All the world-saviours were together at Lotus and Aloe’s spa, except Twilight because an adventure suddenly came up, and Rainbow Dash because she just didn’t like the spa experience in the first place. Lotus was filing Rarity’s horn, Rarity having cucumbers on her eyes, Fluttershy was in a hot tub with cucumbers on her eyes, Pinkie Pie was in a hot mud tub wearing sunglasses with cucumbers for lenses, and Applejack was getting a massage from Aloe. This was all taking place in the same room.

“First the fantastic rhyming duo,” Pinkie Pie said, “Now the fantastic tub duo. Is there anything we can’t both—”

Scootaloo burst through the door and came just close enough that she wouldn’t disappear in front of the tubs, Zecora a couple seconds behind. “Excuse me,” Zecora said, “But we are the fantastic rhyming duo.”

Pinkie raised her glasses. “Oh, really? Then we challenge you to a rap battle.”

“Pinkie Pie?” Fluttershy said.

“What?”

“We’re going to lose a rap battle....”

“Oh, please. Scootaloo’s a foal without a cutie mark, and Zecora does, like, poetry shit. Can you actually imagine Zecora rapping?”

“The way things have been going for the past six months....”

“Well, then what will we challenge them to?”

“If we base it on improvisation, Zecora will win it for her team, but if we give everypony some time, Scootaloo will win it for her team.”

“I wish Twilight was here, then she could come up with something fair.”

“You mean something contrived enough to give you a chance to win?” Scootaloo said.

“Yeah.”

“Because the fairest thing is to take it outside and have a rap battle.”

“Fine, I’m not afraid of a fair fight. Are you ready, Fluttershy?”

“I want to finish my time in the hot tub.”

“Okay. We’ll meet you ponies, pony and zebra, outside in ten minutes. Well, we’ll have to dry off, so a bit more than that. We’ll see you soon.”

When Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy exited the spa, there was a pony they didn’t expect.

“Why is Vinyl Scratch here?” Pinkie Pie said.

“I’ll be judging the battle. Am I an acceptable choice of judge to your team?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Now, here’s how it’ll work. The teams will alternate insulting each other with rhymes, and the individual ponies within the teams will alternate turns as well. Once you can’t put together a turn that satisfies me, the other team gets a point. First to three wins. Zecora, what number am I thinking of?”

“Seven thousand.”

“Pinkie Pie?”

“Pi.”

“The answer is forty-two. Pinkie Pie, will your team be going first or second in the first round?”

“What do you think, Fluttershy?”

“Do either of us have a rhyme yet?”

“No. Okay, we’ll go second.”

“Okay. For every round after the first, the team who just lost will decide who goes first. Pinkie Pie, what’s your team’s name?”

“Pie-N-Shy.”

“And Zecora?”

“Everfree RC.”

“Very well. Everfree, you go first.”

Scootaloo went first. “Yo, you think can rhyme better than rhyme master Zecora? You’re gonna be far worse, I mean every single mora. The best thing you ever say will be worse than her worst, so for the sake of your dignity, just keep your lips pursed.”

“We ain’t gonna quit,” Pinkie Pie said, “We ain’t gonna back down, we’re gonna be envied by the entire town. We ain’t just gonna beat you at rhyme generation, we’re gonna kick your asses to the United Federation.”

“I’m Zecora, bitch, I’ve been here my whole life. At the end of this thing, you’re gonna wish I was your wife. You’re gonna propose, and I’m gonna say no, and you’re gonna lift up your gun and you’ll be ready to go.”

“Um...” Fluttershy said, “Uh....”

“Time’s up! Everfree win the point.”

“Dammit, Fluttershy, what’s wrong with you?” Pinkie said.

“I’m not good at this....”

“Well, I could tell that much. Just think of something bad about Scootaloo or Zecora. It isn’t that hard.”

“It isn’t?”

“No, it totally is. But I know you can do it. I believe in your ability to mock ponies.”

“But I’m—”

“Think of something.”

“Are you going first or second?” Vinyl said.

“Let’s try the other one. We’ll go first.”

“Very well. Whichever one of you is going first, please make your statement.”

“Hey, yo, Scootaloo,” Pinkie said, “I heard you try to sing. In Sugarcube Corner, I thought ‘what is that fucking thing’. I open the door, and what I hear is pretty shocking: it’s just the voice of Scoots, not a pair of banshees focking.”

“No fake swears are allowed in this genre,” Vinyl Scratch said. “Everfree get the point.”

“I can’t believe this, Fluttershy. If we don’t get three points a row now, we lose our title as the fantastic rhyming duo! How did you let this happen?”

“I didn’t—”

“At least I came up with anything at all. Vinyl, we’re going second.”

“Everfree, make your opening statement.”

“You call yourselves a duo,” Scootaloo said, “But I only see one. You pulled her into this thing, she ain’t havin’ any fun. Your bitch might be smart, she might also be cute, but it don’t matter here, ‘cause she’s also fuckin’ mute.”

“I object to that,” Pinkie said. “What does being cute have to do with this?”

“I’ll allow it.”

“Hey there, Zecora, I like what you’re doin’ with that fool. Lettin’ her do all the work while you relax right by the pool. Supposed to be the master, but lets a little foal go first. Maybe it’s because you know that you’re actually the worst?”

“That was all right, but it’s too little too late. At least half my team I don’t suddenly hate.”

“I object. That was poetic word order.”

“I’ll allow it.”

“Although, I understand, she can’t think of stuff in time. Not that it matters when you can’t actually rhyme.”

“Hey, I’ve rhymed—”

“Pinkie Pie,” Vinyl said, “It’s Fluttershy’s turn.”

“Hey, I think my teammate’s good,” Fluttershy said, but with a tone of normal speech as opposed to rapping. “She knows how to....” She sighed. “Trust me, you don’t want to hear the rest of that.”

“That’s it,” Vinyl said. “Everfree have swept the match.”

“Dammit, Fluttershy. You fucking suck at this and you should feel bad about it.”

“I never really wanted to—”

“It doesn’t matter. You agreed to it and you were a fuckup. Now go finish your treatment. Or don’t. Just tell me which one so I can do the other thing.”

“Pinkie Pie, I’ve never seen you like this. It’s just a rhyming contest.”

“It’s just our status as the fantastic rhyming duo.”

“You said that one time and nopony liked it.”

“Yeah, but we were still the fantastic rhyming duo. Until you fucked up, of course.”

“I’m going back inside.”

“Fine. Run away from your problems. Run away from every argument you get into. See where that gets you in life.”

Fluttershy came back in.

“So who won?” Rarity said.

“Scootaloo and Zecora. It wasn’t very close.”

“I won’t pretend to be surprised, but I’m sorry it went that way.”

“It doesn’t bother me. It was really Pinkie’s thing.”

“Still, I feel bad for you. I know how it feels to lose a rap battle.”

“You do?”

“Oh, yes. I was ten years old at the time, and a foal at school called me a... called me prissy, I’ll put it that way. I answered him in rhyme, he responded in the same manner, and we quickly caught some attention. But after about a minute, I finally couldn’t answer him—I could very well, I just couldn’t put it into a rhyme—and I was embarassed in front of dozens of foals, many of whom were the type to use anything they could to bully somepony anyway. And with something like that on me, I didn’t hear the end of it for months.”

“That sounds terrible.”

“And it was.”

Cup Cake was rearranging things on the counter to make just another one of many new layouts she was having a look at that day. “Pinkie Pie, you’re here early.”

“I know. I lost a rap battle. Fluttershy was my teammate and I didn’t want to be near her. Even though we only lost because the referee gave the other team a free point.”

“That’s a shame, but was it really something to leave over?”

“Yes. You weren’t there.” She went upstairs.

“Speaking of celebrity relationships,” Rarity said, “Which Fluttershy so seamlessly brought up from blood oranges, I have a question, Applejack. It seems like Rainbow Dash has been with you a lot recently, and it isn’t just me—”

“Yeah. ‘Cause we’re friends. We get along, you know? She don’t like you, Twahlaht’s all about books ‘n’ stuff, and so on. Ah’m her favourite and she’s mahne, it ain’t meant to be a secret.”

“Ah. So nothing possibly romantic?”

“Please. Where do you get this stuff?”

“I read in a magazine citing a pony citing his friend’s cousin—”

“And you believe that over your own friends, who bah the way are the ones the rumours are about?”

“No. That’s why I was asking you.”

“Ah guess Ah’ll take that. Yeah, there’s nothin’ there.”

“All right.”

As Rarity and Applejack were having a casual conversation, Fluttershy noticed something odd: Rarity and Applejack were having a casual conversation. She didn’t want to mention it, since if they thought about it they would probably stop, but it was so strange she could barely contain herself. Fortunately, that was a lot better than almost being able to contain herself.

“Hey, Rarity,” Applejack said as she relaxed in the mud tub, “Ah’m gonna be the one who wonders how mud could be therapeutic.”

“I’ll be the one who explains it.”

“Okay. What’s the thing about mud?”

“I actually have no idea. It could be completely psychosomatic for all I know.”

“Whah did you volunteer to explain it, then?”

“It seemed like I would know.”

“What? Ah expect that sorta talk from Rainbow, not you.”

“You actually like her, so I don’t see why that’s a problem.”

“Do you know, Fluttershah?”

“No.”

“So none of us know. That’s good to hear.”

“You seem awfully—” Rarity stopped when Aloe got to her shoulder. “Breadbox!”

“Hm?”

“You were sort of in the side of—”

Aloe sighed. “Nopony likes that thing....”

Twilight was walking through a forest at a fairly leisurely pace, this being the primary activity of epic adventures. It was a dense forest, even by adventure standards, with a dirt road as wide as a pony the only path. Visibility was greatly limited in all directions, including up. She was wearing bags which held not any weapons, beyond a short knife, but bandages, twine, and other items associated with wilderness survival. That was the reality of adventure kits, at least for unicorns.

Eventually after hours of walking, she sat down against a tree, unzipped one of her bags, and got out a bag of trail mix. Actually eating trail mix on a trail pleased her more than it should have, but this was balanced by not having to pick up all the little nuts with hooves pleasing her less than it should have. When she felt satisfied, she put the bag back in the larger bag, got up, and carried on walking.

“She told me to tell her what I was doing so that she could take the other option and be away from me. I mentioned how not like Pinkie she was being, but she still acted like this was really important, so after she said one more swear at me, I went back in here.”

“You say she acted like it,” Rarity said, “But I bet to her it was that important.”

“It’s just such a weird thing to care about that much.”

“Well, she is Pinkie Pie.”

“Ah’m sick ah that bein’ a thought-terminatin’ cliche for everythin’,” Applejack said, steamrolling over whatever Fluttershy was about to say. “There’s gotta be some sorta pattern to ‘er.”

“Why?”

“Well, there are a few things about you Ah don’t understand, but it all makes sense to you. It should be the same thing with her.”

“I don’t know what to say. I suppose we just disagree about whether or not Pinkie Pie is a random process.”

“Ah suppose we do.”

When Rarity got home, as she made the trip up to her bedroom, she didn’t even get to the “up” before she saw a note on the kitchen table. She unfolded it from the caret shape it had been bent into and read it aloud for the camera.

“Dear Rarity, I’ve been thinking about this for a couple months now, and I’ve decided to run away. I won’t go on a rant, but you basically hated me for having the poniality flaws typical of every foal. Also, fuck. You can’t do anything about me saying that now, can you, bitch cunt? With love, Sweetie Belle.”

For some reason, she wasn’t brought to tears by reading it. There was something about the note that just didn’t seem like Sweetie Belle.

“This doesn’t look anything like her hornwriting....” She paused for a moment as she considered what to do. “Sweeeetie Belllle!”

Sweetie Belle came down. “What is it?”

“This note says you ran away.”

“Well, I didn’t.”

“That’s what I figured.”

“Is that it?”

“Yes.” Next Chapter: Chapter 73: Date Night Estimated time remaining: 11 Hours, 52 Minutes