My first day of school began pretty much like you’d expect. I was asleep in my bed, if you can call it that since changelings don’t really dream. Getting updates on the goings on of Equestria and picking up the latest gossip from the pillow talk that occurred after ponies made use of my less than reputable pleasure business was what I did instead of truly slumber. To be honest, I think most of them came for THAT instead of the physical activity that preceded it. Even the male ponies.

Well, except for that one week a month when all the girls in town except Twilight tended to go sex crazy. Then there’s usually a Big Mac for every pony in town except in the cases of mares who like ponies with big wings like Rainbow Dash. Those kinds of ponies need to make appointments, it takes time to copy pegasi that are usually in Cloudsdale and fly back after all.

I was in the middle of finding out how nervous Cheerilee was about the upcoming End of Summer Fair after she had been plowed by a Big Mac look-alike when something impacted my body and knocked me out of my trance. Expecting an attack by some dark creature that had come to claim the top spot in the Everfree, or this one really annoying sales pony that kept coming by about every three days to sell me pretty princess castle decor, I fought through the mass of bedsheets and glared at…Twilight Sparkle?

“Fae! Fae hurry and get up! It’s the first day of school!”

As the alicorn across from me gave me this wide, overly excited smile and knocked on my mattress several times with her hooves, I fought off the weird tingling that came from waking up my changeling body when my mind had still been perfectly active. A second later, I threw off my bed sheets, and looked back at Twilight’s…Pinkie Pie level of excitement before making a disturbing revelation.

Oh God, this is like Christmas to her, I thought with a sigh before mumbling to myself. “Well fuck me,” I managed in a lose approximation to the human language that I could manage with pony vocal cords. The last thing I wanted to deal with at the early morning hours was a Twilight who had been drinking Pinkie’s Kool-Aid; or some kind of super caffeinated beverage at least. Which was actually kind of weird, since coffee had been banned from Ponyville for about five years thanks to something called the Day of Pink Terror.

To be honest, I don’t think I had ever seen Twilight as excited as she was about anything, ever! Hell, the only thing I could even begin to compare it to was when I thought she was still just a cartoon character and Winter Wrap-up Day was starting.

I would have actually questioned why she was so excited about me going to work, but things took a very horrifying turn when Twilight let out an excited gasp with bright eyes that practically glistened in joy. “You mean you’re finally ready for-ohmygosh! This is perfect! I based the timing of our first copulation on the amount of time spent doing activities together based on the Equestrian average of three dates to secure a solid opinion of a significant other before physical intercourse, but the emotional connection formed by marking a specific event with your first time works even better! Yes! We should celebrate with morning sex!”

While my mind was translating just what the hell Twilight was going on about, her horn lit up and I felt the transmogrification spell envelop my body. My natural changeling magic rose up to push it away. I forced it to accept the alicorn’s magic almost on instinct and waited for the two kinds of magic to merge before altering my body into that of a dark alicorn mare; an alicorn mare who had just watched a lot of porn via mental information sent through the hive mind. It took about two seconds before I was soaked and would be needing to either go back to being a changeling, or put up with another day of sexual frustration.

It was times such as these that made me wonder why I didn’t just give in to Twilight’s advances and let her taste me. But, despite my girly parts, sexy voice, and all that other stuff, I was still a guy. Sort of.

In my mind at least.

Even if living in pony-land for so long had made me start looking at things like Surgarcube Corner and thinking that it was cute, or how baby ponies were not so much a pain in the ass as they were cute, and Pinkie Pie wasn’t all that cutesy as she was...cool.

Fine, I went native, I admit it. But I was still a guy...who could be guy enough to enjoy girly things.

But sex? That was totally a guy thing. Even if I was just giving lip service to Twilight’s crotch.

Which was in no way gay!

Protected by such thoughts, I was able to tell myself, Well, it wouldn’t be the first time I ate out for breakfast, before the alicorn’s body impacted mine and she pinned me to the bed. Twilight ran her tongue over her lips and smacked them a few times before giving me a sensual look. “Don’t worry, I’ve read all the books for vulva stimulation via oral attention and gotten some tips from a few ponies. I’ll be gentle.”

Wait...what?

Twilight scooted her way down to my nether region and kissed the exposed skin around my female horse breast…thingies that I think were called teats. It was actually a little less disturbing thinking of them that way than horse boobies. Because they were on me.

“T-Twilight?”

It was actually a lot…less stimulating than I had thought having my tits sucked on would be. Apparently the brutally honest girlfriend I had this one time in high school was right.

