29th of May, year 2346 of the Celestial calendar

I did it today! I leaved my home. I couldn’t be around them anymore. They’re stupid, judgemental fools! They can live and then die in the jungle if they want, but I won’t. I won’t get dragged down with them! Purple Leaf talked about a place in the south. About a large, pretty city, where I could live a lot gooder better. I’ll get there no matter what. There has to be more to life than rotting among the trees like a fallen log!

Ooh, so that’s how he started out: a young, barely literate, ambitious... uhh… something that wants some of that fame and fortune. Found out it’s not so easy when he arrived, I bet, and stumbled across some other, eviller means to get what he wants. I just got my hooves on a future best-seller; I just know it!

30th of May, 2346

Dirty jungle! I hate it! I left the place around the village and got lost and stumbled into a tiger’s lair! Took me ages to lose it and find my way back south again. And then, in the night...

Boring! Moving on.

31st of May, 2346

Curse my parents for being so idiotic! Chasing me away with no supplies, just because I wanted to leave? ‘Disrespecting the ancestors,’ hah! They were just as boring and stupid as the others! A bunch of primitives! I’m hungry, dirty, and tired because of what happened in the night. I was never good at getting food! I mean...

Yeah, yeah. You’re pathetic, Ahuizotl. Tell me something I don’t know.

She flipped the page.

1st of June, 2346

I’m even hungrier, my feet hurt, I’m bitten all over by mosquitoes...

Stop whining! You were born in the jungle; you should be used to this stuff!

2nd of June, 2346

Curse my ancestors for picking a jungle as their home! I never liked it. That’s why I stayed inside the cottage all the time! It’s dark and wet and...

Daring Do sighed, massaging her temples. “You know what? When I write this into something readable, I’ll leave this whole part out. Else the readers will start feeling sorry for you. You’re a dangerous villain, my arch-nemesis! Start acting like it.” She skipped several more pages.

16th of June, 2346

Finally! The city! The journey was worth it. It is better than I imagined! Ponies everywhere, good food is smelling everywhere, and not a single liana anywhere! This is beautiful! I can’t understand why our tribe didn’t went here already. It choosed to stick around that ugly village.

Also, I need ‘bits’ to eat things. Purple Leaf should have told me this. He was teaching me how to write for months and forgot something this important? If my former friends hadn’t eaten him, I’d have to scold him!

So he does eat ponies. Or at least his kind does. Also, ‘didn’t went?’ You wouldn’t pass first grade.

It’s already getting dark, I have nowhere to go. The street will have to do for today. I’ve got to find an appartment to stay soon. Maybe tomorrow. It’s colder here than in the jungle where I was born, and I don’t want to catch a cold.

17th of June, 2346

I found a job today. Carrying crates from harbour to the warehouse. Not what I had expected when leaving my village, but they let me to sleep there and give me enough bits to buy some decent food every day. My co-workers are giving me strange looks. Seeing someone like me in a place like this must be really unusual. However, they seem friendly enough. ‘Us peons gotta stick together, no matter what our ugly mugs look like.’ What a spirit! With some luck and time, I’ll be able to find a better accommodation.

And that’s where things turned to sour and he ended as a homeless vagabond.

Daring smiled as she turned the page.

23rd of June, 2346

Today a wonderful thing happened. I have a place to stay! I talked to my colleague, Tough Nail, for the past few days, and today he invited me over to his home, he wants to house me. Even though he called it a ‘dumpster,’ it still looks ten times better than my old cottage, and the rent he’s asking for is laughable. Going here was a good idea.

Okay, fine, he didn’t fail outright. Proves nothing. Anyway, all this is really boring. And that comma splice makes me want to strangle him – better move on. She started going through the book, skipping dozens of entries until one of them caught her eye.

13th of October, 2346

Today’s been... special. While I brought crates from one of the ships today, minding my own business as usual, the corners of my eyes caught a look of something wonderful. I didn’t even see it right, but I already felt that there was something amazing there; something of extreme beauty. Like a moth being dragged to a flame, my head turned towards it and saw a being of wonder and grace on the pier, trotting through the docks. I was so stunned that I nearly dropped the crate I was holding.

