Applejack was on her computer, with Rainbow Dash on the bed for company.

“Hey, can I tell you about something crazy?” Rainbow said.

“If it’s really that crazy.”

“Oh.”

An hour later, there was a problem.

“Rainbow?”

“Yeah?”

“Ah suddenly feel guilty about the love secret.”

“Maybe it’s because you’re reading that article where a pony talks about what keeping her romance a secret for so long did to her family, none of which applies to us.”

“Ah mean, it should be good news, raht? Love an’ stuff?”

“No, it would be weird. They’ll be happier not knowing.”

“But it’ll come out eventually, won’t it? Better that it’s now instead ah ten years?”

“No. We can trust who it’s been revealed to, especially with Twilight ready to kill anypony.”

“But... whah would it be weird anyway?”

“Look... say Pinkie Pie and I loved each other. And we had sex all the time. Would that be weird and disturbing to you?”

“Yes.”

“Would you ever want to talk to either of us again? If you and I didn’t have anything special, of course.”

“Ah wouldn’t stop being your friend....”

“So you don’t think we’re too far in and they’d all be too angry at us to keep the friendship.”

“‘Cause Fluttershah and Pinkie Pah are so known for their grudges and lack ah forgiveness.”

“So you think we should reveal it, right now.”

“Ah mean, if you think it’d be that way, Ah don’t wanna make the decision bah mahself....”

“Everypony would freak out because it’s sex. I think that’s what we’re doing by even discussing this. We all have secrets, this one is just about sex.”

“They wouldn’t not be our friends anymore....”

“I just can’t see it working if we aren’t all equal, I guess. They’d be third wheels in their most cherished friendship.”

“You mean... it wouldn’t be kept from ‘em anymore.”

“And that’s just as bad.”

“Ah think they’ve realahsed bah now who you like the most....”

“But you and Twilight are still keeping up the impression of equality.”

“It’s easier when you have one girlfriend.”

“Oh, you suddenly have a problem with—”

“No. That’s literally all Ah meant.”

“Well, I think revealing the secret would make everypony sad.”

“Ah... Ah mean, it would, but in the long term it’s better. And in the not bein’ a jerk term.”

“Then there’s only one thing we can do.”

“Ask Twahlaht?”

“Yep.”

The next morning, Twilight came out of the bathroom for a pleasant surprise.

“Wow, cake!” She picked up the chocolate sponge cake with pink frosting along with its plate and fork and took a bite. “This is pretty good.”

Spike came up shortly. “Twilight, did you... where did you get that cake?”

“It wasn’t you?”

“I didn’t buy or make any cake recently. Or ever.”

“Huh. Wonder who it was.”

Several hours later, Rainbow Dash flew in. “Hey, Twilight.”

Twilight was sitting against a bookcase and reading a book with no apparent title. “Oh, hi! How have you been?”

“Really good, actually. Applejack wants to reveal the love secret and I don’t, so you need to break the tie.”

“We can’t risk the stable society we have right now.”

“Thanks for supporting me.” She left.

Sweetie Belle was on her bed petting Opal, who had laid herself on the homework Sweetie Belle was meant to be doing.

“Come on, think... there has to be something you could do ponies would want to watch. Oh, you thought of... ew. Okay, yes, Sweetie Belle, that is something ponies would want to watch, but that’s disgusting. No, I don’t have any ideas yet, but come on. Not only do I not want to do it, we’d lose half our audience. Oh, yeah, we should probably clarify that. It’s not sexual. Still, though, we’d lose more ponies than we’d gain.”

“So did you hear the rumours that they’re replacing Sweetie Belle?”

“When the fuck is this chain-smoking girlfriend-impregnating delinquent going to finally fucking pick something?” Pinkie Pie thought. “Um, yeah, I did. I mean, it’s one of those rumours that’s basically news, really.”

“Do you think it could be you?”

“Obviously I have a chance, but there’s no reason to think it’ll probably be me.” A new customer came in. “Hi, Kartefour!”

“How do you know my name?”

“That’s easy, you live in Ponyville!”

“But I’ve never seen you before.”

“I’ve seen a pony who knows you.”

“And they told you my name and appearance?”

“Yep.”

“What’s the name of my younger half-brother?”

“Pyxis, but he moved out a couple of years ago.”

“Hey,” said the delinquent, although to be fair the crime he committed two years ago was stealing a stick of gum he saw fall from a bag. “What exactly are the fruits in the Fiery Collapse?”

“Lemon, mandarin, and cherry.”

With this new information in hand, or technically hoof, or technically brain, his decision became much easier. “Then I’ll have a Cinnamon Assault.”

“So did you hear the rumours that they’re replacing you?”

“Of course,” said Battleknife City player Heat Wave.

“So did you hear the rumours that they’re replacing you?” Rarity said.

“Of course,” said Sweetie Belle. “I’ve been even more desperate for something to do for the show than usual, but I don’t have anything.”

“I wish I could help, but I don’t either.”

“I mean, I don’t want to have sex because I’m a foal, as for interesting conversations, well, just look what I’m having to do right now, and I don’t have the skills to even put up a reasonable fight to anypony, much less win. And I know you won’t let me go on dangerous adventures....”

“You did just say you’d lose any and all fights you got into.”

The suction cups Sweetie Belle was wearing on her hooves all simultaneously stopped working, causing her to fall from the ceiling to the floor. “What am I going to do?”

“Well, you’re the one who knew how to put together a convincing audition.”

“Yeah... you see... yeah, you’re right!” She stood up. “I’m sure I’ll think of something.”

“So did you hear the rumours that they’re replacing Sweetie Belle?” Scootaloo said to a grey, long-haired cat who she found against her box that morning. The cat didn’t respond to her. “I bet they changed their mind about me.”

Angel squeaked in various pitches and made a few gestures reminiscent of semaphore.

“I did,” Fluttershy said.

He stamped on the floor twice with his left foot.

“I don’t even want them to.”

The following afternoon, Cherries Jubilee was going through the day’s mail, and the only non-junk item was an envelope containing forty bits and a piece of paper reading “Tell them I’m good for the ratings. –Sweetie Belle”.

He thought for a moment. “Well, I’ll take the money.” Next Chapter: Chapter 50: Very Old Plastic Estimated time remaining: 14 Hours, 34 Minutes