*Warning: This chapter has cursing in it.... sort of, this is one of the reasons I chose to have a Mature tag, but this is just for those who do not wish to be subjected to foul language...... um.... thank you for your patronage?*

"Gaaaaaaagrblrg! My back, my feet, my everything!" I slumped to the stone floor of the castle of the two sisters. "It feels like I've been walking through that forest for...... five months and nineteen days!" I halfheartedly pull up my head and wink towards the door, which really just makes my mask scrunch up a lot before my head thuds back to the ground, eliciting a groan.

I lay there for a bit, catching my breath, my stomach rising and falling before I assume a fetal position and somersault forward. "Well, might as well find a place to crash before I don't have a choice in the matter."

Moving forward into the ruins, I followed the ragged carpet towards the throne room, admiring the many decaying, but rather fine pieces of culture Celestia had left for whatever reason.

I finally arrived at my destination, seeing the two thrones both rather in a decrepit state, but still serviceable enough as a place to rest, the cushions at the bottom and on the backs, somewhat still holding together.

I sighed as I eased my tired and aching body into Luna's throne, lord knows I'm not going to sit in Celestia's. The crazy mare probably booby trapped it.

Leaning back, I let my eyelids slowly droop, allowing myself to slip deeper into the embrace of unconsciousness.

[A long time ago, in a galaxy dimension far, far away...]

People. People everywhere. Wonderfully dressed people, but still. Too many and too close.

I gasp for air as I take advantage of a break in the crowd. "COMIC CON, YOU SUCK!" I yell at the top of my lungs, which really doesn't amount to much due to all the noise created by the con-goers.

Of course, I don't really mean it. I'm really having a blast, but I can only handle so much of all the personal space invasions, weirdly staring con-goers, and not to mention the constant pervasive smell of sweat from a multitude of guys (and girls, see, I'm not sexist) who haven't taken showers in days, sometimes weeks, and Axe body spray does NOT help.

Nevertheless, I push through the crowd heading to a stand, really any stand. The current of the people traveling, push me along. I don't know where I'll end up, but I do know something, I. WILL. BUY.

Probably not much though. I ended up losing a good deal of money yesterday, due to a pickpocket. That Nightcrawler cosplayer sure did book it. Still, twenty dollars in hand, I resolved to at least buy myself something for my experience.

Finally reaching the end of the other side of the crowd, I clutched the table with my hands, my knuckle turning white.

"Hello sir!" A cheerful voice greeted me. "I see you're not wearing a costume...."

Assuming I arrived at a prop stall or something, I didn't bother looking up, still catching my breath. Instead, I dug into my pocket and thrust out my measly twenty bucks.

"........." Silence hung in the air between me and the vendor. "......Eh, whatever, I can work with this."

I heard the sounds of rummaging about, but before I could look up, a clear plastic bin was presented to me.

"Just grab some things, and then I'll send you on your way." The vendor said curtly.

Nodding, I reached in and dug around letting my hands feel around for something interesting. It was a little strange, both of my arms wound up completely inside the container despite it not being nearly deep enough to hold the length of them. Ignoring this, I continued searching blindly through the bin until I felt some clothes of rather fine material.

Latching onto them, I dramatically pulled back my arms, clutching whatever articles of clothing I had latched onto.

With a flourish I pulled them out, and whipped whatever I was holding back a bit, luckily not hitting any of the crowd somehow.

Bringing the items forward I examined them.

"Wat."

In my right hand, I held a finely made suit, that was still one of the tackiest things I'd ever seen. By finely made, I mean that whatever material this thing had been crafted from was of high quality, but it was almost a dead ringer for Benny's suit from New Vegas, aside from the pants being black and the accompanying tie being red.

In my left hand, was another item of good make, but still made me cringe. I held a black fedora with thin white stripes running diagonally along it, a gray band atop the rim.

Groaning, I turned back to the vendor, "Can I pleeeeeaaaase try again?"

