Lars and Sonny returned to the inn, and revealed that they too had gotten dates.

"Way to go, guys!" Murray smiled.

"Nice work." Salt agreed.

"Not as nice as our dates." Sonny smirked. "You wouldn't believe how gorgeous Bon-Bon is!"

"And Lyra has the loveliest eyes..." Lars sighed.

"Hey, we Napoleons just have a gift for finding great mares." Murray declared.

"Most of us, that is." Salt smirked.

Vinny and Slot looked on in jealousy. Vinny, especially; His attempts to get a mare that day had resulted in face slaps from pretty much every mare he talked to. In fact, there was still a prominent hoof mark on his face.

"Yeah, laugh it up, ya buckin' butthole…" Slot seethed.

"You guys do know that these dates are to be a one-time only thing, right?" Vinny asked.

The four older brothers frowned.

"Sure we do." Sonny nodded, though he tried to stifle a scowl.

"Of course, it wouldn't be a good idea to have a long-term relationship, anyway." Lars added, though a little downtrodden. "Not only that they never work out… it just wouldn't be the best idea. I mean, Murray is taking a mayor, Salt a well-known nurse, us two random mares… we already pushed our luck with Blueblood and Daring… but four innocent, sweet mares from this close-knit town? It wouldn't be good to get them involved in our… 'secret' lives."

"No, it wouldn't..." Murray sighed.

"Not at all..." Salt added, downcast.

The four brothers, despite being in agreement, seemed to have second thoughts about the idea of their dates being a one-time occurrence, especially Murray and Salt.

"Look, it doesn't help to think about the future." Grimoire stated, "We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. Don't forget that we all spat on our hooves and shook on this bet! There's no going back on it. There's only a few days to go and if even one of you doesn't have a date by then, I win."

"You know, Grim, it wouldn't be so bad if you actually say something else during this trip." Slot growled, "All you've been doing is reminding us about this bet!"

"Hey, somepony has to keep you guys on the straight and narrow path." Grimoire shrugged.

"Well, I'm almost tempted to stray off it if I don't get a date tomorrow." Slot growled.

"Relax, Slot, old pal. We have four days left. That's plenty of time." Vinny reassured.

"Yeah, says the pony with a hoof-marked facial." Slot spat.

"At least I can get close enough to a mare for her to do that!" Vinny shot back. "That attitude of yours sends them running every time!"

"Like any mare would want an immature loser like you chasing them!" Slot snarled.

"They'd want me more then you!" Vinny yelled.

"You wish!" Slot growled.

What followed was an argument between the two that lasted all night (to the others' dismay).

The next morning, Vinny, feeling the pressure of the deadline getting to him, decided to go to the one place where he might be in his element...

"Local bar, don't fail me now..." He muttered.

Vinny entered The Rusty Horseshoe. Back in Bitaly, his preferred area to pick up mares was in bars just like this.

This was mostly because his talent was in the department of concocting all sorts of beverages, especially ones of an alcoholic kind. With an oddly accurate sense of smell and even more odd sense of coordination when handling bottles and glasses, he could make a plethora of drinks, from vodkas to cocktails to even beer. However, his best works lied in wine, thus earning him his own vineyard and a couple of bars serving his own inventions.

Unfortunately, his mare-chasing ways and rather childish demeanor left a lot to be desired.

He glanced around the entire tavern and sniffed the air.

"Ah, the smell of booze, depression, and desperate mares looking for a stallion to sweep them off their hooves…" He gave a smirk. "I am in my element."

He trotted up to the bar.

"Bartender, a root beer, please." He ordered.

"Comin' right up." The bartender nodded.

As Vinny waited for his drink, Rainbow Dash flew into the bar.

"Apple cider, and make it snappy." She pounded her hoof on the counter.

"Just be a sec." The bartender waved.

Rainbow took the stool next to Vinny. She glanced over at the porky stallion.

"Hey, aren't you one of Daring's soon-to-be brothers-in-law?" She asked.

"Yep." Vinny nodded, as the bartender placed his drink on the counter. "The name's Vinny Cartman Napoleon…we met three days ago…"

"Oh right… what brings you here?" Rainbow inquired.

"Well, long story short, I need a date for the wedding." Vinny summarized. "I always seem to find the best mares in bars, so here I am."

"Need any help?" Rainbow asked, as the bartender handed her her cider. "I know the mares around the town well enough. I could be your wingpony."

"No offense Dash, but I don't think a mare like you would make good wingpony material." Vinny declared.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Rainbow asked.

"Well... you're into mares, aren't you?" Vinny asked.

"What?!" Rainbow gasped. "No!"

"Really?" Vinny was shocked. "I just figured, with the rainbow mane and the tomboyish look-"

"You crum-bum!" Rainbow snarled. "I have a husband and two kids!"

"Hey, don't get mad at me. Get mad at the media for making up stuff about you and every single mare all over the place! Heck, I was afraid you would steal Daring away from Caboose…" Vinny said defensively.

"Geez, that old dude brother of yours was right. You are a culo-brain." Rainbow growled. "I don't even know what it means, but it fits you perfectly."

Rainbow flew off with the cider.

"Mares." Vinny scoffed. "They make a big deal over the littlest things."

Vinny returned his focus to scouting the bar for suitable mares.

His first target was a powder-blue Pegasus mare with a blond mane.

"Hey, gorgeous" He asked. "'Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?"

"No, but it's going to hurt when I slap you." The mare shot back.

"Oookay..." Vinny walked away awkwardly.

Vinny then spotted twin Earth Ponies; One blue with a pink mane, and one pink with a blue mane.

"Oh, yeah." He sniggered. "Twins..."

He sauntered over.

