Ah started mah day lahke Ah start every day: bah changin’ from a state ah sleep to one of awakedom. Ah had one ah those wakin’ ups where you spend half an hour in bed before you actually get up, if you care. Anyway, Ah eventually went downstairs an’ subsequently to the lavatory and did boring mornin’ things. Anyway, Ah eventually came out, ah course, an’ then hours ah apple-buckin’ ensued. Anyway, Ah like doin’ it, but it’s a fun to play, not to watch kinda thing. Anyway, Apple Bloom eventually came up ta me an’ dialogue ensued.

“Hi, Apple Bloom,” Ah said. “You got somethin’ you need to tell me?”

“No, Ah just came ‘ere for no reason. Yeah, Ah wanna tell ya somethin’. Dahmond’s comin’ in about...” Apple Bloom looked at ‘er wrist, which didn’t’ve a watch. “2π minutes.”

“‘Kay, Ah’ll plan accordin’ly.”

“‘Kay.”

So after half an hour of apple-buckin’, Ah came over to the lawn... tahpe... place. You know what Ah mean.

“Hi, AJ,” Apple Bloom said, “They should be here in about...” she looked at ‘er nonexistent watch again, “π minutes.”

“‘They’? Ah thought you said it was just Dahmond.”

“She’s bringin’ Silver Spoon. An’ that remahnds me, Sweetie Belle’s supposed to be here....”

“What are they comin’ ‘ere for anyway?”

“Sex.”

“What?”

“Y’know. Me an’ Dahmond, Sweetie Belle an’ Silver Spoon.”

“What?”

“Yeah. Sweetie Belle an’ Silver Spoon’ve been talkin’ a bit, an’ they decahded they should at least trah each other since there might be somethin’.”

“What.”

“Nah, not really. Ah’m just fuckin’ with ya.”

Ah breathed a moderately loud sah ah relief. “Well, you got me.”

“Look!” Apple Bloom said. “Sweetie Belle!”

She didn’t just say that hopin’ Sweetie Belle would appear; she was actually there, walkin’ up to us at gently rubneck speed. Anyway, Sweetie Belle eventually made it without, Ah dunno, trippin’ or somethin’.

“Hi, Sweetie Belle,” Apple Bloom said.

“Hello,” Sweetie Belle said.

“You’re so fancy. ‘Hello’.”

“Is it so wrong for me to be a little sophisticated?”

“Hey, you don’ ‘afta be lahke that, wasn’t tryin’ to insult ya.”

“I’m not going to apologise for that.”

“Fahne. Ah hate you.”

“As if I need you.”

Apple Bloom an’ Sweetie Belle turned away from each other for about a second before both turnin’ back.

“Ah’m sorry, Sweetie Belle. That was never meant ta be an insult or anythin’.”

“It’s my fault for misinterpreting it.”

Just when everythin’ was about to be okay for a minute, Dahmond an’ Silver Spoon came, previously unnoticed due to Apple Bloom an’ Sweetie Belle bein’ focussed on bah all ah us so much.

“Dahmond,” Apple Bloom said.

“Apple Bloom,” Diamond Tiara said.

“Hello, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon.”

“Hello, Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle.”

“Grrr,” Apple Bloom “said”.

“It’s on,” Diamond said. “By the way, what’s on?”

“Um... Ah didn’t actually come up with anythin’.”

“This was supposed to be the ultimate match to decide who’s better.”

“Ah know, but... well, what can we do without any equipment?”

“Running? Pankration? Pitching each other maths problems?”

“Ah like the fifth one.”

“So do I,” Sweetie Belle said.

Silver Spoon nodded.

“Then we’ll do that,” Diamond Tiara Rich said.

“Do Ah have to be here?” Ah said.

“No,” the non-Silver Spoon others said.

An’ so Ah decahded to continue apple-buckin’. Nothin’ really excahtin’ happened, though, so skippin’ over to when Ah went insahde the house, Ah did computery stuff. Well, Ah was doin’ computery stuff, then Ah heard a knock on the door. Figurin’ it was Rainbow, Ah got a li’l’ excited. Ah ran down the stairs an’ got the door.

“Hi, Derpy!”

Derpy mouthed me a letter.

“thx, Derpy!”

Derpy duly departed. Ah closed the door and looked to see who it was for. Since it was me, Ah opened the envelope. It read:

“Dear Applejack Apple,

If you are reading this, I am dead.”

“Well, that’s strange... whah would they bother to call me Applejack Apple?”

The door was knocked again, an’ so Ah answered it again.

“Rainbow!” Ah said, since it was Rainbow. Ah forced the kissue, but she quickly broke it. Since the entahre point was forcin’, Ah started kissin’ ‘er again, sendin’ us both to the floor an’ firmly holdin’ her head into mahne. Rainbow accepted an’ joined it that tahme. It went on for a few minutes without anythin’ really happenin’, but eventually we ended it an’ so interestin’ stuff started happenin’ again.

“For a pony who doesn’t get lonely, you sure come to mah house a lot....”

“Look, two things I really like are being with you and having sex. I’m bored of sleeping and tired of flying, so what am I supposed to do?”

“Ah don’t mind it. So should we go upstairs?”

“No, we should just have sex right here.”

“Ah don’t need your sarcasm, c’mon.”

We went upstairs into mah room.

“Um, AJ?”

“Yeah?”

“Why are you typing on a laptop like some sort of transcriber?”

“‘Cause Ah’m writin’ the narration this chapter.”

“No, seriously.”

“Ya rly.”

Rainbow walked over to see the laptop which, bah the way, was on the bed. “Why are you typing your accent?”

“Ah was told to do it.”

“Doesn’t that seem a little insulting to you?”

“Maybe a little. But they’re givin’ me so much money.”

“So why did they offer it anyway?”

“They wanted another screwy chapter lahke Quotation Dashes.”

“Why does this always Xplain the reasons for things after it does them?”

“Rainbow, ponies used X words for a week after that film came out an’ never again.”

“I don’t Xactly care what other ponies do. If I like it, then I’ll do it.”

“Ah don’t need your shoehorned moral, c’mon.” Ah took the laptop off the bed an’ patted it. The bed, not the laptop.

“You go first,” Rainbow said.

“You go first.”

“Why should I go first?”

“‘Cause Ah patted the bed.”

“Fine.”

Rainbow went onto the bed. Ah got on top ah ‘er an—

“Wait, wait, wait,” Chocolate Rain, a Programme Productions employee, said. “If we’re actually going to have a somewhat detailed sex scene, can it please not be in the first person?”

“It’s okay,” said REESE’S® Peanut Butter Cups®, who had recently renamed himself for sponsorship purposes, “It won’t actually be all detailed.”

“I’ll believe it when I taste it.”

Snoggin’ ensued. However, this particular tahme was filled with unusual techniques and innovation and no not really.

“AJ?”

“Yeah?”

“Can’t you type your little report after we have sex and not take a break every five minutes?”

“Ah guess....”

The sex was filled with unusual techniques and innovation and no not really.

Next Chapter: Chapter 118: A Lyra/Bon Bon Chapter Estimated time remaining: 7 Hours, 7 Minutes