I woke up to a loud echoy tapping. It felt like I was in a fishbowl and someone was tapping on the glass. “Euuugh….” I groaned, covering my face with my arms and rolling onto my back, “Why!?”

        I flattened out, letting my arms fall against the metal floor. “My everything hurts….” I mumbled to myself, sitting upright and rubbing my bruised body. My last night’s tumble had left me battered and bruised, the back of my legs and my arms bearing the brunt of the damage.

        I looked around the dull grey engine room. The levers and knobs freshly labeled and refurbished. I pushed off the floor, pressing my back against the door and looking around the room. I let out a soft sigh and started to turn to the door.

        “Holy fuck!” I screamed, jumping back at Luna’s face pressed against the small window inlayed in the door. I clutched my heart as Luna nuzzled with window and smiled.

        “Clark! You have awoken!” Luna cheered, tapping the glass with her hooves, “We wish to accompany you!”

        I scratched my head and walked back to the door. “Luna...what?” I rubbed my eyes and looked out the window, the cool brisk night was burned away, replaced by a warm spring morning. The town was bright, the roofs a shining gold thatch, the walls a contrast black brick base and white plaster with timber frames.

        I opened the door and peeked my head out. “Uh...I was just gonna go take some pictures--”

        “Then we will keep you company!” Luna added, pulling me out of the train. “Come, while the count is still awake!” Luna pulled me into the air with her magic, running off the train and down the empty streets. I bounced heavily as she galloped towards the tallest structure in the town, a stone brick castle partially built into the mountain the town was seated against.

        I held onto my camera as the empty dirt roads zoomed by. I curled up, trying not to bash myself on any passing workers or low hanging trees. I grumbled and moaned as Luna slowed to a prance, “Luna, I can walk! I need--”

        “Ma’am!” A man in a dark navy hat snapped to attention.

        Luna set me down on the path to the castle. “Guardsman, report!”

        The two started talking, leaving me to take a few pictures of the castle road. It was wide, lined by peasant homes and a few shops. I snapped a few pictures of the pseudo medieval town. I taped a sign, making it swing and making the shot just that more ominous. “Creepy….” I snapped a picture and standing back, “People are gonna love this.”

        I walked a bit down from the castle, taking a few pictures as a load of workers carried carts and wheelbarrows full of bricks and wood towards the castle. It was perfect, a wonderful display of foreign aid to distribute to the locals, and a great chance to showcase Equestria’s work force, and bolster their egos.

        “Clark, we request a photo!” Luna’s voice boomed, catching me off guard and causing me to take a picture of a menacing patch of dirt. I turned on my heel, finding Luna smiling with two human guards at her sides. The two humans were dressed in ornate boxy uniforms, army caps, and two different pairs of sunglasses.

        I let out a short cough as I checked the shot. “Uh...can you take the glasses off?”

        The two guard grumbled, taking off their glasses and covering their eyes. The one to Luna’s side slipped me a middle finger for a moment before straightening out. It became obvious why they were mad. The duo was horridly pale, one crystal white and another a pale brown, and their eyes were practically shining in the harsh sunlight.

        “Oh...ehem, three, two, one-” I snapped a picture and stepped back, “And one for the public, three, two, one.” Two pictures were taken, the guards hurridly put their glasses back on and Luna walked over.

        “Show us.”

        I flipped through the pictures, “Oh...I should have let them wear their glasses.” The duo’s eyes were reflecting a massive amount of light, screwing up one of the shots.

        Luna poked her head in and looked at the picture. “Clark, we wish to obtain some of your pictures.”

        I looked at her and stepped back, “Well that’s fine. I can send you a few prints whenever we get back to a printer.”

        Luna shook her head, “Yes, we understand, but we wish to commission you as our artist!”

        I adopted a concerned look, “I have a job...in the Crystal empire...I can’t really--”

        “Excuse me,” A raspy voice cut me off, “It’s so damn late, can we get this started?” A man with a pure white complexion, glowing blue eyes and a trimmed mustache walked over, “So...you’re the guy right,” he pointed to my camera, “Let’s get this over with.”

        I met the man half way, a small group of ponies trailing behind him. “Count Wesk?”

        The man let out a long sigh and craned his head back. “Yeah, and like I said, I’m really freaking tired, can we just get this over with?”

        I nodded and stepped back, “Noble family first, then a picture with Luna.”

