“So what particular kind of apple pie is this?” Rainbow said. “Since last time you yelled at me when I said a pie made with one kind of apple was the same kind of food as an apparently different one you made.”

“It’s Appledash,” Applejack said, “‘Cause it’s apple an’ it has a lotta mahnor ingredients.”

“Cool. Are we on yet?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Oh. For how long?”

“Since you said ‘so what particular kahnda apple pah is this’.”

“How do you even make that weird mix of I and ah sound? I can’t even do it on purpose.”

“It’s just mah accent....”

“There should be an IPA symbol for it.”

“You’re a fucking idiot, Rainbow,” Twilight said.

“Why?” Spike said

“Because there is an IPA symbol for it. It’s ä.”

“There’s a letter for screaming?”

“No, like A with an umlaut.”

“Oh. That’s pronounced ‘AAAAH!’?”

“In some languages. But shorter and quieter.”

“All the things I’ve been saying wrong in my head... depending on the language....”

“And the word.”

“Really? I hate letters.”

“Whah would you, Rainbow Dash, have heard ah that?”

“What, IPA?”

“Yeah.”

“Being around Twilight.”

Silence.

“It’s your turn to talk, Rainbow.”

“I know. Don’t pressure me.”

Silence.

“I don’t remember why she mentioned it.”

“How fascinatin’.”

Silence.

“Oh, there’s something I’ve been wondering since the fanciness contest,” Rainbow said.

“What?”

“Why did Octavia know the chemical name of crack? What would she need it for?”

“Maybe she was studyin’ for the contest an’ it was from that?”

“But she said she didn’t actually care about the contest that much.”

“Hmm....”

Silence.

“Wanna go over to her house and harass her?” Rainbow said.

“Sure.”

Rainbow, wearing sunglasses, knocked on the door of Octavia’s house. Lyra answered it.

“Hello, Rainbow Dash, hello, Applejack.”

“AIA,” Rainbow said, showing a card clearly made with a template. “We’re looking for Octavia No Family Name Specified.”

“Octavia is at a rehearsal and is not available right now. Please leave a message after the tone.”

“We need to search this house.”

“Get a warrant.”

“Well, maybe we will.”

Lyra slammed the door.

Rainbow looked towards Applejack. “What do we do now? We can’t actually get a warrant.”

“Sneak in durin’ the naht?”

“How?”

“You can dramatically break down doors, right?”

“Last time I tried, I ended up in hospital. And that wouldn’t really be sneaking in.”

“Well, we could definitely take ‘em in a fight. Then we take ‘em somewhere all secret an’ question ‘em.”

“That sounds illegal....”

“Yeah. But we have to find out some’ow.”

“I can’t think of anything legal, though.”

“We could wait ‘ere ‘til she comes back an’ interview ‘er.”

“But she’ll just lie about everything.”

“Hmm... maybe we should get some actual policeponies to investigate.”

“But then what’ll happen to the AIA if they give up on a case like this?”

“Maybe we should just stop the AIA.”

“But we have a contract with the managing director!”

“You’re the managin’ director.”

“Right. So what paperwork do I have to go through to officially abolish the agency?”

“You never made anythin’ official in the first place, you just made up the name last week and ordered a buncha cards. Nopony else even knows about it.”

“So are we investigating this juicy secret or not?”

“Y’know, Twahlaht prolly knows the full name ah crack. Does that mean she has some?”

“Yes.”

The next hour, Rainbow was enjoying some quality television when her phone rang.

“I’ll get it,” Rainbow said, even though nobody else was there to get it. She got it. “Hello?”

“This is your evil twin Spectrum Hyphen. I have placed a pipe bomb due to go off in five minutes somewhere in your house.”

“Why are you telling me about the bomb?”

“You’ll see.”

They both hung up.

“I guess I should look for it.”

Five minutes of panic later, Rainbow, or Dash as she’s known in the sporting context in which many ponies talk of her nowadays, was outside her house and nothing happened.

“It’s been five minutes, right?” Rainbow said to camerapony #5.

“Yeah.”

A tumbleweed rolled across Rainbow’s “lawn” and off the edge of Cloudsdale.

“I should probably catch that or something.” She chased it down and easily caught it before it came anywhere close to the ground. Then she brought it down herself so it would never terrorise anypony again.

“Whah do you know the full chemical name for cocaine?” Applejack said with shades on.

“How did you get into my living room?” Octavia said.

“Whah do you know it?”

“I was on a wiki walk.”

“But it’s a pretty complicated name. Whah did you remember it? Or more to the point, what did you need it for?”

“So because I have a good memory, I’m using cocaine?”

“Yes.”

“This is ridiculous, Ap—”

“Quit skirtin’ the issue. Now, where do you keep it?”

“I don’t have any—”

“Where is it?”

“I don’t have any.”

“You want me to get the real police on this?”

“They wouldn’t find anything.”

“Ah guess we’ll see who’s raht.”

“Can you get out of my house?”

“That’s rather rude ah you to ask me that.”

“It’s rather rude of you to suggest I’ve been using cocaine.”

“Fahne, Ah’ll leave. Enjoy your last couple days outside ah prison.”

“I will.”

Applejack left the building.

Next Chapter: Chapter 125: Consolas Estimated time remaining: 9 Hours, 29 Minutes