You know, I could probably make this whole comment about cougars, and how experienced women with impossibly hot bodies were demons in the sack. But, that would kind of cheapen the whole thing I had just finished experiencing.

Because Celestia wasn’t a demon, she was a goddess.

You don’t have sex with a goddess.

You do something people don’t have a word for yet, and when you come back from the place that she sent you to, you just lay on her stomach in awe at the realization that everything you had called joy up until that point in your life was just a dull imitation of what you should have truly been experiencing.

At least that’s what you do after the goddess magically makes the bed big enough for herself plus a small crowd.

And gets reminded to take off her regalia. I swear, Tia would sleep in that stuff if someone let her.

But, long story short, Tia was awesome in bed. She did things I didn’t even know were possible, and left all three of us in heaven for the longest time. Even with the emotional high that came from sucking on pony love, I think she was better at getting Twilight and Dash to where they wanted to be than me.

To top it all off, she cleaned us all up quite nicely with her magic while we were laying around, too pulled into our pleasure to move.

“Well, it looks like everypony’s come back to us now,” the gentle voice of my goddess whispered in my ears before I looked up at her face, with Twilight and Rainbow both snuggled into her neck, their heads resting against Celestia while her wings wrapped both of them up in a blanket of snow white feathers.

“Tia?”

“Yes?” she replied to my question.

“That was…” I couldn’t even get a word out, and just settled for a blissful sigh.

“Awesome,” Rainbow Dash supplied while Twilight just gave an agreeable moan as she buried herself deeper into Celestia’s mane while it waved around and entwined itself around her body.

She smiled back at me. “Well, it’s a good thing to know I’m not out of practice,” the goddess replied before she shuffled her wings around and made both Twilight and Rainbow lift their heads. “But now that you’re all back with me, there’s something I believe we need to discuss.”

Twilight moaned in pleasure. “Oh pillow talk!” she exclaimed before the brief bit of energy ended and her face returned to the serenity that only someone who had just gotten laid could show. “I love you Celestia.”

The goddess kissed her lesser co-ruler on the top of her head. “I adore you as well Twilight,” she said before her face got a little too serious for my post-goddess coitus liking. “But there is something we really need to discuss. If the three of you truly wish to do this, then we need to figure some things out going in, and lay down some rules. Not to mention figure out what we’re going to tell the others.”

“First rule is, sex every night,” Rainbow motioned before she kissed Tia on the neck.

“Seconded!” Twilight agreed as she raised a lazy hoof.

After I gave the vote a three-fourths majority, Celestia let out another laugh. “Well, not exactly what I was going to suggest, but…” she took in a deep breath and schooled her features. “I know my duties will take me away from the three of you. Sometimes I will just be in Canterlot, and sometimes I will have to go further away, but…I will always do whatever I can to come back to the three of you at sundown, and we will finish the day together.”

I didn’t need to be prodded to go along with that. “Sounds good to me.”

“Me too,” Rainbow agreed.

“Motion carried. Snuggle time,” Twilight said before she nuzzled into Celestia with enough gusto to make me think she was trying to rip a hole in the alicorn’s throat with her nose.

Celestia let out another laugh that shook me from underneath. “Very well, perhaps this isn’t the best time to discuss such matters,” the goddess agreed before she kissed the top of Twilight’s horn, and then the top of Rainbow’s head, and then leaned forward to kiss me…

…but not before the door to the fucking bedroom slammed open again, and I had to restrain my urge to murder the creature that dared to intrude upon my post sex glow with my girls.

Mostly because I doubt Twilight would have liked it, and I was pretty sure I would have felt a little guilty afterwards considering just who had walked right into the lion’s den.

“Hiya girls!” a much too cheery pink party pony said as she raised her hoof high in greeting. “Can I borrow Fae-Fae for a few? I need to go over her pre and post coronation parties! There’s some details I need to work out and everypony knows you can’t do that without input from the pony the party’s planned for.”

While Rainbow just put her head back down onto the bed, and Celestia was too perfect to get all worked up, and I might have been a little ‘wtf’ at Pinkie’s sudden appearance to say anything, Twilight had no such reservations.

“PINKIE! You…wha…WHAT THE HAY ARE YOU DOING HERE?” she shrieked. Although, she looked a little more scandalily surprised than angry.

Pinkie cocked her head to the side for a second. “Getting Fae-Fae,” she said before righting her neck and giving Twilight an innocent look of confusion. “And what’re you so upset about Twilight? I waited outside until you were all done.”

I cringed at the implications of that statement, and then looked back to the biggest goddess in the room. “Tia…I thought you uh, put up a privacy spell or…something.”

“I did,” she assured me with the confusion in her Scent obvious in her voice. “Nopony could have possibly heard Twilight past those doors. Unless she peeked.”

Pinkie actually seemed to get a little angry at that suggestion. “Hey! I would never do something like that!” she exclaimed with a stomp of her hoof. “When I figured out what itchy throat, warm lips, and a twitchy special someplace meant, I learned to stay out of Mr and Mrs Cakes bedroom during their super special fun time!”

