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Starlight in a Broken Vessel

by the-pieman

Chapter 189

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Chapter 189

I have Pinkie’s body and her head in my curtain-bag. Once ‘tonight’ becomes ‘tomorrow’ and everyone is awake, we’ll have a funeral of sorts I guess. I just... I mean, I know that there are still three more but... oh god why can’t I forget this?

Because you’re weak... Damnit, I don’t need my negativity now. But without me you wouldn’t have your brains. You knew what had to be done and you did it. She was a vampire, so you killed her. She could have had a chance! Do you need reminding of how she looked at you once she tasted your blood?

The image of the scared Pinkie floods my mind and shifts, becoming the hungry glare... Now see? You’re a hero, now stand up and act like it you wimp! But I killed her! You killed a vampire! Besides, it’s not like there’s a shortage of Pinkies around anyway. What are the chances that you’ll have to put down all of them? Actually, given your track record, probably pretty darn high. Oh well, suck it up and take it like a man. They’re ponies, who gives a shit?  Without you around, that Pinkie-pire would have probably turned Ponyville into an all you can eat buffet! Seriously, name one person in this shithole who wouldn’t trust her. They’re too stupid to protect themselves so they rely on you. Why you help them is beyond me, considering-

Shut up... just shut up... leave me alone...

Look, if you want to sit here in the mud and wallow in self-pity like an emo without the guts to off himself, fine. Suck it up and actually grow a pair!

I stand up with the makeshift body bag. Just carrying it makes me feel sick. The sun rises, bathing the sky in orange and I trudge back to Ponyville. I’m coming up on the Town Hall and-

There you are! Where’d you run off to last night? I thought you... Idunno, I just thought you might not be coming back.” I just walk past Rainbow Dash, hovering in midair. “Hey, I’m sorry, I’m just trying to... C’mon there’s more Pinkies than that one.” I turn around and start walking back the way I came, but Rainbow follows me, still hovering. “Okay that sounded way worse than I meant it to but... don’t bail on us just because... uh...”

“If you’re trying to find a ‘gentle’ way to say I killed Pinkie Pie without a second thought, you can give up now.”

“It’s not that bad, you just... you were doing the right thing... I guess. I mean, you feel really bad about it, don’t you?” She pauses. “Okay, dumb question, sorry I’m just... I’m really messing this up, aren’t I? Should I go and... get somepony else to talk to you?”

“No.”

“I’ll... I’ll send somepony over.”

I just sit down and wait. Might as well just deal with whoever Rainbow has in mind.

“Hey there sugarcube... you uh... you sleep well?” Applejack knows as well as I do that none of us slept at all last night aside from Clark and Rarity.

“Stop with the idle chat and just get to your pep talk or whatever.”

“Don’t be like that, it ain’t healthy for ya.” She moves to sit down but, realizing she’s about to sit down next to a bag holding a decapitated body, she moves to my other side. “Ah know last night was one big problem after another but... Things aren’t that bad. Nopony thinks you’re bad for doin’ that.”

“Yeah, because only four actually know I did it so far.”

“...” Applejack has a few false starts, clearly trying to say something that doesn’t just make it worse. Not that it could get much worse. “Ah’m sorry y’ had to. But it’s okay. I’m not gonna say that Pinkie’d ‘ve wanted it, Ah’m not gonna pretend Ah know what she was thinkin’... But it was the right thing to do. Kinda.”

“I don’t even know what’s right or not. Sure she’d be a vampire but she’d at least be alive.”

“Ah’m not gonna convince you that what you did was a good thing, Ah ain’t sayin’ that... but I don’t think Pinkie’d like much the idea that she’d just end up eatin’ everypony in town.”

“But I still don’t think it was right to do it.”

“Ya never said what really happened... Y’wanna talk about it?”

Yes. “No.”

Applejack sighs. “I can’t make ya talk if ya ain’t gonna, but... I don’t wan’ this to just be a guilt trip for ya. You ain’t doin’ nopony any favors by sittin’ around an’ beatin’ yerself up.”

I want a hug... “Just leave me alone.”

“Ah’m sorry. Ah really am. We all are. ‘Specially the other Pinkies. You ain’t the bad guy here, it was that dusty ol’ nut that got to her. T’ain’t nopony’s fault but his and he’s gone now.”

“Doesn’t make doing it feel any less wrong.”

Applejack just stands up and walks off. “We ain’t givin’ up on ya, and ya ain’t the bad guy. You can beat yerself up all you want, but it ain’t gonna change nothing.”

Apparently Applejack doesn’t consider the outcome of suicide. Pfft, like you’d actually off yourself. You couldn’t do it before and you won’t do it now. You’re gonna say you’ll do it, then think about everyone who’ll be sad because you did and get all weepy and just lie down and deal with it. You get the guts to kill someone and you do nothing but moan about it. But I’d never killed anyone before, especially on purpose. I’m not a killer, I don’t kill. Then what happened to Chrysalis huh? You think she just melted into the floor and she’s a living slime mold? Face it buddy. You killed someone simply because they pissed you off enough. You said stuff about doing it to Sunbutt, and now you did it in self-preservation and the safety of others. How are you the bad guy? Besides, it’s not like just because you let the jerks go they aren’t gonna bite it some other time. Stand up for yourself, show the world you’re not one to mess with, show them you have a spine and you’re not just some pitiful sap! Just shut up...

I realize I’m hugging the bag with Pinkie in it and as disgusting as the idea is, I can’t seem to put it down.

All this shit in my head... I just want everything to stop. Or start over. Or... I don’t know, go better than this.


Well, when the news got to the town that Pinkie was dead, it seemed to change something in the place. Physically, everything looked the same except there weren’t any smiles or laughing. Aside from that, everything seemed... muted, like something drained a bit of color from everything just a little.

It’s not totally depressing though, there are still three others, but it looks like it’s taking all of them to keep things running. The funeral is basically a town-wide day of silence. Celestia and Luna show up too and a few desperate ponies asked if they could bring her back.

I doubt that they could actually do anything of the sort without any issues on top of being able to reattach the head flawlessly. The more accepting group barely registers the princesses as ‘here’, though they are still torn up. I notice a group of four I’d never seen before and I’m informed that they’re her parents and sisters.

I’ve done my best to keep myself steady as I put the body and head into the coffin. Apparently, coffins are usually only reserved for royals and nobles, but it seems some strings were pulled for this, and I’m grateful for that.

I close the coffin, figuring nobody should have to see exactly what a headless pony looks like. “I... I’d like to say something.” Everyone shifts their attention to me. I sigh. “But I have no idea what could be said. I really don’t know.”

The assembled ponies just sort of nod, agreeing with me. I’ve been to two funerals before this. My maternal grandfather, and my paternal grandmother. This time... this time it really stings.

There’s nothing left for me to do. I know I can’t just rewind life and fix all this... all I can do is hope that there’s enough time to heal before this happens again. I walk off to my little grassy place by the schoolhouse and it starts raining, as if the sky itself is crying for Pinkie. I spend a few minutes wishing a bolt of lightning would hit me and end all this... but it doesn’t come. Next Chapter: Chapter 190 Estimated time remaining: 5 Hours, 4 Minutes

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