“You!”

“You!”

“Uh... me?” Oh god this is gonna be bad. “Listen girls, I, uh... I know we got off to a rocky start, but.”

“You broke my scooter! Those aren’t cheap, I had to save up my allowance for two weeks!”

“Yeah, I’m sorry about that.”

“Oh, you will be!”

“Hold that thought, kid.” I walk up to Sweetie Belle. “Uh... I’m sorry about what I did... I wasn’t actually going to hurt you.”

“I know that!”

“Y- you do?”

“Yeah. You saved everypony from Discord and saved a bunch of ponies! I know you wouldn’t hurt anypony.” Those words made me immediately imagine all the horrible things I’d done since I arrived here in Equestria. Man, I have been a total prick.

"So... I'm forgiven?"

Sweetie Belle's face stretches into what I first mistake for an attempt to snarl at me, until the corners of her mouth tip up. Comparisons to the Cheshire Cat, sharks, and piranhas all flock to my mind, and the only thing that keeps me calm is that her teeth don't appear sharp. “You are forgiven, if you help us with our crusading.”

Scootaloo brightens up. “I like that idea!”

“So I just help you find your Cutie Marks?”

“Yup!” The trio replies. I totally overreacted. This should be easy. They’re just kids.

These children are the most adorable spawns of satan I could ever imagine.

“You kids are insane!”

“But this was your idea!”

“I was being sarcastic!”

“But what if our talent really does involve a trampoline and broken glass?”

“I highly doubt that it would.”

Suddenly, I hear one of the most obnoxious voices ever.

“What are you Blank Flanks doing this time?” That voice just drips with the tone of superiority. I look down and see a very... stuck up looking pink filly, she’s wearing a crown or something, and it’s even her Cutie Mark. Jeez.

“We’re trying to get our Cutie Marks!” Applebloom replies.

“Still? Well, I suppose I shouldn’t be too shocked. You’re never going to get them.”

Now Applebloom and the pink filly are nose to nose.

“Says you, we’re gonna get our Cutie Marks, and they’re gonna be th’ best Marks you’ve evar seen!”

“Oh puh-leez. It’s obvious you’ll never get them, or you’d already have one for dumpster diving!” Woah, that’s quite a burn.

“Says you!”

“You don’t even have a good retort! Tell you what. I’ll take that back if you can beat me at Show-and-Tell tomorrow!”

The filly walks off, nose in the air like she’s brown-nosing the sky.

I watch as the CMC start to sulk. “Uh, who was that?”

“Diamond Tiara.” came the depressed reply from all three. Scootaloo continues. “She’s a bully. Her dad’s got tons of money so she’s always acting like she’s better than everypony else.”

Sounds like my kind of punching bag. she’s lucky she still has a few years before I can do anything. Wait...

“So you just have to bring in a better show-and-tell subject than her tomorrow?”

“We cain’t” Applebloom moans. “She has so much money, she just keeps on showing off the shiny things she buys.”

Sweetie Belle continues for her friend. “Last week, she had a model of all of Canterlot! Who knows what she has this time?”

“Well, all you have to do is bring in something that she can’t just buy. Something special.” I sit down to think.

Scootaloo stands up. “Something cool!”

Applebloom does the same. “Somethin’ different!”

Sweetie Belle. “Something impressive!”

I look at them. “Yeah, so do you have any ideas?” They’re looking at me expectantly. “Sorry, I can’t come up with something just like that.”

Sweetie Belle does that grin again, but this time it’s not exactly directed at me. “I can!”

“Alright, what is it?”

“You!”

the other two fillies spring up. “Sweetie Belle, that’s perfect! We can bring Anthony!”

“Wait, what?”

“Jus’ think ‘bout it! There’s no way she can buy a humin!”

“Well... alright. Let’s put a bully in her place!”

The next day, I’m in my usual spot, resting by the schoolhouse. It doesn’t take long for kids to show up and I watch as the fillies and colts file into the little red building.

I don’t know exactly what I’m going to do, but I’m sure I’ll think of something.

I watch Diamond Tiara and a light gray filly walk up the path. She’s got a big box with her. I wonder what’s in it? Eh, doesn’t matter. Before the day is over, that little rich bitch is going to be eating her words.