“You…” My mouth worked hard to close and open again as I wrapped my head around what I thought I had just heard. “You did not seriously just say you have a Pinkie Sensation for when ponies are doing it.” Then of course there was the question as to the range of the thing, and if she got a message every time a pony Pinkie knew was getting some.

But before I could begin my investigation, Rainbow groaned and raised her head. “Oh for crying out loud, you know how Pinkie is with parties Fae, just go with her already!”

Apparently Celestia agreed with Rainbow’s reasoning on the most expeditious way to remove the pink pony, and I quickly found myself cleared by a wave of Celestia’s horn before I was thrown out on my ass. I landed a second before the doors slammed shut while Rainbow probably went to sleep in the embrace of Celestia’s wing as Twilight planned out our whirlwind romance that would soon be followed by some overly extravagant wedding.

Although after I recovered from the whole thing, got back on my pony-feet, and looked over to Pinkie, something crossed my mind. “You…didn’t look all that surprised to see Celestia in there,” I noticed as she watched me get up.

“Why would I?” she asked, which…I didn’t really have a response to.

Yeah, she should have been surprised, or freaked out or…something! But then again, it was Pinkie I was dealing with. The list of things that got her excited compared to someone in the right mind was...strange.

Plus, out of all the girls, Pinkie treated Celestia pretty much like just another pony. I was pretty sure when the time called for it, she would follow the commands of the goddess as quickly as any other Equestrian, but aside from that, Pinkie was exactly what Celestia wanted in a friend. Someone who didn’t treat the goddess like she raised the sun.

And as I walked down the hall with the pony, I started to get a little worried about something else. While I wasn’t exactly a supporter of the doomed relationship that would involve Pinkie and Rainbow, the two of them were extremely close friends. “Umm Pinkie, about Rainbow,” I began uneasily.

My not-question made the pink pony’s head turn. “What about Dashie?”

Several weeks too late, I did something that I really should have before this whole mess started with me making a move on the pegasus. “Are you sad that her and Twilight and me, are…together?” I asked.

Rainbow and Pinkie were more than a bit on the inseparable side when they wanted to go have fun together, something I had joined from time to time since the ability to use magic and change one’s shape was a nice thing to have when fooling ponies. While, I hadn’t Smelled any major love Scents when they were looking at each other, friendship was little more than sexless adoration. Love without the X-Rated material.

And going from not knocking horseshoes to Rainbow tasting Pinkie’s pie wasn’t an impossibility. If I had somehow gotten in the way of that, or broken the pink little pony’s heart…I didn’t know what I’d do.

But instead of a deflated hair Pinkie, all I got back was confusion, both in her Scent and on her face. “You’re all making Dashie happy. Why would that make me sad?” she asked before smiling a little. “And you forgot Celestia! I know she’s the new special somepony in the group Fae-Fae, but you really shouldn’t leave her out like that!”

The dating advice combined with the fact Pinkie had just seen her god-empress shortly after the throws of passionate sex without thinking anything of it shut me up for the rest of the trip to the kitchens. Pinkie just wasn’t a pony you talked to without plenty of aspirin on hand.

And then, I had to sit through the explanation of the problem which was…well…it was a Pinkie Pie party problem. Which meant it didn’t really rate very high on my panic list of things I needed to be worried about.

But I listened to it all the same. It was important to Pinkie after all.

“Usually I make sure there’s a good two-to-one ratio of the special guest’s favorite snacks compared to what everypony else wants, which usually has some kind of treat that everypony likes, but you eat pony love! And I don’t think very many ponies will like it if I try to bake love juice into cupcakes,” Pinkie said as she finished explaining her problem with a tiny frown.

I blinked several time to keep my annoyance at being called out of bed with Celestia for something so stupid from showing on my face. “Pinkie, I’m sure whatever you pick out will be fine,” I assured her in as even a tone I could manage. “It’s not that big a deal anyway.”

Apparently, I couldn’t have chosen a worse collection of words to say to Pinkie. “Not a big deal?” she asked before shouting, “NOT A BIG DEAL?” complete with her front hooves raised and flailing.

To which I had to cringe at, which gave Pinkie all the opening she needed to go on. “It’s a big deal, a super big deal! A super-mondo-big deal!” the pink party pony said before she poked me with her hoof. “This is my first big just for you party I’ve thrown! Everything needs to be perfect!”

Despite Pinkie’s frantic insistence, I managed to keep my cool. “Pinkie. One, most of the ponies coming over are just a bunch of stupid nobles from Canterlot. And two, I’ve been to plenty of your parties.”

The pink party pony made an annoyed face. “Not the pre-coronation party, that’s just going to be snooty and blech!” Pinkie replied as she stuck out her tongue as if rejecting the taste of the very idea. “I’m talking about he post-coronation party, that’s just going to be you, the girls, the princesses, the human, and…do you want Trixie too? I like her now that she’s not wearing that necklace, but its your super special party, the first party I’ve thrown just for you by the way!”

