The next morning, the brothers were still waiting back at the inn for Salt, as he never came back.

"I'm telling you, it's those ninjas." Vinny insisted.

"Vinny, enough about the bloody ninjas for once! Not every pony we tick off has a grudge against us." Grimoire snarled.

"Yeah, Vin. Honestly, you come with the craziest theories." Lars deadpanned.

As he said those words, Lars was doing an upside down yoga pose.

"What are you doing, Lars?" Sonny asked.

"Yoga." Lars replied. "I call this move 'The Upside Down Intelligent Dog in Possession of a Time Machine'."

"Okay, that's just weird." Slot grimaced.

The rest of the brothers made noises of agreement.

"Well, I would had called it the 'Peabody', but the name was patent pended by another guy." Lars shrugged.

At that moment, Salt came in, feeling happy about himself.

"Guys, you are not going to believe the night I had..." Salt smiled.

"Dude, where had you been all night?!" Vinny asked angrily. "We were half-tempted to scour all of Ponyville to find you!"

"Look, guys, I'm fine, I-what do you mean, half-tempted?" Salt frowned.

"Salt... did you get stabbed?" Grimoire pointed to Salt's bandaged shoulder.

"Yeah. There was a couple of thugs..." Salt started.

"For Pete's sake, Salt." Murray sighed. "Can't you leave Bitaly for one week without getting into a fight?"

"Typical Assault, always picking fights..." Sonny sniffed.

"Hey, I had an actual good reason this time..." Salt protested.

"Yeah, like wh- " Slot suddenly stopped, and sniffed the air. "Hey, what's that smell?"

The brothers sniffed the air... and then they looked at Salt."

"Allow me." Vinny sniffed Salt. "Hmm... Salt, why do you smell like a pink-maned chick who hangs at a hospital?"

Vinny had an odd sense of smell, which went well with his wine-making talent.

"Funny story, boys." Salt chuckled. "But to cut it short... I have a date for the wedding with a really cute nurse named Redheart."

Five of the seven brothers gaped, while Murray and Grimm were impressed.

"A nurse?!" Slot smirked. "Whoa, dude, way to score! Nurses are the hottest kind of mares around!"

"And by the smell of ya... I take it you and her... got acquainted." Vinny grinned.

"What?!" Murray yelled. "I get scorned for choosing a mayor, while Salt gets lucky with a nurse and you are applauding him?"

"I did not 'get lucky'." Salt countered. "Redheart simply wanted somepony to spend the night with her. Those thugs I beat up were hassling her and..."

"Oh, you played the 'knight in shining armor' ploy." Lars, still upside-down looked up. "Very effective."

"It wasn't a ploy. She needed my help and I gave it the two ways I knew how:" Salt held up one hoof. "Rock 'Em..." He held up another hoof. "And Sock 'Em."

"So you just... stayed the night with her?" Vinny asked.

"Yes, Vinny, and shame on you for thinking I would do that to a mare I just met that day... those kind of activities are best reserved for the 'third date'." Salt said indignantly.

"Lucky or not, you did good, Salt." Grimoire declared. "Four of you are still single, and there are only five days left. Not looking good for me, maybe, but Salt and Murray were the mare's stallions of the bunch."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Vinny growled.

"I mean no offense, Vin… but Murray and Salt have their own ways with the mares, something that you four seem to lack." Grimm smirked.

"And proud of it." Murray and Salt smirked, giving hoof bumps.

"We'll see about that, bro!" Slot snarled fiercely.

"Yeah!" Sonny and Vinny growled.

Lars only frowned in silence. Already, two of his older brothers had found mares, while he himself was having trouble. If he was going to help win this bet, he would need extra help…

Later that morning, the four remaining brothers left the inn, ready to begin day three of their hunt.

"Okay, fellas, we only have five days left till the wedding." Vinny announced, "We really need to step it up a little if we are not going to sing that song."

"Well, at the rate this story is going, we will each have a mare with just one day to spare. Things are looking good." Slot smirked.

"I dunno… Grim might be right about Murray and Salt having ways with mares." Sonny said with uncertainty.