I’m sitting by the window, listening to the proceedings while I await the signal for me to walk in. I can hear Miss Cheerilee. “Thank you Diamond Tiara that was very impressive. Now, before we finish, does anypony else have something they’d like to share? Yes Applebloom?”

“Everypony, the other members of the CMC and ah are going to show you something more incredible than anythang y’all’ve evar seen!” That’s my cue.

I Spark up and, positioned outside, behind where the blackboard is set up, I walk straight through the wall, earning many gasps of surprise, and even a few screams. I raise my arm up into the air, the assembly of ponies flinch, not knowing what to expect. I power down, and I wave at the students. “Hiya.”

Diamond Tiara is not impressed. “Ugh, don’t tell me you Blank Flanks brought that freak into our classroom?”

I walk over to Diamond Tiara. “Who are you calling a freak, bully?”

That actually got me a round of applause from the rest of the class. Diamond Tiara acts as though the response was not a congratulation for insulting her. “Yeah, great, it can talk, big deal.”

“Oh, I can do much more than talk.”

“Yeah? Like what?”

“How about some tricks?”

“What are you going to do? Roll over? Play fetch? Why don’t you just play dead?”

“Hmmm... all right.”

I stand at the head of the class and clear my throat and get into character.

“Here, here will I remain with worms that are thee chambermaids. Here will I set up my everlasting rest, and shake the yoke of stars from this world-wearied flesh. Arms, take your last embrace! And lips, seal with a kiss, a dateless bargain to death!

Come, bitter conduct, come, unsavoury guide! Thou desperate pilot, now at once run on the dashing rocks thy sea-sick weary bark! Here's to my love, oh true apothecary! Thy drugs are quick. Thus, with a kiss, I die.”

Cheerilee claps wildly at my performance. Unfortunately, the kids just look at me weird.

“Oh come on that was Romeo and Juliet!” Still nothing from the kids. I sigh. “Fine, have it your way.”

I brought a sack of coal with me just in case. I proceed to show off in my usual way, though given my audience, I refrain from making weapons or blades. Aside from the fact that the kids lack culture, I still manage to impress them. I decide that, as long as I keep it away from them, a bit of fire would be okay, so I give them a flaming lightshow and they just go crazy. Even though I don’t have to, I wave my arms around, directing the coal to increase the appearance of the talent.

Well, once Show-and-Tell ended, I obviously had to leave, what with being a distraction, but I figured I’d stick around for recess. The kids really like me. I’m a bit miffed only Cheerilee appreciated my acting. Sure I missed a line or two and I used the wrong words sometimes, but that was good!

Oh well, they are just kids I suppose. Besides, they may not have the same literature.

Anyway, it turns out that Diamond Tiara occasionally did have a few neat things for Show-and-Tell, as the recess area had a really cool playground. It wasn’t what she brought today, it seems to have been donated by her father weeks ago, but it’s still pretty neat.

It had just about everything. I wasn’t small enough for most of it, but it definitely looked like tons of fun. Anyway, recess has started and I was right, all the kids really seem to like it, though they don’t really give much attention to who’s father donated it. At least they can’t be bought like most of the kids in my elementary school when I was young.

I decide that, sure, I’ll try it out. I’ll just be sure not to get stuck in anything. I figure I’d pass up the swing-set as my weight is more than that of an Alicorn, much less a foal. I look around, and find a jungle gym, with large enough gaps in it for even me to fit. Perfect. I climb up on it and make a human pretzel out of myself a few times before I get tired of that. I proceed to just see what I could do wit the jungle gym, be it use it as a springboard (which ended badly) or try and walk along the top without falling. I return to making knots out of my body, when I realize that I actually have an audience. All the foals are watching me and my interesting acrobatics. Heh, that’s being bipedal for you. I continue, and the crowd grows larger until I have captivated the entire class. I can tell even Diamond Tiara and her light-gray lacky are impressed. Not that they’d call it that, but I’m not stupid.

BOOM

What was that? I don’t think anything in a playground should explode...

