The moon hung big and shiny over the darkened skies of the Crystal Empire. Which is pretty weird of you think about it. I mean, why does a huge rock reflect light? It's a rock. Rocks aren't shiny. Unless you're thinking about crystals, they're pretty shiny. But is the moon made of crystal? Books say no, but the only Pony to ever go there was Luna. She is the princess of the big sky-rock, she could say whatever she wanted. If the moon really is made of crystal, that would make Luna the princess of the big sky-crystal instead. Which just happens to be hanging over the crystal city.

"Why doesn't Luna rule the Crystal Empire?" I asked without turning away from the window.

"'Cause she rules the big sky-rock," replied Vesper.

"But the Empire's made of rock, it'd be perfect for her. Instead she just rules over a big, shiny rock."

"Why are we having this conversation?"

"Because I'm bored."

"Let me rephrase that: Why are we having a conversation with the stupidest subject ever?" I turned away from the train window and sighed.

"Fine, you pick a subject."

"Okay. How do non-Unicorns clean up after they jack off?" There was a very long awkward silence.

"So going back to the moon thing," I said, pretending she'd never asked anything, "why doesn't the princess of rock rule the rock place?"

"'Cause the princess of smooth jazz claimed it first."

"Amazing."

"Thank you. I did learn from the master, after all. I even managed a double joke."

"What was the second joke?"

"I said smooth jazz."

"So?"

"She makes Ponies wanna fuck."

"So?"

"You don't see the correlation between smooth jazz and fucking?"

"No." Vesper sighed. "So how are they linked?"

"I'll tell you when you're older." Right at that moment, the train pulled into the station. "Well, let's get off."

"You should probably leave the train first."

"That was terrible."

"The master remains the master."

"I guess so."

"And you were baited by him."

"Please don't let this go where I think this is gonna go..."

"You were baited by the master." Twilight walked up to us.

"Hi, guys!" She greeted happily.

"I just master-baited my daughter."

"Bye, guys!" She immediately turned around and walked away.

The nine of us were walking towards the palace-y thing in the middle of the city. I still had no idea why we were here, but I was sure I would eventually-

"ARGH!" Exclaimed Applejack. "Yoo vasity fiddle pringles REPULSIVE. Yoo moo boo ooo foo moo, Twoo!" Oh. It's a princess summit. Then why are the rest of us here?

"I am excited," agreed Twilight, "but I'm a little nervous too."

"You're nervicited!" Pinkied Pinkie, bouncing to impossible heights. "It's like you wanna jump up and down and yell YAY ME!" She contorted into a ball. "But you also wanna curl up in a teeny-tiny ball and hide at the same time!" She transformed to her 'normal' (I use the word loosely) self. "We've all been there!" She noogied Twilight. Fluttershy muttered something.

"Yoova goose SPECTRUM raisins oogashacka feret, Twix," said Applejack. "Onomatopoeia goo wasp BAGELS–"

"TWILIGHT!" Screamed Rarity, cutting her off. "Oh, sorry, darling, but I just realised you're not wearing your crown." She grabbed Twilight's head and twisted it around. "You haven't left it back in Canterlot, have you?"

"It's in my bag," she replied. "I just feel a little self-conscious about wearing it. Haven't really gotten accustomed to these yet, either." She flapped her wings before attempting to fly. She crashed immediately.

"That's 'cause you're keeping them straight when you're pulling them up," Vesper pointed out. "You need to fold them in a bit, otherwise you counteract the drag with an equal amount. Your down-strokes seem alright in shape, but it doesn't look like you're putting any magical energy into them. Your Pegasus magic isn't activating and you're just falling from your weight." Everypony stared at Vesper. "What? I've been a Griffon and a phoenix, ya think I didn't learn anything?"

"I'll, uh, keep it in mind..."

"Anyway," said Rarity, "you are a princess now, Twilight. Embrace it! I'm telling you, if I had a crown like that, I would never take it off. Why, I'd even sleep in the thing!"

"Are you sure it's safe to just have it with you?" Asked Rainbow.

"What do you mean?" Counter-asked Twilight.

"It's a powerful magic thing, what if somepony steals it and uses it themselves?"

"Here's probably the safest place," I answered. "You've got the two god-slaying aliens, the four God-Horses of Magi and the Crystal Heart. I'm sure it'll be fine." Rainbow laughed.

"Yeah, you're right! There's no way anything could happen!"

