Chapter 2- I am Known as...

Swinging around the buildings, I took in the sight of Canterlot below me. Things had changed drastically over the years.

The ponies were going about their tasks in the evening, some of the shops closing and putting away their wares. Others were lounging about in restaurants chatting, talking about whatever they wished, not particularly listening to what the other had to say. I swear, all the snobs in this place! You'd think the town would be covered in smug. Practically all the ponies walked with their snouts held in the air. Like at a ninety degree angle! It was a mystery that they didn't run into each other while they walked.

As for the city itself, the glittering white and gold buildings shone in the evening dusk. Maybe a little too much, I was blinded at several points and had numerous close calls with vendors due to the glint coming off most of the buildings, and trying to work back some of the feeling of my body.

I did unfortunately knock a pile of produce off of one cart after an especially close call, it was followed by a rather loud, "My cabbages!" To which I shrugged while continuing forward on my quest.

Though I was sorely tempted to stop at donut Joe's for some deliciously fried goodness, I continued on. Knowing that I could fulfill my bodily desires later in my endeavors.

Before I knew it, I had already arrived at the station. The train to Ponyville, the pink saccharine (though not as much as Sugar Cube Corner, but at least that was forgivable) travesty was beginning to chug, seeming ready to go at any moment.

Angling myself, I slung the last line of web as I moved my body sideways to get through one of the windows, knowing that with my luck it would probably contain the ponies I was looking for.

I hummed a little tune.

"George, George, George of the jungle! Watch out for that train!"

I then let loose a wailing cry as I sped forward to imminent pain.

Ugh, my head.

I know it was spur of the moment, but really, not one of my best decisions in life.

"What in tarnation?!" a Southern voice cried out as my vision cleared.

Well it looks like I was right about my luck.

Looking down are six pairs of eyes wide with confusion, staring at me lying on the floor with glass shards all scattered about. My body is splayed on the floor, due to going rag-doll because of the whole window stunt. But for generations to come these mares will tell stories to their grand-foals of how I showed that window what-for.

But I digress.

Rarity was looking at me with an aghast expression on her face, seemingly horrified by my sudden appearance. However knowing her she was probably more horrified with my actual appearance. She probably wanted to sequin my suit and glitter-glue diamonds and rubies all over it. Pinkie Pie just seemed to be holding back a laugh, her cheeks puffed up and a little red with a hoof to her mouth, her bright blue eyes filled with glee. Applejack was looking at me with mostly an expression of surprise mixed with a dash of confusion. However, knowing her she'd probably attack me immediately if things went south, and I do not want to experience an Apple family brand buck to the face. So I resolved to stay away from her for a bit, in the very likely instance that shit would hit the fan. Fluttershy was getting out from under the seat, most likely hiding under it due to my DASHING entrance. She seemed to be torn between helping me and being afraid of me. Bless her little pony heart. Note to self, don't make her cry, or else I might just have to commit seppuku. Rainbow was giving me a glare while she was hovering in the air, obviously more wary of me of the others. She probably thinks I'm sort of spy or something, still, the more realistic response to the situation out of any of the six mares. Also, I'd have to be doubly careful with her, what with her speed and crashing into me equaling not fun. As for Twilight, she was also holding an expression of shock similar to Applejack's, but instead of a hint of confusion, Twilight had more of a dash of curiosity in her face, looking like she wanted to poke and prod me with whatever she could get her hooves on. Or maybe she wanted to cut me open and measure my entrails.... that expression was a little creepy.

I decided to just lay there for a bit, playing dead, while staring up at them. They wouldn't be able to tell that I was actually looking at them due to my skin-suit covering my entire face. I would also let the now moving train, which shook below me (also jostling my body, making it easier to hide my shallow breathing) carry me to Ponyville for as long as possible. It was probably just about to leave Canterlot's borders.

The mares slowly crowded around my body moving a bit warily, aside from Pinkie who of course was hopping around.

"Is it alive?" Rarity asked no one in particular, while prodding my arm with a hoof daintily.

Fluttershy leaned in her head, one of her ears perked up to listen for breathing coming from my mouth, but at the last moment, Applejack pulled back her tail with her mouth, which caused Fluttershy to let out an adorable "eep" that almost made me grip my heart from diabeetus.

