Starlight in a Broken Vessel

by the-pieman

Chapter 85

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Chapter 85

“I- ah, well... I don’t really know you, but... I... I would like to know you.” Myrna said, sounding a little choked behind her wall of hands and scales.

“Well then.” I lean my head on my hand, propped up on the table. “What do you want to know?”

“Ah, uhm... I- I dunno, just...” Myrna can’t seem to speak so well anymore, and she’s starting to retreat into her hoodie like a turtle into its shell. Even though, biologically speaking, turtles can’t and the rumor is just cartoon bullshit. As long as I don’t think too much about her liking me, and I keep up the ‘cool, suave’ attitude, I won’t end up an embarrassed gibbering idiot. I learned my lesson in High School.

Of course, it seems that Myrna has the ‘gibbering mess’ end of things pretty completely, babbling out the beginnings to a dozen or more questions, but never fully asking any of them.

“Myrna, I guarantee you there is no question you could ask that would make me like you any less... That came out wrong. I mean I’ll still like you no matter what you say. But if ya wanna leave the friendzone, ya gotta try to, first.” I keep my smirk. All I have to do is play the ‘cool’ role and I’ll be just fine. Do not think about what being in a relationship would be like. It’s not happening yet... or at all... or... keep grinning!

Myrna smiles from behind her covering, and her snakes slowly slither out from in front of her face, the heavy serpentine hair going back to coiling on nearby surfaces. “I- well, uh, I guess the first thing I should ask is ‘how old are you actually’.” Myrna blushes again.

“I am...” I think about it. “My age might be off by a few months because of Wonderland, but if I’m right, I should be about 21 and a half as of... next Friday?”

Myrna nods. “Ah, well, what are your hobbies? I like to paint, and I guess I’m good at sculpting now.”

“Well, there are my human hobbies that ended when I left Earth... Guess I have a few new ones now. Had to give up videogames, but I still get to read. Unfortunately since these ponies have their own comic series’, I don’t have the ability to apply the vast knowledge I have of them. And I used to like science a lot... but here in magic ponyland where they’ve never even heard of, or considered, the big bang... yeah, science isn’t fun. They don’t even think electrons exist. It’s all, “magic” this and “magic” that...” I shut up once I realize that I’m ranting.

Myrna looks a little surprised at my vehemence, but I reign it in and she smiles again. “Well... I happen to like mac and cheese with pepper and salsa in it. It’s my favorite food. What about you?” she asks.

“Well... I like all kinds of stuff. I’m not picky except for a few things. I’m not a fan of many vegetables, especially uncooked. I’m fine with practically any form of meat or pasta. And hotdogs. I mean that could be considered meat, but... who knows what’s really in those things” I give a grin at the joke.

Myrna laughs. “Well, I’ve also always liked pasta, too. Especially rigatoni, the really big noodles, in an alfredo sauce.” Myrna stops for a moment. “Er, that is, uh...”

It takes me a moment before I remember that rigatoni are really large noodles.

“Yeah, like snakes and pasta are related.” I roll my eyes. “I’m not gonna run around calling you a cannibal. Technically you wouldn’t be, even if you ate real snakes. Or a human... ‘cause you’re a gorgon. Cannibalism refers to eating others of the exact same species and...” I facepalm. I’m rambling again, and Myrna is looking less happy. Come on man, play it cool!

“Anyway, I guess my diet also includes sugar. I’ve got a sweet-tooth the size of Olympus Mons.”

Myrna brightens up again, snickering. “I’ve never really been much of a sugar-addict, but my b-” Myrna stops, face falling for a moment. Her voice goes quieter. “M- my brother used to.”

“Yeah, demons, I understand... kinda. Okay, not really, but I’m sure it’s hard.”

Myrna nods, and leans towards me. She may be almost half again as large, scaled up, as I am, but I can still understand her need to not be alone at the moment.

“Anyhow, what’s it like back in Oh-Sixteen? Well, was, I mean.”

“Oh, y’know, flying cars and robot butlers.” Myrna snarks. “Oh, and everyone’s farts smell like roses now. Wanna whiff?”  Myrna grins for a moment, then realizes what she just said, and puts her hands back up to her face.

“Smooth one. Anyhow, I’m sure that if we don’t have flying cars in 2014, ‘16 wouldn’t be that much more advanced. But I still wish we had hoverboards. I can’t believe Back to the Future lied to us!” I say, faking a pout.