"Sorry, no refunds." He moved his arms into an X, as my shoulders slumped. "Although, I think you'll find them quite useful." He said, giving me a somewhat creepy grin.

Raising an eyebrow, I just nodded, deciding to just be happy I got something. Turning quickly I stepped forward-

-and promptly fell on my face.

I lay there, staring at the wooden floor which my face decided to land on for some reason or another, eventually letting out a strained "Owwwwwwww."

Keeping my position for a few more seconds, I finally decide enough is enough and begin to stand, when I catch sight of my body. More specifically, the clothes I'm wearing.

"What the-" the suit I had grabbed was now snugly wrapped around me, along with the fedora placed atop my head.

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me!" I reach down to unbutton the pants but for whatever reason my fingers kept sliding off the button, I wasn't able to gain purchase at all. I reach up to rip the hat from my head, but it wouldn't budge. Moving both my palms towards the brim I tried to push the hat off, but no dice, the thing was lodged there.

I eventually ended up on the floor wiggling about trying to rip my clothes off. This went on for about five or so minutes before I conceded defeat to these articles of imprisonment. Sighing, I stood back up and looked out to the single shaft of light coming from a circular window in the room I was in.

Dusting myself off I looked around the room to try and ascertain where I was. There were suitcases and trunks scattered around along with various knick-knacks and whatnots. I could plainly see the rafters above me, along with cobwebs strung hither and thither. The room itself had slanted in walls, giving it a triangular shape.

I was definitely in an attic.

Turning about, I headed to the window to get an even better idea of what my location was. Although it was a little high, so I grabbed a trunk and placed it against the wall. Standing atop it, I peered over and out at my surroundings.

All around were houses made of wood, some with hay on the roofs, others with wooden shingles. They looked quite archaic, seeming to belong to the medieval era. There seemed to be a castle further back, rising above the rest of the abodes, and the streets seemed to be cobbled, bustling with activity. It was what was in the streets that caught most of my attention though.

Moving about, hustling and bustling was a crowd of technicolor things. Seriously, it was like a toddler had grabbed three bags of family sized skittles, somehow fit each individual piece into his mouth, chewed for a solid minute, swallowed, then immediately puked the contents of his or her stomach all over the street. But the vomit was moving. I thought I'd have a seizure.

Shaking my head, I tried to focus on one creature in the crowd. As far as I could tell it had four legs ending in hooves, long hair that went down its neck, so a mane. A tail, a butt marking..... "Hold up." I said. "Butt marking......." realization struck.

I was going to say 'Holy fucking shit, it's My Little Pony!' what came out was, "Holy f*BEEP*ing sh*BEEP*- Ow! What the f*BEEP*- OW!" I held my hands to my ears surprised at the apparent censoring of my words. My eyes widened, as I realized, I couldn't say what I wanted to.

Now, if you want to piss me right off, the fastest way to do that is to blatantly tell me not to do something for no good reason. As far as I was concerned, this qualified. "Oh, you've got to be f*BEEP*ing kidding me you wh*BEEP*s."

Being in Equestria suddenly took second place to the censoring dilemma I was in, don't get me wrong, I knew I should have been more worried about being stranded in a world filled with sentient miniature horses, and other things. But, my mind just couldn't seem to stay focused on that fact. For all intents and purposes it felt like the censoring had to be rectified immediately.

So I proceeded to sit in the middle of the somewhat dusty attic contemplating how I could get around it. Which really amounted to jack squat. After about thirty minutes my mind began to drift, and then I thought of something I had always wanted to do in a situation like this.

