Starlight in a Broken Vessel

by the-pieman

Chapter 122

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Chapter 122

I walk to another part of the park and I just... think about what to do about the whole ‘getting laid’ issue. I lay down on the grass and try to come up with a solution to my problem, then Pinkie shows up. She grins and greets me, but as soon as she gets my half-hearted reply she just lays down next to me. “Wanna talk about it?”

I move Pinkie on top of me and just start petting her. It makes me feel a bit better. I figure if I have to tell someone it might as well be the Element of Confidence

“I just don’t know what to do.” Pinkie gets settled on top of my upper body. “I kinda got to the bottom of one of my problems... but that just made another problem.”

“What was the first problem?”

I sigh. “My aggression issues.”

Pinkie nods. “Yeah, you really should fix that.” Owch. Well, at least she’s right...

“So I chatted with a counselor while in Manehattan. He said I probably should... y’know... get a girlfriend.”

Pinkie gives me a smile. “Well I think I know somepony who can do that.” Pinkie smashes her mouth against mine in a rough, impromptu kiss and wraps her hooves around my neck pulling me into it. Pinkie shifts her position so she’s straddling me and uses a hoof to start sliding off my pants and-

Anthony!” I’m being shaken around and I see Pinkie has grabbed me by my shoulders and is jostling me. “You just spaced out, are you feeling alright?”

“Yeah... yeah I’m fine I just.. oh damn I need to get laid.” Pinkie blushes a bit at this, but doesn’t start babbling like Twilight.

“Well, what about Anne? I’m sure if you just asked her, she’d-”

“No way, I couldn’t! I don’t want to look like some horny prick who just wants her so I have something to fuck!”

Pinkie Pie ponders this for a moment. “How do you know that’s how she’d see it?”

“I don’t... but I don’t want to risk it. And I want to give Myrna a chance, she deserves one too. I can’t say ‘you both get a chance’ and then just screw one of them because I’m horny.”

“It’s not just that though, you need it because you’re stressed out. Everypony needs a bit of release sometime. That’s practically the leading cause of a normal pony ending up a total meanie. Besides, it’s just sex, right?”

“Well, it’s a bit more than that to humans. We don’t all share the same view, but I see it as something you should do with someone you love. Sex is kind of a way of saying ‘I love you so much that I would do this with you over anyone else.’ y’know? I don’t want to just jump into that and then find out the relationship won’t work.”

“But ponies don’t always see it that way. I know you’re not into ponies but if you really need to, I could always... uh... I know a few ponies who wouldn’t mind ‘spending some time’ with you.” Pinkie heaves a sigh. “I just wanna help, but you don’t really make it that easy.”

“I know, I know, but this is really difficult.”

“Well... maybe you could just try it with a pony. Maybe it won’t be as weird as you think it would be.”

“But... but-”

Pinkie pushes her hoof up to my mouth to shut me up. “No buts. If you can’t manage it with Anne... or Myrna, I’m gonna call somepony who I know would be willing to help you out.” The way she said that makes me really not want to meet this pony, whoever she is. “I mean, she’d do it for free, but if you wanted her to keep it quiet and not, y’know, tell everypony that it happened... well, I can take care of that.”

“I- I dunno Pinkie...”

“I just want to help, okay? We probably won’t even need her. I’m sure you could make it work with Anne.”

“If you say so... But I’m not gonna walk up to her and Myrna and say ‘Hi, my guidance counselor said I need to get laid, let’s fuck!’ Who knows what they’d say?”

Pinkie seems to have locked up. “W- well, you could just ask at this point...”

I look up and see that Myrna and presumably an invisible Anne had heard at least my last comment. I turn to Pinkie for assistance, but it seems she’s vanished.

“Oh shit...”

“Is there something you, ah, wanted to tell us?” Myrna asks, one scaly eyebrow delicately quirked.

Ooookay, don’t panic! “Er, well... I- That is... I was speaking with a counselor about my issues and he uh... gave me a rather interesting prescription to help me with my anger problem...” I grin, hoping that I can come out of this unhurt.

“Uh huh. I’m sure that’s what you say to all the girls.”

I relax and snark back. “What girls? You two are the only ones around.”

I hear a pained sound, and see that a mare walking by heard and now looks offended. “I stand by my statement.” She hmphs and sticks her muzzle in the air, walking away in a huff. Oh well, whatever.

Myrna, however, has closed the distance while I was distracted, and I see that Anne is visible again, though it’s a bit hard to remember where she is when I’m not looking directly at her. The both of them have me effectively trapped between them, and Myrna purrs a few gentle words in my ear.

“Now now, who said we didn’t want to? You’re being an utter gentleman...” She smiles a bright, toothy grin. The dozens of sharp points are perfectly meshed, looking more like a shark’s teeth than a snake’s.

I gulp and turn a bit, only to find Anne by my side, belatedly remembering I’d already seen her get close. She’s giving me an almost predatory look as well. “Uh... I swear I wasn’t kidding, I uh, I could send him a letter if you want, really!”

Anne and Myrna exchange a glance, and start laughing. “Wow, he’s really taking us seriously!” Myrna guffaws, and even Anne is chuckling to herself a foot or two away.

I point to Myrna fearfully. “You could petrify me, crush my spine with a hug or just drop a boulder on me!” I point at Anne. “You have talons which could rip my eyes out, and your wings are like gigantic razor-blades! I think I’m entitled to be kinda scared right now!”

The two girls laugh again. Myrna pokes at me with a finger, and says, “And you can set me on fire, electrocute Anne, and grow super-big, according to Twilight. I think we’re even.”

