I get up, having finished with Celestia and she seems much better for it. “I think I’ll go and rescue Luna from the nobles now.”

“And uh, how are you going to do that exactly?”

“Simple.” I say. “I’ll tell the ponies you two are getting a vacation and if they don’t like it, too bad. How’s that?”

“Anthony, as much as I’d like that, we can’t just leave. Even for a day! Who’d be in charge?”

“Nobody. But they might be led to believe it’s me. How about this: The princesses are tired and require a week off. In the meantime, I’m the one to go to with problems. That way the bratty overprivileged ponies can get chewed out by me for being spoiled, and I will be the one to blame, not you two.”

“Hrrm”

“Don’t worry, I’ll just be on the throne as a matter of appearance. I won’t start wearing a crown and making orders.” I think over my last statement. “Well, maybe a few orders.”

Celestia looks a bit hesitant. “Such as?”

“Well I’ve always wanted to just tell someone to bring me a six layer cake and have it actually happen.” Celestia laughs. Not just her usual amused chuckle, a real, short but honest laugh. I... I like that laugh. It’s nice.

“Save me a piece of that cake and you have a deal.”

“Really?”

“I could really use a vacation. Of course Luna and I will still move the sun and moon, but thank goodness I can actually leave this castle for more than two days!”

Hmmm... “We can make that two weeks and the entire bottom layer of cake if you want.”

“Now now Anthony, bribery only goes so far.” She says with fake condescendence. “Two whole weeks in a row might be a little too long. I still love this place and all who live here. Also, I doubt you have the mental endurance to handle fourteen days of keeping things smooth.”

“Yeah well, you pack up whatever you need to bring, I’ll go relieve Luna.”

“You do that.” We get up and I start to leave. “And... thank you Anthony.”

“No problem, princess.”

My escort who was waiting for me doesn’t seem to know what’s going on. Not like it matters. He tries to take me back to the entrance hall, but I make a turn for the throne room. I’m not stopped or anything so I guess it doesn’t really matter to him. Walking into the throne room, I see a rather tired and deflated Luna. “Hey there. I’m your relief.”

“Relief? Don’t you mean Celestia is-”

“Nope, Celly and I had a chat. I sit on the throne for a while to keep appearances up while you two relax.”

“I’m... not sure.”

“Well nobody’s making you go. You can just stay here if you want while Celestia takes a week of vacation.”

“Week? As in seven full days and nights?” Luna seems to be almost drooling at the thought. Damn, when do these two get a break?

“Yep. And I just sit here and handle the whiners while you girls get some time to yourselves. No, I’m not gonna start acting like a new king of Equestria, I don’t want the headache of actually ruling these morons.”

“That sounds... heavenly... Well, if Celestia is fine with this... I suppose it can’t hurt.” She stands up and looks like the idea of ‘full week off’ finally hit her completely and she looks ecstatic. “I could kiss you right now Anthony!”

“Don’t, please. Please don’t.”

“Very well.” Luna walks past me heading for the door and-

Luna sets me down, having pulled me towards her to plant a kiss on my cheek. “We will see you in a week!” With a smile, the night princess walks off, looking not unlike the kids back in Ponyville whenever it snowed.

I plop myself down on the throne, seated with one arm of the chair bracing my back and the other arm holding up my knees. I fold my hands behind my head and hear a cough. Turning to the noise, I see a few of the guards who heard and saw the whole thing.

“You bow to me, and I’ll rearrange your faces.”

“We weren’t going to, we just...” One of the mare guards starts. “We just... uh... you are still going to do things like talk to the nobles. Right?”

“Duh, what do I look like? A lazy person?” The guards let my words hang in the air as they look at my incredibly unprofessional arrangement of myself on the literal seat of power. I sigh and wave my hand. “Whatever, send in the next one.”

The guard opens the door and lets in a familiar-looking mare. “I would like to report that the hairless freak you have been harboring has assaulted me and that it...” The mare looks up and sees me on the throne, practically turning white.

“Please, don’t let the ‘freak’ interrupt your riveting tale of woe.” My tone is drier than a cotton ball in the desert during the Summer.

She doesn’t move or speak, just stares dumbfounded. I also notice she’s washed off the coal dust from her flanks. “Now now, what would an important pony from Canterlot be without proudly wearing a title she rightfully deserves?” With a grin, I summon more coal from my pouch and reapply the writing.

The mare doesn’t break eye contact or say anything, she just backs up out of the door. I turn to the guard to the left of the throne. “That went pretty well if you ask me.”

No response.

“Alright, next loser I mean whiner I mean dumbass I mean-”

“We get it.”

After ‘meeting’ with a few more, I’m starting to actually enjoy myself. I’m saying all the stuff I would out on the street... but here on the throne? Flanked by royal guards? These ponies don’t have the balls to do anything about it.

Hmmm... balls. There’s an idea!

I’ve made my first demand, and it wasn’t one most of the guards expected to hear. Nonetheless it was carried out and I now have all the coal Canterlot and Fetlock could spare without stopping any production.

I form all the coal, which I gauge to be about two tons or so, into a small marble. The heavily compressed ball is placed on the floor and I have all the nobles come in at once.

“Alright ya greedy bastards. I got an offer to make. You like deals right? Deals that involve money? How about half the money in the royal treasury?” That gets their attention, bunch of avarid idiots. That’s a word right? Avarice as an adjective? Whatever. “Well everyone, I’m not gonna waste your time, you’ll be doing it fine on your own. See that little black ball? Whoever can lift it one full meter off the ground using any means you can... will get fifty percent of every Bit the princesses have to their names.” The ponies look at each other before agreeing. “Alright then. Everyone gets as many chances as they like using any method they want. Remember, one full meter above the ground and all that money is yours.”

One noble speaks up. “You do know how long a meter is, don’t you?”

“Of course I do. One meter is the equivalent of one-billion nanometers.” Given the looks I get, these ponies either don’t know what ‘nano’ means in any sense, or they are questioning how trustworthy I am. “Now lift the ball if you can and you’ll have enough money you’ll be able to swim in it. Literally.”

Well, an hour or so later, when  the nobles are either absolutely magically drained or have multiple broken teeth, they fall over exhausted. “Impossible!” One breathes out. “You are a cheater!”

“And you don’t cheat? You’ve never cheated? None of you? Never told a lie or even a half-truth? All your money was earned on the straight and narrow path? I don’t believe that at all, because if you had earned every cent, you wouldn’t be coming to higher-ups and begging for more, you’d be proud of what you earned and glad of how much you had, not needing any more wealth. And one more thing...” I walk over to the ‘marble’ and pick it up effortlessly, my manipulative powers allowing me to do anything I wanted with it as long as I kept my focus. I raise the tiny orb high above my head, and put it into my pocket where it rolls around as I walk back to the throne. “Nothing is impossible. If you all had worked together, your combined might would have been enough. But no, your greed and desire to own more than others prevented you from achieving your desires. Now get out of here you stupid horses.”

When all of the nobles leave, some needing a few minutes to recover their motor abilities, one of the guards laughs and then they all do, the laughter rolling out like a flood from a broken dam. “That was great!”

“I liked it when that one tried using her teeth and broke a tooth! Wouldn’t stop moaning like it wasn’t her fault for biting it!”

“What a buncha morons!”

“I’d’ve just left without a try, who needs that much cash anyway?”

“People who think that money gets you status.” I answer.

The mare guard from earlier speaks up. “I don’t think I want you ruling this place for real, but I like you kid.”

“Thanks. I like me too.”

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