“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!”

Twilight walks in perfectly calmly. “Ah you’re awake. Good. Did you sleep well?” She was giving me that grin I only see on people who are way too happy with themselves and should be run over. By a fully loaded minivan.

I am so shocked at the circumstance it takes me two whole minutes for it to click in my brain. Twilight did this!

“You goddamn horse! I'm going to take every book you own, scribble in the margins, and-woah!” As soon as I step forward to strangle the evil dirty bitch, I fail at walking and end up on my face.

“Tsk Tsk tsk, you really need to be careful Anthony, you’ll never get the hang of things if you keep falling over.”

I growl at her, trying my best to get my hooves underneath me somehow just so I can stand up. “Twilight Sparkle, I will cut you in half with a blunt object for this!”

“Chill out Anthony, you know this is only temporary. Besides, it’s not that bad.”

I want to murder Twilight, but if she can turn me into a pony at will, my brain assures me she’d have no problems turning me inside-out in ‘self-defense’. Fucking magic. Fucking magic. If I had my powers right now...

She levitates a mirror over and I get a look at myself. All I can do is sigh as I see my new form staring back at me.

Pinkie Pie helps me get to my fee- hooves, and shows me how to adjust to my new center of balance. After quite a few attempts, I can walk. Pinkie had the idea of showing me around Ponyville properly as it hadn’t really happened yet, and I suppose it’d be interesting to get a pony’s-eye-view of the town.

As long as we keep my true identity a secret, taking a tour shouldn’t be that problematic. I must admit, things are a bit easier now that I’m a pony, since everything is designed for ponies... but I still can’t wait for this damn spell to wear off.

Well my identity was going to be kept a secret... mostly. Pinkie could resist the urge to introduce me to random strangers, but she just couldn’t keep it from the others, so whenever we stopped by the house of one of our friends, there was going to be an introduction... I don’t know how any of them would react though.

After we left the park, which I admit does look a lot bigger and more welcoming now, we headed for Carousel Boutique.

As we reach the front door, Pinkie knocks excitedly, but I nearly trip on a small pothole, requiring Pinkie to catch me before I end up a road pretzel. Which is like street pizza, but alive.

Rarity opens the door just in time to see Pinkie holding me in something approximating the classic ‘dip and kiss’ pose, though without the kiss, obviously.

This is going to be told to everyone before the hour is out, I’m sure of it.

Wait... she doesn’t know it’s me... yet. I might be able to salvage this! Maybe. I untangle myself from Pinkie as fast as I can without making a knot of myself, and stand up again. “Uh... hi there...”

“Well, hello there, dear! I didn’t know somepony new was coming to town, or I would’ve tried to snap you up before Pinkie did! Oh, how lucky of you both, it must’ve been love at first sight!”

These two things just made me completely wordless for all of two seconds. “What the fuck Rarity!?”

“Oh, such harsh language! Even if you are a fan of my works, you should know to be courteous around a lady!” Rarity offers me a haughty look, and I realize that she’s mistaken me for someone who knows her by reputation.

I decide to get things cleared up as soon as possible. “We are going inside before anyone sees anything. If Sweetie’s home, get her out... somehow.” With that I walk inside. This is going to be difficult if this is how it’s going to be with everyone.

“Wha- how did you know my sister’s name?” Rarity said, looking startled and a bit wary. Pinkie, though just hopped after me, giggling slightly.

“Duh, that’s Anthony! Twilight wanted to turn him into a pony and she said he’d be fine so I was the template again or probably more for the first time because the first time I was supposed to be the template for the spell Twilight got startled and accidentally turned me into a human instead and then you made me some clothes that I still have just in case of clothing emergencies and me and Anthony went whoosh! through the ground like we were flying except it was underground and-”

I cut off Pinkie. “Yes, yes, our great adventure. Anyways, I’m currently checking the place out like this for the day.” There’s already a rumor about my time with Pinkie. If it’s validated in front of one of Equestria’s most prolific gossips... I shudder at the thought.

“Ooh, and you want a dashing ensemble to catch the eyes of your dream mare! Ooh, I’ve got ideas already! Just wait here, and I’ll be back to measure in a moment!” Rarity zoomed up her stairs, and I feel like the entire universe just froze up completely. Or that’s just me.

Dream mare!? No way! I’m a pony but I still am absolutely positively never going to fall in love with one! When Rarity comes back and my head defrosts, I relay this fact to her.