We walked through the throne room doors and a fanfare was played by Crystal Pony guards. We headed down the two lines of guards to the first three God-Horses. Just before we reached them, Twilight crashed into an orange, non-Crystal Pegasus.

"Her highness!" He declared. "Princess; Twilight Sparkle!" God-Horse III giggled.

"Twilight!" She happily exclaimed. "I haven't seen you since the coronation!"

"We have much to discuss," claimed God-Horse I, "but it can wait until tomorrow. You all look tired from your journey."

"What's with the orange guy?" I asked.

"Since Sight Watcher is no longer my property, I needed a new guard to torture." The orange guard's eyes widened in fear and shock.

"W-Wait, what?!" He exclaimed.

"This one is not as good as Watcher, but I feel he will be adequate in the meantime."

"Fair enough," I replied. "So why are we even here?"

"Princess Twilight is going to have her first princess summit."

"Okay; why are the rest of us here?"

"I thought it would be more official to have the Elements of-"

"Why are Vesper and I here?" Celestia frowned slightly from being cut off.

"I thought, as her friends, you two would want to-" I groaned.

"Seriously? A demon just attacked Canterlot for an unknown reason! Shouldn't I be back there waiting for a counterattack?!"

"And I have a therapy session tomorrow!" Added Vesper. Rarity snorted.

"You have therapy? Whatever for? Having such a bad hairstyle?" Vesper glared at her.

"No, because I was tortured in a basement for a few hours before my mother was murdered in front of me which led to years of sex, drugs, crime and self loathing!" The room was silent.

"You seem better at talking about it now," I observed. Vesper sighed and turned to me.

"Yeah, the therapy has helped out a lot."

"Anyway," interjected God-Horse I, "you should all go and get some rest. I will arrange a carriage for Vesper tomorrow so she can reach her therapy. I know more information about the demon than you think, Cloud, so do not worry about it or its intentions."

"Well, if you insist," I said. "Where are our rooms?"

The colourful lights were spinning all around me as the fragmented music grew louder. Suddenly, some strange singing began.

"You are a weirdo! You are a weirdo!" I began having strange visions of myself in a really strange art style jacking off.

"You are a weirdo! I used to wonder what stupid could do!" My vision suddenly whizzed to the basement and I saw, in the same strange style, Vesper whipping her slave.

"You are a weirdo!" It changed again to Zecora smoking a bong. "And then the universe gave me you!" The voice became gibberish. "You are a weirdodododhogabuve!"

My vision changed once again to a large building before zooming inside. A small Minotaur not-hoof (whatever those things are called) was stroking some books.

"Luna?" I asked. "What the buck is this?" The vision halted and Luna appeared in a puff of smoke.

"I wanted to try massively confusing you," she replied.

"Well it worked."

"I think it worked too well, I have no idea what's happening any-" She cut herself off. It looked like she was trying to hear something distant. Her expression turned serious. "Something's wrong in the real world. Wake up now."

As soon as she said the word 'now' I was awake. I climbed out of bed and sleepily rushed into the hallway.

"Stop!" Yelled Twilight. "Thief!" A cloaked figure ran past my door. Twilight ran after her. "She's stolen my crown!" Well. I guess this was a bad idea. I summoned a Support Circle and sped after the two of them. Twilight tried to teleport in front of her, but the thief did the same thing to get past her. Her cloak flew off revealing that the thief was really...

My Realta, it's worse than I thought! Twilight tackled her into a room and the crown went flying, ricocheting off of everything it touched. I tried to grab it with my magic, but was met with horrible pain. My Support Circle shattered and I fell to the ground in agony, quickly losing consciousness.

"Alright, kid," said Sword Striker, "it looks like you've finally learned lesson one." She threw me a wooden sword and a strange looking strap. "You're moving onto step two." I picked up the strap.

"What is this?" I asked.

"Since you're too stupid to use magic, you'll have to strap the sword to your horn with that." She held a sword of her own in her mouth.

"I'm not stupid!" She let out an abrupt laugh.

"You keep telling yourself that, kid." She swung her sword at me. I dodged it and attached my sword to my horn.

"Stop calling me 'kid'!"

I woke up. From the looks of things, I'd only been out a few seconds. The thief and the crown were both gone and everypony except Vesper was staring at a mirror in shock. I groaned and stood up.

"What the buck happened?" I asked.

"It looks like you can't pick up an Element without it attacking you," Vesper replied. "Probably 'cause you're an alien. Well, that or the mutation."

"Why don't you get pain from them? You're an alien too."