Myrna nods, and I smile in return. Finally, the meal arrives, cutting our conversation short for the moment. A large, dome-covered platter is set in front of Myrna, the cover lifted off to reveal a huge turkey, at least twenty or so pounds.

In front of me, a smaller plate is set in front me, with what looks like a chicken breast, rice, and sauce... all varying shades of blue.




It’s supposed to be chicken cordon bleu, not... damnit. I sigh and try it anyway, it shouldn’t taste wrong just because it looks wrong, right?

Thankfully, it doesn’t taste any different than it should, and I nearly moan out loud at the deliciousness coating my mouth. I know my eyes are probably glazed, though.

I look over at Myrna, to see how she’s eating the turkey. I almost wish I hadn’t, but at the same time, seeing her swallowing a twenty-pound turkey whole is really freakin’ cool.

“Heh, didn’t mention you had a quadrate bone too. Neat.”

Myrna gives me a strange look, the last of the turkey sliding into her gullet. She winces and looks uncomfortable for several moments, and I watch as her ribcage expands to allow the passage of the large fowl. The expansion causes certain ‘assets’ to become more pronounced.

“The uh... quadrate bone is the... uh, part of the snake’s mouth that let’s it take big things... I mean swallow big things!” I feel my own face beginning to go red.

Myrna chuckles weakly, and she leans back, giving a slightly unhappy-sounding moan. She also covers her face with an arm. “Ugh... that always feels so weird... but it’s nice to know your mind is in the gutter, too.”

“...” I have nothing to say, nor do I want to say anything. I’ve already failed my ‘playing cool’ trick, and my brain is going to screw up again, I just know it. I just continue eating my meal, oddly colored or not, it’s delicious.

Myrna leans towards me, practically laying across me as I eat. “Guh... I don’t know what my insides look like anymore, but that always leaves me feeling so sleepy...” Myrna yawns into my shoulder, her snakes laying on me too. “Sooo glad I only eat once a week...”

“You realize that eating a large amount of turkey on a mostly-empty stomach is a one-way trip to nap-time, right? It’s all the-”

“No ‘s not... Mythbusters disproved that...” Myrna mutters from my back. “Did a whole... whole episode ‘bout thanksgiving. Didja know... snake doesn’t taste like chicken? ‘S spicier...” Myrna giggles, getting more comfortable on my back. This seems less like ‘tired’ and more like ‘sleepy drunk’.

“Actually, it’s true that an entire Thanksgiving meal doesn’t make you tired, because there’s other food to balance out the serotonin that comes from the tryptophan in the turkey. A whole turkey all by itself will make you tired.”

Myrna shakes her head. “Mnuh... mnuh-uh...” I think she’s started snoring, and she’s actually pretty heavy.

“Alright, if you say so. Hey, if you’re gonna sleep, don’t squoosh me!” Myrna doesn’t respond beyond wrapping her arms around me like I’m a giant teddy bear. I sigh and go intangible, slipping right through her and standing up. “Seriously, I’m not sure if they mind you sleeping in the restaurant, but I’m not super weight-resistant.”

“M- ‘m not fat...”

“No, you’re heavy. There’s a huge difference. Also, if you fall asleep, then I’m gonna leave, just so you know, that means you’re paying the bill for both of us.” I leave out the part that I don’t have money anyways.

Myrna raises her head, blinking slowly. “Right... sorry... just so... so tired.” She yawns again, and pulls some bits out of her hoodie pocket, and puts them on the table. She picks me up and begins sweeping out of the restaurant, moving us both along the ground at high speed. Well, not as fast as I can go, but nearly at twenty miles an hour or so.

Within a minute or two, we’ve arrived at the library, and Myrna slides in a large spiral around the trunk to climb it, grabbing it with her snake-muscles to ascend. Finally, she curls around me, much more gently than before, and slumps against a large branch high in the tree, asleep as she lays there. The rest of her body looks like it’s coiling up into a large pancake shape, draped over the massive branch, though how it can hold the weight of her massive, serpentine body is beyond me. Magic, I suppose.

Also, the way she’s wrapped up around me feels like a sort of heavy sleeping bag. Guess I’m not going anywhere soon, so I just decide that I should take a nap. Not many other options, and if I risk ghosting through her again, I’d be falling off the tree onto the ground. Nope.

I just find a way I can use her body as a pillow and drift off.

Next Chapter: Chapter 86 Estimated time remaining: 22 Hours, 57 Minutes

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