She was a pony, of course, but that didn’t change anything. Her fur was a darker shade of yellow and her mane, oh her beautiful mane, was as dark as a moonless night. And the way she walked: purposed, confident, elegant. Not the stumbling of some bit-less, shy filly like Tough Nails’ daughter, or the clumsy hopping and stomping of my mother. No, this was a sopisdi sophiti sophisticated mare who knew what she wanted from life and was going to get it.

It wasn’t a surprise when I heard she’s a duchess. She did wear an expensive dress, and even if she didn’t, her standing clearly set her apart from the common peasants. It is really unfortunate that I’m part of it. Just a poor, worthless dock worker, hardly more than a tribal. Not worth more than a passing stare.

However, while she was walking around me, her snout high up, like to set herself apart from the dirty ponies surrounding her, I think I saw her eyes look in my direction and stay in it for a while. Maybe it was just an illusion. Maybe she just wanted to take a look at an uncommon savage that stared at her with his mouth open. But maybe... just maybe... No. I can’t bring myself to even write it down, it’s too fantasy-ish.

Still, I got hope. And purpose. I can’t try to win her affection or even try getting to know her as the loser I am. I need to get on her level! For that, I need money, and I think I know where to get those...

This. Is. Jackpot!

Daring jumped up from the chair and began pacing around the room. A pure, untainted intention to get closer to his love sent him onto the path of evil, twisting his noble purpose into greed!

Her breathing quickened. The fans will go crazy! And, and, and the critics! They’ll praise me to heavens for this! I mean how can something like this not succeed? Almost everypony is a sucker for love stories, especially tragedies! It’ll make Ahuizotl more likable, I guess, but there’s no avoiding that.

She sat back at the desk. Okay, Ahuizotl, let’s see what dastardly things you did to get all those bits. The worse the better!

15th of October 2346

It took me a lot of searching and begging, but I finally have what I need to get the necessary money. I’m now working for the Equestrian Imports as an accountant!

Daring slammed the book on the table.

“What? Are... are you kidding me? An accountant? What were you trying to accomplish? Stun her with your amazing math skills?” She sighed and facehoofed. “This is not how you get a mare, Ahuizotl.”

The pay is still small, but better than what I had before. Also, I think I might do good here. While our tribe didn’t have any accountants, building the temple took a lot of counting. A miscount, and the whole thing came crashing down. It was the only time I felt useful there. Too bad it only took us ten years to finish.

Daring started flipping through the pages again, reading the beginning of the entries before skipping them. Sorry, Ahuizotl, but I’m not going to read about how you managed to fill tax forms correctly! Where’s the juicy stuff?

After getting about halfway through the book, she finally stopped.

8th of April, 2351

Yes! I did it! It happened! After years of hard work, great amount of persuasion and, as I’m ashamed to admit, a bit of intimidation, I was promoted to a head manager. While still not enough to be on par with my beloved goddess, Duchess Parfait – I love to just repeat that name in my head: Parfait, Parfait, Parfait. It makes me think of ice cream – it is enough to allow me to speak with her. I don’t need more than that. I shall try to strike up a conversation with her soon and stun her with my natural charm. I’m told I’m quite the sweet talker! Weather should be a good topic to start with.

Daring Do rolled her eyes and skimmed a few following paragraphs.

Didn’t work. He really has no idea at all about how to get a mare, does he? ‘Weather.’ Hah! At least he got better at grammar, I guess.

The next few pages told about several of his attempts, ranging from ‘being a sweet talker,’ where he tried to impress her with his extensive knowledge of jungle plants, to taking up the bardic arts and singing a sonata under her window that he’d written. Worst thing I’ve ever read. By far. I’m lucky I didn’t have to hear it.

11th of May, 2351

The restaurant is booked, the carriage is hired, the waiter is instructed, and the roses are bought. Everything is prepared. Why am I so nervous then? My hands are shaking so much I can barely write.

She wouldn’t refuse a dinner, would she? I’m not asking her to go on a date, just to share a while with me as we eat. Simple. All within the limits of common courtesy. The waiter will only bring the roses if I give him the signal. If things go wrong, I’ll just have a dinner with her and that’ll be all. I can always try again later. If things go right, however...

Ooh, I can’t take this! My stomach feels like it’s filled by mosquitoes and my heart threatens to break through my ribcage! Why can’t I just go and drag her to my house, whether she likes it or not, like my father did with my mother? Savage indeed, but saved one this torture!

No sense to stall now. Parfait, here I come.