I…kind of saw why it was such a big deal to her after hearing that. Parties were her thing. In a lot of way, they were how she showed how much she loved her friends. If she wanted me to plan something like that, I supposed that I had better give some input. “Oh…sure,” I relented before actually putting some thought into the question she proposed. “Well, I guess that if I can’t really eat anything, then just make a favorite dish for every pony.”

“I can do that,” Pinkie reasoned for a moment before she stood up on two legs and smacked one hoof into the ‘palm’ of her other one, which kind of weirded me out for a second. “That means I gotta go find out what Trixie likes! Thanks for the help Fae-Fae!”

And with that, she was gone.

And I do mean gone. As soon as Pinkie had left my field of vision, the sound of her clopping feet disappeared and I turned to find the kitchen empty except for the staff. Considering the fact that was the norm for the pink pony, it was no wonder I thought I was crazy when I first arrived in the real-life version of a cartoon horse program.

With the pinky pony party crisis dealt with, I headed back to my room for some much needed together time with the rest of the girls.

Or I tried to anyway, but Equestria threw a roadblock in my way.

Oh sure it might have looked like a beautiful unicorn with a marshmallow-colored coat and diamonds on her butt, but I knew a roadblock when I saw one. And judging by the scowl she was giving me as I met her coming around the hallway, on top of the Scent of frustrated anger she was giving off, I knew I wasn’t going to like whatever was about to happen.

“Rarity,” I said to the angry roadblock in a bit of a cowering way. Mainly because of the fear I had from her glaring at me.

Okay sure, after just feeding off Tia, and not having to deal with anything major in the past twenty-four hours, I could pretty much squash her like a bug when it came to raw magical power. But the options of using violence against friends, or just scaring them away were completely verboten, and I really didn’t want to open the big can of worms that mind control would lead to. Just realizing that option assaulted my mind with mental imagery that involved me sitting on a throne while all the girls around me wore sex-slave collars. So, with no magic or mind control options, I was left powerless against Rarity’s wrath.

“Um…something wrong?” I asked as she backed me up in her elaborately skillful way.

“Wrong?” she demanded in a huff before quickening her pace. “You-you-you, have the gall to ask me what’s wrong?”

My peripheral vision went to zero for a few seconds, and I found she had managed to maneuver me into the little room Cadence had set aside for her outfit crafting. Then, as I started to dread what fate might befall me within Rarity’s back room…she began to strangle me with a measuring tape.

Okay, maybe it was more like she very roughly got the measurements for my neck. But judging by the scowl on her face and Reek of anger she had, I was pretty sure she wanted to do it.

“Yes?” I replied with a gurgle of a noise, not really sure if I was answering a question, or asking one.

Rarity shot me another look, and my ears lowered along with my crouching body before she walked up to tower over me and began speaking. Somehow, the fact that she added glasses to her face while doing so made her look more…strangulator-istic. “I had lunch with Twilight today, do you know what she said?”

As I had been around females of multiple species long enough to notice a loaded question, I just gulped.

“Apparently, I’ve been torturing you with all the dresses you’ve been putting on for me,” she snapped. “I’ve been making you suffer and dread having to go to dinner parties. And, let’s not forget how I’ve been making you break down in tears because I’ve helped undermine your very sense of self!”

I stayed on the ground. “Uh, well…that’s just…I was kind of, um…”

The mare sighed and shook her head. “Why didn’t I see it before?” she grumbled. “Fitting as a stand-in stallion, you’re fine! But when it’s time to do your measurements as a mare? It’s all back room and blushes and hurry, hurry, hurry to get it done!”

“Whatever happened to clothes don’t make the mare and appearances are only skin deep?” I asked with a voice that was way too whiney for the taste of my ears.

Rarity let out a snort. “I thought you were just being like Rainbow Dash!” she shouted at me before turning to walk away. “The last time I was allowed to make her a dress was for the royal wedding! Now it’s all vests and-and things fit for a stallion! And I thought you were being like her, running away from your beauty. The two of you do seem a lot alike, after all.”

Despite my fearful mindset, I still had enough working gray matter to put two and two together thanks to the royal wedding comment. As Rarity finished nailing yet another nail on the coffin that held my opinion of Soarin, I took the anger that I held towards the pussy-chasing pegasus, and focused it on Rarity. “Now hold on just a bucking second!”

I got to my feet, and before she could argue, I wrapped the unicorn in my magic. The glow around Rarity’s horn winked out and I let the tape measure around my neck go limp before I gave my best friend by default a rough shake that made her glasses fall off and tumble onto the ground.

Back on my proverbial feet, I watched Rarity struggle and try to talk, but I held onto her firmly and kept her muzzle shut to keep from being interrupted. “You were just trying to help me! I was the one who kept my mouth shut about everything! You just saw another mare who was beating herself up for stupid reasons, or was afraid, or...or something! And did your best to help me overcome all of it by making the most beautiful dress to wear that you could.