"Grim is only trying to throw us off, he's a sneaky culo-brain, that old geezer." Vinny spat. "We still got this! Meet back here at sundown!"

The four brothers gave a nod as they went their separate ways… but as soon as Vinny and Slot were gone, Lars went to Sonny's side.

"Hey Sonny, do you want to come join in my date quest today?" He asked.

"Okay... why?" Sonny asked.

"Because it is obvious that neither one of us is good at getting dates on our own. I mean, we would had gotten mares by now." Lars explained. "I am good with words, but not in the case of socializing. You are good with ponies, but not with words. But together, we could score mares."

"You think so?" Sonny asked.

"Yeah." Lars nodded. "Besides, you and I are pals! I'm the Piz, You're the Zazz. I'm the Peanut Butter, You're the Jelly. I'm the sizzle, you're the fizzle!"

"Okay, okay, point taken!" Sonny yelped.

"Good." Lars smiled. "Let's go."

They went out into the streets.

"So, where should we begin our search?" Lars asked.

"How about the park?" Sonny suggested. "It's a beautiful day. Chances are, lots of mares'll be there."

"Very well then." Lars nodded. "But instead of going out into the open, I suggest we take the tactical approach."

"Which is?" Sonny asked.

"Hiding in the bushes." Lars answered.

"Oh... okay." Sonny shrugged.

The two got to the park and hid in the bushes, watching for mares.

"You sure this is 'tactical'?" Sonny asked. "We're not... stalking, are we?"

"Of course not." Lars snorted. "Stalking would be saying that we are perverts with no respect for mares. We're just... checking out the merchandise from afar, just so we can see how to go about in picking them up."

"If you say so." Sonny sighed.

The two kept up their vigil for a while, but found that none of the passing mares caught their eyes... they see until they saw a green Unicorn and a cream Earth Pony, just sitting on the bench.

"Bingo." Lars smiled. "Those two would look well next to two of Bitaly's finest-"

"I call dibs on the cute cream-colored mare." Sonny said suddenly.

"Whoa, you can't just 'call dibs'!" Lars protested.

"Well, I just did. Just look at her." Sonny huffed, as he pointed at the Earth Pony, "She's beautiful and got a nice flank about her, wouldn't you say?"

"That she does." Lars shrugged…before remembering the topic. "But what if I wanted the cream-colored mare?"

"That's the rules of dibs, Lars. You snooze, you lose!" Sonny sneered.

"But it shouldn't apply in our situation! You can't just call it!" Lars growled.

"I can too!" Sonny countered.

"Can not!" Lars yelled.

"Can too!" Sonny snarled.

"Hey you two, who are we stalking?" Pinkie Pie suddenly popped up behind them.

"GAAAH!" The two leapt out of the bush.

"Kill it with fire!" Lars screamed.

"I'm killin', I'm killin'!" Sonny yelled in panic, as he conjured up fire from his horn, fire being his expertise, hence the name Arson. But he rarely used it for such crimes… but it did help with other things.

Lars pulled out his trusty crop (gifted to him by his old schoolteacher for his high IQ and brilliance) and began beating down on the burning bush, trying to 'kill' the one in the bush.

"Die, you wretched thing that makes pink a horrific color!" Lars chanted with near-madness. "Die, die, die!"

"Excuse me?"

"What's going on here?"

Lars and Sonny turned to see the two mares looking right at them. The two brothers looked at the now smouldering bush, devoid of any life, and then glanced at each other, seeing that their manes were unkempt and theireyes filled with psychopathic tendencies.

Trying to play it cool, the two males fixed their manes and gave smiles to the mares.

"...And that is how not to put out a fire." Sonny smiled.

"Yeah, the logical thing to do would be to call the fire department or an adult." Lars chuckled.

The two mares only laughed at the brother's shenanigans, completely oblivious.

"Funny prank!" The Unicorn giggled.

"Yeah, I swear, it was like something out of a movie." The Earth Pony chortled.

"Thanks." Lars smiled. "I'm... Lars, by the way. Nice to, uh... meet you! Yeah, that sounds right..."

