Here’s a hypothetical for you: Rainbow goes to Twilight’s treehouse to have sex. Wait, that’s not a hypothetical, she’s on her way right now. Here’s a hypothetical: say you’re reading a bad fanfic and, near the very beginning of a chapter, the narration pitches you a hypothetical. What do you do? Well, you’re about to find out.

Meanwhile, Spike was sleeping. Wait, that’s not the interesting thing. Twilight was looking at porn with Netscape. Okay, no, but doesn’t that sound creepy? Maybe it’s just me. But before things could get too interesting, someone knocked on the door. Here’s a hint: her name has seven letters and she’s hot. No, not Jessica from social studies, why the hell would she be in this? Anyway, it was Rainbow. Dash. The first. And only. So far. And forever? Probably.

“If that’s actually Rainbow,” Twilight said, “I’m not going to be surprised at all, because statistically it’s probably her.”

Twilight went down to the door. It was indeed Rainbow Dash, not to be confused with the numerous other ponies named Rainbow because they have polycoloured manes.

“Hi, Rainbow.”

“Hi, Twilight,” responded the cyan pegasus.

“Come in.”

Rainbow came in.

“Anything different?” Twilight said.

“Not with me, you?”

“Nothing much. Learned a few spells like usual, but nothing you’d be interested in.”

“Can any of them be used to help make fun clopfic times funner?”

“‘But nothing you’d be interested in’.”

“Sorry. So before we decide what we’re doing, should we make it all the way to the bedroom or go outside or be right here or what?”

“Well, it’s a bit dark outside, and I like to think I could make it to the bedroom before I gave in and raped you. Why do we even go there anyway? We hardly ever use the bed.”

“Because bedrooms are still hot. More than other rooms, anyway.”

“Yeah, you have a point. Should we actually go over there now?”

“Why not.”

And so they went over there. Rainbow noticed the folder which was still open.

“Nice porn,” Rainbow said.

“What?” Twilight looked at the monitor. “I thought I closed that.”

“lol.”

Twilight went over, closed that, and went back. “My sexual preferences aren’t funny.”

“You leaving that open is, I couldn’t care less what’s in it.”

“Thanks...?”

“So you wanna snog or not?”

“Can’t we just go straight to the making me cum?”

“Sure, if you want. 59?”

“59?”

“Yeah. Don’t you know what that is?”

“No.”

“I can’t believe you’ve never heard of 59ing.”

“I’m supposed to know scholarly booksmart stuff. So what is it?”

“It’s like 69ing, but ten worse.”

“Then why would we do it? And ten of what unit?”

“Because we haven’t done it before, and centifuts.”

“What do futs measure?”

“It’s complicated and hard to explain. Anyway, fine, we’ll 69. Fuck, that rhymed. So lay yourself on the bed or the floor or wherever.”

“I want to be on top.”

“Well, so do I.”

“You like submissive stuffs.”

“I know, but that’s not what I want to do all the time.”

“Fine, I’ll just restrict you with magic.”

“You’re the one with your girlfriendship hanging by a thread.”

“Fine.” Twilight got on the bed. “Get on me.”

Rainbow got on her, and then it got boring. Well, if you’re Rainbow or Twilight, then it got fun, but the chance of that are slim to none.

Okay, so that’s going on, anyone want a secondary appearance? Applejack’s busy, so’s Octavia, Lyra’s doing stuff, you look free, Pinkie!

“Welperonisticks,” Pinkie said, “At least the lack of business of Sugarcube Corner’s gotten me this appearance... that I was getting anyway later in the cycle... come on, Pinkie, think positive. Ly. You’re Pinkie Pie for Faust’s sakes. There must be some positive side to this. Okay, maybe there isn’t. I mean, just ‘cause I’m hard to get down and stuff doesn’t mean I have to foal myself about my problems. Okay, so continuing, I may or may not lose my job soon. Well, I have the show job, but that’s not exactly stable. Well, if you’re Rainbow or Twilight or Applejack, I guess it’s pretty stable. What if Rainbow and Twilight break up? Will that mean more Twilight/Spike chapters? Would they replace her? Who would they replace her with? And why am I asking myself? Why would I know the answers to questions I’m posing? Unless I was hosting a game show or something. That would be weird.”

So that was a diversion, now here’s named background character Lightning Shock with the weather. Lightning? ...Lightning? Where are y—oh Faust, Lightning! I can’t watch!

Dammit, neither of them can talk. Stupid 69ing. You know what’s better than 69ing? 70ing. I don’t know what that would be, but it would leave at least one partner’s mouth unoccupied. Well, maybe I shouldn’t make fun of 69ing too much. I mean, you know what else doesn’t leave your mouth unoccupied? Pancakes. And really, wouldn’t we love to see that? Either way, pancakes segway nicely into this commercial.

