I think I have it down now, the first attempt hurt, the second was less so, but still uneasy. I don’t know which attempt this is but it certainly feels right, and more accomplished now that I’m doing this of my own volition. I reopen my eyes and I see a pale nexus, swirling around me, part of me. I can move it slightly, but not remove it from my body. Apparently I’m not supposed to. Looking down at my chest, I see that where I normally find my star core, is gone. This nimbus of energy, of light is my star core... And I feel powerful, so powerful. And free, like a weight or some kind of suppression is removed entirely.

I look back at the amalgamation of stars that is my teacher, and silently await their approval or disappointment at my latest try.

<You have performed adequately enough. Any further failings to learn are upon you, and you shall have to practice on your own. For now, however, you won’t accidentally ignite the atmosphere the other life-forms require to survive.> the swirling collection of stars, which I had been informed is named ‘Natoque’ or ‘Crown’, slowly retreats. <Now... the mother wishes to speak with you, and you require time to rest after your meager success.

Well, meager or not, it’s success, and success is progress, which is my goal here. I’m not sure how long I’ve been up here, but I recall vaguely that there’s been a few cycles of day and night since I was brought here. I turn and Luna is up here once again. <WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO SPEAK? HERE, OR BACK ON TERRA?>

I silently hope she wants the latter as I have no idea how to get back by myself. I know I can’t fly and I have a feeling that once I enter Terra’s gravitational bubble, I’ll head straight for the ground and go ‘splat’.

“Here is perfectly fine, Anthony, though if you’d like to stay on the moon instead for the time being, I would be happy to accommodate you.”

<WHATEVER YOU CHOOSE IS FINE. IT WON’T CHANGE WHAT WE WILL BE TALKING ABOUT, I’M SURE.>

A ripple in the starscape later, and the two of us on the smooth, pale surface of the moon. The high rises of a crater’s lip surrounds us, revealing that we’re at the bottom of a crater. Strangely, the edges of the crater appear to have a wall on them, made of the pale moondust.

This is where Luna spent a thousand years? At least she had company I suppose, what with the constellations about and all. <AND FROM WHAT I GATHER, THE MOON IS ALIVE OR AT LEAST SAPIENT AS WELL, ISN’T IT?>

“That is an interesting and difficult-to-answer question, Anthony. She is both aware and... not.”

I shake my head. <REGARDLESS, IT’S NOT WHAT WE ARE HERE TO TALK ABOUT. I’M SURE THERE ARE MANY PLACES TO START... ASK WHATEVER QUESTION YOU WANT, I SUPPOSE.>

“Mmm, I came here to ask how you were doing.” Luna says, moving to a sitting position. As she does, a cushion of white-gray powder forms beneath her, without any glow of magic to make it.

<I SUPPOSE I’M OKAY. I’M NOT PLANNING ON GOING BACK TO EQUESTRIA AND WRECKING THE PLACE IF THAT’S WHAT YOU MAY HAVE BEEN WONDERING.>

“That is good to hear, but I was meaning how you feel and if you have benefited from your time here. Your friends have begun to miss you, and the young Crusaders have not been having sound nights of sleep without you this last month. It seems you pacify their dreams better than I do.”

I find that rather hard to believe, but I’m sure they at least miss me. <I’M DOING FINE UP HERE, BUT I WOULD LIKE TO GO BACK. I’VE LEARNED A FEW THINGS, BUT I’D RATHER BE SOMEWHERE WHERE I HAVE MORE INFLUENCE. BUT LET’S NOT BEAT AROUND THE BUSH, I HAVE NO DOUBT IN MY MIND THAT, FOR AT LEAST A SMALL AMOUNT OF TIME, YOU THOUGHT ABOUT MY RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR SISTER.>

“So far, I have more wondered at your insistence on being so... antagonistic towards her. She has much experience, and has obviously been trying very hard to work with you-”

<I’M SURE SHE’S WORKING EXTREMELY HARD, BUT SHE CLEARLY ISN’T GETTING THE RESULT SHE, OR YOU I ASSUME, WANTS. CONSIDERING LAST I CHECKED, PONYVILLE WAS A SMALL EARTHQUAKE AWAY FROM BEING A WARZONE.>

Luna sighs. “Anthony, you must understand, there are still many who care for you and are trying to understand your position.”