Then it’s dark. Either something is blocking the sun, or Celestia went to bed early today. Given the terrified look on the kids’ faces, I’m going to bet it’s the former. Shit.

I turn around to see... I’m not sure.

At first, it looks like a river spreading, but made of night and pouring through the sky and clouds alike. The shape is vaguely serpentine, and so massive that it brushes aside cumulo nimbus clouds like like drifting dandelion seeds. If the sun hadn’t still been in the ‘morning’ position, it wouldn’t have had any effect on the daylight yet, it was so far away... and still perfectly visible.

There’s no way to further describe the gargantuan being beyond magnificent, and utterly terrifying to me on a level I can’t quite comprehend.

I decide that my first action would be to get all the children to safety. But there’s only one thing I can think of. “Alright kids, recess is over early. Let’s get back inside now!” They are all screaming, heading inside, but a few are straggling.

I decide to just pick up a few kids and drop them inside. Luckily I don’t need to go air-breakingly fast, so I decide to speed up. Once everyone is inside, I instruct them on the proper method of dealing with some sort of disaster while at school. Duck and cover under their desks. Yeah I know it’s stupid, but I don’t have anything else to offer.

A vague uneasiness settles into my bones, beyond what would naturally occur from something pretty much earth-shattering. Luna wasn’t angry with me, was she? This angry, at least?

I feel like my entire body is freaking out, and that disturbs me further. I don’t know exactly what’s going on, but it’s the cause of it obviously. Also, I can’t seem to power down, my body is going nuts and won’t listen to me.

So as I’m watching this streak through the schoolhouse windows, there’s a flash of light and I see both princesses. And they look pissed. I run over to them. “What is that thing?”

“Why don’t you explain what it’s doing here, first?” Celestia demands.

“I have no idea, it just... showed up. I’ve been here by the school all day.” Celestia glares at me. “I swear.”

A guard in a surprisingly effective-looking suit of armor, looking much less ornate than the suits worn in the capital, who saluted Celestia as it entered. “Princesses, the star-beast has dropped below four-thousand hooflengths! It’s going to hit the land in less than an hour!”

That sounds a bit bad. “What? What’s going to hit?”

Celestia looked at me quite seriously and stated, “I don’t know. I’ve never seen anything like it before.”

“That fills me with absolutely zero confidence, I’ll have you know.” I’m still trying to power down , simply so that I know I can, but it’s not working, so I just assume this thing is dangerous and try to calm down, arms at my sides, balled into fists nonetheless.

To my surprise, Luna leans over and sniffs deeply at me. “You know, if I smell sexy, you can just tell me.”

Luna snorts derisively, then straightens up. “You smell like a young star, like this.”

“Like what? A star is a ball of gasses and energy that radiate light as energy. How do you know what one smells like!?”

“Perhaps stars are balls during infancy, but they do mature. As the princess of the night, it is my duty to shepard and care for the stars, especially during the day, when they sleep and are vulnerable.” she replies calmly, a strangely appraising look in her eyes as she looks at me.

“You imply that stars can be killed. Last I knew, they aren’t sentient. They don’t do anything but sit in the sky and twinkle and act as fodder for bad fairy tales.”

Luna’s mouth narrows into a hard line, one I’ve seen when my mother is about to blow holes in universal happiness with how angry she is. I decide now would be a good time to cover my face with my arms.

“I will not allow you to impugn my subjects in such a way! They are the source of fulfilled wishes! They can think and reason as well as any other pony, and do not merely sit around!” Luna’s tirade is halted by a gold-shod hoof tapping her on the shoulder. I’m so glad Celestia is at least staying calm... I sure as hell am not.

“Luna, please... what did you seek to learn from knowing if he smells like a star or not?”

The smaller princess inhales deeply, and begins to explain. “Just as there is life in the sky, night or day, there are things which must eat. While Stars are gentle, and need only praise and care to survive, there are beasts like wolves that hunt them, and creatures like the one in the sky today. It is called a Star-Swallower, and it is like a grand whale, seeking only small things to eat. And you, Anthony, smell like food.”

“F- food? But I’m not a star! I-” I look down at my glowing form, and pause. “Oh... you mean this power is... shit.”