        The man nodded, gathering a two red maned mares around him, “This good?”

        I nodded and took the picture. “Awesome. ...Hey can I just say, that stache is awesome.”

        The man shook his head, “Not really my idea--”

        A red mane bump him with her flank, “It looks good.”

        “I know I just--”

        “Uh...next picture? You said you wanted to get this over with.”

        He nodded weakly and walked next to Luna, “So...this good?”

        I moved around them, taking a bit of an angled shot. “Alright, maybe one more from behind, like you’re looking over the town.”

        The man rolled his eyes and walked past me, overlooking the town, “You want my arm out or something?”

        “If you want- wait, hold that!” I snapped a picture, the Count with his hand extended over the town, Luna staring out over the town as well. “Wow that’s-- I...I can’t use this.”

        “What!?”

        I looked up at the count, “Uh...look.” I held the camera for him.

        He looked it over, popping his eyes wide open, “Uh….” he looked up at me, then over to Luna, then back to me, “Do you...want me to leave you two alone?”

        I grimaced and looked down to the ruined picture. “Maybe a shot from behind was a poor choice.”

        The mare just frowned at me, “She’s...showing...so...I’d say so.”

        I let out a defeated grumble, “Well...I guess I can crop it. Thanks for the pictures.”

        “Yeah, don’t...don’t worry about it.” he lingered around me for a moment, “Word from the wise, they like to hide in rafters...just saying.”

        I scratched the back of my crown as he walked off, “Rafters?”

        Luna butt in, smiling with a bit of a blush as she looked over the ruined picture, “Oh dear...we appear to have revealed ourselves.”

        I stepped away from her, almost stepping on a red mane. “Oh, sorry.”

        The mare looked me over, “Do you write the caption on these?” I nodded. “Great, than can you take one of me?”

        I nodded again, taking any opportunity to get away from Luna. “What is this for?”

        “Well...I just don’t want the bat ponies in Canterlot to be afraid…. So, make me look comfortable.”

        I nodded and took a picture of her, head held high, against a thatch roof background. “Here, how’s this?”

        She looked at the picture, a smile growing over her face,  “That’s great, thanks.”

        I gave her a small salute and walked towards the castle. The gate was manned by two long maned bat ponies, both in dark steel armor. I took a few pictures of them before joining another rush of workers into the main grounds.

        The courtyard was filling up with workers and scaffolding. The main door was being taken off and set aside. I managed to take a picture as it was laid against the interior stone wall. “Clark!” Luan’s voice snapped, once again ruining a shot.

        I spun around, “Luna!?”

        “We wish to take more pictures with you!”

        I looked at her, ducking a board as the workers went about their jobs. “You don’t say...well...I have a job to do so--” I was cut off as I was lifted off the ground once again, “Seriously!?”

        Luna trotted daintily along, leading me through the town while I just levitated gloomily behind her. “Come, we shall find a secluded spot!” I tried to get free, watching as I was lead down a narrow set of streets and into a clearing. “We wish to know you,”

        “No!” I screamed, kicking my legs and causing her magic to fizzle. I landed on my feet, stumbling a little but managing not to fall over, “I have to work! I can’t go off and pretend to have fun with you!” I made sure my camera still worked and turned away, “This is why I don’t like ponies! Always so needy!”

        I couldn’t hear her approach. I simply found myself forced to the ground, Luna throwing all her weight against my back and keeping me pinned. “What the fuck!?”

        “Shhhh,” Luna cooed, laying her stomach against my back. “We shall take care of you.”

        I made sure not to crush my camera, barely able to keep from destorying it as Luna leaned her head down. “No!” I yelled, trying to get free.

        Luna just kissed the back of my neck, sending a short huff along me as she whispered, “We wish to enjoy ourselves…please do not fight.”

        “Oh fuck that!” I snapped, gaining just enough traction to scramble out from under her and into a wall, “Jesus Christ alive!” I pushed off the wall and bolted towards the work area.

        “Clark, halt!” Luna demanded, bolting after me, at a severe disadvantage due to the narrow streets. “We demand your affection!”

        “No no no no!” I chanted, bolting for my life. I tripped on an uneven patch of road and rolled into a cart. Planks and tools went flying as I pulled a pony along for the ride, “Holy crap!”

        The pony let out a panicked yelp as we ended up in a small heap, “What the buck!?”