Gold is at its highest price in years and its value continues to rise! Ponies are hoarding gold like crazy! So logically what you should do is sell all your gold to us! So come on down to Gold Leaf’s Gold Traders at 42 Rode Street in Ponyville, opposite Starbucks and next to Starbucks!

Twilight and Rainbow were snogging, which is cool and all, but it still has the same problem as before. If one of them would stop for a minute to say something romantic, that would be pretty cool. It would also be pretty cool if I randomly acquired a bunch of pancakes, but that doesn’t mean it’ll happen.

“You know, Twilight,” Rainbow said.

“I don’t care, more kissing.”

“Even though I say—”

Twilight forced Rainbow to keep kissing her via physical force, shocking some pony who was watching this “I Suck At Titles, Summary Better” his friends had been bugging him about for the first time, thinking he could just jump in after the first episode. More snogging happened and it was boring, again unless you’re that pony, then someone said something.

“Rainbow,” Twilight said.

“Yeah?”

“More sex?”

“All you ever do is read and have sex with me.”

“All you do is fly and have sex with Applejack.”

“Are our lives boring?”

“No, we just love our jobs. It’s a good thing.”

Rainbow didn’t respond.

“Something wrong?” Twilight said.

“No, I just... it was weird, I couldn’t think of anything to say.”

“That’s what ‘lol’ is for. I mean, look:

‘Are our lives boring?’

‘No, we just love our jobs. It’s a good thing.’

‘lol’

‘So can we have sex now?’

‘Yep, and I’m making you my primary girlfriend.’.”

During the time Twilight was saying that, Rainbow laid up next to her, since for the entire time before it was Twilight lying down with Rainbow on top of her and it felt slightly strange. Not, you know, for sexual things, but for talking.

“I don’t think I would’ve said that last line.”

“I can dream. Literally, I had a dream about it last night.”

“That’s good. So what are we doing?”

“Sex.”

“That’s not specific enough.”

“Do you still feel dominaty?”

“Yeah.”

“Why do you have to feel dominaty now?”

“Why do you have to feel dominaty now?”

“Well, like I already said, usually you like submissive stuffs.”

“But like I already said, that’s not what I want every single time.”

“What are we doing anyway? Maybe it won’t matter that much.”

“I don’t know. I’d like something where I’m conscious for the entire thing.”

“My plan involves that.”

“What’s the plan?”

“You do whatever I tell you.”

“What if I disobey you?”

“I promise I won’t hurt you.”

“I have an idea too.”

“What is it?”

Rainbow unfolded one of her wings.

“I don’t feel like that,” Twilight said.

“Come on.”

“Seriously, I don’t feel like that.”

“If I just did it whilst we were randomly together for some non-sexual purpose, you would be all over it.”

“No, I wouldn’t.”

“Yes, you would.”

“It’s not what I feel like doing, all right?”

“Fine.” She refolded it. “So what do you want me to do?”

“Just eat me out so I can have lines.”

“Why can’t you do that?”

“You do it.”

“You do it.”

TWO MINUTES LATER!

“You...” Rainbow said before doubling over and fainting from lack of air.

Twilight breathed in heavily, then exhaled less heavily but still pretty heavily, then did the same thing a couple more times but reduced in intensity. “Are you okay, Rainbow? Rainbow? Crap, did she faint? Will she be okay or should I take her to Zecora? I don’t want to spend another hundred bits... wait, doesn’t Ponyville have a normal hospital? Yeah, it does!”

Twilight teleported her and Rainbow to the normal hospital.

“He—”

“I just need somepony to tell if she’s going to die or not,” Twilight said.

“Just drag her to room 255. It’s on the first floor next to the Starbucks.”

“Okay, thanks.”

Just as Twilight got to the bottom of the stairs, Rainbow woke up.

“Twilight?”

“Rainbow!”

She got off Twilight. “Where am I? Not like ‘ehhh I just woke up’ where am I, like I seriously don’t know.”

“We’re in the normal hospital. You ran out of oxygen after two minutes of ‘you do it’.”

“Is that really what happened?”

“I know I’ve hypnotised you once and knocked you out to rape you dozens of times, but I would never lie to you.”

“Can we just go back?”

“Yeah, sure.”

Twilight took them back.

“I can’t believe that happened and it wasn’t your fault,” Rainbow said.

“Gee, thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

“You’re porlycome.”

“How are we deciding the whole sex thing?”

“You fainted, which means I won the argument.”

“Fine.”

Next Chapter: Chapter 42: Cue HGG Reference Estimated time remaining: 2 Hours, 42 Minutes