Smiling, I took a deep breath before I let loose with my inner middle schooler, " Your mother is a *BEEP BEEP BEEP*ing*BEEP* Lorem Ipsum *BEEP BEEP BEEP*admiumvenium*BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP*turolagulio*BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP* hippopotamus*BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP* Republican *BEEP BEEP BEEP* Daniel Radcliffe *BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP* with a bucket of *BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP* in a castle far away where no one can hear you *BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP* soup *BEEP BEEP BEEP* with a bucket of *BEEP BEEP* Mickey Mouse *BEEP BEEP* with a stick of dynamite *BEEEEEEEEP* magical *BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP* ALAKAZAM!!!! "

By the end of it, I was panting for breath, having not stopped the whole way through, but there was a smile plastered on my face. For whatever reason, doing that just made me feel more... powerful. I felt some of the stiffness from earlier vanishing, replaced with a sort of confidence inside of me, I felt like I could arm wrestle a bear while simultaneously breaking its arm.

That was when I heard a clatter from downstairs, there was shuffling and a few worried voices coming through the floorboards. I figured my little outburst had alerted the occupants of the house of my location, so deciding to nip the problem in the bud, I made up my mind to meet my current hosts.

Looking around the floor I spotted a trap door. Grabbing the handle, I promptly threw it open, jumped down, slipped and tumbled down a set of nearby stairs continuously letting out a slur of still censored curses as I fell.

Eventually I reached the bottom, with pain as my companion. Raising my head up a bit, I said as eloquently as possible, "Gerflegen-harfenscmerttz," before my head promptly fell, impacting on the wooden floor. To this day, my face tends to have regular meetings with the ground.

Groaning, I got my arms underneath me and pushed myself up to my feet. Shaking my head a bit, I stumbled before catching myself against a wall, as I looked up at my surroundings.

I was in a relatively well off house as far as I could tell, the wood floor seemed to be a polished oak, there were a few artifacts about the room and weirdly enough a sort of classical looking sofa.

However, once again, it was the inhabitants of the house that caught my attention like the throngs I'd witnessed from outside. Before me stood, a purple furred unicorn with a brown mane and tail, who was currently glaring at me intently, his horn pointed directly at me while he was in a sort of battle position, his legs spread and taut. His butt-tat had a picture of a partially sealed scroll on it. There was an Aquamarine mare with her blonde mane done up in a bun, small crow's feet off the side of her enormous eyes denoting that she was entering her mid years. She was staring at me terrified, one of her hooves raised defensively across her front. Her ass had a picture of a quill on it. As for the final occupant, a small light green colt was leaning over the arm(foreleg?) rest of the couch, his front hooves propping him up. He had a light brown mane that was curled in some places and dangling in front of him sometimes. He was looking at me with a childlike glee and curiosity, also his gluteus maximus appeared to be bereft of any images.

We just sort of stared at each other for about a minute, none of us refusing to budge for a multitude of reasons I would imagine. Eventually though, my arms got tired from holding me up against the wall, so I pushed myself off, brushed off my horribly garish suit, cleared my throat, waved my hand and said, "Hello."

Shit then proceeded to hit the fan.

Everyone was yelling, the father threatening me, the mother shrieking terrified for herself and her family, while the colt was shooting out questions about a mile a minute. I, of course, was yelling along with them.

"Look if you'd jus-"

"Get thee out, thy foul smelling- "

"It shalt grind up our bones and peel our pelts-"

"Look I shower every day, and horses are NOT nutri-"

"Canst thou soar through the skies? Ooh, canst thou fire searing flames from thou-"

It was getting really old, really fast. And I decided that I had had enough of it.

"I shalt skewer thee with my horn!"

"You're such a pig f*BEEP*er, you idiot!" I yelled at the stallion, in response.

The room went completely silent, the father and mother's eyes shrinking dramatically, while the colt's just seemed to grow bigger in fascination.

Eventually, though the father regained his voice. "What didst thou say?! Why wouldst thou dare call me this?!"

I was going to stammer out an apology, but instead, "Well, let's see, first of all, you f*BEEP* pigs." My eyes widened as I seemed to lose control of my voice and mouth. It was almost like the feeling from before in the attic, but somehow holding influence over me.

"What!?!?" The stallion yelled, his pupils practically pinpricks now.

"Well, f*BEEP* my a*BEEP* and call me a b*BEEP*!" I continued on, my arms refusing to move to cover my lips.

