Author's Notes:

Able is a one time thing...he's gone after this, calm down.

I sat on a couch, a collection of body parts surrounding me. "Jesus...this was a mistake--"

"You fucking think!?" Celestia's boy started steaming, bright red in the face, despite him being in about five pieces. "You're a prick, and I hate you!"

Celestia stared at me, and the chunked man. "...I have to agree with Able, this was a bit much."

I scoffed, "Well I would have stopped if he didn't keep hitting me!" I grabbed an arm, laying it down on the coffee table. The hand formed up into a middle finger immediately. "Seriously?"

"Yeah seriously!" Able shouted, his torso slamming it's one arm on the ground beside him. "This is horse shit!"

Celestia tapped her hooves on the entry floor. "This really did escalate far too fast."

I grabbed the arm off the table. "I hug the guy--"

The arm started flailing, the decapitated man glaring at me from beside his laid down torso. "Don't touch me!"

"--and suddenly he punched my head out of my hands!" I tossed the arm onto his gut, "Suddenly I'm the prick!"

The head on the ground stared at my own, resting on the couch. "Are you seriously equating me punching you, to you cutting my fucking head off?!"

The door swung open, "Jason, we're--" She stopped dead, staring at the pile of parts resting before my seating area, Celestia standing off to the side. "...Dare I even ask what happened?" Dust asked, walking in upon Cosmic's back. "And infront of Celestia...for--"

"Who the fuck is that!?" The man screamed, trying to look behind him. "Seriously...I can't see--" Celestia carefully picked him up, turning him around to face Dust. "Oh, you're the one!"

Dust smiled, walking on the other side of the table and body. "I am, and-" Cosmic bowed, Dust doing the same and nearly rolling off her back, "-Celestia."

"...Why do I get the prick one." Able groaned, his head pushed up, as if he was looking down. "Alright, so I'm going to try and be calm. But you need to fix this right, fucking, now!"

Cosmic walked over to me as I picked up a foot. "Jason...what happened?" Dust asked, Cosmic quickly unloading her onto the couch. She rolled next to me, staring at me with those piercing blue eyes. "What happened?"

I looked off towards Able's parts. "I got excited, I figured out a thing, started celebrating and he punched me!"

"No I fucking did--" Able stopped himself, Celestia placing us down on the couch. "Okay, maybe I did! But you kissed my wife, you prick!"

I felt my eyes pop open. "Uh...Celestia is married?"

Dust stared at me, sharing my shock. "...Don't look at me, I had nothing to do with this." Her sweet tone was gone, she was leaving me on my own for this one.

"Uuuuuuuh" I tried to look around the room. "...I had no knowledge of this...I apoligise profus--"

"How-bout' you fucking put my head back on!" Able yelled, spitting in my face on accident, or on purpose, at this point I couldn't really pass judgment.

I looked towards Dust. "... Dust, help me out here?"

Dust stared at me, eyes open wide as could be. "I don't know how to fix this. Cosmic was the one who--" She was cut off, her eyes glowing bright white for a few moments.

Dust's mouth hung open, bright white still spewing forth from her mouth. "Jason, you're a tit." Cosmic spoke, using Dust like a megaphone. "Just wait here, I'll get the damn thing."

Cosmic hurried off, leaving the collection of limbs to wait for her. Dust shook her head hard, her ears slapping against the cheeks. "Whoa- what?"

The room went quiet. I spent most of the time trying to avoid eye contact with the outraged Able. "...So...really sorry about--"

"Don't." He said sternly. "I'm trying to not be an asshole, and you're making it really, really difficult."

I nodded, "Alright...sorry--"

"Stop." He said again, stern as ever.

I folded my hands on my lap, "So...I'll put the blade somewhere where I can't reach it easily--"

"Or, better thought, don't kiss random people!" Able shouted, glaring at me. "Seriously, that's fucking fucked up!"

"I was excited okay! I figure out how to fix this one-" I darted my eyes to Dust, "-and I wanted to share the moment!" Dust just smiled, watching us fight.

Able glared at me. "And!?"

"And you flipped your shit!" I shouted back, falling into my higher pitched accent. "Punched me in the eye, started kicking me and shite!"

Able cocked his head. "What the hell is with your voice?"

I took a deep breath. "Nothing, what's wrong with yours!?"