<AND WHAT DO YOU THINK MY POSITION EVEN IS? WHAT DOES CELESTIA THINK IT IS? I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT MY POSITION COULD BE, I’M JUST REACTING TO STIMULUS LIKE ANYONE WOULD. IT JUST SEEMS THAT YOUR SISTER IS QUITE KEEN AT INCITING... NEGATIVE REACTIONS.>

“I hope you understand, she’s just trying to help. And it does not help anything that you consistently refuse the help of others. You have friends, Anthony.”

<I KNOW I HAVE FRIENDS THAT WANT TO HELP ME, I HAVE MANY PEOPLE WHO CARE FOR ME, AND I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT THEY HAVE MY BEST INTERESTS AT HEART.>

“You- you do? I mean, you do, but, you knew that? Then... why? Why do you react with such rage and with so little thought behind your actions?”

<BECAUSE THEIR INTENTIONS ARE GOOD, BUT THE WAY THEY INCITE THEM IS NOT. AND CERTAIN PEOPLE I HONESTLY DON’T THINK HAVE MY BEST INTEREST IN MIND. YOUR SISTER FOR ONE. SHE SEEMS CONTENT IN SENDING ME MAIL SAYING I SHOULDN’T BE A MONSTER WHEN I HAVEN’T BEEN, THAT I SHOULDN’T BE DOING BAD THINGS LIKE TERRORIZING HER SUBJECTS FOR FUN. IT TAKES ME GOING TO HER DOORSTEP AND YELLING AT HER TO GET HER TO STOP ASSUMING I’M A BAD PERSON. THAT’S WHAT I SEE HER DOING. AND YET WHEN I DO COME BY TO MAKE HER STOP, SHE BECOMES DEFENSIVE, AS IF IT’S REALLY ALL MY FAULT THAT SHE’S MAKING ALL THESE NEGATIVE IMPLICATIONS ABOUT ME. SHE WOULDN’T STOP TREATING ME LIKE A MONSTER, AND I GOT SICK OF IT, SO I SHOWED HER WHAT SHE THOUGHT I WAS. IF I CAN’T TELL HER I’M NOT WHAT SHE SEES, THEN I HAVE TO SHOW HER WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF I WAS WHAT SHE SEES SO SHE HAS A PHYSICAL REPRESENTATION SHE CAN COMPARE AND CONTRAST.>

“Uhm, Anthony? I don’t believe she’s ever assumed you’re bad or evil. Much of her correspondence is meant to be enlightening or helpful, not hurtful. In fact...  each of the times you’ve confronted her, you’ve done so over an issue you’ve imagined she brought up, but which she didn’t. I know, I’ve been there and you’ve completely ignored me.”

<IT DOESN’T CONCERN YOU. MY QUARREL IS NOT WITH YOU AT ALL. YOU HONESTLY HAVE NOT ONCE THOUGHT OF YOUR SISTER SAYING I WAS BEING UNCONTROLLABLE? SHE ASKED ME, IN HER OFFICE, TO AVOID RESTARTING A CULT WHEN I HAD NO INTENTION OF DOING ANYTHING OF THE SORT. SHE KEEPS WARNING ME NOT TO DO THINGS AS IF I WOULD DO THEM IF I WASN’T TOLD NOT TO. THAT MAY NOT BE HER INTENTION, BUT IT IS WHAT I’M INTERPRETING FROM HER. AND UNLESS SHE CHANGES HER ‘METHODS’ OF KEEPING ME PACIFIED, THIS WILL NOT END WELL FOR EITHER OF US.>

“Anthony, she hasn’t been doing that! You’ve been wildly misinterpreting her answers and requests! She’s been giving suggestions, because she has experience!” Luna stands again, looking angry. “Anthony, this is why you’re having problems. You’re interpreting her statements to make you be ‘in the right’ even when you’re not. She told you about the cult so you knew. She warned you about power being uncontrollable if you aren’t careful! I should know, she gave me the same speech! How much of these conversations can you recall perfectly?”