Still, the kiss managed to shock me out of my lustful confusion, and my whole body just went rigid as Twilight moved over to my other…teat to kiss and suck on it a bit. Wait…WHAT? Oh fuck is she…

"T-Twilight? W-What’re you doing?” I asked weakly while my whole fucking body trembled. Despite the fact my mind was that of a guy only a couple of months into ponyland, my body was very much a mare in need of attention that had been denied up to this point in time. And with a purple pony princess so close her coat was touching my lady parts, my pony pussy screamed at me to be taken care of.

Confusion written across her face, Twilight looked up at me and spoke. “I thought fuck was the human term for intercourse,” she said, kind of mangling the Equestrian attempt at English even worse than I did when I tried to speak it on instinct.

“Is something wrong?”

I froze. Oh God, she actually thought I meant…oh God…

I gulped as I tried my best to think of what to do. Twilight had been trying to get me to spread my legs for weeks. It wasn’t out of lust of course, she got her needs satisfied by my mouth. She did it because…well, according to the Alicorn of Nymphomania, sex as a mare felt good. She wanted to give me pleasure. Hell, I sometimes thought Twilight actually felt guilty for not fulfilling her duties as a proper fillyfriend.

On the other hand, it was sex…AS A GIRL! Sex as a girl. Bad. Wrong. No! It was the last remains of my man card that existed in Equestria! The holy bastion of my humanity. The...thing that allowed me to...um...be manly?

So it was my man card VS Twilight Sparkle’s look of concern.

Yeah, that fight took all of two seconds.

“No. Go ahead. Just a little nervous, I guess,” I said with an uneasy voice as my man card was utterly crushed Twilight‘s merciful hoof.

Twilight just gave me a gentle smile that destroyed the last of my resistance. “I’ll make sure you enjoy it.”

And thus, Twilight Sparkle took my pony mare virginity while I mentally rewrote my character info card.

Name: Omnifarious
Species: Changeling Monarch
Sex: Male, Asexual, Female
Alias: Fairy/Fae/Fae-Fae
Occupation: Evil Insect Overlord, Regent of the Everfree, Twilight’s Bitch.

So, after Twilight made a mare out of me, and I returned the favor…and then we tried the whole 69 thing a few times before attempting to turn it into a stamina contest without me feeding on her since that would be cheating…

I cleaned up the room, put the sheets in the laundry, flipped my mattress to its dry side, got to the bathroom to get cleaned up, got a horn job from Twilight to help me restore a bit of the bits of ash that were my man card, got eaten out by Twilight in the bathtub in a new position that had me floating in her magic and squealing like some little girl, got offered horn penetration by Twilight before turning it down because there were limits to my newfound pony sex need, took a bath to get cleaned up with Twilight, explained the concept of sex toys to Twilight while in the bath since they apparently didn’t have as much of them in Equestria as Earth did, explained to Twilight why I didn’t know exactly how a dildo worked or its vibration frequency since I had never been female before…and then left the castle, wondering if the fake alicorn body I was using that was kind of based off Twilight’s since it also had her newly awakened libido.

By the end of my ordeal, I didn’t even feel all that bad about it.

Which was kind of creepy.

Okay, really creepy.

But on the other hand, mare sex…kind of rocked…a lot.

As long as it was with another mare.

Named Twilight Sparkle…

…or Rainbow Dash.

Of course, just going to a night class wasn’t the only thing I would be doing in Canterlot. No, that was actually the easy part that I actually found myself looking forward to. It would allow me to outwit Celestia in a stunning display of idea thievery while still collecting a paycheck for the year. Dear God, did I look forward to holding that over her head…horn…whatever.

Now, in all fairness, I had tried to quit before. It was after I found out what I was going to be teaching. As in, ten seconds later. But when Twilight Sparkle is your girlfriend, you really don’t get a chance to say no to Celestia on anything if she finds out about it. The pleading scowl that purple alicorn could pull off would pretty much turn people into her personal slaves if she knew of its power.

I mean hell, look what happened to me.

So, after we had got back to Ponyville from a leisurely stroll through the Everfree that was a touchy-feely cool down from our passionate morning, Twilight magicked out a checklist from thin air and one of her favorite kind of writing utensils to accompany it.

“Okay so, let’s see…we need to make final preparations for your clothes…then take the train to Canterlot…early lunch with my parents, afternoon tea with Celestia, and then…meeting of your advanced magic class! Oh, I haven’t been to CSGU since I came to Ponyville!” Twilight said as she danced on her hind legs in that cute little excited nerd dance she always did when she was about to go into overload.