"My vocal cords are in two pieces, you prick!" He shot back.

I let out a strange groan, defeat mixed with agitation. "Cosmic, hurry!"

"No, screw you! You started this!" Able shouted, my eyes catching halfway to him, landing square on Dust. She was drawing something. "Hey, look at me when I'm talking to you!"

I ignored him, keeping my stare on Dust. "Oi, what you doing?"

Dust looked up at me, a pencil flying across the room as I spotted her. "What?"

I cocked my head, Able's attention shifting to her as well. "You were drawing something." I could see something slid under her neck. "...What the hell is that?"

Dust looked at me, eyes open as wide as possible. "Hmm? What's what?"

Able lit up. "What the hell?! What is that?!"

I glared at Dust, slowly reaching over, "Give me that--"

"Jason don't you dare!" She shouted, her squeaky voice returning. "Jason!"

I held her against the sofa, pulling the paper from under her neck with my free hand. "Dust what is--" I stopped dead, finding a crude drawing of two heads kissing.

Able stared at me, clearing his throat before yelling. "Well!?"

I stared past it, Dust's face bright with blush, Able's pale white. "... It's nothing."

Able glared at me. "What is that thing!?" He looked off to the side. "Celestia, help?"

"Oh screw that!" I shouted, "Bloody--" I jammed the paper into my mouth, the taste of graphite and death hanging on my tongue as I chewed. "Aw god--"

"What the hell!?" Able shouted, staring at me as I ate the picture. "What was it!?"

I swallowed what I could. "Oh god- tastes like hell!" I continued to eat the evidence. "Dust- why!?"

"Because it would be adorable." She clarified, "You're both so angry, seeing the complete--"

"I'm not angry!" I shouted, finally finishing off the note, tears in my eyes. "I'm- I don't know, but I'm not angry."

"I'm pretty god damn angry...." Able muttered, his snide glare directed between us. "Celestia...this is why I wanted to stay home."

Celestia walked up to the couch. "I thought you could talk with him, I didn't expect this."

I coughed softly, "That would have been nice," I mumbled, watching as Cosmic came back in with a weird ring on her back. "I don't talk with other humans as--"

"Nope, not talking to you ever again after this!" Able shouted, "I'll find someone else, or just stick with ponies, but you can fuck off!"

Cosmic and Dust slowly sorted each other out, body parts falling to the ground. "Look I said I was sorry!"

I watched a hand fly into the air, "Sorry's not gonna cut it!" Able screamed, flailing his arms. "Look at me! I look like a bomb victim!"

"Hold still please." Dust asked, a ring glued to her horn. "Like this?" She asked Cosmic, the decapitated pony nodding her neck in return. "Alright...."

I watched as Able's head zoomed around the table, "Look mate, I'm really sorry--"

"Shut up." He snarled curtly, not really as angry as before but extremely fed up. "Just don't talk to me again, ever." After a few flashes of light, he rose, pieced together. "You...blue eyes, you're alright." He pointed to Dust, waggling his finger, "But this guy...keep him in two pieces!"

Dust smiled at him. "Of course, he's not ready to act like a big colt, he can stay as a hoofstool." Cosmic slowly escorted the princess and the lunatic towards the door. "I'm sorry our meeting wasn't exactly perfect, I'll make tea next time!" Dust shouted, smiling all the while. She turned to me with a dirty grin. "You two would make an adorable couple--"

"I'm not gay!" I shouted, "You know I'm not--"

Dust flicked her head, forcing her mane out of her eyes. "I can have fun. Besides, two humans...mm, I like that idea." She grew a bit red. "Who would be on top? He's a bit short to--"

"No!"

"I wonder who would moan first--"

"Stop it!"

"Oral or anal? What position--"

"Dust!"

"Am I being a naughty mare?" She asked, her smile wide as ever, "You'll have to punish me for naughty thoughts. Or you can leave me, dripping from your new friend's ideas. Oooo, be so cute togeth--"

"God damn it Dust!" I screamed, my legs crossed hard. "Stop it!"

"Make me." she cooed, "Put something in my mouth, maybe I'll stop talking." Her smile fell into a pout, "Mmm, I don't know why...a homosexual human seems...tasty--"

"I'm gonna toss you in a bin, a cupboard or something!"