<LUNA, I DON’T WANT TO ARGUE WITH THIS. I’M AWARE THAT HER INTENTS MAY NOT BE THE SAME AS WHAT I HEAR FROM HER, BUT THAT DOES NOT CHANGE THE FACT THAT I’M HEARING FROM HER WHAT I THINK I AM. I’M NOT A MINDLESS MACHINE, I HAVE OPINIONS AND EMOTIONS LUNA, PERSONAL INTENT IS NEVER A FACTOR WHEN SAYING SOMETHING TO SOMEONE UNLESS IT IS DIRECTLY STATED, WHICH YOUR SISTER FAILS TO DO.>

“And with how many beings has she been able to speak freely in the last decade? The last century? Very few. I am of the personal belief she does not truly remember how. And you always demonizing her for doing her best is exactly what you’re accusing her of doing to you. Perhaps avoiding hypocrisy should be high on your list of objectives, yes?”

I sigh. <I DON’T WANT TO BE MAD AT YOU, BUT IF YOU KEEP INSULTING ME LIKE THIS, I WILL PROBABLY DO SOMETHING I WILL REGRET FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.>

“Insulting? You think I am seeking to insult you? By telling you the truth, and hoping you will open your eyes? I am sorry, Anthony, but that is the most ludicrous thing I have ever heard in my many millennia of life.”

<YOU... ARE DOING WHAT YOUR SISTER HAS BEEN DOING. WHEN YOU TELL ME I AM IN THE WRONG AND THAT I’VE SIMPLY BEEN GETTING ANGRY JUST TO MAKE MYSELF SEEM BETTER THAN HER, YOU ARE INSULTING ME BY HORRENDOUSLY MISREADING MY INTENT. I’M TRYING TO BE CIVIL, BUT IT SEEMS THERE’S A RIFT WE CAN’T SEEM TO PATCH HERE. OUR EXPERIENCES AND ENTIRE CULTURES WORK ON SUCH DIFFERENT LEVELS, I’M NOT SURE THIS WILL END WITH EVERYONE HAPPY. I SEE THE BEST COURSE OF ACTION IS TO JUST HAVE US FORGET THE OTHER EXISTS, AND MOVE ON TO OTHER MORE IMPORTANT THINGS.>

“Like what, Anthony? You seem to think that miscommunication is solely in the domain of humanity, so I suppose I cannot contest that without you getting angry. As for everyone being happy... that is the most important thing, and you seem to refuse to share it with anyone else. Others being happy does not seem to move you, and you never seem to make others happy when you are. Maybe that is just from you being human, but it resembles perfectly a very major mental and social retardation in ponykind.” Luna sighs tiredly. “You’re constantly telling us to treat you better, but when we do, you scream and rant and act like a spoiled child because our best was not what you wanted. And you never explain. Only admonish us and tell us we’re wrong without telling us how or why.”

<I DO EXPLAIN THOUGH. I EXPLAIN THE PROBLEM I HAVE WITH YOUR SISTER MANY TIMES, UNLESS YOU WEREN’T THERE TO HEAR MY PROTESTATIONS, NOT TO MENTION MY LATEST ONE.>

“But you do not. You stand there and yell that there was a problem, that the problem was bad, and you say that it is bad because you are human and not a pony, and that is it. You do not give us any context, only the conclusion. You keep expecting us to think and reason in the same lines as a human, but it is you who also forgets that we are ponies. We are not the same. The careful observation of your abilities is in case an outside force takes control of you or steals your powers, not to take away your own life!”