The mention of Rarity’s shop made me slump and whine. I did not look forward to that. “Can’t I just go naked?”

“No, you’re a…my regent, and we’ll be meeting with the princess, and it’s Canterlot!” Twilight exclaimed. “Everypony there wears clothes, and we’ll be going to a party consisting of the upper crust of the city.”

Wait…did her parents ever wear clothes in the series? I asked myself. To be honest, it was getting harder to remember the MLP stuff from when I watched it on television. I chalk it up to actually being in their world and not wanting to think of it as a cartoon.

Because it wasn’t, a cartoon I mean. If I was in it, then it was…94% real.

Or a very nice lucid dream.

But as I hadn't spotted any glaring oddities beyond just...Pinkie stuff, I was willing to accept what I was currently experiencing was in fact, reality.

I let out a sigh and mustered my willpower to raise my head. The kiss on the cheek Twilight gave me helped too. Then Twilight leaned over to whisper in my ear when I had picked myself up all the way. “And when we’re done, I’m going to rip off those clothes, grab you in my magic, and suck up every last drop of vaginal fluid your glands can produce while you flail around in the air like an amoeba’s pseudopodia.”

Despite the…adorkable nature of the alicorn’s line, I found myself getting hot again. The hell with the brony question of Twilight’s everlasting life, I wanted to know about her unstoppable sex drive.

“And what about you? I kind of feel bad for being the one getting all the attention here.” And still feeling a bit guilty over the sex thing. It was one of those things like a guilty pleasure. You know, like watching ponies. You know you shouldn’t but...your DVR records ponies instead of robots one day, you see Twilight Lesson Zeroing every pony and like concane, you're addicted before you even know it. But you still keep it a secret.

The question I whispered into Twilight’s ear outside of the boutique got a soft smile from the alicorn and another kiss on the cheek. “Fae, you’ve given me so much joy since we first met, I need to work hard and even the score.”

That little comment got an eyebrow raise from me. If Twilight was keeping score…oh hell, what all was she counting it by?

Of course, trying to figure that out led me on a flashback trip through all the other things we had shared, including our little Crystal Empire debacle. That memory stung. I could still see the look of betrayal on her face when Chrysalis did her song and dance number that revealed me as a changeling.

I never did ask Twilight why she decided to keep going with the relationship after that. Fear kept that little can of worms nice and shut. Long as Twilight said she was happy and didn’t bring it up, I didn’t ask. It worked for the whole once a human thing, it worked for the fact that I hung out with Rainbow Dash about just as much as Twi, and it was going to work for that too damn it!

As soon as we entered Rarity’s shop, the unicorn gave out her sing-song 'cooooming' greeting from somewhere in the back, and I found myself looking at the clock to see it was just barely past nine.

“Ah, Twilight, Fae, let me just get your dresses and see if they need any last minute adjustments,” the dressmaking monster told me with her usual air of high-classiness.

I just whined and hung my head in shame.

Okay, after the morning I had, wearing a dress wasn’t that big a deal anymore, I mean…I was a…sort of girl, and…. As long as it made Twilight happy, I was…able tolerate it.

At least until she figured out a working gender spell that wasn’t debilitating to my natural changeling magic. While I was wanting my guy parts back pretty badly, a good part of me wanted to keep the whole shape shifter thing going. Especially after what happened on Pirate Island. Plus, it had only been a few weeks since Twilight's messup had made the 63 changelings and I had no idea if there were any other freakish side effects.

Plus, my powers were cool at parties, and pranking other ponies with Rainbow Dash.

As for the dresses, well...Twilight had picked the damn things out…albeit behind my back, but they were still her choice of dress. Which meant I could bare them. No idea where Rarity got my measurements for them though. The only time she ever really studied me for any point of time had been on the pirate ship a few days ago when she stared at me for about two hours trying to find a proper outfit.

She was still mad I burnt that shirt of hers up back during our pirate adventure a few days ago, but that was what happened when clothes touched changeling transformation magic.

“Princess Celestia will be so happy to see us in the dresses she sent!”

Twilight’s words drew me out of my thoughts, and I looked over at her. “What?”

Twilight just looked back at me. “Did you say something Fae?”

I did my best not to glare at the purple alicorn, I think I managed a half-laden stare in the end. “Are you telling me, Celestia sent us our wardrobe?”

It was Rarity who answered as she brought out the two…things. “I don’t know why you’re so upset Darling, these dresses are fine enough to be worn at a wedding!”

