“Hello,” Lyra said to the Twilight at the door.

“Hi, Lyra,” Twilight said. “Where’s Octavia? I was supposed to do a scene with her.”

“She left for your house.”

“Hi,” Spike said to the Octavia at the door.

“Hello, Spike,” Octavia said. “Where’s Twilight? I was supposed to do a scene with her.”

“She left for your house.”

“Then I’ll head ba—” Octavia stopped talking when she felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned to see who, or what, this could be. “Oh, it’s you.”

“Hi, Octavia. I just teleported here.”

“You didn’t have to tap my shoulder like that. A simple hello would’ve sufficed.”

“I also don’t have to eat food, a few cubes of nutrients would suffice. So what should we do for the scene?”

“I don’t know. Do you have any ideas?”

“No. Do you have any ideas, Spike?”

“No.”

“Do we have any common interests?” Octavia said.

“Not off the top of my head. No, wait.”

“Yes?”

“You like Rarity?”

“That’s correct.”

“Why? How?”

“She’s fancy.”

“Yeah, but she’s a jerk.”

“She’s been polite and interesting when I’ve talked with her.”

“Are we talking about the same Rarity? White fur, purple mane, unicorn, saved the world?”

“Is it wrong of me to like somepony?”

“So you’re in love?”

“No, we’re just friends because we have similar opinions on how to live.”

“So if you had dissident opinions, you would be in love?”

“You know what I mean.”

“You can’t be friends because of one personality trait.”

“We feel rich even though we both barely make enough money to feed ourselves.”

“What about if you both didn’t have ponies leeching off you?”

“I wouldn’t be that negative about it. Rarity’s a guardian, and I could force Lyra to leave if I wanted to, such as the time I did.”

“Ugh....”

“What?”

“It’s just that you’re like Rarity without all the flaws. Wait a second, you’re like Rarity without all the flaws!” Twilight hugged Octavia for a few seconds. She stood there and accepted the hug, but didn’t do anything. “Come on, don’t be so shy about it. Don’t you want a hug, new Rarity?”

“Sorry, but... no....”

“That’s okay. So how about that Lyra? You love her.”

“Yes, although she isn’t quite acting the way she was when I fell in love with her. She hasn’t become rude or anything, she’s still friendly, but... that’s all a different story. Are you actually replacing Rarity with me or not? Because I’d feel incredibly out of place....”

“I’ll see what the others think. Should we go inside?”

“Okay.”

“So you’re actually giving this idea of replacing Rarity serious consideration?”

“Why not? You’re her, but better.”

“I wouldn’t say that. Rarity’s a good pony.”

“Oh, yeah, that reminds me. We wanted Rarity to fix herself and I was going to ask you which things you thought were problems, but I never actually got around to it.”

“Why would you want to ask me about that?”

“So that she can fix all the problems without changing the good parts of her personality.”

“Okay, but I might be a little biased for this since I like her.”

“It’ll be fine. I can’t think of an actual reason it’ll be fine, but it will be. First question: Rarity hates everypony who doesn’t share all of her moral values. Is this a bad thing?”

“I think the question should be ‘Does Rarity hate everypony—”

“Just answer the question.”

“But I don’t think she thinks that.”

“Well, she does, you just don’t know her well enough. So answer the question.”

“If she really is intolerant, then I suppose that’s a bad thing.”

“Thank you. Next question: Rarity is prudish. Is this a bad thing?”

“I don’t think there’s really any problem with being prudish.”

“So you think she’s all mature or something.”

“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being prudish.”

“Okay. Next question: Rarity is a clean freak.”

“Just because you clean your house every day doesn’t mean you’re crazy.”

“Interesting. Next question: Rarity is boring.”

“I disagree, Rarity is nice to talk with. Just because you don’t have similar interests or morals to her, that doesn’t make her a bad pony.”

“If you say so. Next question: Rarity is constantly bugging her friends for favours that require staying in one place for two hours whilst she uses your body to test clothes.”

“You could always decline to help her.”

“But she pressures you into doing it because ‘you’re her friend’.”

“You could still decline to help her.”

“I’ll try that sometime. Next question: Rarity is vain.”

“I have to admit, I agree with that one.”

“Okay. So Rarity is intolerant and egotistical.”

“Yes. The other things you brought up are actually signs of maturity.”

“I see. I’ll report the results to her.”

“Okay. So are we done?”

“I guess so.”

“I just feel silly coming here for only a minute or two.”

“Well, what are we supposed to do? Eat something?”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Neither am I.”

Silence.

“I haven’t had sex with Rainbow in a week and I’m going crazy,” Twilight said.

“A week and you’re going crazy?”

“Uh-huh. Do you have any idea what I was like when she was gone for three weeks?”

“I heard about the cardboard cutout.”

“You were the only one who didn’t laugh at me. Besides one of my pillows.”

“I was more disturbed than amused.”

“So you still didn’t like me for it?”

“I don’t dislike you for it, that seems bigoted, but I won’t lie. I thought it was strange.”

“I’m going to see if Spike’s hungry. Where is he?”

“I’ve been right there the whole time,” Spike said.

“Oh,” Twilight said. “Good. Are you hungry?”

“No.”

“Oh. Okay.”

Silence.

“I guess we can end the chapter, then,” Twilight said. “Can I get paid yet? Because... well, it isn’t important why we need to need to end it right now. I know you know, but don’t tell them, Spike.”

“Why not?”

“I’ll give you whatever fatty food you want, just don’t say it in front of the cameras.”

She was behind on a subject in her studies.

Next Chapter: Chapter 118: What Happened When I Tried to Write Scootalove (Don’t Worry, It’s Not Porn) Estimated time remaining: 9 Hours, 53 Minutes