"I... Sonny." Sonny mumbled to the Earth Pony. "You're pretty... I mean, pretty nice to meet you!"

"Nice to meet you too, I guess." The Earth Pony said awkwardly. "I'm Bon-Bon."

"And I'm Lyra." The Unicorn added.

"What a lovely name." Lars smiled, "Perhaps we could treat you two lovely mares to a cup of coffee?"

"One moment, please." Bon-Bon declared, as she and Lyra huddled up. "What do you think, Lyra?"

"They seem nice enough." Lyra admitted. "I'm totally liking the suits, though. Classy."

"And I must admit, the big brown pony with the grayscale mane does look cute." Bon-Bon blushed.

"Let's go for it, then." Lyra nodded.

They broke the huddle.

"We'd love to." Bon-Bon smiled.

"Then allow us to lead the way." Lars smirked.

Lars and Sonny shared a quick hoof bump as they made their way to the café. Once they arrived, Bon-Bon and Lyra took their seat at two nearby tables, and Sonny went to sit at Bon-Bon's table…

"I thought I said no dibs, remember?" Lars hissed.

"Zip it! It's part of the bro code. Unless you want to take it up with cousin Barney, shut up and sit with Lyra!" Sonny whispered.

With a defeated sigh, Lars and Sonny took their seats, and received their coffees forthwith.

"So, tell me about yourself." Bon-Bon smiled. "What do you do for a living?"

"I'm a gourmet chef at a restaurant in Bitaly. Four stars and all the works." Sonny declared proudly. This was partly true. Sonny was indeed a gourmet chef at a restaurant in Bitaly… but only to indulge his passion for cooking as a part-time job. The 'family' came first.

"Oh, I love gourmet food." Bon-Bon sighed. "We're kind of in the same business, you know; I'm a candy maker, myself."

"Candy, you say? I must admit, sweets are a weak spot for me." Sonny smiled. "Maybe we could trade recipes sometime."

"Why wait?" Bon-Bon beamed. "I've got a killer taffy recipe..."

Meanwhile, Lars and Lyra were attempting to strike up a conversation.

"So… what do you do?" Lyra asked.

"I'm a bank teller." Lars answered. "I also worked as a lawyer and a night school teacher." All of these occupations were true… albeit they were just to sate his desire to make use of his gifted intelligence, and the fact that he was pony of many talents. Either way, the 'family' came first.

"Oh." Lyra said. "I play the harp in the Ponyville orchestra. You like music?"

"Not really. The occasional opera, maybe, but that's it." Lars shrugged.

The two sat awkwardly for a moment.

"How about politics?" Lars asked.

"Don't care for them." Lyra frowned.

"Sports?"

"Boring."

"Physics?" Lars gulped, grasping at straws.

"Even more boring." Lyra deadpanned.

Lars stifled a groan. He glanced over at Sonny, who was currently laughing along with Bon-Bon, both of them having a good time…

'Holy crud, Larceny, you're dying out here! If you don't find common ground soon, we're finished.' Lars despaired on the inside as he glanced back at Lyra, 'Come on, you have an IQ of 284 and graduated at Pranceton. You can figure this out!'

Then a book slipped out of Lars' vest, much to his shock.

"Hey, you dropped something." Lyra picked up the book with her magic.

"Horseapples...." Lars cursed.

"'The Ways of Humans: A Memoir by Lars Atticus Napoleon'." Lyra read. "You actually write and read this sort of thing?"

"Yes, I'm a freak." Lars sighed. "Go ahead and make fun of me. It's the price I pay for being drawn by the allure of beings with 'fingers'."

"I don't believe it." Lyra gasped. "Another pony who's fascinated with humans!"

"Wait, you read about humans too?" Lars asked, elated.

"Sure do!" Lyra smiled. "Nopony ever took me seriously, not even Bon-Bon."

"Me too!" Lars chuckled, "Except replace Bon-Bon with my employees and my brothers."

"Does this mean you think they exist?" Lyra leaned in.