“That’s because they’re wedding dresses,” I grumbled while glaring at the offending clothing.

At least the fact that Twilight wanted me to go clothed made more sense, or at least in how she wanted me to be clothed. I did have to agree with her on the whole Canterlot needs clothing stance. But there was no way in hell Twilight was so out of it she would choose to wear what Rarity was holding in her magic.

I mean, the damn thing was a was a blinding white with accents that ran around the bottom the same dark greenish-blue color as my hair and a diamond crest in the front had me comparing it to Cadence’s one…that Chrysalis turned down for not having a long enough train. Twilight’s was similar, just with a of different coloration that mixed a light blue with a pink that was the same color as her cutie mark.

“Nonsense darling!” Rarity assured me as she banished my argument with a wave of her hoof. “Now hurry and get dressed, you don’t want to be late for your train!”

Ignoring the unicorn for the moment, I looked back over to Twilight. “Twilight, are you absolutely sure you don’t want to rule Equestria?”

The alicorn gave me a raised eyebrow. “What brought that on?”

“It’s just some pony is going to have to run things after I kill Celestia!” I told her while holding up my hooves. If they had been hands, I’m pretty sure they would have been in fists.

“WHAT?”

Twilight just sighed at Rarity’s terrified shriek and dragged me towards the large changing room while taking the dresses in her magic. “Never mind her Rarity. It’s just human humor. I don’t get it either, but I know when she’s joking.”

“I’m not joking! I’m serious this time! The sun tyrant must fall!”

“Yeah-huh,” the alicorn said as she deposited me in the small room and closed the door behind us.

The train ride to Canterlot was boring as hell. The first hour, I managed to survive by asking Twilight about her parents, which she was happy to talk about. Although the list of items she gave me to memorize on what NOT to talk about kind of had me worried…and hiding my giggles.

Yes, I giggled. I was a girl. Girls could giggle.

Honestly, when your girlfriend asks you NOT to ask about things like when she stopped wetting the bed, how much she used to drool, the level of her reading when she was at the pre-school age, and the first real spell she managed to cast. Your mind comes up with some pretty interesting ideas.

As for what I learned about the Sparkles…or Twilights…or…whatever the hell ponies used for family names… It was pretty interesting.

Both of Twilight’s parents were astronomers, which both made sense, and set off shit loads of sirens in my head. It made sense because, hell, Twilight was gaga for astronomy. She probably got it from her mom and dad. The warning sirens were because I avoided that particular subject like the plague due to the fact Equestrian star systems were set up by Luna…I think.

It was one of the five great mysteries of Equestria I just didn’t ask about. Things were simpler when my limited knowledge of physics and the way the world was supposed to work wasn’t constantly getting raped by Equestrian magic.

Twilight Velvet was also involved in writing books. She had apparently taken up writing children’s literature when she had been pregnant with Shining Armor, went back to it when she got knocked up with Twilight, and then just kind of kept a foot in the door by helping some old college friend with her work. It didn't give her anymore author’s credits, but some woman named Ainos Kaju…Y-something sent her a check about once a year for the help.

When I asked Twilight what kind of novels her mother’s benefactor wrote, Twilight admitted she hadn’t read any; or found any with Ainos’s name on the title of any book she had looked at. So I was pretty sure A.K. Y-something was writing clop. It was good to know porn had a place, even in Equestria.

“So, there’s something I’m wondering Twi,” I said after the silence of Twilight’s private princess car let my mind wander into the worst possible thing kind of scenario while I watched the landscape go by. “They know I’m a changeling, right?” If there was anyplace in the world where ponies wouldn't be all loving and tolerent towards my kind, it was Canterlot.

For some reason, the disarming laugh Twilight gave me just upped my worries as she swatted the question away with a wave of her hoof. “Oh don’t worry Fae. My parents will love you. Shinning and Cadence saw them two weeks ago, and the letter Cadence sent me said you came up in conversation.”

There was no way in hell I was going to just leave that there. “And?”

“And what?”

“And what did Cadence say she said about me Twilight?” I asked without trying to put too much annoyance and worry into my voice.

Twilight just shrugged, and I collapsed back against my bench before laying down on it. I’m doomed.

I might not have been giving Cadence enough credit though. To be honest, I loved that pink pony princess as much as any of the Mane Six. Back when I had been feeling like crap, on the verge of just giving it up with Twilight, and well…probably finding a rope to hang myself with, she beat some sense into me and bullied me into giving our relationship a real shot. You don’t do that unless you have faith things will work out. I was still trying to come up with a proper way to thank her since she would probably turn down a trio of changelings that I could order to be her personal sex toys.

