I sat in my bedroom, folding laundry. It wasn't a very exciting, or long ordeal, but it was one that needed to get done. Shirt after shirt, pants lining up around me, and a bright white pair of panties sitting atop my socks, "...Cosmic!? Why the fuck do I have your panties in he--" I stopped myself as a few red droplets fell onto the otherwise pristine panties.

Cosmic started shouting as a set of hooves cried out from the stairs, "Oi, what you on about?"

I ignored her and brought my fingers up to my nose, "What the hell?" I asked the air, looking at the blood leaking from my nose. It had been occurring more and more frequently, bad nosebleeds and heart palpitations. They were never enough to send me to a doctor, but the frequency was growing rather troubling.

Dust wandered in, Cosmic riding along in her saddle, "Oi- Oi! Why're ya' bleedin' on my damn panties!? Ya gobshite!"

I picked them up, holding them against my nose, "I don't know--" I stopped, realizing what it looked like, "...I'm not gonna stop...cause I'll bleed like a stuck pig if I take these off, but I realize how--"

Cosmic puffed her cheeks out, "You makin' a point? Gonna finally give me a dip?"

I glared at her, "Yeah, gonna dive face first into your ass. Give you a pony period!" I yelled, staunching the flood of blood from my nose. "Why do you even have these!?"

Cosmic's face tightened up as my blood seeped through the soft cotton, "...Gonna try and act cute for ya...then ya go and bleed all over 'em."

A soft ding from below caught me off guard. "Great...gonna have to answer the door like this...." I balled the the panties, trying to make them look like some normal cloth. With that mostly taken care of I hurried down towards the front door, Dust trailing just behind me with Cosmic grumbling as she was carried along.

I got to the front door, popping it open and revealing an Arab with a clipboard. He looked up at me from behind a pair of smart glasses, "Mr. Sander...?"

I nodded, "Yep...why is there a Hadji on my doorstep?"

The man cocked an eyebrow and shook his head, "How nice. At any rate, I have an important notice from Canterlot, and a small survey. May I come in?"

I looked the man over, "...You mind if I do a fucking pat down first?"

"...Oi...the hell you on about?" Cosmic asked, walking between me, "You, brown thing, inside, you, white thing, follow me." Dust swung her flank into my thigh. After a quick stare down of the Muslim I hurried over to Cosmic. She was livid, "Oi, I might not know you monkey men too well, but that was- are you being--"

I put my hand up, "It's fine! I just...not a huge fan of his kind...but I'm cool, it's all good...mostly." I plucked Cosmic from her saddle, "Dust...go...uh...do something." I pushed her out, pressing the side of my foot against her flank and scooting her away.

"Oi! Don't go pushing my ass around!" Cosmic snapped, sparks fizzling from her horn, "Ya' prick!"

I grumbled as I carried the bowling ball mare, "But there so much of it...and it's so squishy...."

"Then get you're grabbers and take some! Ya' pussy...."

I shook my head as I spotted the Arab sitting in my den, "Never have I had such angry head." I started snickering like an idiot at my joke, "Yo, Jihad, what do you want?"

The man shook his head, rubbing his temples and flicking his pen between his fingers, "I'm from the Mayor's office, Azar Armand," he produced a card and held it for me, "I'm going door to door letting people know that...well...there's no deli--"

I plopped down in a seat, "Look Arab, spit it out. I think you can tell I'm not too fond of you...so let's get this over with...."

The man closed his eyes and took a single deep nod to the side, "A human has been impregnated by a pony, and a pony by a human. I have been sent to gather information and distribute protection to those in active relationships." He pointed his pen to Cosmic as she tried to rid herself of her worried expression, "I have you two marked down as a couple...but...somehow I don't think you'll have quite the same--" the man stopped himself as Dust walked over next to me and hopped onto the couch, "I- ...So...yes, I just have a few questions...."

I let out a long sigh as I looked at the decapitated pony parts laying against my lap, "Oral...about a month now, maybe less, no penetration as of yet--" I was cut off by Cosmic.

"Pussy's too afraid of my vagina...."

Azar looked unamused as he darted his eyes between us, "...You two...go lovely together...." He stood up, writing some things down, "I have condoms if you wish, and if anything important arises information will be posted at city hall. Thank you for your, belligerent, cooperation."

I grumbled angrily, "Hey...so...are they like...is it pony babies or...human--"

"Halfbreeds, we can't confirm much at this point in time." He looked to the door, "A final thing, one of the other aides sent something to you." He pulled a letter out for me, "Now, I have others to survey."

I took the letter and flipped him off, covering my finger with the letter and waving, "Yeah, bye!" I waited until he walked out to drop my hand, "Ya' prick...."

Cosmic smacked me with her ears, "Oi, calm the hell down! You're in a right bloody bunch!"

I grumbled and interlaced my fingers with her mane, "I don't like the sand people...they like to blow us up...."

Cosmic looked back up at me, "...That's...sand people, that's bloody racist isn't it?"

I shook my head, "So...pregnancies...that's...new."

Cosmic frowned and looked away, "Aye.... You're taking it well...."

I grumbled and moved my free hand to Dust's flank, "I'm dating a decapitated head, who might I add, I saw eating herself out.... I've seen some shit, pony pregnancies don't really phase me anymore."

Cosmic grunted, "eh, you weren't gonna do it. Somepony had to."

I patted her head, "Well...I'm just happy to have an excuse to save my salty sailor from that squishy slit."

Cosmic groaned loudly, "Woooow, bucking Tartarus...aren't you bloody clever. Just gonna have to get creative then."

I swallowed hard, taking my hand's off of Dust, "Um...are you still--"

"I own that bloody weasel in your pants...bucker. And I'll have it."

I wished I could throw her head across the room, "Wow...I have- that's a legitimate threat isn't it?"

Cosmic started laughing, "I wonder if I would feel a pregnancy like this...." She grew a wicked smile, "I wouldn't have to deal with it...at all.... Heh...heheh ahaa, ahahahaaa!!" she laughed like a lunatic, "Oh boy...we're gonna make some pretty little things. I wonder if they'll be immortal too...."

I covered my eyes with the letter, "That's...terrifying...." I looked over the letter, ripping it open and looking over the strange blue paper, "...I uh- okay...so today is weird as shit!" I yelped, looking over the rest of the letter, "They found a way to put your head back...."

"What!?" Cosmic yelped, "R-really!? I- are you bucking kidding me!?" she was elated, her usually husky voice now shrill and excited, "Oh dear Celestia, yes!"

"You didn't let me finish.... The found a way, but they don't have it." I held the letter for her, "It's lost, like...really lost."

Cosmic's eyes scrolled the letter as I leaned back into the dull brown sofa, running my hands through Cosmic's mane, starting to put it into a ponytail. "...I know where that is...." she stated, letting the letter fall from her magic, "And...I'm gonna need some help finding it."

"Adventure?" I asked, finding a tie on my coffee table and putting her mane back, "Where to?"

Cosmic took a deep breath, "North...."

I scratched my head, "What, like the Crystal Empire?"

Cosmic started chuckling, "Farther than that...." She let out a quick sigh and looked to her body, "Is Storm Side, still around?"

"The hell is Storm Side?"

Cosmic blew a warm breath across my knee, "Of course...I uh...I hope ya' like the cold."