<AND AGAIN, THERE’S THE FAILURE TO EXPLAIN INTENT. ALL I READ WAS HOW TO STOP ME, NOT SOME OUTSIDE FORCE CONTROLLING ME, BUT TO STOP ME IF I EVER BECAME A PROBLEM, BOTTOM LINE. THAT’S ALL I SAW, AND I CONSIDER THAT AN ATTACK ON MY INTEGRITY.>

“Why would you consider that an attack? It was a precaution, a defense. Why do you act as though we would try to kill you?”

<I THOUGHT YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND BETTER LUNA, I THOUGHT YOU KNEW WHAT IT’S LIKE TO BE CRIMINALIZED, TO BE HATED OR FEARED JUST BECAUSE OF WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN EVEN THOUGH YOU WOULD DO NO SUCH THING. YOUR SISTER IMPLIES I COULD LOSE CONTROL AND FOR THAT I NEED TO BE TOLD REPEATEDLY TO STAY IN CONTROL, WHEN IT’S CLEAR THAT I AM. THE ONLY REASON I WOULDN’T BE IN CONTROL THEN WOULD BE IF SOME OUTSIDE FORCE, OR INSIDE FORCE, AFFECTED ME SO MUCH THAT I WAS UNABLE TO HEED SUCH ADVICE ANYWAY. LIKE TREATING ME LIKE A POTENTIAL THREAT UNTIL I COULDN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE. YOU REACT WITH SADNESS WHEN PEOPLE REFER TO YOU AS THE NIGHTMARE, I REACT WITH ANGER BECAUSE I TRY TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. I WANT THE DEMONIZING OF MYSELF TO STOP AND THAT REQUIRES ACTION. I NEVER STRIVE TO MAKE EVERYONE HAPPY BECAUSE IN MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE, IN MY LIFE BEFORE COMING HERE, THAT WAS RARELY AN OPTION, AND AS SUCH, WAS A NOT A GOOD GOAL TO STRIVE FOR.>

“There! Right there, you simply stated that this is a problem, and that it is bad, and then you did not explain why!” Luna jabs me in the chest with a hoof, pushing me back a little. “So tell me now, without beating a dead bush, why you consider precautions an attack. Nothing else. Just that!”

<I CONSIDER YOUR PRECAUTIONS AN ATTACK BECAUSE YOU TELL ME I NEED TO BE IN CONTROL OF MYSELF, IMPLYING THAT I’M NOT SMART ENOUGH TO KNOW I’M THE MOST DANGEROUS THING AROUND. YOU THINK I TOOK IT LIGHTLY WHEN LYRA TOLD ME I COULD BLOW UP AND KILL EVERYONE AROUND ME? I KNOW I’M A TERRIBLE DANGER, AND CONSISTENTLY REMINDING ME OF THAT DOES NOT HELP. WANT AN EXAMPLE? THAT WOULD BE LIKE EVERY MORNING YOUR SISTER WALKING INTO YOUR ROOM TO REMIND YOU THAT NIGHTMARE MOON WAS BAD AND YOU SHOULDN’T DO THAT. SEEMS POINTLESS SINCE YOU KNOW THAT ALREADY, DOESN’T IT? BUT SHE DOES IT ANYWAY.>

“Pfah, I have no need of my sister reminding me. My reflection taunting me does that well enough. As well, I do have many reminders to keep my power in check. Do you not think that Alicorns, the embodiments of the three tribes, must keep their strength in check? There are the shattered remains of what must be half a million teapots from Celestia learning to control her simple magics. There are many craters on this moon from me learning to control my weather magic. Celestia and I are dangerous to be around, and it took us centuries to consider ourselves safe to be around ponies, and you’ve had your powers for only a paltry two years. Of course you will be reminded constantly. Be glad you weren’t assigned a family of trainers to put you through your paces every day and night for the next two-hundred years.”