        “Sorry!” I yelled, climbing out of the mess and running to the train. “Fuck, which way!?” I started yelling to myself, caught at a fork. I turned back to see Luna unfurling her wings and chasing after me. I decided heading left would magically see me safe, finding it the way out of the small village and back to the train.

        My legs started burning as I raced down the hill, Luna gliding full speed after me. “Run Forrest, run!” A worked jeered, quickly getting taken out by Luna, “Holy shit...actually run dude, run for your life!”

        “No shit!” I screamed, charging down the hill, using my momentum to stay ahead of her. I slammed shoulder first into a stack of lumber, knocking it over and slowing me to a dead stop.

        Luna zoomed over, hovering just above me, “You, will, jo--” She was cut off as a pair of navy jackets tossed themselves over her. They pulled her down and pinned her legs, “Traitors!”

        The man who’d flipped me off looked up at me, “You’re gonna want to leave, now!”

        Luna just started screaming, trying to get free of the two night guards. Even more guard, pony and human, bolted over. “Go, don’t just stand there!”

        “But--”

        A guard with a rounded pair of glasses caught a smack to the face, “I saw her, try to-” he pushed his weight against her, “Run!”

        I took the guard’s advice, climbing out of the lumber and into the train. I hopped a safety chain, running to the engine and slamming against the door, “Driver, open, now!”

        The door flung open, “Bucking fuck, it’s like two p.m., what the fuck do you want!?” the driver asked, obviously not happy with me. He glared at me until spotting Luna, “Whoa...fuck.”

        “Train, Canterlot, go go go!”

        The driver bolted back inside, leaving me to join him. I lingered at the door, watching as Luna slowly forced free of her own guards, “Traitors all!” She threw a few off and stood, “Clark we demand your attention!”

        I just ran into the engine and closed the door, turning a steel deadbolt and moving a box of magazine before the door, my mind not registering that it was an utterly useless act when compared the the lock. The driver started up the train and slowly got us turned around. “Come on you beautiful metal bitch, work!” He yelled, working the levers like mad and trying to get us going.

        A loud thud cut him off. Luna’s head appeared in the forward windscreen, “Clark!”

        “Jesus Christ!”

        “We will be civil as soon as you comply!”

        I grabbed the driver by the jacket, “Go, go go gogogogogo!”

        The bat conductor threw me off, “I am, I fucking am!” He pulled a lever, causing the train to lurch forward. “Got it!” The train slowly chugged along, rounding the return track and nearly clipping the tail car as we looped around, “Come on…. Yeah!” the driver cheered as we started on our way back to Canterlot. “Wait…. We…” he looked up at Luna, glaring at us from the other side of the window. “But...this didn’t solve anything!”

        “Just drive stupid! We can get some help in Canterlot!” I flopped down in the corner, feeling Luna watching me as we chugged along towards Canterlot.

        She just stared angrily at me, watching me like a hawk and pacing along the front of the train. It felt like I was being watched by a rabid dog. I just stared ahead, watching the wall as Luna continued to stalk me from afar.

        I just sat, sighing softly and settling in as we putted along. The driver nervously worked the machine, occasionally looking back to me with a nervous expression, “...I really hope she doesn’t know my name...like...normally if a celebrity knows your name it’s pretty cool, but I get the feeling she might banish me.”

        Luna walked to the nearest window, “Bane.”

        The driver just froze, slowly lowering his head, “Damn it…. I’ll miss you penis….” He looked to me, a few tears gathering in the corner of his eyes, “Do you mind if I...you know, before she cuts it off?”

        I glared at him, “She’s not gonna cut your dick off--”

        “Well can I masturbate in celebration then!? You’re fucking up my schedule!”

        I started laughing as he shifted his back legs, “You have a jerk off schedule!?”

        “Yes!” Bane snapped, slamming the machine with his hooves.

        Things got quiet as I realized just how serious he was about this.

        He just stared forward, his cheeks puffed out angrily, “I like to keep regular.”

        I didn’t answer. I just sat there, staring at the wall as time started melting away. Little by little my ears popped, the temperature warming up as we slowly chugged into Canterlot.  I stood up and rushed to the window as a bunch of pegasai started gawking at us.

        I slammed my hands against the window, “Hey! Someone get help! Call Celestia, call the guard, call somebody!”