Well... I have to admit that this isn’t that bad. He’s got a backup plan and everything. Still. I can’t imagine a duchess would go out with a... something like him.

12th of May, 2351

I can’t believe this! How could she?

Called it.

That snake! Refusal is one thing, but this? I invited her to dinner with all due courtesy, and what did she do? Scrunched that pig-nose of hers like I was a piece of garbage, saying that I should just stop trying and that she’d never go out with a savage like me. I didn’t even mention any relationship! ‘Beasts like you should just stay in the jungle where they belong; you look like a clown in our clothes!’ I mistook arrogance for confidence and stuck-upness for elegance!

And how she did it in public – unforgivable. The bystanders laughed at me, at my plight! I even recognised some of them – my subordinates. Envious little vipers, angry that I skipped over them when it came to promotions. Well, if they didn’t slack off every opportunity they got, maybe they wouldn’t be stuck with their pathetic paychecks and would live outside the gutter! Stupid, small-minded simpletons. I fired them all right on the spot! How their sneers froze on their petty faces, how their eyes widened! That was precious.

The rotten Duchess scoffed on, however, talking about how primitive my reaction was. And then... well... my former employees decided to go very primitive on me. They sure are stronger than their size would suggest. What’s worse, when the Royal Guard came, they attacked me first! Me! Just because I’m big and not a pony doesn’t give them the right to assume I was the one who started it! At least they let me go afterwards, when I explained the situation to them. The assailants remain unpunished, however! Outrageous.

As if that wasn’t enough, those scoundrels then went and complained about me to my superior, telling him that I fired them on personal bias! It wasn’t personal – I objectively saw that such disloyal traitors would only hurt our company in the long run. In spite of that, I am to be reprimanded and they’ve been re-hired. Where’s their punishment? They showed disloyalty and attacked me, yet I’m the one getting scolded!

But they shall see. They shall pay! The ex-employees, the guards, Parfait, everypony in this bigoted city! If they want me to be a tribal, then I will be a tribal. It’s not like I have a reason to stay here anymore anyway – my ‘love’ brought down all the illusions I may have had of the place. When I’m done with it, nopony will remember my humiliation.

Daring clapped her hooves together. That’s the Ahuizotl I know! Vengeful and bitter to the core! I never would’ve figured him for the broken heart type, though. Tragic, really. But that’s hardly an excuse to engulf the whole valley in sweltering heat!

16th of May, 2351

Easy. So very easy. I knew their arrogance would be their downfall, but this was a downcrash! I hired some thugs for the bits I had left to break into a local museum and bring me the mask of Xiuhtecuhtli. He is not the deity of our tribe, but I know other ones where he is and how much they revere him. Especially one particular tribe that’ll be perfect for my revenge! One would think they’d defend a priceless, magical artefact better than by putting it in a museum with a lone guard that’s long past his retirement age. How foolish of them to underestimate us savages so!

Then again, not many know of the awesome power hidden inside these relics. It’ll make things even sweeter – their fields will grow dry, their precious city will suffer under a constant heat wave, and plagues will spread. Even Parfait’s luxurious estate won’t be spared! And they won’t have a clue why.

Hey... I think I know the next part!

17th of May, 2351

I’m a hero! I brought the mask to a small tribe of primitive ponies – I can’t believe I actually remembered where their village was from Purple Leaf’s vague description all those years ago – and they all fell on their knees, chanting praises! Both the chieftain and the shaman bowed before me, pledging me their eternal allegiance and gratitude for recovering their holy relic from the hands of ‘thieves.’ Not that the relic was ever actually theirs – they never even had it, as far as I know – but that’s not important. What is important is that they have the Temple of Huehueteotl. If I am to burn an artefact belonging to Xiuhtecuhtli in its sacred flames, the whole valley, the city included, shall be doomed to eight centuries of sweltering heat!

The tribals believe they shall reach ‘ascension’ and accompany their sun gods. And maybe they will; I wouldn’t know. I plan to make my escape afterwards and journey to the south. It’s supposed to be cooler there, and I shall present myself as a visitor from a far away kingdom. They won’t know my kind, and won’t connect me with any savagery.

All that remains is the ritual of flames the tribals have planned for tonight, and my vengeance shall be fulfilled. They chased me into the jungle, I’ll chase them out of their city!