<I FEEL I DON’T NEED TO BECAUSE I’M AWARE OF WHAT MY POWER COULD DO. WE ALL AGREE THAT POWER IS DANGEROUS, AND YOUR SISTER STILL THINKS I NEED MULTIPLE REMINDERS OF THAT ANYWAY. YOU KNOW YOU ARE DANGEROUS AND YOU ARE STILL TRYING YOUR BEST, NOW IMAGINE SOMEONE MORE POWERFUL AND SMARTER THAN YOU, SOMEONE YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO RESPECT, KEEPS TELLING YOU HOW DANGEROUS YOU ARE WHEN SHE COULD JUST LEAVE YOU ALONE AND CHANGE NOTHING, AND YET SHE PERSISTS ANYWAYS. WOULD THAT NOT AFFECT YOU? WOULD YOU SHRUG IT OFF, AGREE YOU ARE A THREAT AND LIE DOWN? FINE, THAT'S YOUR RESPONSE. WELL, I’M IN THAT POSITION, AND I’M TRYING TO MAKE IT STOP, RATHER THAN WAITING FOR HER TO TIRE OF IT. YOU SAY I WANT TO BE TREATED BETTER. I DO. I WANT TO BE TREATED EQUALLY AND THAT REQUIRES ME BEING TREATED BETTER THAN I AM NOW. I BELIEVE EVERYONE SHOULD BE TREATED EQUALLY, AND THE ONLY REASON THEY SHOULDN’T IS IF THEY DON’T DESERVE TO. YOUR SISTER, SINCE I HAVE ARRIVED HERE, HAS BEEN TELLING ME I DO NOT DESERVE TO BE TREATED EQUALLY, WHETHER SHE INTENDED TO OR NOT. EVENTUALLY, I COULDN’T TAKE IT.>

Luna is silent for several moments, only the faintest of winds stirring the surface of the moon.

“You... you think of her like a mother, don’t you?”

<I SUPPOSE SO. I SHOULD LIKE YOU TWO AND LEARN TO LIVE WITH YOU BECAUSE IF WHAT YOU SAY IS TRUE, THAT I WILL LIVE FOR A VERY LONG TIME, YOU TWO WILL BE SOME OF THE FEW PEOPLE I’LL STILL HAVE. THIS IS NOTHING NEW. BACK ON EARTH, BEFORE ALL THIS... EVERY TIME I MOVED HOUSES, CHANGED SCHOOLS, ANY SCENE BECAME DIFFERENT, DURING THE TRANSITION I LOST FRIENDS. I LOST THOSE I TRUSTED AND LOVED. THE ONLY PERSON SO FAR WHO HAS NOT EVER LEFT ME SINCE I MET HIM WAS CLARK. SOMEHOW, FATE LET ME GO UP A GRADE, GO TO ANOTHER SCHOOL, AND STILL KEEP HIM. WHEN THINGS CHANGE, I LOSE EVERYTHING BUT JUST A FEW. AND NOW THAT I’M HERE, I’VE LOST EVERYTHING BUT ONE PERSON. ONLY ONE CONSTANT IN MY ENTIRE LIFE TO THIS POINT THAT I HAD TO WAIT OVER TEN YEARS TO FIND. IF I DON’T FIND OUT SOME WAY TO LIVE WITH YOU TWO, AND YOU ARE ALL I’LL HAVE... I’D PROBABLY KILL MYSELF.>

“That would be terrible. I would hate to find I was the reason a friend did not remain alive, for any reason.” Luna steps forward, motioning for a hug. I accept, as she starts talking again. “I know you’re afraid of losing what matters to you. I doubt you’d be as stable as you are if you didn’t. But at least you know that you do have someone right now. If... if you do live your full life, then I hope you’ll find others as you go. As for now, well... at least you hang under with your friend, Clark, until he leaves.”

<YEAH... I WANNA GO HOME.>

“To... Earth? Or Ponyville?”

<I DON’T KNOW ANYMORE...>

“I shall do what I am able, Anthony. I shall do what I am able.”

In a flash, we’re on our way back. Next Chapter: Beyond the Horizon Estimated time remaining: 6 Hours, 23 Minutes