I can settle with discussing it with them on a later date. For now, I just needed to feel like they were in my corner. And I knew that they would be from this point onward.

...Thanks guys, I really appreciate it.

After Cliff and Rickey took their leave, I was left with the girls. And boy did they set out to slaughter me with questions about the assassination attempt. And at this point, they were doing a much better job than the assassin ever did, shooting question after question at me. It wasn't easy trying to explain that I was going to conduct that investigation after I had tackled the one I was already assigned to. But after a few more words of encouragement from the others, they allowed me to leave back to the apartment.

And while everyone was waiving goodbye from the castle gates, Twilight on the other hand was nowhere to be seen.

She wasn't even there when I had came back from sending the boys off. It was just everyone else except her. I didn't seem to care too much about it though, as I really didn't have any concerns for what she was doing for the time being. It wasn't that I was bitter, but unusually nonchalant towards what she thought of me at the time. I guess my brain had decided that I had enough of her antics. My thoughts of her had actually came to a complete shut-down. And I knew that was a sign for me to think about my future with her. No really, I think it's time for me to consider moving on. I'm not saying that I would break up with her, but the thoughts would prove to be a major distraction should I not address it up front.

As I closed the door to my apartment, I laid myself out on the bed and let my mind wander. I began to think about my future should I decide to let her go. But then I had remembered that I was going to be fighting more than just changelings. I had to argue down politicians while trying to make sure that no future punishments would come of either princess for engaging in a physical relationship. I could let my motivation be just that, but then my drive to do so would take a tumble. I wouldn't have too much of an initiative to fight the approval law should I lean towards breaking up.

But at the same time, it's almost like I'm doing something that wouldn't be worth it. Our relationship doesn't have just an external stimulus, but also an internal problem. We're actually fighting now, and that's not what I want. And sometimes it would be over petty stuff, making the problem much bigger than it needs to be. I didn't need to further endanger my health with stress and mental issues on top of being a guard.

There's also the relationship between the others should I opt out. What would the girls think of me if I wanted out? Would they come to understand, would they disapprove, would they remain indifferent to it? Shining would have a fit, Cadance would be trying to fuss at me for breaking it off, and I would develop a bit of distrust with Celestia. Spike would probably never let Twilight live it down. So then what? I end up ostracizing myself to the point where I'm no longer wanted?

There are too many variables and scenarios playing in my head at once. I can't concentrate on which would be the likely outcome because I'm focusing too much on the negative repercussions of the situation. And I've already committed myself to stay here, I don't like going back on decisions like that. And yet here I am considering going back on the main reason why I chose to stay here in the first place.

I shouldn't have to do this. I feel so conflicted.

"Who is it?" I asked loudly, still staring up at the ceiling. For a few seconds, I didn't get any response from beyond the door, except one.

"Yes!?" I hollered out, sitting up from the bed. Again, I didn't receive a vocal response.

"For the love of-" I rose out of my bed and stormed towards the door. As I pulled the door wide open, I was greeted by a purple alicorn sitting on her haunches, her ears folded back as she looked away from me. Her eyes were partially covered with her disheveled mane. Her jaw clattered while she sat there, awaiting whatever I was going to say. "Can I help you?"

She didn't say anything, but she did look at me with pink puffy eyes. They were obviously swollen from her crying. For a quick moment she looked at me, then she clenched her eyes and gritted her teeth. Pain and disgust showed throughout her expressions as a weak whimper left from her throat. In more simplistic terms, she broke. She ran into the room and magically closed the door behind her, flopped onto my bed and hugged the pillow I was just laying on.

While I stood and looked on with confusion, she levitated me towards her. Before I could speak, her forelegs locked around my chest tightly, her wings clamped around my body as her head ferociously nuzzled against my sternum. Her horn began to poke and prod into my chin while she pressed herself against me. Sobs and moans fell from her mouth, vibrating the very bones in my chest as she apologized.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" She said between sniffles. "I didn't mean for it to come out like that! I'm so sorry! I don't want you to be mad at me! I didn't know what was going on, and then I heard her name and I just... broke! I jumped ahead! As soon as I heard that she made you depressed, I just went on the offensive! I didn't mean to be so selfish! I didn't mean to question you! I'm sorry!"

I sighed heavily as her body finally pushed me against the mattress. It took me a while to finally say something in response. "I don't think you mean it." Yeah, stupid of me to say that, right?

"I don't! I just didn't like how you could talk about her so easily and hide me so casually! But I didn't take into consideration how you wanted to be seen. I acted out because I felt like you were downplaying what I was to you."

Honestly, she had a point. She was wrong for chewing me out like that and putting me on front street. But I was wrong for trying to make us seem like we weren't anything special. I know we're on break, but nobody deserves that... at least not without an explanation. "I'm sorry too. I cussed at you and let myself become influenced by peer pressure. I just didn't exactly know how to explain our relationship to anyone who's human. We don't really date outside of our species, so me with a pony would not be a thing my parents would want to come home to. That's not on you. And I'm sorry for making it seem like that."

"And I'm sorry for placing bad thought on Melanie. I know that she's your friend, and that I should accept that. She came way before me and I had no place for demanding a priority. From here on, what you do in your world is nothing of my concern."

"I guess I was trying to keep both lives as separate as possible. But I didn't take the time to let you know anything. And that's what my major fault was. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you all of what was going on."

"Again, you have that right. I can't dictate what you do in your home."

I smiled at her answer. At least now I was loosed from one side of my burden. But that would still leave us with a lot to work on. But this is a good start, and it's a normal one, a healthy start to a long road of recovery. I did my share of bed-making, so now it's time I'd clean up. "Yeah... So, squashed?"

Twilight giggled as she rested against my chest. "Hmmm.... Squashed."

While we laid silently in the room, I started to think that I was gunning to conclusions. Yes, I was angry at her for showing out, but I should be ashamed that I had let her get to that thought. Yes she's different, but I've grown to not let that dictate my perception of her. She's still beautiful, outgoing, and funny... annoying at times, insecure, and jealous also, but these are all things that come with the territory.

It took us a full ten minutes before we finally spoke to each other again. "Ugh.... relationships are hard as fuck."

Twilight used one of her hooves to play with my chest. "Cadance said that it wouldn't be easy. And I know that now."

"Same here. I knew that there was a bit of work to maintain one, but I never imagined it would be this much."

"...Did you feel like you were... you know... done with me?" She asked, her voice wavering slightly.

"At a point, I did. But, you came here to apologize. What about you?"

She stopped dragging her hoof up and down on my chest and rested her entire foreleg against it. "Wow... I can't say that I haven't thought about it. I had gotten so angry that I was ready to call everything off. But then..." Twilight sat up as she looked me dead in the eye. "If it wasn't for your friends, I would've called it quits."

"What did they say to you?" I asked, wanting to know how they convinced her to reconsider.

"...Enough. That's all you need to know."

There she goes, being all cryptic again. "So you don't want to fill me in on that?"

She gave me a playful boop on the nose. "Nnnnope."

"You suck."

"You'll be sucking soon enough."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"You said something."

"I said 'were we done with our break'?"

"No."

"Well, I tried."

This was at times a hard chapter to write, and also a funny one. I also apologize for taking so long, but I do hope that you've clubbed with enough baby seals to pass on the time. I will try to get started on the next chapter pronto. Comments are appreciated and criticism is welcome.