A book flew at me which I was able to dodge, thankfully. I turned to see that the mare was the one who had thrown the bound piece of literature and was now breathing heavily and decidedly more angry than scared.

"Oh, you sh*BEEP*-faced c*BEEP*-master!" I said to her, this time meaning it a little. Seriously, the book was freaking huge, I'd probably had gotten a concussion.

"Thou shalt not speak thy curses in my abode with my child so close!" She shrieked at me, the colt meanwhile looked like he was having the time of his life, while I still seemed to gain more and more power the more I talked.

"Listen, you donkey r*BEEP*ing," 'seriously, rape?' I thought '"sh*BEEP*-eater!" Not paying her warnings any mind. Really, at that point I couldn't stop if I wanted to, the energy was building to a torrent that I felt was pushing against my body, seeking release.

I pointed to the stallion, "You'd f*BEEP* your uncle!" I turned and pointed to the mare, "You'd f*BEEP* your uncle!" I yelled at them both.

That's when I felt the energy break loose from inside me and take form into something else. seeping into the world around me, bending it, changing it, fitting a certain will that I couldn't completely control.

It made music.

My body jumped up on the couch and pointed at the mare and stallion, while a fast paced orchestra started up, followed by me quickly joining in with lyrics.

"Shut your f*BEEP*ing face uncle f*BEEP*er!" I was moving my arms back and forth, bouncing with the rhythm. I leaned in closer to the stallion's face, "You're a c*BEEP*-sucking, a*BEEP*-licking uncle f*BEEP*er."

"You're an uncle f*BEEP*er , yes it's true! Nobody f*BEEP*s uncles quite like you." My eyes moving back and forth frantically, the only part of my body I could move, while my mouth was stuck in a perpetual grin.

"Why, I never!" The mare tried to yell over the music.

I then turned to her, pointing, and continued, "Shut your f*BEEP*ing face, uncle f*BEEP*er." I ran in place a bit before back-flipping off the couch. "You're the one that f*BEEP*ed your uncle, uncle f*BEEP*er." My body added in a pelvic thrust to emphasize my point.

"You don't eat or sleep or mow the lawn, you just f*BEEP* your uncle all day long!" I yelled/sang at the two adult ponies while the younger laughed the whole way through on the couch.

I did a side cartwheel through the room when the music picked up for a little, when I landed though, my butt was sticking out. That's when that part began.

Flatulence began to release from my butt, but in a musical quality, going along with the invisible orchestra.

"Hmm!" I said, as the gas began to pick up more and more, moving my entire body with its power at points. Inside, of course I felt mortified, and yet a small part of me was enjoying this greatly.

The adults continued to watch me, with their wide eyes, seemingly jaded, while the colt just laughed and laughed.

The farts took me to their front door, right outside onto the street. Where they stopped intermittently, as I spotted a guard pony in armor directing foot, or rather hoof traffic.

I ran up laughing the whole way, making a scene in public, as all the ponies including the guard stopped what they were doing to stare at the strange bipedal rushing at them.

When I got closer, the guard automatically, said, "What's going on here?!"

I responded by farting right into his snout, I then let loose a barrage of farts at him, some powerful enough to lift up his helmet from his head.

That's when the flatulence seemed to transfer over to the guard, who was being lifted up and down by the force of his own gas, his eyes as frantic as mine as he was caught up in whatever was going on.

That's when the crowd of ponies began to join in, "F*BEEP*er, f*BEEP*er. Uncle f*BEEP*er , uncle f*BEEP*er. Uncle f*BEEP*er." They were doing choreographed dance moves as if they had trained on the routine for months, the guard and I were both dancing together still powered by our own farts.

When the percussion starting up the guard and the ponies all took up the background again, the farting finally over. "Shut your f*BEEP*ing face, uncle f*BEEP*er!" I was singing at the forefront again, moving across the street, doing more dance moves as I went. "You're a b*BEEP*er biting bastard uncle f*BEEP*er!"