I just whimper a bit. “I uh... uh... I have a headache?” This just makes the two laugh even harder, Myrna literally rolling fully over in her hysterics.

“Er, yeah, I’m funny. Anyway, can I be guaranteed that I’ll make it out of this without ending up a chopped-up pancake?” I scoot away from them a bit.

Anne stifles her laughter and pats me on the back with a wing, the soft clinking of metal on metal not reassuring me. “You’re fine, Anthony. Besides, it’s not like you admitted to trying to steer us into a relationship just for the sex. That you’re being considerate of us means a lot. Really.” Myrna only nods, her eyes red and puffy from crying with her laughter.

“So... one of you is gonna... You know... For real?”

“Heh, no, I’m sure you’ll be fine.” Anne says, smiling again.

I sigh in relief. They’re just punking me. Wow, I honestly thought that they were gonna just... well, I guess that’s over. I stand up and start walking away, planning on finding a way to calm down.

I feel Anne glomp me from behind, and Myrna pops up in front of me through the ground to hug me, and I’m sort of stuck. “We’re not just gonna let you go without a hug, though.” Anne says, and Myrna squeezes me in affirmation.

“O- okay...” The ‘crush my spine with a hug’ thought reenters my mind, but with sword-arm girl also being here, I decide struggling might not be wise, my instincts of self-preservation telling me a billion different things at once.

After several seconds of snuggling, I’m let go, though the girls are still lingering.

I try and come up with words. “So... yeah. Not sure if I’d make it the reward for winning, but the competition is still on and uh... yeah... bye!” I dash off as fast as I can before either of them tries grabbing me again. Jeez, I knew that this might be dangerous, but the idea of having sex with a giant snake or a metal bird is very... unnerving to say the least.

‘Maybe a pony won’t be so bad...’ My mind suggests. Nooooononononono! No way! Safer or not... Man I need to find a solution to this. I stop and realize I’ve ran back to the library. I figure I’ll just stay home for a while, I’ve had enough excitement for one day. Hoping the universe agrees with me, I walk inside and head up to my room.

Flopping onto my bed, I get barely two minutes of peace until there’s a knock at my door. I sigh and walk over to answer it. I look down, and see that Spike is shuffling awkwardly in the doorway, looking like he either needs to use the restroom or ask me a delicate question.

“Need something man?” I ask, figuring I could just get whatever problem he has over with.

“Hey, so I saw you with Anne and Myrna... and I heard that you’ve got them both courting you, and I- er, that is... uhm...” he trails off, looking a little confused and apprehensive.

I sigh, knowing what he probably wanted. “Advice for Rarity, right?”

“No! Can you tea- oh, I thought you were gonna say... uhm, yeah. I- I want her to like me. Like like me! And, well, you’ve already got two girls, so I figured you might have some advice.”

“Well, you might have a bit of trouble if you ask me for advice. I didn’t really do anything, it just sorta happened. I guess the advice I’d have to give is ‘be yourself’ but I have a feeling you’ve already tried that.”

“Yeah, but you had a whole bunch of mares sending you letters and stuff, too.”

“Maybe because... Idunno actually. Maybe you seem a little young, that could be the problem.”

“B- but I’m almost sixteen!” He looks at me with huge, pleading eyes, looking for all the world like a little kid. I heave a sigh, not entirely sure how to explain to him the problem here.

“Well, that’s not the same as what age you seem to be. You just need to act mature. Even if you don’t look the part, act like it. Granted, you kinda already do if you ask me. Though I would suggest you find a different mare to chase. Rarity’s already got her eyes on someone. No idea who, but I’ve never been able to find the time to make her tell me who it is. My point being, if you haven’t had much luck this far, you might just have to quit now that you’ve got competition.”

Spike looks utterly heart broken. Like, kicked-puppy mixed with dying kitten. I feel something in my heart sort of die off and shrivel, even though that response wasn’t what I meant to get from him.

“Though I guess there is an advantage. Find out who this guy is, find out what she likes about him. Stay her friend and don’t try to push your love on her. Find out more about the guy until you know exactly what he’s doing. Find something you can use to help you with her.”

Spike nods glumly and begins to slouch off. I don’t know if he actually heard me, or just nodded because it’s ingrained in him to do so.

“Just don’t forget that if you need a wingman, I’m here for you, even if I don’t understand mares at all.”

“Yeah... sure. I think... I think I need a coffee and a donut.” he mutters. “And some marshmallows...”

That gives me an idea. “Wait, have you tried giving her stuff? Like, just little candies or flowers or whatever? I’m not sure about mares, but human girls like chocolate usually.” Being generous to get the Element of Generosity... not entirely farfetched.

“I- well, I once gave her this really rare gem... I’ve only ever seen two, and one of them is in Celestia’s personal jewelry and stuff. The other, though, was bigger than Celestia’s, and it looked so delicious... but...”

“You gave it to her, didn’t you? Rarity I mean.”

“Y-yeah. She is- er, was worth it.” He sort of half waves and finishes stalking into the room he shares with Twilight. I can hear him grump as he lays down.

“Just don’t give up. If you really want her, I think I’ll try and see if I can’t get her interested at least a little.” I think he deserves a chance. If he gave her a present that as far as I can tell is super important and he’s still trying his damndest... he deserves a shot. I plan to head over to Carousel Boutique and see Rarity about this mysterious guy... after a nap.

I flop onto my bed and don’t bother to strip down or get under the covers, just laying on the bed belly-up and it’s not long before I drift off again... no idea why I’m feeling so tired right now... Next Chapter: Chapter ABC Estimated time remaining: 17 Hours, 24 Minutes

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