It seemed to take forever, but I’m finally out of the hospital, and it feels pretty good to stretch my legs. I feel the shortsword at my side, and I wonder why both it and the sheath grew to be human sized. It’s supposed to be a pony artifact, isn’t it?

Well, only one thing to do now, research and experimentation. I’m walking to the library when Rainbow lands in front of me.

“Hey, nice to see you’re up and moving again. I’m gonna get you some training, and you’ll land Myrna in no time!”

“You know, I’m not entirely sure how valid your teachings will be.”

Dash looked at me like I hit my head. “What? If you forgot why you were in the hospital already-”

“No, I mean how beefing up will get Myrna to like me. I’m not sure that method would even work.”

“It will, I know it will! You lost a fight though, so that means you have to be even more impressive.”

What? “Prove it then.”

Rainbow recoiled a bit. “You want me to put the moves on Myrna!?”

I facepalm. “No, I mean I want proof it works in general. And seeing as how you seem so sure of this technique of yours and yet you have no significant other, I’m gonna say that it won’t actually work.”

Rainbow scoffs. “I don’t need a stallion, but I could get any guy around if I wanted, no problem.”

“Really?” I give a rather impressed look.

“Of course! Besides, I bloodied a stellar being, that’s massive ‘awesome’ points right there!”

I roll my eyes and decide to ignore the fact that if I went all out with powers she’d be dead. “Alright then, show me.”

“Huh?”

“Do it.” I look at the ponies going about their business and I pick out the first stallion I see. An earth pony with a pale cobalt-grayish coat and a dark grey mane in a spiky swept-back style.

“Him. That one right there.” I get a look at his flank. “With the clover cutie mark. Do it.”

Dash takes a step back. “Wait, just some random stallion? Right now?”

“I thought you said you could get any guy? If your method works on a complete stranger, then it’ll probably work on Myrna since she’s already a friend, right? So prove it.”

“F- fine! You just watch, this’ll be easy!”

I watch as Rainbow walks off towards him slowly. She glances back at me and I just grin and nod. She suddenly seems less sure of herself. Before she gets the guy’s attention, she takes a page from my book and puts on the “Mr. Smooth” face.

I can’t hear them, but I can see what’s going on, and I watch as Dash attempts several poses and exalts herself repeatedly. I can hear her voice wavering from here though... heh, she doesn’t actually have the nerve, she’s just doing this because I said she couldn’t.

After a few moments of this, I see a simple, visible shake of the head ‘no’, and Rainbow slumps. the stallion says something I don’t catch and Rainbow brightens up a little, though she’s still got that ‘defeated’ look to her.

When the stallion leaves, I walk up to Dash, shaking my head. “Nice moves there, Miss. ‘I can get any guy I want’.”

“Hey, that wasn’t fair! I had no time to build up my mojo, I wasn’t ready for it. And besides, he’s already got a marefriend, and they aren’t ready to start a full herd yet.”

“Well it doesn’t matter, because even if you succeeded, I’d still consider it a useless demonstration.”

“What?! You can’t just dismiss my success!” She looked away slightly. “...Even if it didn’t happen. It totally could’ve!”

“Sure, okay. Let’s say that that something that works on a male horse would obviously and completely work on a hundred-or-so foot long snake woman. Though I guess I can give you another chance to embarrass yourself.”

“Hey!”

Once more I fold my arms and grin. “Prove it. If you don’t get the next guy, you have to admit that you have less chance of getting a significant other than I do. And that you suck at picking up guys.”

I look around at the ponies and see the perfect guy to torture Dash with. Big Macintosh. This will be sweet. I jab my thumb at him. “Him, Now. Go get ‘im, killer.”

Rainbow Dash turned an odd combination of red and white under her blue coat, giving the impression of a poorly-made Union Jack. I can see her gulp and nod shakily, and she starts muttering to herself. I almost bust a gut when I hear her whisper ‘he’s only Ponyville’s most eligible bachelor...’ under her breath

Comedy. Gold.

Rainbow Dash winged over to the stoic farmer, and began to quietly talk to him, and I can see some rather different motions from her than she had used with the other guy. She’s also started poofing out her feathers, making them look really fuzzy.

I swear I’ve seen something like that before. Before I can think on that though, I see Big Mac smile and nod, saying “Eeyup”. My jaw drops.

What th-

Rainbow watches as the tall stallion wanders off to finish whatever he was doing at the time, then she pumps her forehoof in the air like a fist, and shouts gleefully. She cuts off when she remembers I’m watching, and flies over.

“See, easy-peasy. We’re going to a movie later. Ha.”

“Not bad, not bad at all. Now let’s see you keep him interested. Congratulations. As your prize... you get to tell Applejack.”

Rainbow’s jubilant expression changes to one of horror. “Oh sweet Celestia’s teats! She’s going to murder me!” The pegasus began hyperventilating almost instantly, going from normal to panicked in ten seconds flat.

“See, this is why you should start losing more often. Don’t forget what happened last time you beat me at something.” I give her an evil grin. “Say... wanna have an arm wrestle?”

“My life is rui-hi-hinned!” Rainbow sobbed. “Applejack’s gonna break my wi~ings!”

Hmm... this needs popcorn. Or some ham to go with all the cheese.

“Oh come on, I doubt she’d do anything like that. I mean really, do you think she’d do any worse than break one of your ribs?”

