I am being dragged through the trees by the three vilest demons Hell could possibly spawn. And they’re giggling. This is the advent of my demise. I can’t believe these three could be so strong! Eventually we get to the clubhouse, and they let go to rush inside. When they return in a few seconds, they are holding an amateurishly wrapped gift. Still on the ground, I stare at the gift in my hands. I look up at the three fillies, and what I see chills me to the bone. They’re smiling.

This is it. This is where I die. I wince as I untie the present’s bow. Nothing yet. Whatever it is, I have to open the box... I sigh, resigning to my fate, and peel off the shoddily applied tape and reach inside. It feels... somewhat soft. It’s... clothes?

I pull the object out and hold it up. It’s a big, human shirt in roughly my size. it’s a sort of maroon red with the CMC emblem on the front.

“Rarity helped us make it just for you!”

“We were gonna make it a cape lahk are’s but there wasn’t ‘nuff gold silk, so we made a shirt!”

“But now you have something to wear when we’re all Crusading!”

I look at the fillies, smiling, waiting for my approval of their gift. Oh screw it. “This is fantastic!” I reach down to grab them in a hug, but Scootaloo backs up a bit. “Uh, I’ll pass.”

Eh, whatever. I grab the other two though, and hold them in my arms. I can feel them try to hug me back, their hooves just barely too short to get around my shoulders. Scootaloo just stands there, looking away, acting indifferent.

After a bit, I put Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle back down, and thank them for the gift. The two of them head back to the clubhouse. When they’re back inside, I grab Scoots before she can move and I give her a hug as well.

“Hey stop! Put me down, I-”

“Nobody has to know.” I hug her a bit harder, and after a moment, Scootaloo gives up and snuggles into my embrace. After a few more seconds I set her back down on the ground and ruffle her mane. “Remember, I don’t think you are any less cool because of that.”

She blushes slightly. “Th- thanks. Uh, I gotta go.” Before she gets to the doorway she turns around and waves. “Bye Anthony!”

I wave back and leave for Ponyville, a happy smile on my face, and the new shirt under my right arm. If those three do end up being the end of me... I guess it wouldn’t be the worst way to go.

I make my way to Golden Oaks, and a few more ponies wave my way. I guess this is the life of a hero. I wish I could have some sort of disguise to wear so I could be a hero and still be treated like a normal person... except that I’m a person. Oh well, I don’t really mind being famous as a good guy I suppose, I certainly have plenty of admirers. On the other hand, there are the more overzealous ponies. I suppose I could make a speech to all of Ponyville about that, but I’d also have to stop the letters from Canterlot, Manehattan and all the other places in Equestria.

I sigh. I could probably at least stop the love letters from the local ponies for now and work on other towns and cities later on. I walk into the library and I see Twilight poring over the book I got her. She looks very happy.

“I’d suggest you write down what you learn in there in case you forget.”

Twilight looks up from her book. “Anthony! Oh thank you so much for this! Thank you thank you thank you thank you!”

“Aww, it wasn’t any trouble, and I have been kind of a jerk to you. But don’t think I’m gonna quit, I like you too much to let you get bored.”

She sighs lightly and rolls her eyes. “I suppose I’ll just have to ignore you then.”

I chuckle. “Yeah, good luck with that. Anyway, I’m serious, write down anything you think is important, you’ll want notes.”

“Huh? Why?”

“Well, we don’t want anything to happen to that book, but I’m sure the information would be useful.”

“Well, yeah... but what could happen to the book?”

“Do you have a copy of Blueish’s Bestiary?”

“I got it! Just a sec.” Spike said, and he started climbing up the shelves.

Twilight groans. “Anthony, what are you talking about? Why do you need that? What could happen to my book?”

“Well, you never know what might happen in Wunderland, it would help to be prepared.”

“Prepared... why? Prepared for what?”

I ruffle her mane. “Prepare for Wunderland, you silly pony. Cadence and I have made plans to go at some point, and you and Pinkie are invited.”

Twilight’s eyes go wide. “Really!?”

I give her a big smile. “Yep, once I get this cast off, we’re gonna take a month to prepare, then we’re gonna go visit Wunderland.”