Judging from my personal experiences with Twilight, if Shining Armor had to deal with the same stuff as I did, then she would need them. There was no way in hell a mere mortal pony could possibly keep up with the pink Alicorn of Love. Twilight was a sex fiend, but Cadence was the fucking princess of the stuff.

As for Shining Armor, he and I were also on pretty cool terms. I’ll admit, this mostly stemmed from the fact that I made his sister happy and killed the bitch that mind-raped him rather than some bromance we had forged during my recovery in the Crystal Empire, but we got along well enough to be called friendly acquaintances.

“Are you really that nervous?” she asked me with those big lavender eyes that pretty much just made me her complete slave.

Okay, time for an anthropology lesson, I mentally told Twilight. I tended to downplay the whole human history and society because…well, compared to the ponies, we sucked as a species. I’m pretty sure if the ponies knew half of what I did about humanity, and that I used to be one, they’d be reaching for their pitchforks and torches.

“It’s a human thing,” I said. “Remember when I met Shining Armor and Cadence for the first time as Flash?” After a nod from Twilight, I continued. “Human families are very…judgmental, especially when it comes to females. It’s why I was dressed up in the fancy uniform.”

Twilight gave me one of her loving smiles. “Don’t worry Fae, I’m sure my parents are going to love you.”

I just stared at Twilight after she pretty much just hit me with the ultimate jinx.

While that kind of crap didn’t fly on Earth, in Equestria, it fucked the law of averages up its ass on a daily basis.

Pony Minas Tirith, or Canterlot as it was called by the locals, was a breath of high-altitude air.

And by that I mean it left me uncomfortable, and wanting to get back to Ponyville as soon as possible so I could return to its normal atmosphere. Sure, it was the disaster capital of Equestria with wild weather, monster attacks, Discord incursions, a pink pony that told physics to go screw itself on a daily basis, and a mad scientist that had turned off the gravity while performing an experiment to see if she could find a easier way to do the laundry…but I was used to it.

Although, it was probably better to say that ponies were used to me.

Thanks to day after day of walking through the streets and being a friendly little pony, most of the ponies in town had stopped asking about my lack of a cutie mark without me having to use a psychic camouflage field to make them just ignore that glaring oddity. They took my alicornness as a given, and the guys even did their best to stay about fifteen feet away from me to try avoid any incidents involving my pheromones causing an accidental unsheathing of manliness. Of course, I in turn ignored any raging hard-ons that actually came up and sent a changeling into shops for me as well as flew over the stallions who couldn’t get out of my way.

Canterlot was not so accommodating, and by that I’m being nice. I meant to say it was street after street of asses (no offense to donkeys intended of course) that usually stopped talking amongst themselves to watch me with their eyes as me and Twilight went by.

The ‘no cutie mark?’ ‘is that mare a blank flank?’ and ‘Mmmm there’s something about that mare’ kind of made it obvious they weren’t talking about Twilight when the new alicorn comments started coming. It also made me wish I had worn the damn dress since it would have covered up my butt and other bits since Twilight was with me and I couldn’t counter with my usual anti-blank flank remark of ‘It’s there, you just can’t see it since my talent is making other ponies disappear’.

Stupid Celestia and her stupid dress being kind of a good idea except for the fact that it was a fucking wedding dress on top of just being a dress!

I didn’t even have a pair of saddlebags like Twilight to carry my stuff because…well… Look, I’m an evil overlord! (sort of) I had evil bug slaves to do that for me, telekinesis, and it wasn’t like I had a lot to carry around to begin with. So, Twilight was carrying my stuff in her bags of holding with their infinite storage space, or she shrunk them down to fit, or…maybe she was just carrying two dresses. I really had no idea. Watching girls pack is not my idea of entertainment.

A half an hour of walking through the streets, since it was considered rude to fly in unicorn town, finally got us to the little house that Twilight’s parents called home.

It looked kind of small, just your average two story house with its two windows and upstairs and basic block design under a shingled roof, although it was more modern than ninety-percent of the stuff in Ponyville. I figured that space was at a premium when you build your city according to some madman’s design that said it had to be hanging off a cliff.

Of course whenever I asked a pony what insanity made Celestia build her post-Nightmare Moon capital on the side of a freaking mountain, they just looked at me like I was the crazy one!