“And it is a beautiful Rarity,” I went on before releasing her and looking at the article of clothing for a few seconds before I looked back at Rarity with a softer expression on my face to put her at ease. “One I would be proud to wear tomorrow, and let every pony see me in.”

Rarity let out another little grunt, and I saw hesitation written all over her. “But Twilight said wearing all these dresses like a mare is making you-”

I cut her off with a hoof to her lips. “That’s not a dress,” I said before lowering my leg from her mouth and looking over to the piece of clothing on the pony-shaped mannequin. “That’s a gift from my best friend, one that she put all her love and care into. And I love it. Almost as much as the mare that made it for me.”

After another second, Rarity blushed and lowered her head a bit. “Thank you Darling,” she whispered before looking back at me with a smile. “Although, I suppose this will be the end of our fitting sessions. Such a shame, it really did help with my business.”

I rolled my eyes. Although, I really did symphonize with the unicorn on that point. Important ponies with not enough time to stand around all day had been coming to Rarity’s little shop from pretty far off because they got top quality work without having to wait around for the fittings and the much more time consuming adjustments.

“I guess I can still stomach that.” Or at least get a changeling to do the female clothing stand-ins.

It wasn’t like I was going to start going to the spa or anything. Wearing a dress in the privacy of a room with only one other pony around was one thing, having two ponies I barely knew mess with me while Fluttershy and Rarity were there was another. Plus, I had heard Sunset came to Rarity’s last spa day and I did not want to be in the same room with a seventeen-year-old-physically-but-somewhere-in-her-twenties-actually human girl while she only had a thin silk robe on that probably didn’t reach her ass since it was made for a pony, or nothing at all.

“Stomach?” she repeated with a frown at my obviously bad choice of words.

I sighed and slumped a little. “Rarity I love spending time with you,” I told her. She was a huge gossip after all, and just because I could turn into a candy-colored equine didn’t mean I was going to stop talking about ponies. “And to be honest…it more the expectations other ponies had of me and wearing that stuff in public that really made me uncomfortable. And I really am sorry that I made you think you hurt me, this was all my fault for not telling you how I felt from the get go.”

The explanation seemed to work, as I could Smell Rarity’s anger decrease significantly before she sighed and shook her head. “It’s alright. I know I have a bad habit of pressuring ponies into things they don’t want to. I just see something that I think will be good for them, and charge ahead like an uncouth minotaur.”

With the double apology out of the way, I looked back over the dress for a second, and then to Rarity. Unsure of what to do next, I reached over and rubbed one of my front legs with the fetlock of the other. “So uh, what now? We hug and…something?”

“Oh Darling please,” Rarity replied with a roll of her eyes. “Hugging is for mares. Stallions bump hooves.”

After what happened with Pinkie Pie and Rarity, not to mention Celestia ambushing me with an intervention and making me talk about before Sunset Shimmer just showed up a few minutes later to talk…which really had me wondering if Tia had planned everything up to that point so I would let my guard down…

Which was a little disturbing when I thought about it…

So, I stopped thinking about it and concentrated on what might be an even bigger problem: the fact that Equestria looked like it was going to make me talk to all the girls I might have upset with my actions for the past while.

It was something I really didn’t want to do. Mostly because there were three very hot pony girls waiting for me back in my magically re-sized bed and I was missing out on what I guessed was all the fun.

In order to avoid that, I did what any sane man in the same position would do when faced with the proposition of facing several angry friends who happened to be female.

I jumped out the nearest window.

Of course the pair of wings I had on let me avoid falling to my death, and I managed to fly around to where my quarters were located before coming in for a landing on the balcony that the bedroom had. From there, I looked inside and saw while I had been gone, the girls had apparently decided to live out one of Twilight’s fantasies.

Both the little alicorn and the pegasus were snuggled up next to the biggest pony in Equestria. Half of Rainbow was tucked underneath Celestia’s wing like it was a blanket while the pegasus was using Tia as a back rest as the goddess laid on her stomach. Twilight was also letting Tia’s wings double as her comforter, but her position mirrored Celestia’s with how she was just resting on her belly.

Oh, and they were all reading something. Dash had a book I could tell even from the balcony was Daring Do, Tia was looking over some paperwork, and Twilight had one of the books I thought I recognized from the Crystal Library. All three of them were cuddled up next to each other and reading. It was something I knew from personal experience Twilight considered to be the perfect date. Mainly because I accidentally took her on one while I was dressed as an unspeakable horror before we officially started dating.

After opening the door with my magic, I went inside to look around, and using a great deal of self restraint, managed not to make a comment after coming inside the room. “Hey girls, did I miss anything?”

“Nope,” Rainbow replied without looking up from her hack written novel she had probably gone over about twenty times.

Twilight didn’t even bother to respond, but Celestia moved the floating papers that were wrapped in her golden aura away from her face and addressed me directly. “Luna came by a few minutes ago with a report from Canterlot. There’s a few oddities, but everything seems to be settling down and getting back on track for the most part. Blueblood has even resumed rooting around through the archives.”