Twilight proceeded to yell happily, jumping between her front and hind legs. “I’m going to Wunderland! This is perfect!” She leaped towards me and gave me a big hug. Then she realized that she had, and jumped back off of me. “Er, ahem, yes, well, thank you. I will be looking forward to this trip.”

Spike walks over, barely able to carry the huge tome in his arms. I pick it up and it’s really heavy. “Yep, so am I, and as such, we should study as much as we can to avoid any unfortunate event.”

“I agree completely!” Twilight said, letting out another happy giggle, and muttering a quiet “Yes!”

I set down the bestiary on the center table across from Twilight, and I see fan mail, reminding me of the other issue I had to deal with. “Actually Twilight, I’m going to attend to another task. I need to get at least Ponyville to stop sending me raunchy letters.” Twilight nodded, a blush on her face remembering the letter I had her read earlier.

I head off to Town Hall to tell the mayor about my intention, bringing a sample letter as an example. Luckily, getting everyone together shouldn’t be hard, as I plan on enlisting Pinkie Pie, and I’m sure news about the “Great hero” having a public statement to make should spread quickly. But first, the mayor.

“Good afternoon, ma’am.”

“Ah, hello Anthony, what a pleasure it is to see you again. Is there anything I can help you with today?”

“Yes there is. I would like to make a public statement to the town.”

“I... see...”

“Don’t worry, I’m serious about the speech, it is not related at all to any bets I’ve made and lost.”

The mare visibly relaxes. “Very well, then. What is the purpose of this speech?”

“Well, my rise in popularity has led many ponies to send me gifts and write letters of admiration. Unfortunately I have also received plenty of letters that I would like to tell the ponies that I do not wish to receive any more of them.”

“I see, and what sort of letters are these?”

Rather than explain, I just hand her the letter I brought as an example, and she looks it over. “Oh my... I... I can see why you might wish to stop these sorts of letters. I will grant your request. Honestly, some ponies... I know our little town isn’t very cultured but I assure you, not all of us are like this!”

“I know. That was from Canterlot.” The mayor’s eyes go wide and she’s speechless. “I’m going to be addressing other areas of Equestria as well, at a later date. Now, I will get help with rounding up everyone in town.”

“R- right.”

I make my way to Sugarcube Corner.

About half an hour later, everyone is gathered at town hall. None of them were told what for, just that I had an announcement to make. I walk up onstage, and all the ponies cheer, clapping in their pony way by stomping the ground. It feels... nice. I hold up my hands and in a few moments, they’ve all quieted down. I realize the podium is much too short for me, so I decide to just hold the microphone to my mouth

"Hello everyone." I wait calmly for the various cheers to die down before continuing. "I appreciate all the praise you give me for my heroic actions, but there is an issue I must address." I clear my throat. "Many of you have sent me letters of admiration and even gifts, and I thank you all for your generosity. However, some of you have sent me letters of a more intimate nature. Whether it be a marriage proposal, or  requesting that I 'bed' the sender..."

Some ponies chuckle, others blush, a few shift their gaze nervously. "I would like to inform you all that I have absolutely no interest in being intimate in any way with ponies. And before you ask, yes, that covers the princesses as well." I pause, letting all I've said sink in.

"Understand I have no problems with making new friends, but I will not accept any suitors or offers of sexual interaction. I don't do ponies." The crowd makes various short statements of understanding and agreement. I continue.

“Now, I know that not all of these questionable letters have come from Ponyville, so I will be visiting other towns and cities, spreading this message.”

Someone raises their hoof and asks a question. “But what happens if another monster comes by while you’re gone? Who will save us?”

I facepalm. “Need I remind you that you live with the holders of the Elements of Harmony?”

Rainbow Dash flies up from the crowd and lands next to me, facing the crowd. “Yeah! We’ve fought our share of monsters, we can handle Ponyville, no sweat!”

I return my attention to the crowd. “See? You have plenty of heroes living right here, you can rest assured that you will always be protected by these brave ponies... And Rainbow Dash.”

“Hey!”

Next Chapter: Chapter 47 Estimated time remaining: 29 Hours, 8 Minutes