The only problem with telling her, though, seems to be that she becomes selectively deaf when presented with a chance to make clothing, and she just hums over my protestations. If I hadn’t had to worry about the asteroid belt of flying pins and needles, I’d have run. As it was, I could barely speak as she measured and did whatever else she was working on. As well, Pinkie seemed to have disappeared.

I hope it’s not going to be like this all day. I still can’t believe that Rarity said that she’d take me if Pinkie hadn’t... which she hadn’t. Ugh this is going to be difficult. Hopefully everyone else doesn’t look at me and think ‘I want to date that’. Otherwise, this will be super awkward.

After about a half-hour of fitting, Rarity says that I’ll have to check in after an hour. Or she’d come to me, and the way she said that sent chills down my spine... Or along it? It’s a lot more horizontal now... this is still so weird. The chills likely came from the armada of flying pins that jabbed towards me to help make her point.

However, it looked like I was free to go for now, so at least I could get out of Rarity’s House of Shipping. Seriously, all these ponies are crazy. Except Twilight. She’s just an asshole.

When Pinkie randomly materializes again, she informs me that our next stop is Sweet Apple Acres. Thank goodness, Applejack will probably just shrug it off, not trap me in a whirlwind of sharp stabby-things.

When we get there, I realize just how short the trees are. I mean, yeah they’re tall because I’m a pony, but pretty short overall. I figured it was just because I was so tall. Now that they tower over me though, I’m worried I might get lost in these orchards!

Thankfully, Pinkie seems to be part Tigger, and fails to get lost, as she bounces along with me just walking along behind her. We arrive somewhere deep in the sea of apple trees, AJ bucking trees and making apples fall from them.

Huh. I thought that was just a Big Mac thing; I’ve never actually seen any of the other earth ponies do it. Maybe it’s just a family thing, then. On top of that, Applejack suddenly seems a lot stronger than I thought, and I previously thought she was pretty strong already. This is a mare who could take care of herself... why do I find that important?

The orange mare turned towards Pinkie and I, sweeping her cornsilk-gold mane out of the way with a flick of her head. She smiles as she sees us, and trots over, the scent of workout-sweat permeating the air gently. “Howdy, y’all! Who’s this, Pinkie?”

After Pinkie had introduced me, and my brain had stopped pointing out a whole slew of little, really unimportant things about Applejack, AJ offered a hoof to me, and I tentatively accepted it. Once the vibrations stop, I’ll have to remind myself to avoid shaking hooves or hands with the Apple family members. She is strong.

“So I had a rather interesting experience when I went to see Rarity earlier. You’ll never guess what happened.”

“She decided she liked yer colors an’ said she was gonna make you a fancy set ah duds?”

“Aside from that. But she apparently likes more than just my colors. It seems that she considers me ‘desirable’ for some reason. I mean, what the heck? Can you believe that?”

“Shucks, sugarcube, I can see it. Yer not really mah type, but I can see how some mares would go for the wiry build. An y’ look healthy. Still, always thought Rares liked white coats; guess it’s just the thinner ones.”

“I suppose. I’m still not interested in any mares, I mean come on, like a pony body would change how my head works. Besides, this is temporary.”

“Makes sense t’ me. Ah don’t know much about magic an’ stuff, really. Anyways, you here for a reason, or just tryin’ to distract me from work?”

“Oh! Uh, right, sorry. I’ll let you get back to work.” I start to leave but I get the overwhelming urge to say one more thing. “Hope to see ya again, AJ!”

Huh... that wasn’t nearly as weird or stupid as my usual verbal urges... why was that so important? Strange... As Pinkie and I walk away from Sweet Apple Acres, I see the pronking pink party pony pass me weird looks. I shrug it off, though, as we re-enter town, and have to thread our way past a small, angled blockade. A moment after we’ve passed it, a loud buzzing builds up, and I only turn in time to catch a glimpse of an orange blur fly from the tiny ramp and clear a house.

Huh. I’m... not sure what to think of that, actually. I just hope Scoots lands safely. I mean, she’s the only thing I know who would actually use a ramp like that, so it had to be her, right? Right. Heh, wonder what she’d think of her great hero if she found out what he looked like as a pony. She’d probably start crying. Well... maybe not.