"Ladies." He nodded. "If I may say, you are looking great. It's true what they say, the best things come in twos. Or maybe we can make that... three."

The two mares looked at each other, and rolled their eyes.

"Sorry, we prefer pairs." The pink one said mockingly.

"Our apologies." The blue one declared, not an ounce of regret on her face.

"Oh, no problem." Vinny sighed.

Vinny kept trying, and kept failing. He even went for a mare with wonky eyes, but she already had a coltfriend (to his surprise), who threatened with a strange silver tube.

After all those failures, Vinny groaned.

"Gosh darn it. I just don't get it. Murray never had this problem… could it be that I'm…bad at this? How the hay did Caboose do it? That kid only ever got close with two other mares. One was a-" As he said the word, it was immediately drowned out by clangs of mugs. "And the other one was a dude. And he scores the fourth hottest mare of Equestria, just like that?" Vinny ranted. "It just doesn't make sense… like that odd crystalline tree place Princess Twilight has, and that evil baboon that nopony seem to have recalled till now." Vinny let out a sigh, "This is supposed to be my element."

He gave the entire bar a once-over, before another mare in a corner caught his eyes: a mulberry-coated, cerise maned and eyed mare with a bunch of grapes and a strawberry for Cutie Mark.

"Okay, let's give this thing one more go." Vinny said tensely, as he downed his glass and trotted over to the booth.

"Hey." He put on a smile, pointing out the extra chair. "This seat taken?"

"Not really." The mare smiled back.

"I'm Vinny." Vinny sat down.

"Berry Punch." The mare replied.

"You liking your drink?" Vinny asked.

"It's okay." Berry replied. "You?"

"Not my favorite, but I'm on kind of a budget right now." Vinny shrugged. "I'm actually something of a wine connoisseur/maker."

"I know a little about wine myself." Berry nodded. "You ever tried an '84 Dream Valley Chablis?"

"Sure have." Vinny nodded. "Delectable. What about the Paradise Estate Merlot?"

"I wish." Berry sighed. "Speaking of which... Bartender, a little more?"

The bartender came over and refilled her glass.

"How about some for me too?" Vinny asked. "The whole bottle, in fact."

"I thought you were on a budget?" Berry asked.

"It doesn't hurt to splurge a little." Vinny shrugged. "Even if this doesn't compare to the best wine in all Equestria..."

"Hear, hear." Berry held up her glass, which Vinny tapped with his own.

They continued talking, ordering more as they did so. Before long, they started feeling tipsy.

"So... you have how many brothers?" Berry giggled.

"Seven. One younger. Six older." Vinny hiccupped. "You have any relatives?"

"A younger sister, Pina Colada." Berry downed another drink. "She's now in college."

"Oh." Vinny gulped down his drink. "Then you best keep her away from me. I have a tendency to pick college mares up."

Berry laughed uproariously.

"You're real funny, Vinny!" She giggled.

"What can I say?" Vinny smiled. "I got a knack for-hic! A knack for-hic! A knack for-hic!" He paused. "...I'm good at making ponies laugh."

"Dude, I think the drinks are finally getting to you." Berry slurred.

"You're right." Vinny said, bleary-eyed. "So before I succumb completely, I would like to ask you something... would you like to go on a date with me to my younger brother's wedding this upcoming weekend, so I can stick it to my oldest brother's face?"

Berry paused as she lifted her glass, emptied it, then set it back down.

"...Okay." She promptly collapsed onto the table.

"Woo!" Vinny stood up and cheered. "In your face, Grimiore 'Bonaparte' Napoleon, secondborn foal of Bonnie and Clyde Napoleon!"

Vinny then passed out too, falling onto the table and smashing it into two. The bartender stared at the two of them.

"I don't understand it." He shook his head. "That was non-alcoholic wine."

"It was?" Vinny suddenly rose up, fully cognitive.

"Huh." Berry got up too. "How about that?"

"So... are we still on for the wedding?" Vinny asked.

"You bet." Berry nodded.

"Well then, this calls for a celebration." Vinny smiled. "More wine, please!"

Meanwhile, back in Bitaly...

Caboose entered Vinny's room, intent on accomplishing #64 on his list.

"Number 64… Find Vinny's stash." He muttered to himself, reading the list.

He was not aware of what the stash was, but he was determined to found it anyway.

In a closet, he found some magazines featuring mares in odd poses.

"Why would Vinny have magazines of mares posing like these? That makes no sense..." Caboose threw the magazines aside and continued looking.

He checked Vinny's drawers, finding a joke book, "1001 Classic Yuks." He quickly skimmed through it.

"That's not funny." He snorted. "And I know funny. In fact, I bet I would beat both Pinkie Pie and that Cheese Sandwich guy in a goof-off… but then again, that would make me one of those hated Gary Stu ponies."

A rim shot sound was heard.

"Yeah. I'm funny." Caboose smiled to himself.

He also found another book, "1001 Guaranteed-to-work Pick-up Lines."

"Like I need this." Caboose tossed it aside, "I had a psychopath in my head, and I'm now marrying Daring."

Caboose suddenly noticed a gap in the wall, just behind the wardrobe. Pushing the wardrobe aside, he found a hidden room, holding a case of Big Red's cherry wine.

"Score!" He cheered. "Find Vinny's stash: check!" But he then wondered. "Huh, when did Vinny went to Dodge Junction and get a case of wine?" He paused for a moment, "Ah, who cares? I think I will take this for the honeymoon… only 'the best wine in Equestria' for my Daring."

Without a second thought, Caboose took the case, completely oblivious to the chalkboard right behind the case, which had all sorts of scribbles on it, and in bold letters above all the scribbles:

THE SECRET INGREDIENT TO BIG RED'S WINE… WHAT IS IT?!