Eight o’ clock sharp. Ow, fuck, that is sharp. Fuck, that hurts, it’s like a fucking paper cut. Hey, can you take over, transcriber #1? Yeah, I know I could just talk to you instead of telling you like this, but this is more fun. So can you? Thanks. Lyra came into Bon Bon’s Sweet Shop. Bon Bon was behind the counter, polishing it like a bartender.

“Hello,” Bon Bon said.

“Hi. Anything new?”

“I still haven’t gotten over the time you made me cry.”

“It’s been years—”

“No, the recent one.”

“Oh. Do you feel like giving me a speech?”

“Yes. I understand why you left me, though. If you left for somepony you didn’t have to tell yourself you loved, that’s good for you.”

“You’re not very subtle at this.”

“It’s just that I never felt that way about you.”

“At the time, I thought....”

“Yes, I know you tricked yourself into thinking you loved me.”

“I can tell you what—”

“You tricked me too.”

“I can—”

“There’s nothing you could say. I hate you.”

“But you still loved me last night.”

“I hate you.”

“You were on the floor begging for—”

“That was the past. Now I hate you.”

“If you just let me tell you what I think, maybe we can be friends again.”

“Fine. I’ll hear your case.”

“Thank you.” She went behind the counter. “Hey, should the door be locked?”

“We’re both here. It’ll be fine.”

“We’re not officially open, though....”

“It’ll be fine.”

“Okay. It’s your place. So when I first met you, it wasn’t like you were the first pony I ever met in my adult life or anything, so it wasn’t like that. But you were, not trying to insult anypony, much better than any of my other friends. You were always—”

“I know how we fell in love. Why do you feel like you settled for me?”

“Well, it’s just because you didn’t, I guess, feel absolutely perfect like Octavia does. You were just my best friend by a large margin once I stopped making friends. Still, it wasn’t just that, you did have something special about you... I guess the normal mystical love feeling most ponies have for ponies they love. I don’t know how much I actually felt that way and how much I just told myself that since I wanted somepony I loved, but you know what happened, you made your dramatic Valentine’s love confession and I loved you too and we got together.... So then I told you about the money and you offered me the job, so—”

“I already know all of this.”

“Well, I’m trying to exposit for the show, so shut up, please. So as you know, I took the job, then you said that I should move in with you, and I sort of thought I wasn’t getting enough of you either, so that happened especially since what you had was better than that terrible little flat. But all of this that happened strengthened the idea that I was with you and we were inseparable and my life would collapse without you.... Which was true, I don’t know what I would’ve done if it wasn’t for you, especially after I moved in.

“So that helped the idea that I really loved you too, just the mentality I had that we were going through life together. As we got to know each other really well, though, I realised that I didn’t love every single detail about you like I initially thought I did, but I just told myself that that was because nopony’s perfect and, again, I felt like I wanted to be with somepony. Besides, I still really liked even if I didn’t love you, and I still probably needed you for stability in my life, so I kept with it....”

“If you had doubts, why didn’t you just tell me? I would’ve been sad for a while, sure, but we could’ve just been friends living together. That would’ve worked.”

“Like I said, I still thought I loved you. Maybe really deep in the back of my mind I thought you weren’t the storybook perfect pony for me, but I didn’t give that much concentrated thought, and even when I did think about it, there was always the ‘this is real life and nopony’s perfect’ thing.

“So I wasn’t constantly thinking about it. We were in love and, I know I keep saying this but it was a major thing, going through life together, and that’s how things were and there wasn’t any reason to question it since most of the time, you were great. There was no one huge moment or thing about you to make me think that hey, I should reconsider whether or not I really love you.

“Then came the time when we decided to first have sex.... That really helped to reinforce the ideas I already had. I won’t repeat the ideas again, but you get what I’m saying. So I was really happy being around you and all that, that’s how it was until you started getting a little more rude.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry I ever got like that....”

“Does that mean we’re even and I can stop explaining?”

“No.”