I also had to wonder why the level of technology seemed to differ from city to city, but didn’t want Twilight to look at me like I was stupid since it was probably one of those ’why don’t ponies eat grass?’ questions. My logic had been trying to figure it out since I went to Vanhoover and saw a city that looked semi-modern VS stuff like Appleloosa, which left indoor plumbing to be desired. Canterlot fell somewhere in the middle.

Twilight’s horn glowed, and a few seconds later, the door opened to let us into the house Twilight grew up in, or the one her parents lived in now at least. The placed seemed a little small to me for a family of four. “Mom, Dad! I’m here.”

“Twilight? Oh Twilight it is you!” a slightly smaller unicorn said as she came trotting out of the back room. Judging by the clopping I could hear before she got to the carpeted surface, it was probably the kitchen.

Twilight Velvet was pretty much what I expected. Like a true brony with nothing to do on a Sunday morning, I had seen a few of the older MLP things to kind of…maybe…refresh my memory of stuff I had sort of seen while I was just a little kid because I used to wake up at about 5:30 and there was nothing else on television, never mind the non-existent internet. Back then, television was the gift of God, while books were nothing more than the unholy offspring of Satan. So I had already seen a scrappily animated version of Twilight Velvet when she was named…something I really didn’t remember.

The actual pony looked a lot better. She wasn’t a fat horse for one thing, and had the same basic body shape that all fit ponies had; not that all ponies had the same figure, I had seen plenty of larger ones in my time. She also had the same lacquered-like hooves that Twilight possessed that mixed with her groomed coat so well it probably would have taken me a rude amount of looking to see where one started and the other stopped.

As they hugged, kissed each other on the cheek, and did all that mother/daughter stuff, I took a moment to look around the house. It looked about as normal as could be. Pictures hung by the door showed what Shining and Twi looked like as kids, as well as a larger one that showed off Armor and Cadence’s wedding next to Velvet and Night Light’s wedding photograph.

Apart from the pictures in the entryway and a few more hanging at strategic places around the room like the ones above the fireplace, there were books. Lots of books. I knew reading was basically pony television since their movie theaters didn’t really draw the crowds like it did for humans, but…most families only had one bookshelf per family member, usually topping out at four. The Sparkles family (or whatever the hell they were) had five in their living room.

You know, with Shining Armor, I could have at least hoped the dad was cool, but no, I told myself before I heard Twilight call my name.

“Fae, come meet my mom!”

So I walked into the breach and put on my best smile while tying my best to ignore the uneasy scent coming off of the unicorn in front of me. “It’s a pleasure Misses Velvet,” I told her while bowing my head to show as much respect as I could without the full prostration all ponies did around Celestia.

Of course that was a total lie, and was about as fake as my body. On the inside, I had approached Yellow Alert based on Velvet’s Smell. I was all: Oh crap, she doesn’t like me! Is it the changeling thing? Does she even know I’m a changeling? Is it the mare-on-mare thing Twilight says Canterlot ponies don’t like? I still didn't really understand that one. I think the race was like 100% bi, with the odd mare or stallion out, but Canterlot ponies were all 'hetero relationships are better than homo' or something.

There was also the possibility that she didn’t know I was a changeling and STILL had a problem with me… Oh fuck, that’s even worse!

“Oh please dear, Velvet is fine,” she said before smiling at me.

I smiled back.

Then the awkward silence came. You know the kind. It’s like you know you need to say something, but you can’t because anything out of your mouth will instantly damn you in the eyes of a girl’s parents.

I was going to ask about Twilight’s dad, but then I had another thought. Wait, how much has Twilight told them about the show? Do they know I know stuff like their names and junk? Hell, I didn’t even know if Twilight knew that much!

“So, um…where is your husband Ma’am?” I asked.

My awesome question slew the silence and showed how I was perfectly respectful. It was fucking perfect and managed to get a comfortable smile from older Twilight while getting younger Twilight’s attention off me as well.

“Night is with Shining, they’re going to be meeting us at the restaurant,” Twilight’s mom replied.

I thanked God again because…well, Shining Armor would have my back. At last I hoped he would. If he didn’t, I’d call in the ‘I saved your sister’s ass’ favor he owed me for the Daring Do fiasco…even though it was kind of my job at the time and Twilight saved my ass back when Mom and I duked it out for leadership of the hive. But I would call it in if need-be damn it, all’s fair in the life of a changeling overlord!

“Great!” Twilight exclaimed before looking over to me. “Let’s go get dressed Fae.”

My eye twitched.

Yeah…really should have seen that one coming.