“So, Octavia,” Twilight said in the same studio as Tea Time, “How do you feel about replacing Rarity?”

“Replacing Rarity?”

“Yes. In a 3–2 vote, we decided to replace Rarity with you in the mane six.”

“I don’t know if I would fit in....”

“Of course you will! You’ll get along better than Rarity, anyway.”

“I think she’s a good pony. A lot of you seem to not like her for various reasons, but I find her company quite enjoyable.”

“Yes, I know you like Rarity. All the fancy or rich ponies seem to like her.”

“I think you just mean fancy ponies. There are rich ponies who aren’t that formal in their behaviour.”

“Like?”

“Like ponies who win the lottery.”

“And that’s it?”

“And some but not all successful athletes.”

“And that’s it?”

“And ponies who get rich from making a viral video game.”

“I see. Anyway, you’re replacing Rarity, looking forward to that. Now, the next story on the agenda is whether it’s better to be concise when you’re talking or to take really long to sound fancier.”

“Obviously, I tend to do the latter one. You seem to generally lean towards the former slightly.”

“I agree. So what’s your opinion on Perseus Bites?”

“Oh, they’re the best thing I’ve ever tasted.”

“They’re even better than—I was about to say something not foal-safe. But yes, I agree, they are quite good.”

Have you tried new Perseus Bites? Here’s a short history of them. Once upon a time, in 1991 to be more specific, Palindrome Corporation made Palindrome Toroids, which consisted of oats, sugar, sea salt, and vitamin E (for freshness). In 2002, the sea salt in the recipe was replaced with synthetic salt, then the pure sugar was replaced by sorghum syrup the following year to seem fancy. In 2006 (or possibly 2008, there’s a smudge on the paper), the vitamin E was removed to cut the costs raised by the previous modification. In 2008 (or possibly 2009), they were reshaped from toroids to rectangles and renamed Palindrome Bites to prevent any future need for shape-based refaustening. Then finally, on February 21st of this year, which by the way is 2012 in case you’ve unearthed this from a time capsule or something, the oats were replaced with wheat and the cereal renamed to Perseus Bites as part of a deal with another company (the name part, not the ingredients), and that’s how we got here today. Buy Perseus Bites: they may have changed over the years, but at their core, they’re still the same classic cereal from 1991.

“Welcome back to Smarticle Stuffs,” Twilight said. “So, Octavia. Lyra, like a normal pony, would drop to her... knees...? She would drop to the floor, grab your hoof, and would with panicked haste give reasons about why you should stay with her and cry a little.”

“Why would she tell me to cry?”

“See that, fillies and colts? I missed a comma. What I meant was ‘stay with her, and cry a little’.”

“Anyway, what’s your point?”

“My point, Octavia No Family Name, is that you would not get down and beg if Lyra threatened to dump you.”

“So? Doesn’t that make me strong?”

“It’s not like the thing that I have with Rainbow where she’s clearly better than me in terms of the relationship. It’s because you don’t care about her.”

“Rainbow Dash?”

“Lyra!”

“Oh. In that case, how could you say that? I would give my life for Lyra. I don’t know what circumstances that would entail; we don’t go on adventures or anything similar, but if such a situation did arise where it would be one of us, I would pick myself.”

“Did you just use a semicolon in speech?”

“I don’t know how you would detect a semicolon in speech, but you shouldn’t mind semicolon usage anyway, should you?”

“Of course not. It’s just that whenever something remotely rare happens, I feel like I have to mention it.”

“I see.”

“That expression is offensive to blind ponies.”

Silence.

“You want to respond to what I said?” Twilight said.

“You could have said something that wasn’t as flow-breaking.”

“You’re just bad at conversing.”

“We’re getting off topic. You were insulting me for not caring about Lyra, but I do.”

“But do you care about her enough to get down and abase yourself until she realises how you deserve another chance?”

“Why would she be leaving me?”

“It’s a hypothetical situation.”

“Why would pointing out my flaws make me look better?”

Twilight sighed. “You don’t get love, do you?”

“Maybe I don’t get your relationship, but that doesn’t mean I don’t get love in general.”

“Maybe we should start a commercial before this gets ugly.”

“Why would something between Twilight and Octavia get ugly?”

“I don’t know, but we need another commercial.”

You Have (5) New Messages

[Download]         [Play Now]

“And now,” Twilight said, “For some maths jokes. Octavia, your first question: for one bit, pie is what number, rounding to the nearest hundredth?”

“8.54.”

“Correct. For ten bits, what’s Brominecraft’s favourite number?”

“35.”

“Correct. For twenty-five bits, clock dice wood paint?”

“True for non-zero values.”

“Correct. For fifty bits, what do foals take apart to show that they love maths?”

“Radios.”

“Correct! Now the final question. For one hundred bits, why did my down speed suddenly go down to 32 KB/s?”

“Because you touch yourself at night.”

“I’m sorry, the correct answer is because life’s a bitch even though I was born in a first world country and live a happy middle-class life with an awesome girlfriend and dozens of awesome platonic friends.”

“Very well, now it’s your turn. Why did... wait, this is the same card.” Octavia took a different card. “For one bit, pinecones and flowers.”

“Fibonacci numbers.”

“Correct. For ten bits, it’s twice the quantity of the food whose volume calculations involve itself.”

“Tau.”

“Correct. For twenty-five bits, the Pythagorean theorem and integers.”

“The right triangle with sides of 3, 4, and 5.”

“Correct. For fifty bits, I zoomed in but I don’t know how much I zoomed in and the mouse just broke and I’m lost in this place with no way of knowing where I am.”

“Fractals.”

“Correct. For one hundred bits, holy Faust it’s just floating there that’s really creepy.”

“...Aerogel?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, the answer is a magnet above a superconductor. So nopony won the big prize this week, but see you next time on...”

“MA—SMARTICLE STUFFS!”

Next Chapter: Chapter 126: Pranking Estimated time remaining: 6 Hours, 33 Minutes