The mere mention of the royal pain killed any hope I had of cultivating some inner fires of my own. Sure, we had just gotten through with everything, but…I had three hot girls in my bed. Dress-wearing pretty pony princess or not, I had enough guy in me to obey the ancient man code and ye olden quest for more than one woman at once.

Plus, I hadn’t actually fed off of any of the girls since I had talked to Tia the first time. While I wasn’t really hungry, I knew better than to let my gas tank fall to near empty again.

“But I suppose that isn’t important at the moment,” Celestia said before a golden glow surrounded both Twilight’s and Rainbow’s reading material. “We need to finish the discussion that Pinkie Pie interrupted.”

Rainbow let out a little whine as her book was torn from her grasp. “Aww come on, I was just about to get to the part where Daring Do figures out that the solution to the Puzzle of Pazazma is the same as the nursery rhyme she was taught as a foal by her father.”

Celestia’s expression became quizzical, and she looked over to our little pegasus. “You’ve read that book once before, then?”

“Try more like twelve times before,” Twilight deadpanned. “I’ve tried to introduce to other books, even other adventure books, but that is all she reads.”

“Oh please Twilight, all those other books you showed me were totally boring,” Rainbow replied with a roll of her eyes.

Before the argument could erupt, as I could tell by Twilight’s Scent that having any of her books being called boring was something she considered fighting words, Celestia cleared her throat. “Alright everypony, let’s get back on task here.”

“Agreed,” I said before putting my hooves up on the bed and leaning up to kiss the princess. “And how about you take your crown off this time?”

The action from the alicorn across from me was less than one-hundred-percent, and after we broke the lip lock, Tia rolled her eyes and sighed. “There will be time to indulge in our desires later tonight Omnifarious. For now, I think it best to continue our discussion.”

I groaned and rolled my eyes. “Fine. So let’s hurry up and get this over with. What was it you were talking about earlier?”

After Tia was sure she got all of our attentions and none of us had anything else to interrupt her with, she let out a long sigh. “I just wanted everypony to know what they were getting into before we…get in too deep and end up with a misconception.”

Twilight’s Scent went from content to slightly nervous.

“You mean like having sex? Cause we just did that,” Rainbow told her with a deadpan expression while I had to stop myself from chuckling nervously.

Most ponies took their physical intimacy very seriously, and even the tiny few that didn’t considered their sleeping partners special in their hearts. Even Cloud Kicker only slept with good friends. While changelings offered the same service to help scratch an itch, ponies went to my little brothel more to fulfill some personal fantasy and the company changelings gave rather than just cheap thrills. But with Twilight, and apparently Rainbow, if a pony lifted her tail for another, it meant she was super serious about the relationship. As in the ‘I’m in love and want to marry you’ kind of serious.

Celestia cleared her throat and looked over to the pegasus. “I have no intentions of backing away from the three of you,” Celestia replied before glancing my way for a few seconds. “I just…don’t want something to crop up in a few short years that may come between us when it can be addressed now.”

While Twilight and Rainbow just turned curious at the announcement, I got a little apprehensive over the idea that Celestia just wanted to bring some big issue up now. Especially with her being the new member of our…whatever we were.

Not to mention how she apparently wanted to bring it up on top of all the other crap that I had been forced to go through today. After my little heart to heart with the girls, Tia, Sunset, avoiding some Pinkie party disaster, and my talk with Rarity, all I really wanted to do was surround myself with my ponies and experience the closest thing a changeling could for sleep.

But instead, all I got was a fat alicorn wanting to introduce more headaches and drama. So, even when I was sleeping with three girls, life sucked.

“What the hay is gonna come between us?” Rainbow asked cautiously.

After a few more seconds of silence, the big princess looked over to Rainbow while the rest of us remained silent. “After we finished our talk in the snow and you convinced me to go with you to approach Omnifarious and Twilight, I began to wonder something Rainbow Dash,” she said. “Do you want foals one day?”

The question actually knocked me for a bit of a loop, and I found myself sitting down as my stupid brain pointed out a few facts to me.

Thanks to whatever magic made ponies into alicorns, Twilight and Celestia couldn’t have babies. I’m sure all of the other royals would go on about the greater good and how some sacrifices needed to be made for Equestria, but it still affected them. Cadence and her doing everything she could to tie the knot between herself, Rarity and Shining Armor was proof of that.

But Rainbow wasn’t an alicorn, she could have kids. As long as she wasn’t with us, that is. Even if I did get back to being a guy, changelings couldn’t produce offspring with ponies. The magic that let us change out shape didn’t function away from where we were. In other words, no matter how pegasus or alicorn I appeared, I would never leave behind a feather...or the special stuff for making pony babies.

That left another option to make almost everyone happy, but…I held no illusions about my tolerance for letting another guy in the group. I had just about lost it with the possibility of Twilight and Tia getting together.