“It is the sum of all adoration, love, and care from anyone who has ever been your friend or family.”

“I suppose that explains a few things, but... This thing wants to eat me, and I don’t plan on being eaten, so how do we kill it?”

Luna looked at me with a fair amount of anger still in her expression, until it just... melted. Sadness fell into place instead, and she whispered. “It won’t harm you. It has barely any weight at all, but enough to crush itself as it lands. It was not meant for this mortal land, and it will die, lost and confused.”

“Wow... uh... Can I take back that ‘I want to kill it’ statement? I feel like a jerk now.” On the other hand. “But if we don’t get rid of it, how much damage will it cause on a scale of one to ten.? One is a few square blocks. Ten is Equestria-goes-byebye.”

Luna sniffled. “None. It’s an aetheric beast, it has no substance that will cause harm to us. It is meant to find young stars unable to form fully and eat them, keeping the skies clear of lost hopes. It is also one of the last few of its kind; without my shepherding over the last millennia, they have not fared well from the occasional dark sorcerer seeking raw power.”

“So this thing... is basically natural selection and a giant, non-solid super-battery all in one? Geez. What do I do?”

Luna looked me in the eye. “You hope no others have been drawn near enough to die for a prize they cannot reach.”

“So... uh...” I turn to Celestia. “Can you translate?”

“They are drawn to you. We can only hope that they are spread far enough that you will mature before another one tries to seek you, and dies on Equestria’s soil.”

“So... I need to... what? Make everyone like me a bunch?”

“No, simply growing older will work.” Luna said. “That this one arrived so quickly... they usually take decades to travel. It must have already been close when you arrived.

“...but I’ve been here for months, I... let me guess, more of this ‘stellar physiology’ stuff, right?”

“Stars take many hundreds of years to grow to maturity. That you are already much grown suggests you are about three, four hundred years old. In another hundred, they should ignore you.”

“So what do I do in the meantime? I can’t just sit here and think about aging for a hundred years!”

“No, you will do that naturally... unless your race normally only ages when the act is thought of?”

“Heh, we wish. You wouldn’t believe some of the kind of crap we pull to squeeze an extra ten or so years out of our lives. It’s kinda pathetic. No, we age over time.”

“Well, you should be able to live for nearly a millennia of total time... minus your existing three centuries.”

The guard came back, saluting once more. “The creature is about to land. It’ll be landing through the Everfree, almost in Ponyville! The troops have already disseminated the cover-story, as per your orders.”

“Everfree? What? Oh nevermind. You say this thing will just fall to the ground and die on impact, harming nothing?”

“Like a bowl of potted petunias.”

I pause at that. “I... I... Douglas Adams? Does he... exist here?”

Celestia looked at me strangely. “Who?”

“Douglas Adams, he’s the guy who wrote The Hitchiker’s Guide to the Galaxy books, he’s the one who wrote-”

“Oh! You mean Croupless Apples!” Luna said, looking happy. “He wrote of going to stars and speaking with them, and so many funny aliens living on moons orbiting them! I didn’t know you’d gotten to read them; Twilight recommended them to me.”

I stammer for a moment. Oh great, they have similar literature. Or at least sci-fi comedy. I guess I’ll check out the books and see what’s different. But right now... “So the giant space-whale is going to die and we don’t have any way to prevent it?”

Luna’s happy expression fell once more. “That... that is about the sum of it. I will be there when it lands, to grant its last moments some amount of peace...” She began to roll her limbs to ready herself for flight, Celestia doing the same beside her.

“You uh, you do that.” I’m... not entirely sure what to do at this point. There’s a huge event with me in the dead-center of it, and I can’t do anything. I feel totally useless... goddamnit.

The princesses and their guard leave. I... don’t know how to feel. The thing came here for me. I dragged it to it’s death without even intending to. Does this make me an interstellar murderer? Or, do I just accept it?

And what’ll tomorrow bring? More of the same, worse, or maybe better? I need something to make me feel better. I figure I could see Pinkie about that. I make my way to Sugarcube Corner. Next Chapter: Chapter 25 Estimated time remaining: 31 Hours, 39 Minutes