"Be careful, sugar cube!" Applejack said, while she spat out Fluttershy's tail. "Ya probably don' want to mess with that there uh... um..." She scrunched up her face while she continued to look at me. "Twi? Any idea what this thing here is?"

Before Twilight could postulate on my species, origin, or maybe my intentions, I decided to just go ahead and introduce myself.

Sort of.

I rose straight up from the ground, causing the six to scramble back on their hooves in surprise. I was now wearing a red trench coat with a large collar completely surrounding my neck. The coat itself had red buttons all along the front of it, my right arm was covered by one long sleeve of the coat while my left arm was completely bound up by a brown leather like material along with belts that held the leather tightly to my arm. There was now blonde spiky hair atop my head that gave me an extra four inches in height.

I continued rising to my full height not looking at any pony in particular, just staring straight ahead out one of the windows right in front of me.

With my chin sticking out a little, I then said, "I am known as Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidaboherez."

I pause.

"Um, Mr. Vale-" Twilight says, before I begin again.

"Gambigobella Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andre Charton-Haymoss Ivanovicci Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser the Third." I lean down with my hand extended to whichever pony who is currently in front of me, who turns out to be Twilight staring up at me a little gob-smacked. "Don't hesitate to call-"

A blinding white flash suddenly illuminates the whole carriage, coming a little ways down the aisle. By the time I and the mane six blink the spots out of our eyes, the origin of the teleport flash is revealed. And to be honest it's not all that surprising.

"Ah! I see ye royal whitey has decided to grace us with her presence." I bow sarcastically to her, twirling my hand from my face to my side. My clothes already back to normal.

Celestia stands about a good seven feet away from me staring me down, giving me that there evil eye. Really, just the one eye, as if I'm not worth a full-on glare. I suppose that I should remind her that I am deserving of such an honor. It will probably take a while. Seems most of the mane six have already decided I'm their enemy. Probably has something to do with what Celestia's talking about right now. She gets so butt-hurt, it's really quite funny. I suppose now's as good as time as any to listen though.

"-ass destruction of property, psychological trauma on no less of forty two thousand seven hundred and fifty six accounts-"

"Did you really go and count them all?" I ask a little wide eyed. Seriously, you'd thinking guiding the sun around would be a full-time job.

She continues regardless, "And hundreds of thousands of accounts of physical trauma. What do you have to say for yourself?"

I shrug my shoulders. "I plead the fifth."

Whoah. Full on death glare of doom from Celestia, so easy to push her buttons.

The white bitch stamps her hoof into the ground. "This isn't a game, Manic you will be-"

A strip of silver slaps across her snout cutting off her dumb tirade.

I stand there twirling a roll of said material in one of my fingers, smirking at her, the lines of my smile showing on my mask. "Man I love duct tape." I lean towards Rarity on my left who leans away from me, "I love how it tapes." I lean towards Twilight on my right who tries standing a little more firm than her friend, but still sweats at my proximity, "I love the sound it makes." I then lean down to Pinkie Pie at my front who was grinning from ear-to-ear enjoying my shenanigans. At least she can take a joke. "I love saying it. Duct tape. Duct tape. Duct tape." Pinkie then picks up on what I'm doing and joins in.

"Duct tape."

"Duct tape."

"Duct tape."

"Duct tape."

"Duct tape."

"Duct ta-"

A burning wad of former duct tape then whizzes towards me, to which I lean a little to my left to dodge. I look up to see Celestia giving me the same glare as before, but with noticeably less fur on her lips.

"Love the new style Celly." I pop out a pair of shades that causes Rainbow to do a double-take. "Much grace, so trend, such poise." I lean the sunglasses down a bit, "You probably don't even need Havel's armor."

"Enough." Ooh, a bit of the royal equestrian voice was in that, might want to tread a little more lightly now.

"Manic, you will be coming with me back to your cell."

I stop. My whole body freezing at the implication. The glasses disappearing.

A full fifteen seconds pass before I say, "Hold on," while raising my hand, fingers splayed. "You want me, to come with you willingly, so you can just re-petrify and put me back in the garden?"

"But of course." She replies simply.

I look around me to see the mane six's reaction, all of them are in battle stances ready to tackle me at any moment. Aside from Pinkie and Fluttershy of course, they being more hesitant in their reaction, but nonetheless guarded.