The family at the house seemed to have followed me out onto the street, unwillingly dragged along to watch the spectacle.

"You're an uncle f*BEEP*er, I must say!" I said to the stallion, whose face just seemed to get absolutely scarlet with anger, "You f*BEEP*ed your uncle yesterday!" I finished with the mare who just fainted on the spot.

I then let loose a laugh along with the colt and the rest of the crowd, before continuing.

"Uncle f*BEEP*er!" I yelled out, spinning to the crowd my arms outstretched.

The rest of them joined in, singing with me, "That's U-N-C-L-E," I turned back to the red-faced stallion, pointed at him, said, "f*BEEP* you!"

I then turned back to the crowd again and we all sang, "Uncle f*BEEP*er !" As loud as we could into the sky, my arms outstretched, as the music hit a crescendo.

"You rock!" I said at the end, before quickly following with, "Suck my b*BEEP*s."

After that last bit, the world seemed to fall dead silent, the ponies holding their positions, until a sort of cracking sound rang out, soon followed by another sound that was akin to glass being smashed all around me. The other ponies, as far as I could tell took note of it as well, with how their ears moved back at the loud noise.

I decided to just take that as my cue to book it.

I sprinted straight along the street, dodging around the inhabitants of the town I was in. Strangely enough though, none of them bothered to stop me, this didn't quite register to me as I just assumed I had an angry mob on my tail.

There was something wrong though, my stomach felt like it was twisted into knots. My bones felt as easy to snap as peanut brittle, and my head, my head was pounding harder and harder as if my brain was growing and thumping its squishy tissue against my cranium. The strength I felt within me was absent, leaving me empty, tired, and hungry for some reason.

I eventually made my way to more ramshackle houses, the cobbled street having turned into a dirt road. Still, I kept going. Even though my sprint was turning more into a zombie's shamble, I still pushed myself forward.

The road had eventually dwindled into a trail, trees at some point surrounded me. I couldn't remember when I had entered into a forest, my mind was struggling for balance upon a precarious edge of consciousness. My vision was blurring and the pain had grown within me.

I stopped, feeling something coming up from my throat.

I couldn't hold it back. I brought my hand up, which I saw was shaking uncontrollably, wracked with spasms, to catch whatever was coming out.

I coughed and hacked into my hands, falling to my knees, my other arm wrapped around my torso. The taste of iron filled my mouth, as a liquid rushed out into my quavering palm and flowed around it, dribbling down my chin.

As my coughs subsided, I took my hand away from my mouth to see it washed in crimson. Drops fell from my hand and palm onto the ground, as I slowly tried to regain my balance.

But, I couldn't find purchase. Instead, I flopped to the dirt, my arm outstretched dragging at the gravel and mud.

"Anyone....." I called out weakly, my voice obscured by the rustling of leaves.

".....please..." My vision swam even more and dimmed, as darker shadows played over what little I could see.

I felt a tap at my shoulder, and then, nothing.

Stretching, I woke up with a yawn, my arms raised above me, my fists clenched.

I brought my hands to the center of my back, and pushed out, cracking my spine, making me let out a satisfied grunt.

"Welp," I hopped up from the throne. "That should provide enough back-story for now. I should probably wait another week or two before Twily goes ca-ca-ca-ca-razy, with the friendship reports and what not." I stilted my fingers together. "So, let the waiting game begin."

Author's Notes:

I'm SO sorry this took so long to come out! To all..... 92 of you tracking this, have a happy surprise. And if you all (or just one of you) decide to track me down just to stab me repeatedly with a rusty shiv in my trachea followed by cutting out my squeedly-spooch to devour it and gain my ideas/go bat-shit insane and start smearing feces all over the walls, then I'd be okay with that.

I'd also like to thank Shinigamisparda for unknowingly pushing me to get this done, by continuously releasing chapters................................ is there a joke I can fit in here....?

Yeah.
Let's go with that.
Anyways, I'm outtie 5000.
See ya'll whenever.

COMMENT. MAKE IT FUNNY.