Male pony X and anyone in our little club?

That idea wasn’t even on the table.

And that was before I shuddered in revulsion of the idea of male pony X standing over me before he shoved his cock up my pussy.

“Honestly?” Rainbow asked before she got a little fidgety and looked away from the others. “Not really.”

The pegasus’s response quickly banished any thoughts I had of swallowing all my protests about having a guy in the herd if it meant keeping Rainbow, and got Twilight’s attention too. Since I was too busy sighing in relief, she was the one who spoke. “What? Why not?”

Rainbow stood up to look over Celestia and to Twilight. “You mean aside from the fact I’m the mare with the stallion-wings and no plot?” she asked while extending her feathered appendages. “Come on Twilight, can you honestly see me as a mom?”

“Welll…” my little alicorn drawled. “You seem to do great with Scootaloo, and you’re usually the one we get to watch all three of the girls.”

Twilight’s attempts at a confidence booster didn’t seem to sit well with Rainbow, and I found myself starting to get a little frustrated as well. Considering where this conversation was probably going, I couldn’t help but blurt out the obvious. “Are you trying to talk Rainbow into breaking up with us?” I said loudly in Twilight’s direction, which might have been seen as yelling after I realized just how loudly I was talking.

As for Twilight, she put her neck up a little straighter and looked over at me. “W-What?”

“News flash Twilight, if Rainbow stays with us, she can’t have foals!” I exclaimed.

Then, that little fact really hit me.

And I mean really hit me. It was one thing to just think about, but saying it out loud actually made me have to fight to keep my balance.

I knew without a shadow of a doubt I would never be okay with another guy running with the herd. I was selfish like that, and I held absolutely no qualms about it. But…denying Rainbow her chance for children. Dash wasn’t so old she wouldn’t change her mind on a decision like that.

Fucking Celestia and her immortal sense of time bullshit, I thought to myself. Of course Tia would have noticed something like that right off the bat while I was still mentally doing my happy dance that Rainbow had bothered to hook up with me and Twilight.

Although noticing and doing something about it was another thing altogether!

Sure ponies tended to make up their minds and stick to their decisions, but…this wasn’t something as simple as most things! What Celestia had just dropped on Rainbow was big life decision stuff. Like, cutie mark skill that will determine a pony’s path in life big.

While the little alicorn said some single syllable thing that sounded like an ‘oh’, Tia was a bit more articulate when it came to her horse words. “That is why I wanted to bring this up now,” she explained to Twilight before turning to Dash. “I have resigned myself to never finding a pony that I can have foals with, and ponies who undergo ascension are rendered unable to enter a breeding cycle. But you can still bear children Rainbow. I need to make absolutely certain you were all reminded of this going in because…if you do wish me to be a part of your lives, I’m afraid that one of my stipulations is that no other stallion be brought in to the group.”

“Other stallion?” Rainbow mumbled. “Where’s the first…oh, right.”

I glared at the pegasus for a few seconds, and then looked over to Celestia while trying to figure out what she was doing.

Her seeing the breeding dilemma I could understand, but the way she was wording everything, it was like she was trying to soak up all the ‘one male only’ hate that might be coming for the other girls.

“Well it’s not like I ever thought I’d be having foals one day, even with all this herding stuff,” Rainbow replied with a shrug. “What with the Wonderbolts and all. And that was before uh…never mind. Look, point is, me and foals…not gonna happen.”

Celestia beat me to the punch of consoling Rainbow by wrapping a wing around her and holding the pegasus close.

And so I may have panicked…just a bit.

I mean, sure Rainbow said she didn’t want kids, but the girl wasn’t even out of her twenties yet! The possibility of her changing her mind later in life or was practically…

I put on the breaks when it came to that train of thought, took in a deep breath, and let it out in a long sigh. If Rainbow did change her mind later on down the road, we’d just deal with it then. And even if Equestria didn’t have the equivalent of a sperm donor program, I’m sure something could be arranged.

There was no need to panic or get upset over something like this.

I was perfectly centered, and calm, and all that other stuff.

And then Rainbow kind of killed that whole thing when she shrugged and said, “Besides, I’ve already got Spike. One kid is enough for me.”

Every pony in the room with wings and a horn looked over to the pegasus, although it was Celestia that asked the question. “Um…what?”

Twilight groaned. “Rainbow, I was making a joke. You are not Spike’s father!”

“Hey Twilight, just because you’ve abandoned your parental duties to our son doesn’t mean I’m going to! Somepony has to raise that dragon right,” Rainbow said with a smile that made me wonder if she was just messing with the purple princess, or actually believed her own words.

“Would somepony please tell me what this is about?” the giant goddess asked as she looked back and forth between the two mares.

And so, it was with great reluctance that Twilight explained to Celestia about the events of the previous night and how a heated comment had led to Rainbow claiming parental rights over the dragon.

When she was done, Tia nodded her head in understanding. “Well that is an interesting take on the circumstances of Spike’s birth…and I can’t exactly discount Rainbow’s claim to the title of parent either.”