“You weren’t there when Soft Landings tried hitting on him! Nopony ever saw her again!”

“Really? Damn... Well good luck at Sweet Apple Acres. I’ll bring a stretcher by.”

“This isn’t funny, Anthony! I finally bagged one of the colts of my dreams, and his sister is going to kill meee!”

“You never mentioned you had a crush on him, oh this is just b-e-a-utiful!” I‘m now laughing like crazy. I wonder what kind of stuff I can get out of Rarity for this one!

“Of course I have a crush on him! Everypony’s got a crush on Big Mac! The only reason you don’t have a crush on him is because you don’t like ponies!” Rainbow said, gesticulating wildly. Man, she’s a load of fun when she’s riled up.

“Yeah, but you actually did something about it. Just now. So I think that counts a bit more. Seriously though, I’ll come with you. If AJ does anything worse than hospitalize you for a month, I’ll do what I can to hold her off, deal?”

“But you’re a wuss without your powers! She’d go right through you-”

With that I just sit right on top of her like I did with Shining and I watch as she tries to stay standing up. “What’s that now? I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over your lesser body weight.”

I nearly flip completely off of her, though, when a wingtip snakes up and tickles me on the side. Crap! She’s found my one weakness!

“Haha- th- that’s ha cheating! Hahaha AJ do- ha! Doesn’t have w- w- wings!”

“Yeah, and now I’m the superior champion! Faster healing, superior speed, and I can tickle!” Dash then lets loose a surprisingly malevolent evil laugh, cackling merrily as she tickles my sides relentlessly until I can barely breath. By the time she lets me go, we’re both breathless and laughing. My bones feel like they’ve been replaced with jell-o.

“Well played Rainbow Dash. I guess I’ll have to come up with another thing to humiliate you with. Remember, the better you are, the more I torture your social reputation. By the way, how many ponies have you convinced that you don’t really have a human and/or paint fetish?”

“Eh, it all kinda blew over after a week. Nothing really makes a long-standing impact ‘round here. Too much weird stuff, y’know? Random aliens dropping in, space-whales coming to eat said aliens, demons from another dimension, ancient monsters getting loose, and aliens getting adopted by the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Speaking of, the leader of my fanclub has been strangely absent lately, you seen Scootaloo much?”

“They have not adopted me, I’m babysitting them so they don’t set the town on fire or unleash hellspawns upon the world. As for Scootaloo, no idea since I was in hospital.”

“Wait, she came to visit you in the hospital? Aw, man, she doesn’t even come see me in the hospital! She hates the place, won’t say why.”

“Well she does seem to like being near me. Guess I’m like the older brother she wished she had or something.”

“Heh... She doesn’t really talk much about her home life. I wonder if she’s actually got any siblings for real? Even I have a couple of siblings.”

“Yeah well, do we go see Applejack now, or should we tell her after your date?”

Rainbow’s slowly restored confidence fades a little, and her ears go flat. “Uh, well... maybe we should- that is, maybe we shouldn’t go- well, I just... ooh, you just had to pick him, didn’t you!” Dash grumbled under her breath after the exclamation. “Ugh, let’s just go now. I- I gotta do this.”

“I can’t do this!” Rainbow screamed, flapping with all her might. To her credit, she was lifting me, holding onto her tail, as she tried going straight up. There was a very impressive amount of downdraft buffeting me, as she tried to flee her encounter with AJ.

The earth pony in question was simply standing below, eyebrow cocked archly at the pegasus.

I stare up at the pegasus currently holding me above the ground. “Oh come on. I give you the guts to ask out the guy of your dreams, he says yes, and this is how you repay me?”

“I don’t wanna di~ie!”

“Pansy!”

“Private Pansy knew the valor of retreating!”

“Uh... to me, pansy is slang for wuss. So yeah, ‘wuss’ then.”

“I’m just being smart!” She’d almost gotten me a full foot off the ground; which is more than can be said for any other pony I’ve grabbed the tail of. Those being no others at all, of course, but that’s beside the point.

“So you’re gonna wait until after the date? Hey, maybe he’ll tell her.”

“I can’t! I can’t do it!” Rainbow Dash shouted, still trying to speed away.

At this point, Applejack finally decided to join into the conversation. “Rainbow Dash, if you stand mah brother up, Ah will personally make sure you never see a lick’a sun ever again. Y’got that?”

RD, and myself by association, fell to the ground with a thump. “Y- you don’t m-mind?”

“Dash, Ah told that story to Rarity because Big Mac was bein’ hounded day and night, no jokin’, by every mare an’ a hooffull o’ colts in Ponyville. An’ a few from Manehattan, but I don’ wanna know how that came about. Heck, he went to Appleoosa fer a summer just to get away from them. Then I made up Cloudy Lands or whatever and made ‘em stop. He could do whatever he wanted, I didn’t want him pressured inta nothin’.” AJ looked like she was rattling off a well-worn explanation. “Ah gotta protect mah only brother, y’know? Colts get real fragile sometimes.”

Big Mac? Fragile? Dude could knock a tree down if he wasn’t careful!

I dusted myself off briefly and stood. “So, now that we’ve got that cleared up, I guess I’m outta here. Seeya later Applejack.” I turn back for a moment. “Oh, and Rainbow Dash?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re welcome.” I laugh and walk back to Ponyville.

Next Chapter: Chapter 107 Estimated time remaining: 20 Hours, 6 Minutes