It took me about a day to get over the shock of Vesper existing, and by the end of the day we were already close. She and I fixed the castle while Celestia and Twilight reverted anything that Discord had changed back to normal. Rainbow Dash waited in the KGBNRB. When we had finished cleaning up, Celestia told me she'd look into who'd had access to Dicklord that day so we could find out how the Cult of Dickharmony freed him.

Since she was from the future, Vesper knew a decent bit about Arcane Circles and how they worked. Apparently, any sapient creature had the ability to summon Arcane Circles, not just Unicorns and Alicorns. Summoning them was linked even more to willpower than I originally thought. Vesper only knew how to summon the Support Circle. Since she found all of that out from an alternate version of me, she wasn't causing a paradox by telling this me.

Vesper was staying at the library with me and Twilight. We'd retrofitted the basement into another bedroom (and gotten rid of the lab) for her to stay in. For money, she pretty much did the same as I did; helping with anything and everything around town.

In the universe were she had come from it wasn't just me that was female; everypony from that universe was the opposite gender to this one. She was used my friends having lots of testosterone, and wasn't used to them taking offense to things so easily. As a result, the others weren't very fond of Vesper. It was understandable, she wasn't exactly polite in the way they were used to. Unfortunately, she was a lot less... Naive...

I can't believe you stopped Discord alone!

He's not the first villain I've taken out, I had help from experience.

You've taken out bad guys?! Cool!

Not for the ones I set on fire!

...O-Oh...

They were warm for the rest of their lives!

...I-I've got somewhere I need to be...

Why, Darling! I simply must fix your mane!

What's wrong with it?

It's just so... Spiky!

And what's wrong with spiky?

Spiky manes went out of fashion years ago!

Well I'm not a fashion whorse, so I wouldn't know!

So you've already met all of us as stallions?

Yeah. You're all pretty similar to your counterparts, but there are a few differences.

Like what?

Names are a big difference.

What was I like as a stallion?

Bad in bed.

W-What?!

Those first few days were an interesting mixture of fun and painful.

About a week after the Dicklord incident, Vesper and I were in the kitchen eating alcoholic cake when Twilight trotted in talking to herself again.

"...I'm going to have to find somepony who does," she rambled. "Cloud! Vesper!"

"What?" We both asked at the same time.

"Do either of you have any problems, troubles, conundr-"

"No," interrupted Vesper. She went back to eating cake.

"Why?" I asked.

"I haven't sent a report to Princess Celestia this week about what I've learnt about friendship!"

"Since when did you do that in the first place?"

"I've been doing it since I first came here!"

"Oh. 'Kay then." There was a pause. "Want some cake?"

"No! I need to find a friendship problem!"

"Okay. Good luck with that." Twilight groaned and stormed off. I took another bite of cake. "So... Is everything pretty much the same in this 'verse? Besides the genders, of course."

"No," replied Vesper, "there are way more differences than I expected."

"Like what?"

"Just stuff in general. From the looks of things, this universe is barely even parallel."

"For instance?"

"You don't even have an overpowered magical artifact to use on the big buckers."

"Who were the 'big buckers' other me used it on? And what was it?"

"I'm not calling her 'other you', that's just weird."

"Well, what was her name then?"

"Sky Calculator."

"Eh, it's close enough. So what was it?"

"It was this sword. I can't remember its name, something like 'Dawnbreaker'. She found it in this other universe she got trapped in."

"What did it do?"

"It set shit on fire and made zombies explode."

"So who'd she use it on?"

"A whole bunch of dicks. She got pretty obsessed with killing with the sword."

"I'm guessing she didn't meet herself from the future telling herself not to kill?"

"What? What kind of bucked up fever dreams have you been having?"

"...Nevermind..."

"Anyway, the only villain that seems the same here is Dicklord. Well, he was female and had a different name but you get the point."

"Yeah." The was a pause. "Y'know, you should really make up with the girls."

"Why?"

"Because-" God-Horse teleported onto the table.

"Oh," she said awkwardly. "Hello." I sighed.

"What did Twilight do this time?"

"What gives you that idea?"

"You don't stand in cake very often."

"You'd be surprised. Anyway," she climbed down from the table, "Twilight's gone and mind-bucked the whole town. The 'Want It, Need It' spell. You know it?"

"Seriously? Ugh..." I facehoofed. "Yeah I know it. It's bucking useless, you can't even use it to get laid."

"Not that that's ever been in your schedule." Celestia and Vesper snickered. I gave them the stink eye.

"And for that, you get no cake." I cast a quick repair spell on the cake and teleported it to the fridge. Wait, is it already night? What the buck?! "Why is it night?!"

"Rough day in court and the nobles are stupid enough to fall for it."

"Won't that screw up the ecosystem?"

"Luna and I are strong enough to control celestial objects and you two can single-hoovedly take down the gods. It'll be fine."

"Eh, fair enough." I heard the front door open. "Sounds like Astral-Ass is back." Celestia sighed.

"Yeah. I need to go and deal with her but you two stick around, I've got important news."

"Okay." Celestia went into the main room to talk to Twilight. Ten minutes or so later, she returned.

"That's them dealt with."

"What did you need to tell us?" Celestia grinned.

"You'll be excited to know, since you missed out on stopping Discord, that I've discovered the location of a regular meeting place for the cult. The leader doesn't seem to show up to its meetings, but one of his lieutenants does. I need you to take them down." She turned to Vesper. "Without killing them." Vesper rolled her eyes and Celestia turned back to me.

"Okay, that shouldn't take long. Maybe an hour at most."

"Oh, but I haven't gotten to the best part."

"Hm?"

"Seeing as it's in Bullgium, most of the cultists there will be Minotaurs. Minotaurs have magic-resistant armour."

"So the lieutenant won't just be a wave of a hoof?"

"That's not what I meant. It's in Bullgium, so while you're on your short holiday, you can challenge the Colosseum!" I grinned.

"Oh, buck yeah." This is gonna be fun!

Author's Notes:

Yes, Sky went to Nirn.