Ow. I was lying on something hard and cold. My body felt strange. What happened? I must have blacked out for a little while when I went through the portal. I opened my eyes. There was a large building twenty-or-so meters ahead of me and- Wait a minute, something's... Missing... Why can't I see my muzzle?

I reached a hoof up to my- WHAT THE BUCK IS THAT?! My right forehoof had become a small, near-bald, Minotaur-like... Thing. It only took me a few seconds to confirm that it wasn't the only thing different:

Why the buck did this happen? Hmm... It's possible that the portal is designed to alter physiology and looks to act as camouflage. Either that, or this universe's magic is different and mine altered to fit. I'll have to look into it more later, I don't have time for this now. I tried to stand up, only to be reminded that I was a Primotaur. Is that really the name I'm going with? Yep. Ugh... Fine.

I shifted so I was sitting on my butt when I noticed something that made my Primotaur stomach churn: My hind legs bent the opposite way. This is... Ugh... I wonder if this is how Vesper felt when I turned her into a phoenix? At that moment, I noticed something else that was strange; I was wearing some kind of clothing. My whole body is near bald now, so it's possible that the portal changed my fur into this. I just hope it changes back when I leave...

On my feet were two rubber-bottom things that resembled shoes. Why are my fore... Whatevers this soft and why are my two hindwhatevers protected? I suddenly realised something as I looked between them and my not-hooves. Crap, Minotaurs are bipeds. I need to figure out how to walk with only two legs. I sat doing nothing for a few seconds until I realised something more important. How do I stand up?

After about twenty minutes I managed to stand up and shakily make my way to the building. Knowing Twilight, it's the first place she'd go. I have no idea if that's where what's-her-face is, but getting to Twilight is the most important thing right now. I reached the double-doors to the building. I quickly opened th- What the-?! I did the movements that Spike would normally do to grab things and tried to grab my horn with my whatever.

It wasn't there.

"Shit!" I exclaimed out loud. "I'm an Earth Po-! Wait, why is my...?" My voice sounded... Younger. In fact, it didn't sound much older than me in the flashbacks. Is this body younger than my normal form? It seems so... Why? And how? I'll just have to add it to the list of things to worry about later, I have more important things to do right now.

Using my meat-claw, I opened the door, but before I could get on the floor, a taller Primotaur walked up to me with a frown. Ew! Their faces look so weird!

"Well, well, well," it said with an old, gravelly voice, "what do we 'ave 'ere? The skiver, eh?" Seems to be male going by the voice.

"Excuse me?" I asked in reply. The Primotaur grabbed me by the ear (which I suddenly realised was completely changed) and started dragging me down a corridor. "Hey!"

"You thought you could sneak away from your classes every single day, did you?" This is some kind of school?

"You're making a mistake! I'm not-!"

"Don't think you can use any of your excuses on me, boy. Ooh, I hope she punishes you good..." Dammit! He's holding me so awkwardly! I don't know how to get out of-! Before I could finish the thought, I was shoved into a room. "Principle Celestia, I've found a skiver." Wait, Celestia?!

The room I was now in looked pretty generic for a principle's office. It had everything you'd expect; a bookshelf, some awards, a globe, a big desk with Primo-Celestia sitting behind it, the whole shebang. The Celestia in question looked strange, even for a Primotaur. Maybe it's just how female Primotaurs look? Her body seemed to be much more... Uneven. But if there's a different version of Celestia here, then... This must be a parallel universe.

"Thank you, Filch," replied Primo-Celestia. "You may leave him here." 'Filch' nodded and left the room, closing the door behind him. Primo-Celestia looked to me. "W-?"

"I'm from an alternate, parallel universe here to retrieve a magical artifact that was stolen by a yellow girl with a bacon mane. Two colleges of mine went ahead of me and I followed some time later. I need to catch up to them because one of them is pretty incompetent and the other seems to lose all of his intelligence whenever he's the main focus of something. I have three days until the portal back to our world closes to recharge using lunar energy and it won't reopen for two and a half years. If my friends and I fail to retrieve the artifact, our world as well as this one will be in terrible danger."

There was an awkward silence. After a couple of minutes, Celestia took a deep breath and sighed.

"That's quite an excuse," she said simply, "but unless you have some kind of proof, I'm afraid your punishment will be more severe."

"Okay, just gimme a sec." Right at that moment I realised I was wearing a Minotaur-style bag on my back. What do they call it? I believe it was a backpack. Did my saddlebags transform into these? I slipped the backpack off and stuck a whatever inside.

Current contents:
-1x Apple brand cider (15% strength).
-1x Pancake recipe.
-1x Paper mache tiara.
-1x Tin of high sugar sweets - 'Pinkie Simulators'.
-1x Note.

I grinned. Yes! The magic still works! The door opened and what looked like a Primo-Twilight walked in, bowing. Wait, is that normal Twilight or Primotaur Twilight?

"Twilight?" I asked. Twilight opened her eyes and looked towards me. She looked surprised.