Twilight groaned. “Celestia! That would make me Spike’s mom! Do you have any idea how weird that would be?”

“As strange as this thing between all of us working out and you becoming the mother-in-law to a pony more than two years your senior?” Tia replied with a little smile. “Or have you already forgotten the position Sunset has taken in my life?”

In response, Twilight groaned and let her head fall back onto the bed. “Please don’t remind me about that. Sunset may be fine with us dating, and she’s one of my best friends, but there is no way in Tartarus that I’m going to let her call me Mama.”

The mental image that came to mind of that got a laugh out of me, and apparently everyone else messing with Twilight as the little alicorn covered her face with her wings. But the whole thing was short-lived, a few seconds later the goddess made her apologies and continued on. “So, anything else anypony wants to add?” Celestia asked as she looked around at the three of us.

Twilight shook her head and leaned back into the larger goddess. “No. I already have more than I ever wanted…or even dreamed,” she added after looking to me and Rainbow.

“I’m cool with everything,” Rainbow replied before she also pressed up against the goddess.

So with the mood set, I stepped forward and prepared to leap into the pony-arms of my girlfriends for a nice and wholesome orgy…

…and was extremely disappointed when I did jump forward, only to smack face first into an overly thick book.

When I backed up to get a look at the thing, I frowned at the Diary of Friendship, and then looked around it to glare at Celestia. “You brought this thing too? Seriously?”

And of course Celestia gave me one of her ‘I’m two-hundred moves ahead of you’ smiles before she let out a musical giggle. “Oh, I had a feeling that somepony would be needing to tell others about the long awaited lesson she learned.”

I groaned, and then took the Book of Cock-Blocking in my magic before I headed to the apartment’s foyer for a little peace and quiet.

Okay so…I’m supposed to write some big personal life lesson down here for future generations to read from…

Don’t eat tacos just because it’s Tuesday.

Alicorns are sex fiends.

Well if I’m going to have to take this seriously…

I guess the biggest life lesson that managed to get hammered into me today after I talked to pretty much every important woman in my life thus far and then some is…

Most people think that putting yourself in a bad position for the sake of another is a noble thing, and while there is something to be said for the people that do such things for the sake of their family and friends…being put through the ringer on a daily basis with no end in sight is not a very good way to go through life. Especially when you’re putting yourself in a bad position just to make some of your friends or family happy but not really feeling the payoff yourself.

Hell, if its your friend making the request, she might actually be a little pissed off that you didn’t tell her in the first place before she tries to strangle you with a measuring tape.

There’s also something to be said about bottling up your emotions because you think the people around you shouldn’t have to deal with it. Just because you don’t share your thoughts and feelings with others doesn’t mean they won’t be affected by them. If anything, trying to just carry everything on your own will cause them even more pain when the dam finally bursts, and trust me, it will.

So, bitch and complain to your friends about your troubles. Even if there’s not much they can do about it, at least you’ll have a sympathetic ear.

And of course the second I get done writing this, it’s time for us to go to dinner.

Okay, future generation of Equestria, you want to learn something by reading this, so here’s some ancient wisdom for ya.

Polygamy means there will be more than one woman in your life with the right to tell you what to do, hog the bathroom, and spend your money sure there's more girls to go around in bed, but they also hog all the sheets.

All thirteen of us (you know, me, Tia, the Mane 6, Shining, Luna, Cadence, Sunset, and Trixie) sat around the private royal dining hall that was actually filled to capacity thanks to so many ponies and one human being in the same place at this particular time. I found myself acting as a buffer between Trixie and Twilight while the purple princess got to sit next to Dash, and Tia had a place at the head of the table while Luna got the other end. Spike was...still sulking apparently, and hadn’t bothered to show.

Sunset poked a crystal cucumber with her finger while Trixie couldn’t seem to make up her mind on which princess to gawk at more, and the rest of the girls made their usual small talk as I watched the food pass me by and sipped some water.

Then Tia telekinetically tapped her glass with a tablespoon. “Everypony, could I have your attention for a moment please, I have an announcement I would like to make,” she said before clearing her throat after all the talking died down. “I have no intentions of making an actual announcement until we’ve decided to how shall we say, make something a bit more official, but for those of you that are my close friends, I would like to preempt whatever gossip columns come up with and inform you all that after talking things over with some ponies at this table, I have decided to court Twilight and her two companions.”

The reaction was almost instantaneous.

“WHAT?”

Trixie shouting in my ear from her place beside me made me wince, but that did nothing to keep me from noticing an extremely odd oddity about everyone else’s reactions.

Like the fact that they just sat there, as if Celestia said she was going to raise the sun on time. Just like she always did. In other words, nothing that would have caused any amount of alarm.

The goddess looked round, and then raised an eyebrow. “Well, don’t everypony get excited all at once.”

Surprisingly, it was Fluttershy who spoke up first. “Oh well that’s very nice your highness, it’s just that…Sunset already told me about your um, plans a few days ago when we were feeding my chickens,” she said before giving Celestia an apologetic smile.