“So that’s what really opened my eyes and made me think more about the whole imperfection thing. Now it wasn’t even small things that rarely came up, it was medium things that frequently came up. It made me look back on the earlier times more, really think about it, and realise that you were never really perfect in the first place and I just needed somepony.”

“Okay, that was all very melodramatic, but I still feel mad at you.”

“That’s what I expected. Not that I’m saying I deserve better, but that’s how I thought you’d react.”

Then a gamma-ray burst hit Hasbro and everyone died. Wait, no, that was Benetton.

“What if I reacted by glassing you with that glass that just mysteriously appeared?”

“Then that would a bit of an—hey, it’s gone!”

“What? Hey, you’re right!”

“That was weird.”

“Yeah.”

“Anyway, I’m sorry I actually settled for you this entire time.”

“We’re still not friends.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“I’m glad you’re sad.”

“That’s mean.”

“Well, you were subconsciously settling for me for years.”

“Fine.”

And so they did sweet shop stuff. A lot of things happened during that time, but none of them were interesting. Things did happen when she went back to Octavia’s house. Though I don’t know the date, the time was 88:88 according to the analogue clock set up on a wall.

“Hello,” Octavia said.

“Hello, my love.”

“What do you mean? You’re not Lyra.”

“I’m not?”

“You aren’t.”

“But then who am I?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think I’ve seen you before.”

“I really thought I was... I mean... I remember the time on the romantic canal-facing bench.”

“It was facing away from the canal.”

“But... no. That’s wrong!” She clutched her head and fell on the stone path, which added a broken tooth to her worries. “I remember it!”

“I am the pony you’re thinking of, aren’t I? Octavia?”

“Yes. I just... I’m Lyra.”

“You can’t be her.”

“But... I am.”

“You do look a lot like her except that your fur is white.”

“What?” She looked at her leg. “But... holy Faust....”

“Why did you—” Octavia stepped back after she made an expanding sphere of magic. Mostly out of shock, Octavia couldn’t think of anything to say or do, and when she finished the spell, the white pony died of heart implosion. “Are you okay?”

She went to her phone, which was really big and on a weird stand, and called the police.

“PPD, how may I help you?”

“I think a mare just killed herself on my doorstep.”

“We’ll get a policepony out on that.”

“Thank you.”

She continued reading Generic Mediocre Obscure Novel until she heard a car pulling up to her house, a sound she only recognised from television. She went to the door and pre-opened it for the arrival of the policepony.

“Now I understand what they meant by ‘body at the doorstep’,” the policepony said. “So are you sure it wasn’t you?”

“Yes.”

He turned the body over. “Yep, looks like a case of suicide by magic to me. I’ll take her to the hospital. You will be informed of any further details.”

“Okay.”

“I know this is a scary time for you. Don’t worry. It’ll be all right.”

“I never said—”

“It’s okay. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

“I don’t feel—”

“I have to go now. Bye-bye.”

“Goodbye....”

He dragged the body back to the police rally car, put it in the passenger seat, and drove for the hospital. Octavia went back to her book.

A few hours later, another pony who looked like Lyra knocked the door. It was Lyra.

“Hello,” Octavia said.

“Hello, my love.” She came in and put her business fedora on the hatrack.

“How was your day at the sweet shop?”

“I felt guilty about my relationship with Bon Bon some more.”

“They aired it today, I saw. I have a question related to that.”

“Yes?”

“I’m a little concerned about the ‘perfection’ idea you had.”

“What about it?”

“Is it supposed to mean that if a pony has one personality trait slightly tweaked the wrong way or talks in slightly the wrong wording in one phrase, then you can never possibly be in love with them, and if you think you are then you’re just foaling yourself because you want love?”

“Yes.”

“Then I don’t know what to say. Part of me says I shouldn’t judge ponies based upon their love criteria—as long as the criteria aren’t racist or anything, but you know what I mean—but another part of me says that you’re being ridiculous.”

“So now I have to explain stuff to you.”

“Yes.”

“I’m going to the bedroom and hating myself. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

Next Chapter: Chapter 158: Mobile Lemon Shavings Estimated time remaining: 1 Hour, 27 Minutes