"I'm only a half alien."

"Same thing." I yawned and stretched out, still tired. "So where's the crown?"

"It went into the mirror."

"What?"

"It's a portal."

"Oh."

"See anything interesting in the flashback?"

"Kinda. I know the mare's full name is 'Sword Striker' and that I probably didn't have the mutation back then."

"Didn't God-Horse already figure out that you got it a little while before you got here?"

"Yeah, but it's still interesting to see myself without magic."

"Fair 'nuff."

"Speaking of God-Horse, we should probably tell her about this."

"Okay."

"...And then she went through the mirror," Twilight explained to Celestia. We were in the throne room with all four God-Horses. "But, Princess, who is she?"

"Sunset Shimmer," Celestia replied sagely, "she began her studies with me not long before you, Twilight. But when she did not get what she wanted as quickly as she liked, she turned cruel and dishonest. I tried to help her, but she eventually decided to abandon her studies and pursue her own path. One that has sadly led to her stealing your crown."

"She replaced Twilight's," said Spike, "with this one." He lifted up a very badly made replica.

"I suppose Sunset Shimmer thought you wouldn't notice right away that this was not yours, and by the time you did; it would be too late to go after your crown and Element of Harmony." As she talked, Celestia walked out of the throne room and down the hallway. We all followed.

"But I don't understand, where did she go?" Asked Twilight. "Why did she take my crown?"

"You'll soon know more about this place than even I do..." We reached the mirror room.

"This is no ordinary mirror," explained Luna. "It is a gateway to another world. A gateway that opens once, every thirty moons." Thirty moons, that's, uh... Two and a half years.

"Do you mean alternate universe 'other world'," I asked, "or different planet 'other world'?"

"We believe it is an alternate universe."

"Wait, is this that other universe that Celestia told me about at the gala? What was it called...?"

"Yes, this is the portal to Equestria Gamma."

"It was kept secret, right?"

"That is correct. It has always been kept in the throne room of Canterlot Castle. But when Princess Cadance took over the Crystal Empire, we sent it here for her to watch over."

"I had always hoped that Sunset Shimmer would someday use it to return," expositioned Celestia, "to come back to Equestria seeking my guidance." She sighed. "Obviously, this is not what has happened."

"Twilight, you must use the mirror to go into this other world and retrieve your crown," said God-Horse III. "Without it, the other Elements of Harmony have no power and Equestria is left without one of its most important means of defense."

"Wait, why her?" I asked. "I'm fine doing it." God-Horse III gave me a confused frown.

"Who are you exactly?" Oh for-!

"Are you-?! Y'know what? Forget it. I'm not doing this shit again."

"Cloud, you are forgetting that you cannot touch or hold the Elements in any way," reminded Celestia. "You would be near useless in this mission."

"I could still kick Yellow's ass!"

"And then what?"

"Improvise." Celestia sighed.

"It is Twilight, and Twilight alone, that must go."

"Hey!" Exclaimed Rainbow. "What about us?" She motioned to everypony else.

"No, sending all of you could upset the balance of this alternate world, creating havoc that would make it impossible for Twilight to get the crown back from Sunset Shimmer. This is something Princess Twilight must do alone." She placed a pair of saddlebags on Twilight's back.

"You must hurry," explained Luna, casting a thought-projection spell, "when the moon reaches it's peak on the third day, the portal will close. It will be another thirty moons before it opens once again."

"But she'll be in danger if she goes alone!" I exclaimed. Celestia sighed.

"This is true," she agreed. "Very well. I will allow Spike to accompany her."

"That's not what I-!"

"Are you okay with going, Spike?" Spike slowly nodded, looking a little frightened. He climbed onto Twilight's back. Just then, I noticed that Vesper was missing. Wasn't she just here a second ago...? Twilight stepped through the portal, disappearing in a flash of light.

"Celestia! You know how much safer she'll be if I go with her!"

"It is too late." I suddenly received a psychic message. Run through while I distract them. Vesper? Where are you? By the ceiling with your bags. I'll drop them before I start. Ready? Yes. And thank you. I'll start as soon as your bags hit the floor. Let's do this!

My bags landed just in front of me. I grabbed them, threw them onto my back and sprinted towards the portal as I heard and explosion from behind me. I didn't turn around. I leapt towards it.

"Cloud!" Shouted everypony except Vesper. "No!" But it was too late.

Author's Notes:

Here we go!

---

I finally finished a picture of Sword Striker: