Sweetie Belle took the envelope from Derpy Hooves and closed the door.

“Hey, Rarity, a mail’s here!”

“Do you seriously have the audacity to use mail as a countable noun around me?”

“Yes.”

“Get over here.”

She went towards the desk Rarity spent half her waking life behind. “It’s for me, so I guess I should read it. I don’t know why I’m even involving you.” She tore the top off and found a single piece of paper inside. “Dear Sweetie Belle, all eight members of the Divine Board with the exception of Turquoise Waters believe that we could get more entertainment value than you provide us with from ponies we could pay the same amount of money, and you have therefore been sacked as a regular pony. Your last episode will be yesterday.”

“I’m sorry,” Rarity said.

“I’ll survive. I had the job for what, two weeks?”

“You aren’t sad?”

“I did like being on the telly, but it won’t be the last time anyway. It sounds like they’re getting somepony to replace me, so I wonder who it is.”

“Hah, Derpy Hooves,” Apple Bloom said. She extended her leg out, took the envelope, brought her leg back, put the envelope in her mouth, extended her leg again, took the doorknob, closed the door, put her hoof back on the floor, went to the nearest table, sat down, put the envelope in her hooves, tore it open, took the letter out, and put the envelope down.

“Dear Apple Bloom,

By the decision of all eight members of the Divine Board with the exception of Caffellatte, we have recently relieved Sweetie Belle of her contractual obligations. We found your audition impressive and feel your part-time performances merit you a proper chance, and you have therefore been given the first chance to be her replacement. Your first scene as an official ‘mane character’ will begin tomorrow. Further instruction will be mailed to you on the morning.

Expectantly, but like in an ‘I’m confident in you’ way, not trying to put any pressure on,

Schokokeks.

P.S. If you ever want to have sex without a revenge aspect, my son is a sort of male fangirl of you and is about your age. Respond if interested.”

“Golly!” Apple Bloom said. “Ah gotta tell mah siblin’s about this.”

She went into the orchard and quickly found Applejack, whose orange was very conspicuous against the earth tones everywhere.

“AJ!”

“Hey, Apple Bloom. You got somethin’ to tell me?”

“Ah got chosen to replace Sweetie Belle!”

“Really? That’s great!”

“Ah know! Ah’m gettin mah big chance!” Suddenly her countenance became much more neutral, even a bit apologetic. “Is it selfish to feel so happy about takin’ this from Sweetie Belle?”

“If you can say ‘selfish shellfish sell fish with seashore seashells she sells in Seychelles’ in one trah, Ah’ll forgive ya.”

“Selfish shellfish shell... shit.”

“You’re a terrible pony.”

“That shucks. What am Ah gonna do now?”

“Learn the secret you get to know when you’re a mane character.”

“What?”

“Well, along with me, Rainbow Dash also has Twahlaht for a sahde girl.”

“Ah mean... really?”

“You got a problem with mah girlfriend?”

“No, it’s just... Ah’ll need a bit.”

“Big Mac’s comin’. Run before you comedically spill the secret.”

Apple Bloom sprinted off and jumped over a hedge, cutting her leg on a stick mid-jump.

“Nothin’ here,” Applejack said. “Really, you need to trust me a bit.”

“I just wanted to know why Apple Bloom was here. And I thought I heard something about you having a romantic—”

“You musta misheard. Don’t you realahse how ridiculous that sounds?”

“Why did Apple Bloom jump—”

“Do you need to know everythin’ about everypony ever? Seriously.”

Big Mac realised where this was going and headed back where he was.

To the left of chemonbar™ was a stereotypical dark alley, complete with a skip and ponies with suspicious dark coats, as if wearing clothes at all wasn’t questionable enough. To its right and in front of it were roads that were like many roads in moderately-sized Equestrian cities: made of bricks, wide enough for two cars to pass each other if they were both very slow, and intended for walking and cycling. They weren’t forbidden to cars because of how much it amused everyone to see a tourist realise what they had done, and many wing mirrors had been lost in that city and many others. Behind chemonbar™ was a brothel, above it was a cloud with two pegasi talking, and below it was a tunnel, part of a network of pony-made caverns that housed one thousand of the city’s fifty thousand ponies. Underland was its own ward, and Chemon had Equestria’s only three-dimensional ward borders, even if it was just a normal, two-dimensional map with one ward covering everything below it.

The road in front of it was lined with houses that looked ready to fall apart, with broken or missing planks and slightly tilted parts commonplace, a few houses held up by stilts. This was restricted to an area of a few blocks, all the other houses in the city in perfectly normal condition. Right off the other road was a drop that, whilst not perfectly vertical, looked like an unrecoverable situation if one slipped, which led to a fast and splashing river that, whilst not quite rapids, still looked plausibly lethal to fall into, beyond which the city continued. There was no barrier anywhere on either side.

It was a clear, sunny afternoon, and Twilight was the first to come, but she didn’t talk to herself about it. Next was Rainbow Dash, but she didn’t either. Applejack and Apple Bloom didn’t talk to themselves, but they came there together.

“This looks lahke the place,” Apple Bloom said.

“Are you sure?” Applejack said. “‘Cause the big ‘chemonbar’ sahn makes me wonder.”

“Uh...” said a stallion standing there. Despite being a fairly basic, casual, and generally common establishment, they were pretentious enough to have a bouncer outside. “She’s waaaaay too young to be in here.”

“Only a couple years.”

“Not her. Actually, probably her too, but I was talking about you.”

Apple Bloom looked to her big sister, both literally and figuratively. “Whah would they send us here if we couldn’t come in?”

Everything in the bar that could be chrome was. The floor, walls, and ceiling, tables and chairs, bar and glasses, all at least chrome-plated. The layout was quite normal; bar on a long wall, door on a short wall, lavatories opposite the door. Being inside as they were, Twilight and Rainbow were already having a chat.

“Where are they?” Rainbow said. “They were supposed to be here two minutes ago.”

“I know, it’s ridiculous. Wait, you think that’s ridiculous?”

“I’m just impatient. They know to say they’re with the show, right?”

“If you figured it out, I’m sure Applejack can.”

Rainbow rolled her eyes.

“What, are you saying she’s not smarter than you are?”

“Just because I don’t know the capital of the easternmost province of Landlockedistan doesn’t mean I’m an idiot. How many times will I have to say that to you before you understand?”

“Well, you shouldn’t’ve got with Twilight.”

“Yeah, because I’m the one who needs this relationship.”

“Are we supposed to say somethin’ or...” after which Applejack descended into muttering.

“Go somewhere else,” the bouncer said.

“Never,” Apple Bloom said. “Mah first chapter as a mane character won’t—”

“Mane character? Oh, so that’s what the cameras and transcribers and you ponies looking and sounding exactly like Applejack and Apple Bloom are about. Come right in, we’ve been waiting for you.”

“Look!” Rainbow said. “They’re here!”

They went to the table—with a third, and then half, of the ponies who saved the world, it was certainly not just any table—and took seats.

“Hi,” Twilight and Rainbow said.

“Hi,” the other pair said.

“Whah’d they want us to meet up here?” Apple Bloom said.

“Sponsorship,” Twilight said. “Didn’t they tell you? They told me.”

“The letter tellin’ me to go didn’t mention it.”

“That’s weird.”

Sounds included clinking, laughing, mugs being filled, and the crashing of waves overhead.

“So,” Rainbow said.

“So you’re staying with me tonight,” Twilight said.

“She’s stayin’ with me.”

“What about Big Mac?” Rainbow said.

“Still not sure. Maybe Ah should just let ‘m in on the secret. Wouzha be okay with that?”

“But he’s a good pony, he might tell everypony.”

“He’s a good pony, so he’ll keep a secret.”

“Well, you certainly know him better than I do.”

“So Ah was talkin’ with Scootaloo the other day,” Apple Bloom said, “And... well, we did a great job ah bringin’ up subjects the other didn’t care about, and really it was pretty unsatisfah’n’, but Ah had to say somethin’ now or Ah would explode.”

“I’ve exploded dozens of times before,” Rainbow said. “Luckily, they were all figurative.”

“Is it really lucky to have never died in an explosion?” Twilight said.

“Yes.”

“How?”

“You either do or you don’t, there’s a chance of each you can’t fully control, so if you don’t, then you’ve had good luck.”

“I guess.”

“So what’ll y’all be up ta tonaht?” Twilight said.

“Having wild sex with AJ,” Rainbow said. “You want it to be wild, right?”

“It’d sure be nice after the last couple times,” transcriber #1 said. “I mean, uh. Never mind.”

“What?” Applejack said.

“We’re everywhere, you know.”

“Ah know, but... watchin’ us have sex? When we think we’re alone?”

“Yeah. Most of us not clopping.”

“...Caaan you not watch us?”

“Usually we can’t watch private-feeling things, but when you signed the contract....”

“Well... anyway. Rainbow. Ah do want it to be wahld. But what about Big Mac? ‘Cause if we wanna be together tonaht... Ah mean, not just tonaht, this has really sucked sometahmes....”

“Yeah. I mean, right now I have sex with Twilight more than you. That’s ridiculous.”

The conversation apparently ended, so Apple Bloom took her turn. “Ah’ll be plannin’ mah evil plan.”

“You can’t leave it at that,” Twilight said.

“To rape Dahmond Tiara.”

“What?!”

“You murder ponies, don’t be all hypocritical. Besahdes, now that Ah’ve mentioned the plan, it won’t happen. But yeah, rape.”

“I want ‘er to dah already,” Applejack said, “So a tortured existence is fahne with me.”

“Same ‘ere,” Rainbow said. “So, AJ, let’s actually decide it now: Big Mac? Telling?”

She looked at the table for a moment. “Yeah. Ah mean, he’s kept secrets Ah’ve told ‘m, so there’s that to go on.”

“Well, I can’t argue with actual data. Go ahead and tell him.”

“Ah will.”

“Okay, you all have plans,” camerapony #2 said. “The episode can end now.”

“What are my plans?” Twilight said.

“To go home and clop.”

She looked at the table. “Yeah.” Next Chapter: Chapter 51: The Apple Bloom/Diamond Tiara Rape Chronicles, Part 1 Estimated time remaining: 14 Hours, 27 Minutes