"...So basically," I explained, "not only have I screwed up everything, I'm also an alien!" I was explaining my situation to Spike.

"Wait," replied Spike, "if you're- BLEH!" He vomited out a letter which I caught with my magic. It was addressed to me so I opened it up and read it. "What does it say?"

"Discord's free. Tell Twilight to make sure everypony in town is safe." I rushed outside, summoned a Support Circle and sped as fast as I could to Zecora's to pick up some potions.

Zecora gave me a potion belt to wear and six different potions to use; two potions of Magic Restoration (to keep up my magical energy), three Regeneration Potions (to pour onto injuries) and a potion of Steel Coating (made my coat and mane as hard as steel to help against physical attacks when drunk). I quickly headed back to the library and found Twilight and Rainbow waiting for me.

"I told Spike to tell you to help the townsponies," I explained. Twilight nodded.

"They're all inside their homes," she explained. "I'm not letting you face him alone."

"Me neither!" Blurted Rainbow. I sighed.

"I'm not gonna be able to tell you otherwise, am I?" I asked.

"Not in a million years!"

"I'm not going to let you do this alone," repeated Twilight. "I know you're strong but this isn't something you can do." I wouldn't have to if the freakin' Elements weren't destroyed.

"Have you forgotten that I beat the embodiment of nightmares on day one? I've become way stronger since then anyway, so- Oh, screw it, there's no point arguing. Get to the KGBNRB, I need to grab a couple of things."

"Okay!" Rainbow saluted and the two of them went outside to the KGBNRB. I headed upstairs and opened the hat box in my room. Inside lay the stetson.

One day I'll need to take you into the past to fix a terrible mistake. Something so bad that I cry apologies into Twilight's chest. I don't know what that mistake was, and I doubt I ever will, but please give me the luck I'll need today. I'm talking to a bucking hat. I've gone insane again, haven't I? Don't ruin the moment! I took the stetson in my hooves and gently placed it onto my head, immediately feeling better.

"Time for battle." I headed down to the KGBNRB.

Soon, we arrived at Canterlot. Weird shit had started happening everywhere, including chocolate rain and freakishly distorted animals running rampant. We rushed to the castle and burst through the doors. Celestia was standing atop the staircase.

"Cloud," she greeted, "thanks for coming."

"Hey, God-Horse," I replied.

"Are you ready to face Discord?"

"As I'll ever be."

"This battle will be like nothing you've faced so far. Discord is a trickster, you may not be able to defeat him with brute force. If you humor him, maybe he'll slip up long enough for you to-" Celestia was cut off by the wall behind her exploding. After checking she was okay, I went to see what had caused the explosion. The dust from the wall cleared to reveal a strange mix and match creature lying face down in a pool of blood. There was a silhouette of a pony behind it, cloaked in the shadows of the ruined wall.

"Well, well well," said a female voice (supposedly from the mystery pony), "Cloud Calculation. Just who I was looking for. I've finally found you." Who is that? "It would've helped if I hadn't missed you in Ponyville, but shit happens."

"Who are you?" I called to the silhouette. "And what's this dead thing?"

"I'm somepony from half of your distant future."

"What?"

"The dead thing is Discord."

"What?!"

"Actually, he might not be dead yet, you should probably check for a pulse. I'm talkin' to you, Astral-Ass." Twilight looked startled, but went to check anyway.

"Who are you?"

"You're starting to sound like a broken record."

"Answer the question then!" The silhouette laughed.

"You really do sound like my mother. I didn't think it'd be this similar. Is Dicklord still alive?" Twilight nodded. The silhouette sighed. "Even here, still so buckin' annoying." She cast some magic on Discord's body, covering it in a dark purple aura. There was a flash of light, and Discord was petrified. "That should hold him for a while, a few months at best but oh well."

"Why are you obsessed with being cryptic?" The mystery pony stepped into the light. She had a blue coat and a spiky, purple mane. Her cutie mark was a blue fireball.

"I'm Overcast Vesper; your daughter from the future of an alternate dimension conceived by yourself who was impregnated by future you." The room went silent.

"What?" Vesper rolled her eyes.

"In your maybe distant future, you go into an alternate universe and bang your female counterpart. Then I happened." More silence.

"What?"

"Twenty years later, I decide to go and meet you, so I set up the ritual and all that bull and come to this universe."

"What?"

"Something screwed up and I'm here twenty-or-so years too early from where I was trying to get."

"What?"

"So I decided that here was good enough."

"What?"

"It's a different universe, so I don't have to worry about making any paradoxes."

"What?"

"If I screw up something here, everything will reset to a certain point and shit will continue as normal."

"What?"

"So... Whatcha think?"

"What?" Vesper started to look annoyed.

"Do you know where we are, Cloud?"

"What?"

"'What' ain't no country I've ever heard of. They speak Equestrian in What?"

"What?"

"Equestrian, mother bucker! Do you speak it?!"

"Yes! Yes!"

"Then you know what I'm sayin'!"

"Yes!"

"Tell me what you think about this!"

"What?" Vesper grabbed me by the sides of my face and started shaking me vigorously.

"Say 'what' again! Say 'what' again! I dare you! I double dare you mother bucker! Say what one more Realta damn time!"

"Y-You're my future, half alternate-universe daughter?"

"Go on!"

"You got here too early?" Vesper smacked me across the face.

"Are you a bitch?"

"What?" Vesper punched me in the face, then grabbed me again.

"Are you a bitch?!"

"No!"

"Then why am I slapping you like a bitch?"

"W-What?" Vesper punched me again, knocking me unconscious.

Author's Notes:

Introducing Overcast Vesper:

Cloud's daughter from the future of half of an alternate dimension.

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http://youtu.be/u_gtyyarG2A?t=40s