“Cadence might have mentioned something when I had a bit of a…nervous fit during our first night out together,” Rarity added. “Just to, well…put me at ease, you understand. Even Celestia is looking for love, she said.”

Shining Armor raised a hoof. “I was there too.”

Applejack was the next to testify. “RD can’t keep her mouth shut, and might have said something about you shoving yer tongue down her throat in a carriage a few days past,” the farmer said before shrugging. “Course she can’t lie none neither, so…Ah figured it had to be true.”

“I walked in on the four of you in bed, remember?” Pinkie Pie said in a much too cheery tone for such subject matter, which earned her a glare from most of the ponies at the table. Of course she just looked around with a clueless expression. “What? I waited till they were done.”

I watched as Celestia took in the news with her usual level of calm, and then blinked when she slumped a little. “So much for getting some fun out of that,” she mumbled before looking around the table. “Well, anypony else have to good news to share?”

Thanks to Trollestia’s attempt at causing a scene ending in a fail, the rest of the night was spent in friendly chatter. Something I realized we hadn’t actually had in a little while.

With Trixie being the new pony at the table, she was the one who most of the questions were direct towards in the case of the three biggest ponies in the room. I got the feeling that Tia was just having a little fun needling her since ‘Sunny Skies’ had already gotten on friendly terms with Trixie back in Canterlot, although the fact that she and Sunset had something to talk about was surprise.

“Well of course stuck on a backwards world of hairless apes made me look into any kind of magic I could find. It was all gimmicks and misdirection, but I could show you a few tricks that human stage magicians used if you want,” she said with an indifferent shrug. “There was this masked one on television that went around explaining how they did everything.”

The unicorn rubbed her chin with a hoof. “Trixie has been needing to improve her act.”

Then of course there was the usual town gossip that Ponyville had. Although for once I wasn’t hearing it from Rarity…

“Course these days, Big Mac’s hiddin’ in the apple cellar more often than not,” Applejack said as she recounted the newest bit of news from her family farm. “Don’t see why he’s avoidin’ them fillies so much. With the way they grow their flowers, they’d be great help on the farm durin’ the growing seasons.”

I looked across the table to the orange pony. “All the flower girls are after Big Mac now? I thought Rose had a thing for Time Turner.” She had shown up at the guy’s shop more than enough times when I had been looking for a Gallifreyan pocket watch.

“The clock stallion?” Fluttershy spoke up. “I’ve met him. He’s nice, if a little…odd.”

Then there was Rarity’s rather disappointing news…

“As much as I’d love to stay here in the Empire for a few days, I’m a bit afraid of what my sister would end up doing if I wasn’t around to check up on her now and then,” the unicorn explained after AJ asked her about any future plans.

A second later, a pink wing extended to touch Rarity’s shoulder, and Cadence gave her a little smile. “Well, Shining has to go to Canterlot on a weekly basis, I don’t see any reason why I can’t head on down to Ponyville then.”

“Oh! Or I could meet the two of you up in Canterlot!” Rarity exclaimed. “We could even make a day of it every week. Although…just what were the two of you up to over there anyway?”

Unfortunately, the blissful talking about nothing didn’t last. As with all good things, it came to an end when an idiot decided to open his mouth. Of course that idiot was me and I was a girl at the moment, but…eh.

“So Tia, what exactly am I going to be the princess of anyway?” I asked her. “And just what exactly am I supposed to be doing in Equestria once I get my title?”

“Oh that,” Celestia replied after she finished a glass of sparkling cider. “I spoke to Twilight about it while you were off with Pinkie, and we believe it would be best if you would continue to function in your current capacity as the warden of the Everfree and coordinator of Equestria’s telepathic communications network. Once your status as a princess becomes official, I have a feeling that many more ponies will be using the services of your changelings.”

“The laws regarding changelings needing to use pony metamorphosis magic while in Equestrian townships will also be repealed,” Luna added as Tia paused to breathe. “Considering what my sister has said you told her about changeling origins, your kind might as well be a new tribe of ponies.”

I raised an eyebrow at that. “You all do know that changelings are never going to really integrate into Equestrian society, right?” The need for love was actually the least of the obstacles preventing that. Changelings were geared towards the enjoyment of pain and suffering, even if we didn’t get much in the way of energy from eating it.

“Oh come on Fae,” Twilight said before she reached out with a hoof from her spot beside me and placed it on my shoulder. “I’m sure everything is going to work out just fine.”

After the purple one finished tempting fate, I let out a long sigh and looked up at the ceiling, then checked behind me for guards wanting to put a knife in my back before I turned my attention on the double doors that looked like the most likely target of a grand villainous entrance.

“Um, what’re you doing?” Twilight asked.

I sighed and slumped just a little, since I knew everyone would just think I was crazy when I gave Twilight the honest answer. “Considering what you just said, I waiting for Sombra to walk in and try to enslave us all.”