"Exist? I believe their presence has an effect on our world. In fact, I believe this very moment is being written by a human right now…" Lars ranted.

"Me too!" Lyra squealed, "And I think they used some sort of do-hickey called 'shipping' to pair us with other ponies. I bet some of them would like me to be with Bon-Bon…"

"You don't say?" Lars smirked…before realizing something. "You and her aren't-"

"Oh no. We dabbled a bit back in college, but we're just best friends." Lyra shrugged.

"Astounding… finally, I can share my wisdom on all things human and not be called a 'freak'." Lars sighed.

"Do you think you could... read some of your writing to me?" Lyra asked, passing the book to him.

"I'd be glad to." Lars beamed.

After finishing their coffees and mingling, the four began to leave.

"We had a great time." Bon-Bon smiled.

"Really great." Lyra agreed. "We really must do it again sometime."

"Well, now that you mention it..." Sonny smiled.

"We're attending a wedding this weekend." Lars explained. "Would you like to come as our dates? I assure you, I have many more of those memoirs collecting dust…" He winked at Lyra.

"And I have a stash of delicious almond cookies that are to die for. My own recipe." Sonny grinned at Bon-Bon.

"Sounds wonderful." Bon-Bon nodded.

"I'd love to." Lyra smiled.

"Great." Sonny smiled. "Drop by the Come On Inn, and we'll fill you in on the deets."

"We'll look forward to seeing you again." Lars smirked.

After the two stallions left, the two mares squealed.

Meanwhile, once out of earshot, Lars and Sonny cheered and performed a hoof shake

"Who's got dates?" Lars smirked.

"We've got dates!" Sonny sang.

"We're awesome! We're awesome! We're… something that rhymes with awesome!" They chanted, completely proud of themselves.

Suddenly, Pinkie Pie popped up again.

"You're welcome, mafia ponies somehow related to Blueboy." She smiled.

The two brothers gaped in horror at the pink mare, but less about her miraculous survival, and more at what she said.

"W-what?! How do you know that?" Lars asked.

"Yeah! The only ponies outside the family who know is the Royal Pony Sisters and Blueblood!" Sonny gaped.

"Simple, silly." Pinkie giggled. "I read 'The Prince And The Pauperess'. A cute story about a selfish prince being redeemed by a sweet innocent mare. It's truly romantic."

As she hopped away, Lars and Sonny were faced with a horrific realization

"My gosh...there's a female version of Caboose...and she knows who we are..." Lars gasped.

"Dun-Dun-DUN!" Sonny blurted out. Lars glared at him. "Sorry, I do that in the face of horrific realizations."

"Let's get back to Grim, before somepony learns about that story she's gabbing on about." Lars declared with fear in his voice.

The two ponies rushed back to the inn. Watching them was Pinkie, looking on with a smile.

"Don't you worry, folks. Their secret is safe with me!" She smiled. "Now here's something you'll really enjoy! Starring our friend, Mr. Caboose!"

Meanwhile, back in Bitaly...

One of the workers, a griffin, came into the kitchen.

"Hey Caboose, sir, the boys would like an opinion on the flower arr-what are you doing?" The griffin looked in confusion.

The griffin found Caboose doing a split on a high shelf, eating almond cookies out of a cookie jar, while reading a book. Caboose suddenly noticed the griffin.

"...Please don't tell Sonny." He mumbled, his mouth full.

"Uh, Caboose, sir, why are you eating Arson's cookies and reading Larceny's memoir about 'The Humans'?" The griffin asked.

"Because once I get married, I won't be able to eat cookies and read books about humans. It's on my list and I want to enjoy them as much as I can." Caboose replied.

"But sir, you could be married and still eat cookies and read books about humans." The griffin pointed out.

Caboose paused for a moment.

"I did not know that." He admitted.

A loud groan was heard, as the shelf then broke under Caboose's weight. Buried under the rubble, Caboose's list levitated out of the debris, and a magically gripped pencil scribbled on it.

"Next item... have the griffin who saw you broke the shelf to fix the shelf and threaten to fire him if he divulges this to anypony else." He read.

"Ah, buck." The griffin groaned.