Daring smiled. I definitely know the next part. It was one of my first adventures! ‘Daring Do and the Mask of Fate.’ I couldn’t spell Xiucterahutli correctly. Or whatever it was anyway. First time I met Ahuizotl. Had him pegged for a loser the second I saw him...

Daring Do pressed her back against the temple wall, her heart pounding like it was about to jump out of her chest. W-what the hay was that thing? Right around the corner stood a creature unlike anything she had ever seen. It had an elongated, dog-like head full of pointy teeth, its hind legs were paws equipped with big, sharp claws, and its tail was so bizarre that Daring thought it was just a costume. Until that freaking tail clenched!

The ponies around seemed to obey it, one of them following its every step and holding the mask like it was a newborn foal. They talked about a ritual of some sort that was going to happen at night, and about how it’ll bring doom to the valley and propel them to their gods.

How do I always get in these situations? ‘A thief stole some bauble, please get it back and we’ll reward you.’ Nopony told me anything about a cult and especially not about that thing! This is Apophis’s Pyramid all over again. But there I at least knew what my enemy was!

She peeked around the corner, catching a glimpse of the creature laughing – its mouth had more teeth than a saw. I’m going to get eaten, I just know it! They’ll cook me up, stuff me with cocoa, and then bring it some milk to wash me down. Stupid mask! I’ll give that curator a piece of my mind when I get back!

Daring waited for a guard to pass and moved to an alcove closer to the monster. It could’ve looked as scary as it wanted; she wasn’t going to leave without that relic. No way she’d present herself as a coward! Not after I bragged about this at the pub the whole night.

She could jump at it, fly up, and let herself get pierced by arrows... no. She could jump there, punch the pony, and get eaten... no. She could wait until the mask is unguarded... like that was going to happen.

She massaged her temples. I have to get that pony away from that abomination. How to get him away... How to get him away... Ugh!

Daring stuck her head out of the alcove. “Psst! You.” The ‘holder’ turned around, cocking his brow. “Yeah, you! Come here.”

“Why?” he whispered back. “Who’re you? Where’s your ritual jewellery?”

Daring bit her lip and looked at the creature behind the pony, but it seemed to be consumed in boasting to some of the other lunatics.

“Come on, you know me! I see you at the village every so often. You... didn’t notice me? Am... am I ugly?”

“W-wha...?”

“I’ve been trying to catch your eye for so long... When you looked my way yesterday, I... I thought... I...” Daring turned around, imitating the sounds of sobbing.

“No, I didn’t mean...!” He rushed over to her, the artefact in his hoof, and Daring punched him square in the face and slammed his head against the wall.

“Feather-brain.” She looked left and right, dragged his limp body into the dark, and took the mask.

“Wait! Where’s my servant?” The beast locked her with its gaze.

Ooh, crud! Daring put the relic into her hat and started galloping back towards the entrance.

“What’s that? Stop her!” The floor began to rumble as the mountain of meat and muscle started running after her.

I’mgonnadieI’mgonnadieI’mgonnadie...!

Three ponies, each armed by a pointy-looking spear, blocked the hallway ahead. “We’ll stop her, oh most venerable Ahuizotl!”

...and I promise to never ever steal ancient relics – Oh, so that’s its name! – or laugh at old prophecies or...

At the last second, when it seemed like she was going to impale herself on the speartips, Daring vaulted in the air. She somersaulted and spread her wings, flying right over their heads and into the open exit behind them. “B-better luck next time, Ahuiablr!”

“Curse you, whoever you are!”

“The priests of Manellawi beat you to it!”

She continued gaining altitude until she was well out of reach of any ranged weapon they could possibly have.

Good thing it’s an earth pony tribe. She pulled out the golden mask. They better pay me good for this! I’ll demand danger pay. Two thousand bits minimum!

...and then the museum paid me twenty bits for it, plus five for danger, and I started writing books to make do. She smiled. Good times. I wonder if he remembers it as fondly as I do!

She flipped the page and fell back laughing.

18th of May, 2351

After some thought, I decided a different artefact would do a better job than the mask. It was rather scratched anyway, and who knows if anything as simple as that would even work.

“This is rich,” she said, getting back on her hooves. “If the rest is half as good as this stuff so far, I’ll make a fortune when I publish it. Might even send Ahuizotl a postcard from some Manehattan’s hotel – he seems to like those! Or a gift card to a perfumery – that’d mess with him.”

She sighed.

“Let’s see what else he wrote in his little diary.”