        A pegasus bolted, leaving us as we slowly ground to a halt just off a platform. I stood staring out the window as a large crowd started to gather. Little by little important looking ponies and humans started flooding the scene.

        “Hey...when do you think we’ll get out of this?” I asked Bane, clutching the metal wall of the train.

        Bane just started pacing, “Dude I don’t know...my balls hurt.” he plopped down on the opposite side of the room from me and faced the wall. He stayed quiet and just laid his head against the wall. “...I don’t like you….”

        I watched as Celestia herself started jogging over to the front of our train. I turned to Bane and shrugged, “Eh, I don’t think we’ll see eachother again…. Can you put out a restraining order on a princess?”

        “Dude shut up.” Bane smached his head against the wall. “I just wanna feel good, and I can’t even do that.”

        I turned to the window, watching the royal sisters argue on the front of the train. I couldn’t hear them, only garbled shouts and slowly saddening groans.

        Little by little Luna backed down. Celestia shouted at her a few times, then turned to me. “Clark? I need to speak with you.”

        “Is it safe?”

        Celestia rolled her eyes and flew over to the door, “I was in the middle of tea time, then suddenly someone starts screaming.” she pulled the deadbolt open with her magic and slowly opened the door, “Normally I’d take this easy, be calm, but I spit tea all over the French ambassador and I’m really not in the mood!”

        “Wait...the door--”

        Celestia bit my sleeve and pulled me outside, “Look...she’s my sister, I get what she did, so just...she wanted a hug, then I’ll make sure she leaves you alone.”

        I looked at her, “...I almost got raped, and you want me to give her a hug?”

        Celestia let out a defeated huff, “Look, she’s just...really needy. You humans are either proving to be great mates, or terrible mates, and she’s...a little infatuated.”

        “Infatuated!? She fucking mounted me!” I pleaded my case, Luna landing behind her sister.

        Celestia eased her expression, “Just please, I’ll assign some guards to keep you safe, just give her a hug and I promise she’ll leave you alone.”

        “No! Make someone else hug her!”

        Celestia blew her mane out of her face, “This is a royal decree, you…. Clark….”

        I rubbed my temple, “Dunn.”

        “Clark Dunn, you are hereby ordered to hug The Night Princess Luna.” Celestia took a deep breath, “Please...for me. She won’t stop crying if you don’t.”

        I glared at the princess. “You got fifty bits?”

        “What!?”

        “Do you have fifty bits?!”

        Celestia got flustered as her horn lit up, “Unbelievable...what are you even going to spend it on!?”

        “A new pair of pants!” I pointed to my mud stained slacks, “Damages incurred from the altercation!”

        Celestia mumbled angrily as five coins floated from a coinpurse. “This is ridiculous.”

        I took the coins from her, pocketing them and turning to Luna, “Don’t blame me, I’m not the bad guy here.”

        “I’m not the bad guy, mee mee mee, you’re the only guy here!” Celestia jeered, getting a few strange looks for a pair of pony guards at her side, “Look...I just...I had a bad day okay?”

        The guards averted their gaze, looking to the side and avoiding her gaze.

        Luna slowly stepped forward, and hooking her leg around my back. She pulled me against her chest, forcing me to nuzzle her neck as her head reached down to my ear, “I’m going to make you mine…. You will love me, and we will have beautiful children--”

        I pushed away, “She did it again! She- she fucking did it again!”

        Celestia pushed me and Luna apart, “Fine, it’s done!” she turned to her guards, “You and you, make sure he gets home alright.”

        The guards escorted me off the train. “Dear Celestia, man, what did you do?” a guard asked, starting to laugh, “Did you stick it in her?”

        “Oh screw you! I just, I took a picture of her, I’m a freaking journalist!”

        The other guard just started chuckling, “That’ll do it. Just enough push man, just enough.”

        I grumbled angrily as I looked back, finding Luna staring at me. She spotted me looking at her and adopted a heated smile. She licked her lips, popping her mouth open and swishing her tongue back and forth.

        I turned away, cringing hard at the deviant display. “How did she even learn that?! Auuurgh, screw it...just get me home,” I grumbled, slowly walking with the guards to the train north. It was horridly awkward sitting there, waiting for the train to come with Luna staring at me and making suggestive acts. Next Chapter: Dreams Estimated time remaining: 36 Minutes