"Cloud?!" She counter-asked. "What are you doing here?!"

"Proving to Primotaur-Celestia that we're from a parallel universe and that we need the tiara back." Twilight frowned in confusion.

"Primotaur?"

"Yeah, 'cause these things are like primates mixed with Minotaurs." I looked to Celestia. "No offense." I looked back to Twilight.

"Wait, you just told her the truth?!"

"Yep. If she's anything liker her counter-part, it's the best option. Anyway, we need to prove to her we're from- Wait, where's Spike?"

"I'm in here!" Exclaimed his muffled voice as Twilight's own backpack shook around. It unzipped and Spike in a dog form popped out.

"You're... A dog." Spike sighed.

"I don't know either."

"T-That dog just talked!" Exclaimed Celestia.

"Is that enough proof?" I asked.

"I-I..." Celestia gulped and tried to regain her composure. "I suppose so..."

"Good."

"Cloud, look at this," said Twilight. I turned to where she was to see three pictures hanging on the wall. Each showed a Primotaur version of the thief wearing different kinds of crowns and grinning on different levels of crazy. "It's Sunset Shimmer."

"What's the deal with those pictures?" I asked Celestia.

"W-Well," she replied, "each year, the school has an end of fall dance called the Fall Formal. We crown one student prince or princess of the Fall Formal based on votes cast by other students. The winner is given a crown." I pulled the fake tiara out of my bag.

"This year's is this, right?"

"Where did you get that?" Asked Twilight.

"I think Vesper slipped it in my bags before she gave them to me."

"Yes, that's this year's crown for the princess," answered Celestia. She frowned in confusion. "Why do you have it?"

"In our world, there's a magical artifact that looks like this but less shitty. Sunset tried to switch them out and steal the magic one."

"Oh..."

"So... Can we have it back?"

"Uh... Okay?" She pulled a small device out of her clothes and started poking it before pressing it against her face. The buck? "Luna? Can you bring the crown for the Fall Formal to my office, please? Thank you." She poked the device again and put it back in her clothes.

"What was that?"

"Please wait a few minutes."

"Okay." About a minute passed when a buzzing sound started. Celestia pulled the device back out of her clothes and poked it again.

"Hello?" She suddenly looked shocked. "What?!"

"What's wrong?"

"I-I'll call you back!" Celestia poked it once more. "The crown has been stolen!" I groaned.

"Again?"

"Could Sunset have gotten to it already?!" Exclaimed Twilight.

"I doubt it, shit would have already hit the fan if she had. It was probably someone else who realised it was a real crown and not... This thing." I waved the fake crown around.

"But what do we do now?"

"Find it before she does. C'mon, let's go." I walked out of the office. "Thanks for your help, Celestia. Oh, and you probably shouldn't talk about this." I walked down the hallway and Twilight rushed to follow. I'm getting the hang of walking like this pretty quickly. As I walked, I saw my reflection in some glass.

This is so bucking weird... Twilight caught up to me.

"Seriously, what do we do? We don't have any leads."

"Yeah, this new thief could be anywhere by now," added Spike. "And we have no idea of who they could be either."

"They'd have to be a student or member of staff of the school to know about the Fall Formal in the first place," I replied, "and they'd have to had seen the crown to know it was a real. It's also pretty likely that it's giving off magical radiation. I can't really track it since I don't have my magic, but it could still be useful in some way."

"Speaking of not having magic," said Twilight, changing the subject a bit, "can you still use your Arcane Circles?"

"I... Hadn't thought about it yet. Lemme check..." I summoned a Support Circle underneath me and flew about a meter into the air. "It looks- Agh!" A pang of mental pain struck me. The Circle shattered and I fell to the floor.

"Cloud!" Twilight ran over to me. "Are you okay?!" She helped me up and I rubbed my temples (or whatever the Primotaur equivalent is).

"Yeah, I'm fine..." This kind of pain, I've felt it before...

"What happened?"

"It looks like we still have some magic, just no way to cast it normally. Unfortunately, something's draining it and greatly lowering how much we should have."

"But why did your Circle break? I thought they used willpower and not magic?"

"They do use magic, just not much. They feed on your general magic which is why anything sapient could use them, so long as they had some magic and enough willpower. I barely have any magic for some reason, so I can only use them for a few seconds at most."

"D-Did you just fly?!" Asked a voice from ahead of us.

Author's Notes:

Who just saw Cloud flying?
What's using up their magic?
Who took the crown?
Why am I asking you when I already know two of the answers?
Find out and stuff!

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So a while ago in a blog post I mentioned that I'd finished the first version of human Cloud and that it was freaking terrifying. The one in this chapter is actually mark 3, so it's not so bad.
Here's a link to the nightmare inducing mark 1!
Viewer beware, you're in for a reference.
And here's mark 2 for anyone that wants to see it.

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Ten points to whoever gets the kinda subtle reference in this chapter (no, not the Stargate one).