Our next stop was a place I knew well, but since the town seemed so much taller, recalling the exact path to the Frothy Mug was a bit difficult. After several tries and finally resorting to just asking Pinkie, we made our way to the Mug at last. The bar was just getting ready to close as we arrived, but Stoic let us in anyways, because of Pinkie.

Obviously neither he nor Berry recognized me. Perhaps this could be used as a way to get around places like Canterlot without dealing with paparazzi. Huh... that gives me an idea for later. Making a mental note to ask Twilight about it later, I walk up to the bar and greet Berry.

“Howdy, stranger. Watcha want? We’ve only got light drinks now, and normally we’d be closing. But, I owe Pinks here a few favors, so her coltfriend can get a drink with her if you’d like.”

I’m about to correct her on her mistake, but Pinkie does it first. So glad she understands. This whole thing is weird though. Why does everyone assume a love interest and not just a friend?

“Huh, didn’t recognize you, Anthony, my bad. Still, this close to Hearts and Hooves day, I guess it’s just natural to assume... ‘specially with how close Pinks is sticking to you.” I frown for a moment, wondering what she means, and turn my head a little. I almost jump out of my skin when a field of pink and sterling blue eyes fill my vision, Pinkie’s smile a gleaming crescent of white. Okay... need to remind her of the ‘personal bubble’. How’d I not notice it though? Weird. And what did Berry say?

“Heart and Hooves? Is that like Valentine’s day or something?”

“Eh? I have no idea. Hearts and Hooves day is an old holiday, and it’s mostly centered around couples getting together. Have to say, even though it’s a cheesy holiday, it was the reason I met Poker-Face here, so that’s alright.” She gestures towards Stoic, whose expression was more stony than a granite cliff face. “And that’s how I got my little’uns, so it’s all good. It’s coming up in about two weeks, though I hear that Ms. Cheerilee is taking a vacation for the week before and after, after what happened last year.” Yeah, that’s not ominous at all.

I’ll ask about that later. And how this version of Valentine’s day started. Probably doesn’t start with a pair of dead people. How did we get a romantic day out of that kind of setup anyway?

Pinkie got us some light drinks, and they were pretty much something only she could dream up as it was less than 2% alcohol and 98% sugar. It was almost hard to keep it down, but it tasted great. Don’t know why, usually if it’s difficult to stomach I want less of it... guess ponies like sugar. Or there’s something in the drink that gives you a reverse gag-reflex. I put my money on something in the drink, knowing Pinkie’s creativeness and Berry’s ingenuity.

When we finished our little meeting with Berry and Stoic, we were headed to Fluttershy’s cottage when we ran into Rainbow Dash. Except she ran into us, and was flying.

“What am I, your personal landing pad?”

“Woah, sorry dude. You’re not hurt, are you?” Dash seemed really concerned all of a sudden, way more so than she normally is when tussling with me. She’s even checking me over for injuries!

“No worse condition than the last time you crashed into me. Or beat the shit out of me. What’s got you all worried about me all of a sudden?”

“Wait, Anthony?”

“In the currently very furry flesh.”

“Oh, sorry, I thought you were a... wait, you are a colt... what’s goin’ on?”

“Twilight decided I should be a pony for a day. It’s not that awful, I guess.” But I was still gonna get her back.

“Uh, right... anyways, whatcha up to? Any reason you’re near the edge of town, buddy?”

“Well Pinkie’s finally giving me an official tour of the place and we were about to go see Fluttershy, then you had your little accident.”

“Oh... alright. Uh, I’m not really one for small-talk, and I was coming in for a landing when you got to the top of the hill. You need anything, or can I get back to what I was doin’?”

“Get back to flying, or landing badly? Seriously, you’d think you’d learn a bit more control over your speed. Like slowing down before you stop. I’ve heard that helps.”

Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Oh, whatever. I need to go pick up my order from Rarity. Seeya later, Anthony.” And with that, she trots off towards town. I look around and see there’s very few ponies around. Apparently, the outskirts aren’t frequented, so that at least explains why she thought she could just land. Still should’ve looked out.

“Good luck with Big Mac!” I yell back at Rainbow before Pinkie and I get back to our destination. I honestly don’t really see how a calm collected guy like that could do well with such an impulsive braggart, but I do kinda want to see her at least get a chance at it. Because then she’d owe me one.

Next Chapter: Chapter 111 Estimated time remaining: 19 Hours, 29 Minutes