I hang my head in despair, hoping that at least I'd get something a bit better from them, but still, realistically I was expecting this much. "And here, I thought that friendship was magic." I say, causing at least Twilight to buckle at my statement.

I begin to chuckle a bit, then rise into a cackle, until I'm at full blown Mark Hammill laugh. All of the mares move back as far as they can from me, their flanks hitting seats and the walls of the train car in progress. Even Celestia seems to be disturbed by my outburst, her stoic face showing a crack of nervousness for a split second which she quickly hides.

I'm pounding my fist on the top of one of the seats, my laughter dying down until I'm slumping against it. Sighing, I push myself up and look dead on at Celestia "I'm never going back to that hell-hole." The seriousness in my voice actually surprises Celestia a lot more than that outburst I had earlier, "Being stuck in the same place for over a thousand years? Do you know what that does to the mind?" I step towards her, even though she is frightened of how serious I'm acting instead of the regular silliness I tend to pull, she stays where she is. "You try to bide your time with what you can, watching ponies go by, reminiscing, but it all gets boring over time. Eventually, I went mad, of course. But after a few centuries, I got bored of that too, and went sane. Very sane." Celestia still holds her ground as I advance another step. "So I'm afraid anymore time I spend in that accursed state could end quite badly if I were to escape again." I hold up my hands plaintively. "You might as well just let me roam about for no- Hey, is that a demonic duck of some sort!" Celestia turns her head around her to see where I'm pointing, only to gawk at the red feathered pony sized duck with black curved horns sticking out of its head. "Everywhere I go, I get used as a distraction..." The duck grumbles to itself.

I press my advantage and jump out another window.

Wait, hold on.

.........

Oh, come on!

We already went over how much this hurt the first time! Now I've got to do it again?!

Fine! Pain and more pain.

Really, I crash through it, and then land outside at terminal train velocity. I of course form up into a ball, to mitigate some of the force, and land a little more safely. Rolling down a hill, I eventually hit some plains and lose my forward momentum.

Groaning, I stand up and shake my fist at the sky/author.

And then proceed to wipe shards of glass and dirt from my suit.

Looking around, I remember where I am, a good few miles north of the Everfree, meaning that Ponyville should be close by as well. I look towards the train tracks and see that the engineers designed them to weave around forest areas so as to cause as a little damage as possible to the environment. Good for the environment, but making trips much longer. Grinning to myself, I realize I can probably make it to Ponyville about the same time as the train arrives.

I take my first step forward noting a caravan of ponies a little farther ahead of me, I decide that I may as well be cordial to them and was about to call to them, before a black box appears at the bottom of my vision.

You have been invaded by the Nudist Invader.

A song starts playing in the air. I know what is coming.

Quickly, my outfit changes to a hooded outfit, a curvy sword in both of my hands, resting on my shoulder.

A red and black figure with a strange horned helmet starts running towards me from the trees his bows flailing upon his backside, making quite audible slaps.

However he stops when he reaches me, a red exclamation mark appearing over his head. Along with the Metal gear sound playing, stopping the music. Dramatic, dark and disturbing music starts playing, until he drops a burlap bag in front of me. I pick it up and quickly change.

I now wear the same helmet as he, along with a loin cloth over my green skin suit. Two giant bows in both of my hands, as peppy music begins to pick up. I begin running forward slapping my ass, my newly acquired friend following me.

We run through the caravan as ponies either hide in wagons, or just stare dumbly at the scene in front of them. One colt bursts out laughing and rolls around on the floor. Ignoring their reactions I orient myself in the direction I believe Ponyville would be, and continue forward in my quest.

Author's Notes:

Right people, I made another one o' these things. Some more comments of what you think would be appreciated, ACTUALLY, any comments at all would be great. Hell, tell your friends about the story, tell your family, tell that one awkward kid in class who sits in the corner and stares at you the whole class period because you took pity on him and gave him a baloney sandwich one day when some of your peers ruined his lunch, and OH G-D WHY DID I GIVE HIM THAT BALONEY SANDWICH!?! Now he won't stop staring at me and breathing heavily down my neck when he's behind me!!!!!

Yeah, tell that guy too (shameless plug is shameless).

Aside from that, don't expect a new chapter from me for awhile. Got Passover coming up, meaning eight days of dietary suffering, a test in Calc, going home to get to talk to managers of stores to get a job during the summer.

Yeah. This week's going to SUCK for me.